Back to School l

-- MONDAY, AUGUST 22, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

I still had my key, and the lock opened obediently. But rather than step inside, I simply let the door swing out before me.

I stood on the porch, just breathing deep breaths. Suddenly, I felt guilty for opening the door. I didn't belong here anymore, and there was an uneasiness in my stomach as I realized that I was trespassing in some way. So I just stood there outside the apartment, still barefoot and wearing only my pajama pants and loose T-shirt, belatedly thinking I should reach out and ring the doorbell.

But before I could, Amber's bedroom door opened. Looking over to me, she commented, "I thought I heard the door."

Still wearing her own pajamas, her beautiful face scrubbed free of any makeup, she slowly approached. When she got a few feet in front of me, she took note of my location, frowned, and asked, "Are you just going to stand outside?"

I sighed before replying, "This isn't my home anymore. I haven't been invited in yet."

Amber's lip quivered, and she looked on the verge of tears. But steeling herself at the last moment, she took a deep breath and turned away, waving me in as she headed for the couch.

I followed after, closing the door behind me. Amber tucked herself into a corner of the couch, pressing back until she felt the reassuring support of the backrest and armrest pinching against her from either side. She pulled her knees up to her chest and raised her feet onto the couch cushion. And then hugging her knees the same way she'd done last night, the forlorn-looking blonde stared at me with a world of pain in her eyes.

"I'm sorry," I began. "I really wish things didn't have to be this way."

As soon as I said the words, I expected her to immediately protest 'They don't have to' or something else that would encourage us to stay together. But nodding her head slowly, she instead replied, "Me, too. But I understand."

My eyebrows popped as I took the seat beside her, roughly in the middle of the couch so that I wasn't too close to her but not too far away, either. "You do?"

She continued nodding. "It's not fair what I did to you. I led you on. I made you believe I was falling in love with you. But the whole time, I still wanted to be with him. I didn't realize it, but that's what happened. E-Beth was right: I've been rebounding."

"Rebounding?"

Amber cracked a smile. "Yeah. Two years after my breakup, I'm only now rebounding. My heart had been turned off that entire time, but I never really got over David. I latched onto you, trying to recapture what I had with him. And I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have done that to you."

I shook my head slowly. "It's okay. I actually understand exactly why you did."

She gave me a frank look. "Because you've been rebounding with me?"

I grimaced. I didn't want to think of it that way. For one thing, I had my rebound relationship with Lynne already, so the second one wasn't supposed be a rebound, was it? And more importantly, I actually thought I'd been doing a very good job of NOT seeing Dawn in her. Despite their physical similarities, they really were two very different people. And while my relationship with Amber had been really, really passionate, I wanted to believe that I hadn't completely lost my head the way I had with DJ after breaking up with Adrienne.

But perhaps wanting to assuage Amber's guilt, I sighed and answered, "Maybe. After all, Dawn dumped me only three months ago as well."

"So what now?"

I took a deep breath. "Now, I move out. Well, first I need to get dressed. I've got to be at work in half an hour."

She nodded. "So do I."

"And then after work, I'll come back here and start packing up. There're only a few days left in the week, and I can handle the commute back and forth from Berkeley."

Sad, Amber took a deep breath but nodded her understanding. I took that as my cue to get up and start putting on some clothes. But before I got off the couch, she reached out and grabbed my T-shirt. Tugging me back to her, she quickly grabbed my head and planted a soulful kiss on my lips. Familiar affection and longing for the girl who had been my dear girlfriend for the past few weeks allowed me to lose myself in that kiss, tasting her sweetness for perhaps the last time.

Neither of us broke away from the kiss for a long while. Even if our heads understood that we had to break up, I don't think either of our hearts really wanted to. It was scary, to think of being alone. No matter what other people were waiting for us, it had been very comforting to have each other. Not for the first time this morning, I wished there was some way we could stay together.

But we couldn't. She belonged with David. I liked to think that I belonged with Dawn. Actually, I wasn't totally sure anymore. But one way or another, Amber had to deal with the lingering emotions she felt for her ex-boyfriend; and really, I needed to do the same.

I broke the kiss first. Amber whimpered, holding onto my T-shirt with a look that clearly pleaded once again 'Don't leave me'. But I just stared apologetically into her blue eyes, waiting until she took a deep breath and finally let go of me. If it were up to her, she'd hang onto me, using me as a crutch until she finally got her David-issues resolved. But that wouldn't be fair to me, and she knew it.

Finally, Amber let me go. And with only an apologetic look, I stood up and went into what had been our bedroom to change.

I still had my key, and the lock opened obediently. But rather than step inside, I simply let the door swing out before me.

I stood on the porch, just breathing deep breaths. The door creaked noticeably as it swung, the hinges having gone more than two months without use. I filed that sound away in my head, knowing that I would need to WD-40 them. It was just one of a zillion little housekeeping tasks I would need to take care of in the next few days before my roommates returned.

Everything about the Berkeley house was just as I'd left it, albeit with a fine layer of dust covering just about everything. It would have been nice to be able to leave the house and have the place hermetically sealed, to be opened as fresh as the day I'd walked out. But that wasn't the case, not in a house this old.

Beyond the dust, there were spider webs that had formed in corners of the rooms. A thousand of the little critters had probably moved in. I could already imagine the stench coming from the garbage disposal that hadn't been used since June 13th, the drain flies that had procreated in the bathrooms. The mattresses would need to be dusted outside. The floors would need to be vacuumed. At least I'd covered the couches and a couple other big pieces of furniture with drop cloths to keep them from getting completely dusted over.

That was okay. The work, while tedious, was simple. It would keep me occupied, keep my mind busy. So with one more deep breath, I took a step into the house, and then I got to work. For now, that visit to Dawn would have to wait.

Tomorrow, I promised myself. You're going over there tomorrow.

--TUESDAY, AUGUST 23, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

A stray beam of sunlight woke me up in the morning. It was probably a good thing it had, because I'd forgotten to set an alarm last night. And with over an hour-long commute to work ahead of me, I didn't have much time to dilly-dally.

Grimacing against the light, I picked my head up and looked around. The Master bedroom of the house was a familiar sight, but a somewhat unexpected one. I'd gotten used to waking up in Amber's bedroom, and in Lynne's second bedroom before that. Faced with the nostalgia of not having either of those two very special young women near me, it didn't seem such a big deal to not have Dawn's head on the pillow beside me, either. Last night, I'd been weighing the decision whether to put my recently-laundered bedsheets onto the King-bed in the Master or to hide out in DJ's bedroom once again. But deciding that I couldn't avoid the Dawn-issue any longer, I'd taken the mental step forward of just going ahead and moving into the bedroom I intended to occupy for the duration of my Senior Year.

Even knowing I needed to get a move on in order to make it to work on time, I didn't want to get up. In addition to staying up past midnight watching whatever showed up on the television, I'd made the mistake of eating a bowl of ramen just before bedtime. Maruchan's Revenge got me around 4am, and I'd spent about twenty minutes on the porcelain throne squirting yellow-colored paste out of my ass while my ab muscles clenched so hard I wanted to cry. Needless to say, it wasn't a very good night's sleep overall and I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and rest for another four hours.

But work could not be blown off. Groaning, I stretched my arms out to the sides and then up before awkwardly banging my left fist against the headboard. The unexpected impact woke me up more than the sunlight had, and as I exhaled, I felt my limbs coming alive. I also happened to feel just how throbbingly-hard my morning erection was, and without thinking about it, I slipped my hand into my shorts and gave the shaft a few quick tugs.

The single best thing about my old life was always having a willing female to take care of these things for me. Well, that's hyperbole. There were probably much better things about my old life, but in this very moment, the thing I missed the most was having some hot babe to duck her head beneath the blankets and give me a welcoming morning blowjob. There really are few better ways to start off a day.

But it was just me. I lay all alone in this big, empty house, with nothing but excess spiders around for company. Brooke and DJ were still in Orange County. Brandi and Dayna were in San Francisco. Kim was at home in Sunnyvale. Lynne and Amber were in Palo Alto. And Dawn was probably at home as well.

Just me and my right hand. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

I gave my prick a few more half-hearted tugs, unable to completely leave it alone. But feeling depressed over my loneliness, I soon lost mental interest. Thinking of Amber's hot body just made me miss her. Thinking of Dawn's supple curves made me feel even worse. But despite these mournful thoughts, my stupid boner wouldn't go away. And as I sat up in bed and swung my legs over the edge, I felt the urge to pee.

Staring at the erect column still poking upward at about a 45-degree angle in my boxers, I sighed and groaned. Fuck.

But then inspiration struck. Arching an eyebrow, I turned to look at the bedside table. The top drawer had long held various sex toys and bottles of lube. But in the drawer beneath ... Was it still there? I leaned over, reaching down and tugging the lower drawer out. And sure enough, right in front of me was a picture of a pretty blonde holding up the top of her red bikini against her breasts. Behind her head read the title "SPORTS ILLUSTRATED", and fishing out the magazine, I quickly flipped through the pages until I found the photo I really wanted to look at.

Adrienne's golden blonde hair hung over one shoulder while she lay on her side, half-covered in wet sand. Her aqua-blue bikini top was undone, so that she had to conceal her nakedness with one arm. Her right hand tried desperately to cover up her left breast, failing to do so and letting titflesh peek out from every side. But my eyes were drawn right to where the nipple should be. That spot was covered up by the base of Adrienne's fourth finger, and more specifically, by my promise ring.

The mere sight of the little diamond amidst the gold leaf flower did wonders for lifting my spirits. That was all I really needed, and as a smile spread across my face, I lay back against the pillows stacked against the headboard. I folded the magazine so I could hold it up with just my left hand; my right hand had become rather busy. Sighing rapturously, I let my eyes rove up and down the golden goddess's nearly naked body. And in less than three minutes, I closed my eyes and groaned as hot spurts splattered into the tissues I'd placed over my mushroom head just in time.

Not as good as having her in person. But it was nice to know that Adrienne was still here for me in some form when I really needed her.

I burped as I closed up the paper carton that had contained my recently-devoured Six Dollar Burger. The commercials claimed that without them, some guys would starve. In my case, they might have been right.

I'd been horribly spoiled never having to cook in my entire life. I'd grown up in a household full of women, all of them eager chefs. After moving to college, my female roommates were constantly in the kitchen. And even at Stanford, Lynne and Noelle had spoiled me with their culinary skills. Only Amber wasn't much of a cook, but we went out to eat constantly, and she was big on paying for most of those meals. Neither of us wanted to waste time preparing the food or cleaning up after. That time was better spent getting naked and sweaty.

Tossing the carton into the recycled brown bag my dinner had come in, I stood up and took the entire thing into the kitchen trash. Then taking a deep breath, I thought about the work ahead of me.

Having vacuumed the entire house the evening before, I first would put down a full layer of Home Defense chemicals around every baseboard and nook and cranny to help keep bugs from crawling out of the walls. A hallway light bulb had died sometime in the two months I was gone, and that needed to be replaced. And since my entire previous evening had been spent vacuuming, dusting, and killing spiders, I had yet to do the bathrooms.

Plus, even if I finished with the interior of the house, I still needed to go outside and pull weeds and do some other gardening.

But first, I had to re-organize all my clothes in the Master bedroom's closet. Now sounded like a good time to meticulously re-fold anything that had been crammed into my suitcases and taken off to Stanford.

For now, that visit to Dawn would have to wait.

Tomorrow, I promised myself. You're going over there tomorrow.

-- WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 24, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

I was tired. Mostly I was tired from a long day at work. With only three days left of our internship, everything was coming to a head. Our Engineer Hieu practically lived at BioGen trying to get our numbers to line up. And I had stayed at work until 8pm organizing and re-writing whole sections of our final report.

I'd justified the late working hours this whole week with the knowledge that I'd be driving home after rush hour. But tonight, a SigAlert had closed 880 around San Ramon, and I didn't get home until nearly 10 o'clock.

It was too late to visit Dawn. Not my fault.

You wouldn't have even HIT that SigAlert if you'd just driven directly from Palo Alto to Dawn's house, dumbass.

I still haven't done the gardening. Those weeds aren't going to kill themselves.

Fuck the damn weeds. What, like anyone is around to care? Besides, it's almost 10 at night and you can't see a damn thing outside. You're procrastinating.

Fine, I'm procrastinating. What's anybody going to do about it?

Nothing. I'm just pointing it out.

What am I going to say to her anyway? I haven't spoken a single word to her since she left Berkeley, save for that one awkward birthday call. I don't know if she misses me or doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I don't know if she wants to get back together or stay broken up. I don't even know if she's planning on moving back into the house!

Well somebody knows. Call her mom.

No. If I call her house, she might pick up. I can't take the risk of talking to her.

Isn't that the point?

Not when I don't know what I'm going to say to her.

Fine. Call someone else who might know something. Call Dayna. You're still on good terms with her.

Dayna? Huh, there's an idea. But I haven't finished the weeds.

BEN!

Fine, fine.

I sighed, looking around. I didn't know where my phone was. Maybe this wasn't worth it.

BEN!

Alright, alright ... I got up, digging into my pocket where my cell phone had been the entire time. Quickly flipping down the alphabetized contact list, I felt a chill pass over my heart as I scrolled across the name, "DAWN".

Do it. Press it.

Taking a deep breath, my thumb reached for the talk button. But just before I pressed it, I hit the down arrow once and then hit TALK. Obediently, my cell phone started calling Dayna.

She didn't pick up. Setting the phone down onto the coffee table, I got up and started heading for the door. Those weeds weren't going to kill themselves.

[Da-da-DUN-da-da-da-da-da... ]

My bubbly pop song ringtone went off and the phone started vibrating on the table. I reluctantly returned to it and opened up the clamshell. "Hi, Dayna."

"Hey, you called? What's up?"

"Uh ... well..." I stumbled.

"How's that gorgeous girlfriend of yours?" Dayna filled in my awkward pause. "I miss her. Think you guys might want to come visit this weekend?"

"Oh, uh, actually ... We broke up."

Dayna gasped. "WHAT?!? Why? What's going on?"

"That's not actually why I'm calling-"

"Details! I want details!"

"Dayna, please."

She obediently shut up, but whimpered. I could practically hear her fidgeting anxiously on the other end of the line.

"I'm calling about Dawn."

"Ohhh..." Dayna calmed down immediately. As curious as she was about Amber, she understood it had to be serious if I was finally asking about her little sister.

"How is she?"

"Uh ... Well..."

My heart sank. "That bad?"

"What? No, no. It's just ... I actually haven't talked to her much."

"You haven't?"

"She's been out and about a lot. Mom says she doesn't spend much time at home, hanging out with her friends instead. I don't really know what she's up to."

"But you have talked to her a little, haven't you?"

"Of course. I'm her sister. I've gone back home a couple of times, so we cross paths. She can't just shut me out like she does to you, but she still hasn't been big on sharing with me."

I sighed. "Yeah ... sharing what's going on in her head isn't one of Dawn's strong points." I was surprised by the harshness of my tone.

"I've asked her about things, I have," Dayna insisted. "She's been pretty talkative about her road trip and the things she's doing with Gwen and Robin. But anything concerning you has been a taboo subject in that house. Mom can't get through to her, either. As long as we're talking about casual stuff, everything is fine. But the instant one of us asks her about you, she clams right up and gets mad at us."

"Oh..."

"Look at the bright side. It means she still cares about you. If she didn't, she wouldn't be so adamant about not talking about you."

"I guess."

"I just think she's still confused. She goes off on her own and does a lot of thinking from what Mom says."

"Going off alone?" I wondered. "Do you think she's ... ah ... well ... Is she seeing anybody?"

"You mean like dating? No. Not at all. I was wondering that myself when Mom told me how much time she spends away from home. But she always comes back, and she doesn't go out to parties or anything like that. Gwen has even asked me if I knew any guys to introduce to Dawn. Gwen seems to think that getting her to date again would be healthy, but she says that Dawn outright refuses."

"Oh ... uh ... okay." I was actually relieved to hear that. Of course, I immediately felt guilty, thinking of all the sexual encounters I'd had in the three months since our breakup, not to mention two girls I honestly considered to be girlfriends in Lynne and Amber. But guilty or not, I was still relieved.

"If you ask me, the only one that's going to get through to her is you."

"What do you mean?"

"She's not talking to any of us. She's not even talking much to Gwen and Robin about you, either. Whatever her feelings are, she's not saying."

I sighed. "I see."

"You need to talk to her. Whatever happened with you and Amber, I'm guessing it has something to do with your feelings for Dawn?"

"It's ... complicated."

"It always is. But Dawn is a part of it, isn't she?"

"She is," I admitted.

"Of course. I don't think it's possible for you two to ever completely extricate yourselves from each other's lives, no matter how hard she seems to be trying right now."

"But she IS trying? To keep me out of her life?"

"Uh, well, I didn't say that..."

I sighed. "Thanks Dayna."

"Wait, Ben. You can't just give up."

"I'm not giving up. I'm going to go over there and talk to her."

"When?"

"Tomorrow. It's after 10 already."

"You promise?"

"Sure. Tomorrow."

-- THURSDAY, AUGUST 25, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

She didn't answer the first time I rang the doorbell, or the second. Fidgeting, I started to worry that I'd driven over here for nothing. Maybe she was out. After all, it wasn't like she spent her entire life just waiting for me to show up. She was a busy girl with other priorities in her life.

Oh, well. I'd tried, right?

I turned and walked away, approaching the stairs that would take me back down to the ground level. But just as I dropped onto the next step, I heard a latch unlock behind me. Twisting around, I saw the door open, and Amber stuck her damp head out the crack. "Ben? I thought I heard the doorbell."

"Hey, did I come at a bad time?"

"No, no. Just getting out of the shower. Sorry I didn't open sooner. It took me this long to check the peephole and I'm not exactly dressed. Come on in."

Nodding, I approached while Amber remained half-hidden behind the door. I briefly thought she was naked, but as I came around I found that she'd wrapped a plush towel around her torso, revealing the upper slopes of her tits and a good bit of leg. Without exposing herself to the outside, she backed away and then closed the door behind me. And then gesturing to the couch, she offered, "Make yourself at home."

I nodded, my eyes yo-yoing down to her tits.

Amber caught my look, and a little smirk crossed her face. With twinkling eyes, she dramatically opened up the towel, spreading it to her sides like a cape. My jaw dropped as I drank in the sight of her glorious breasts, taut belly, and neatly-trimmed pussy. But a second later, she closed up the towel again and clutched it to her chest. "See, if you were still my boyfriend, I would have invited you into my room for a good shagging."

Staring at the spot where her tits used to be, I sighed and then picked my gaze up to meet hers. "Your loss, too."

She quieted at that, and nodded. With tightness in her eyes, she gave me a plaintive look and asked quietly, "Wanna skip the whole breakup part and go right back to being in love?"

My throat was tight.

"You'd get to fuck me again," she offered, opening her towel back up.

Horny and hungry for her, I got up off the couch. I'd had only the single orgasm while jerking off to Adrienne's magazine since leaving Amber's four days ago, and the sexual creature inside was getting antsy. But before I could take two steps toward her, Amber suddenly turned her back to me and cinched the towel around her torso. "No, no. You're right. This is for the best," she sighed. "Gawd, you're going to have to stop coming by, or I'm never going to get over you."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize."

"The last day of my internship is tomorrow. After that, I'll be back in Berkeley full-time."

"Okay." She took a deep breath. "Stay here. I'm going to go change."

I nodded and backed up to the couch again, sitting down. I looked around the apartment, reminiscing about the good times with Amber for a few minutes. She returned more quickly than I expected, dressed in familiar sheer satin pajama pants and a matching button-down top without a bra. My eyes went to the hard nipples headlighting me through the thin material, and after two steps forward, Amber followed my gaze. Gulping, Amber changed her mind and went back into her room. And a minute later, she came back out wearing the exact same pajama set, only this time with a bra beneath.

"Sorry," she apologized. "Too tempting ... for both of us."

"I understand."

"So what brings you over here?" she asked, taking the seat on the couch next to me.

"I wanted to see how you're doing. Been thinking about you a lot this week."

"Me, too. Well, if I'm going to be fully honest, I've been thinking about you AND David."

I blushed and smiled. "Me, too. Well, I haven't been thinking about David."

"Have you talked to her, yet?"

I shook my head in the negative. "Have you?"

"Talked to Dawn? No, not yet." Amber giggled.

I just rolled my eyes by way of response.

Amber sighed and said, "Actually, I think it would be easier for me to talk to Dawn than to call David, you know?"

"I know."

"It's easier for you, though, isn't it? Doesn't she live not too far away from here?"

I nodded. "But it's the hardest thing in the world for me to get behind the wheel and drive in that direction."

Amber sighed. "Why can't our lives just be simple? I love him, he loves me, we get back together and happily ever after, right?"

I snorted. "Would be great if you could be sure that's how it's going to go. But what if she doesn't love me?"

"That's just it, isn't it? As long as I stay here, NOT calling him, everything's unknown."

"Maybe she'll take me back. Maybe she won't."

"It's undecided. 50-50. There's still hope."

"But if I call her..."

"Maybe he says he doesn't love me anymore. Maybe he's moved on and wants to leave me in the past."

"Hope dashed. It's all over. Nothing but crushing rejection."

"Better to stay in this limbo of not knowing..."

" ... than risk getting my heart broken again."

Amber nodded. Taking a deep breath, she leaned an elbow against the backrest and then dropped the side of her head against her open palm. "Why do I feel like I'm in High School, too nervous to ask a cute boy out on a date?"

"Love is love, no matter what age."

Amber smiled. "You really get me, you know that? It's one of the reasons I fell in love with you."

I blinked, worried that we were slipping down that path again. "Uh ... thanks?"

Amber giggled, shaking her head. "This is tragic, you know. I feel like we could've been such a perfect couple, if it weren't for these ... these... soulmates from our past."

I smiled and thought of Allie Sanders. "Do we necessarily have just a single soulmate, and our lives would go unfulfilled if we didn't end up with them? Or do we have a number of 'compatible souls', any one of whom would make us just as happy as any other?"

"I have a soulmate," Amber stated firmly, giving me a shrug and an apologetic look. "His name is David."

I sighed. "I think I have a soulmate, but I'm afraid if she is. I'd rather think that I have a few compatible souls, one of which is you."

"But then that would mean you'd want to stay with me instead of getting back together with Dawn."

"Or find one of the other compatible souls who might make me happy," I pointed out. Turning my head away, I exhaled heavily. "I'm not even entirely sure I want to get back together with Dawn. I've had a lot of time to think ever since the breakup, and a part of me is wondering if we aren't better off apart."

"What do you mean? Wasn't that the entire point of our breakup? For me to get back together with David and you back with Dawn?"

I shook my head. "You belong with David. At the very least, you're still desperately in love with him, and you've effected all this change in your life just for him. I broke up with you because you're hung up on him, not because I thought anything was lacking between you and me."

She frowned. "So you don't want to be with her?"

I sighed. "If I'm to be completely honest with myself, I would have been perfectly happy to stay with you."

Amber got the implication, and frowned at me with doe eyes. "I'm sorry, Ben. Really, I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "It's okay. I actually understand what it's like to believe in that soulmate."

"But you don't anymore?"

I sighed. "You'd have to know the history I've had with Dawn. We grew up together. Our parents envisioned our marriage when we were only months old. They filled our heads with a lot of notions, notions that I'm just not sure I trust anymore. At one time, I did believe Dawn was my soulmate."

"But not anymore," Amber stated more evenly.

"Dawn is ... I don't know anymore. Three months ago, I was ready to marry her. I would have done anything for her. In some ways, I felt like I DID do everything for her, including stomaching a few things that made me a little uncomfortable. But I did those things for her, believing that we were destined to be together."

"And then she broke your heart."

I nodded.

Amber whistled. "Guess that's what's different about our two situations. David and I had something of a mutual breakup. I guess I always thought that since he was my soulmate, that destiny would eventually bring us back together. Still think that, I guess. At least, I'm hoping that something will magically happen to get us together again; that if we're meant to be, somehow we'll find each other."

I snorted. "Fuck destiny; it's a myth."

"You don't really believe that."

"Sure I do. You can't just wait around hoping something will happen to bring you and David back together. The way I see it: he's there and you're here. The only way something is going to change is if you call him and get him to come over here with you, or you pick up and go back to him. You can't just wait for destiny to 'happen'. You've got to get up and MAKE things happen."

"I can't just drop everything here."

"Haven't we been over this? Would you rather be a doctor and have your David, or be a Stanford-graduate without him?"

"I wanted to be a Stanford-graduate with you."

I just leveled a look at her.

Amber sighed, looking away. "I guess ... if you're gonna put a gun to my head about it..."

"I am."

She took a deep breath. "I'd rather be a doctor and have him."

"Then your course is clear: Put in the paperwork to transfer to a medical school near him, and then GO."

"I can't go now. My third year is already starting."

"Then take a leave of absence and just go to him now. Or if your career is that important to you, put in the paperwork to transfer NEXT year."

"Next year is a long time away. What if he meets someone else?"

"You'll finish this year in what, May? Nine months. That's not so far. And if he's really your soulmate, then you'll still be able to get him back."

Amber took a deep breath and looked out the window. "Maybe in nine months, I'll have gotten over you. Maybe in nine months, I can make myself a better person, the kind of girl I need to be for him."

"There you go."

Amber suddenly looked back at me, and for the first time, I saw not a single trace of attraction in her eyes. I believed right then that there would be no more hints about calling off our breakup, little urges to get back together. She'd made her decision, and that decision was for David. "Thank you," she stated firmly.

I arched an eyebrow. "'Thank you'? For what?"

Amber just leaned forward, giving me a warm hug that lacked even a trace of eroticism. Patting my back, she sighed, saying, "I really needed to hear that."

"Uh, glad I could help."

"Okay, my turn."

"Your turn?"

"To fix you. I think it's time you took your own advice, Ben. You can't just wait around for destiny. You've got to get up and MAKE things happen."

Somehow, the talk about 'fixing' me took a lot longer than the talk about fixing Amber. To be fair, we also did a lot of talking about her and David, but it still took forever for us to come to any resolution about Dawn and me.

Perhaps it was because her path was clear. Amber wanted David back. She wanted to marry him and bear his children. It had taken her two years to realize that she didn't quite feel whole without him, and no amount of drugs, casual affairs, or even a potential replacement in me were good enough. As fond of me as she was, I didn't measure up. So for her, it was David or nothing. We just had to figure out how to get her there. And not helping matters was her conviction that she wasn't ready for him yet.

"I've got nine months to figure this out. And for David, I WILL figure this out," she insisted.

My own path was far less clear. It would have been easy for me to decide that I wanted Dawn back, and that I would move Heaven and Earth to make it happen. But I didn't decide that. In reality, I wasn't so sure I DID want her back.

I was still very hurt by the way our relationship had ended. No amount of rationalization could change the fact that Dawn had cheated on me. She'd gone behind my back and slept with another man without my permission. It was hypocritical for me to hold that against her, given my own checkered history with cheating. But my teenaged failures didn't make it okay for her to do the same.

I was also scarred by the way Dawn had immediately broken off all contact with me. She'd left school and disappeared to hide out in her house. And by the time I recovered enough to go over and try to talk to her, she'd already gone off on her road trip. Even since returning, we'd had only the one brief phone call on her birthday. But she'd told me not to call her again and even hung up on me the one time I'd tried.

Her avoidance actions were not those of a girl who wanted to get back together. And really, why should I try reconciling with someone who clearly didn't want to be with me? I loved her. I STILL loved her. And really, I would always love her for the person she'd been for the first 21 years of my life.

But if I had to be honest with myself, at the moment, I didn't particularly like her.

Amber encouraged this line of confession. I made a crack about how it was just female bitchiness to try and take down the competition a peg or two, so that she could feel superior to Dawn. But Amber shook her head, explaining, "You're being honest about your feelings for the perhaps the first time. Everything else you told me about her was that she was this perfect angel, but she's not. And I think you're starting to realize that now."

I mused on that, and Amber gave me a frank look, asking, "Why is it that you don't like her?"

I sighed, trying to organize my brain.

Amber led me, asking, "Is it because she cheated? It's a very understandable response to dislike – if not truly hate – someone for that kind of betrayal."

I scowled. "Cadence Carmichael. Fucking bitch," I spat vehemently.

Amber's eyes went up in surprise.

But I was already shaking my head. "Dawn wasn't like that at all. It's not like she planned it. She wasn't doing it just to piss me off. And she wasn't having an affair. Plus, it was with a guy I'd already given her permission to sleep with before."

"Don't give her excuses. These aren't mitigating circumstances. She cheated on you, plain and simple. She didn't have permission. Period."

I nodded.

"Let me ask you this: have any of your girlfriends – other than Dawn or Cadence – ever slept with another guy? Permission or not?"

I furrowed my eyebrows and thought about it: Megan, Cassidy, Adrienne, Allie, Paige, DJ, Kim, Lynne... "Uh, no. Once they were actually with me, they all swore off other men."

"But Dawn did."

"Because I let her. She asked me."

"None of the others asked you, did they? I'm fully aware that most guys have a serious problem with their girls sleeping with another guy."

I winced. "This was a different situation. I specifically wanted-"

"Nuh-uh," Amber cut me off. "You're not making excuses for her."

"It really is different. If you want to be fair: Adrienne had a LOT more male lovers than Dawn did. Well, I don't know the exact math, but she had her wild and crazy High School years. DJ has lived a pretty varied life as well. Cadence was a flirtatious butterfly. And then, well, there's you."

Amber blushed. "Go ahead and say it: I'm a slut. I'm not embarrassed about the term."

"Well, I wasn't going to put it so bluntly. You've made it clear you had your fair share of experiences before me. But none of that bothers me. That was your history, your past. All I cared about was who you were while WITH me, and you were loyal. For everyone, once they were with me, they were faithful."

"Except Dawn."

I grimaced. "I don't think I'm being fair to her. You don't have to tell me how many male lovers you've had, but is the number more than seven?"

Amber giggled. "Uh, yeah."

"That's Dawn's number. And I approved every single one of them."

"Seriously?"

I nodded, and then picked my head up as a realization hit me. "Actually, I was in the room for every single one of them."

Ryan had been Dawn's real second lover, and we DP'd her that fateful Thanksgiving weekend. She'd doubled her number at Dayna's blindfold party with Brett and Alan. Then there was Bert at the Swingers Party with Gwen and Robin, and finally Kenny and Jaron when Dawn had asked me for them. She HADN'T gone out and had any affairs without me. I was there, giving permission in some form every time. Wasn't that faithfulness?

But didn't it bother me just a little? Hadn't Dawn promised me that no other man could make her feel the way I did? If that was the case, why had she needed the others?

Why did I want others? Because it was fun. Was I being hypocritical again? Was it fair for me to sleep around and trap Dawn into-

"Stop it," Amber barked firmly.

My eyes focused and I glanced over at her. Amber leveled me with a serious look. "I can see you trying to justify things in your head. Don't. Be honest with yourself. If something bothers you, let it. You can decide later on what you can live with and what you can't. But for now, be true to your feelings."

"How can I hate her when I'm such a fuck-up?"

"That's not a reason to get back together with her. Your shortcomings don't justify hers. You can focus all you want on improving yourself, but don't just settle for someone else's failures just because you don't think you deserve better.

"And how do I know what I deserve?"

Amber shrugged. "You just do. You figure out what you want, and then you set off to find what you want. You set expectations, and if those expectations aren't met, then you feel disappointed."

I blinked twice and then picked my head up. "Expectations..."

She gave me a curious look, and then nodded. "Yeah..."

It finally hit me. "Expectations. Adrienne used to talk to me about expectations. She told me that every relationship hinges on them. They vary from person to person. I expect one thing from someone, and expect something completely different from someone else."

"And Dawn?"

My heart sank. "I expected ... perfection."

Amber snorted. "Good luck with that."

I sighed, turning and staring off into space a bit. "I never expected Adrienne to be pristine. I knew she had a checkered past, knew her nymphomaniac tendencies. I saw how fragile and broken a person she could be. So anything better than that was a bonus. The person she grew into amazed me, not only because of how great she became, but also because it was such an improvement over who she had been."

Amber stayed quiet, watching me.

"I never expected you to be sweet," I told her. "Kady called you a viper, the coldest sexual predator she'd ever seen. You came onto me pretty strongly, talking about being a spoiled little rich girl who always got your way. Then there were all your snobbish tendencies, like with the 'well done' filet mignon and all."

Amber chuckled, blushing.

"I never expected the softness and tenderness you could show. We fell hard for each other, and we fell fast. At first I thought we would never be more than physical. Then I thought we might just be a summer fling. And we grew into so much more. At every turn you were exceeding my expectations of our relationship, and I loved you for your successes. It wasn't until I started putting my hopes into the idea of us getting married, only to have you cry out David's name mid-lovemaking, for me to really get disappointed in you."

"I'm sorry," she apologized.

I shook my head. "That's water under the bridge now. The point is: our relationship didn't fall apart until reality no longer met expectation."

Amber nodded.

"It's not fair to her, but it's the truth. I expected perfection from Dawn. I expected her to be wholesome, pure, and reserved just for me. I expected her love, her affection, and her undying loyalty. I expected an angel ... but she's just a girl." I took a deep breath and looked off into the distance.

"She tried to tell me. She wanted selfish things. She was growing tired of the pressure of being perfect. I did this to myself in a way. I told her I would accept her no matter what, and I even gave her permission to sleep with other guys. But even as we were doing it, I felt a niggling sense of nausea deep in my gut. I didn't like seeing her with other guys, my dick in one of her holes while some other man's dick was in her body elsewhere. I told her I was okay with it, when I wasn't actually 100% okay."

"It takes a special man to be able to handle that," Amber said, spacing out again. I knew right then and there that her David was just that kind of man. I felt guilty, thinking that this David was a better man than me.

But I couldn't change the way I felt.

"I kept my expectations high, kept expecting the perfect angel. I promised her freedom, promised to stand by her no matter what. But even while I said those words, deep down I resented her for taking the freedoms I'd offered. She couldn't live up to my expectations. She couldn't live up to HER OWN expectations. In the end, she disappointed herself. And if I'm going to be completely honest, she disappointed me, too."

Amber and I were both silent for a long time, just thinking about that. I felt like a great weight had been lifted off my chest, having admitted something I had been scared to admit for a very long time.

Was it fair? Hell no. Was I being a hypocrite? Sure.

But it was how I truly felt. Fair or not, I expected Dawn to be perfect. SHE worked hard to tell me that she was perfect. Dawn was pure. Dawn was clean. Dawn was an angel.

I expected the angel, but all I got was ... merely human.

It was a wonder we'd lasted as long as we did.

"So now what?" Amber asked. "She cheated on you. She broke your heart. She didn't live up to your lofty expectations, but whether that was her fault or yours is up for debate. Either way, you tell me you'll always love her. And now you've got to decide what you want to do."

I exhaled slowly, feeling my brain start to cramp. As I let my head loll over the back of the couch, I felt my vision turn blurry and a weary achiness settle all over my body. You'd think that after hours and hours of talking, I would have come to some decision one way or another. But all I could do was answer, "I still don't know."

-- FRIDAY, AUGUST 26, 2005, SUMMER BREAK --

It was the worst night's sleep I'd ever had. It was even worse than the night after Dawn's birthday, the night I'd called her and she told me not to call her anymore.

For starters, I didn't get home until after midnight, having spent the entire evening at Amber's talking myself (and her) in circles. Rules about respecting the privacy of my past lovers had gone out the window. In some form, I confessed a lot of secrets about Dawn, Adrienne, and even Keira. Fuck, not even Dawn knew the whole story about me and Keira, not because I wanted to hide anything, but just for Keira's privacy.

But it had been a strange night, and deep down I knew I could trust Amber implicitly. She wasn't a part of my usual circle, wouldn't have opportunity to "spill the beans". I'd barely known her for more than a month, but I just ... knew.

To trust Amber that completely and not be able to be with her was fucking tragic. I knew in my gut that we could have been very happy together. But such is the way of life. She belonged with David. And I belonged with ... well ... that's my fucking problem.

Making things worse, I still hadn't ejaculated since that Tuesday morning jerk-off session to Adrienne's Sports Illustrated. Just when I was about to fall asleep, the blood drained out from my head and filled my little head. And the stupid worm throbbed insistently, not leaving me in peace as it screamed for satisfaction.

But my head was too much of a jumble to even properly jerk off. Internet porn didn't work. Adrienne's magazines didn't work. And I certainly couldn't fantasize. I couldn't focus. I could barely think. And sleep-deprived and exhausted, I'd lain there in bed, staring at the ceiling until at least 4am.

At 6am, my alarm clock blared at me to wake up. I had to be at BioGen by 8, and it was more than an hour's drive away. Today I couldn't slack. Today I had to shave and look professional for our project's final presentation, even with less than two hours of sleep. And guess who was doing most of the presenting?

Fuck.

Well, that could have gone better.

Still, it could have been a lot worse. My skin was a little pale and there were dark circles beneath my eyes. Amir wondered aloud if I was feeling alright, and I insisted that I would be fine. I completed the presentation in a workmanlike fashion, neither flashy nor eloquent. But I got the job done in a professional manner that seemed to satisfy – if not necessarily impress – the various department heads we were presenting to. I think most of the audience could tell I was feeling under the weather, and they might have even given me some slack. But it still took every ounce of my energy and focus to get through the day.

The point is: I was not in an ideal condition to see anybody. Not that it mattered. At this point, I didn't give a rat's ass anymore. Maybe I would be rejected. Maybe I would lose all hope. Maybe I would reject her. I really had no fucking clue.

But I was beyond caring by now. One way or another, Dawn and I would have some sort of closure. The most important thing in the world to me now was that this torture simply end. I didn't want to sleep another night just ... wondering.

So I parallel parked on the curb outside a familiar house. I took a deep breath and popped open the car door. Moving purposefully up the walkway, I approached the house and rang the doorbell.

No one answered right away. It was almost 7pm, so I figured that somebody would be home by now. I waited impatiently, trying not to fidget. It took a great deal of self-control not to spastically jab at the doorbell another dozen times. But just before I cracked and did it anyway, I heard the flip of a lock inside.

"Ben! Ohmigawd!" Deanna Evans gasped in amazement as she opened the front door of her house. Immediately, she threw her arms open and wrapped me up in a hug.

"Hi, Mrs. Evans," I replied tiredly. The aches in my muscles were compressed by her hug, so that instead of warmth and acceptance all I really felt was uncomfortable. But I rode out her hug until she finally released me and backed away.

"How have you been?" she asked with a sigh of relief in her voice. I noticed that she had tears in her eyes, and with a grin of embarrassment she wiped at the moisture rolling down her cheeks. Without waiting for my reply, she exhaled, "It's just so good to see you."

I nodded. "Been a while."

"It's not the time away that worried me."

I shrugged. "Is she here?" I held my breath for a moment. Dawn was a 21-year-old hottie and it was a Friday night. For all I knew, she was out getting plowed by some drunken meathead at this very moment, nevermind the early hour. It's not like Dawn had an internship to be at.

But Deanna nodded an affirmative. "Lemme go get her." The woman practically raced to the stairs and up.

I let myself in and closed the front door behind me. Dawn's living room had a vaulted ceiling, so that I could stand on the first floor and look up to the railing protecting the upstairs hallway. Tired, I dropped myself onto the couch and looked up expectantly. But for a long two minutes, nobody emerged.

Eventually, I heard Deanna's voice rise up. "Dammit, Dawn!"

Something else got yelled in response, muffled. I figured it was Dawn yelling through the door.

"No, I will NOT tell him that you're not home! Get real!" Deanna yelled right back. "You've blocked us out for too long! He's in the living room right now! Now come out and TALK to him!"

"How's it going?" Jack Evans said before plopping onto the couch beside me. He didn't try to shake my hand or otherwise formally greet me. He didn't even really expect an answer to his question. We were casual like that by now. We were practically family.

"It's going," I finally answered, gesturing with a hand up the stairs.

"Ah," he replied before frowning. "Dawn's been pretty mum about you. She hasn't even told us why you two broke up, other than to say it's all her fault. It's like pulling teeth with that girl."

"So Dayna's told me."

Jack looked at me for a second, perhaps wondering if I would have any better explanation for our breakup. But if Dawn wasn't telling them, I wasn't volunteering anything.

"How are your sisters?" he asked conversationally before taking a deep breath. "How are ... Eden and Emma?"

For a second, I'd forgotten last month's revelation that Jack Evans was the biological father of the twins. There were just so many other things happening in my life all at once. But that little reminder finally managed to drag me away from my focus up the stairs.

Taking a deep breath, I turned to face him. "Honestly, I haven't heard much in the last few weeks. You saw them at camp. They're teenagers in High School now."

He shook his head slowly, his eyes vacantly staring off somewhere. "Can't believe it's been that long."

I shrugged.

"I still remember when the twins were born. Your Dad let us into the delivery room that day." Jack glanced at me. "Actually, I remember when Dawn was born too. When she was about a week old, we brought her over to your parents' house and stuck her into your crib. You were about three months old, an infant still unable to even roll over onto your belly. But you instinctively reached out to her, and you actually held her hand. Did you know that?"

I blinked and sighed. "Yeah. I don't remember it, obviously. But Mom's told me that story a bunch of times."

Jack patted my knee. "I'm not going to pressure you, Ben. Goodness knows life is hard enough without parental expectations. I just want you to know that whether you and Dawn end up together or not, Deanna and I will always love you like the son we never had. There's no requirement to become our son-in-law on paper. There's no requirement to give us shared grandchildren. You've been a part of our lives for more than twenty-one years. And all that history means something."

I managed a smile and nodded. "Thanks."

"Just keep this in mind for me, will ya? You've also been a part of Dawn's life for twenty-one years. Even if that doesn't end up in marriage and kids, even if that doesn't lead to everlasting love, those twenty-one years are part of the past, irrevocable. And all that history is going to mean... something ... as well."

I furrowed my eyebrows. The hours last night talking circles with Amber had scrambled my brain, and forcing myself through the day's work and presentations had not helped. "What are you trying to say?"

Jack patted my knee again. "There's no pressure to resolve everything right away. Your relationship was not built in one night, and no matter how hard you two stupid kids might try, you can't ruin it completely in one night either. You can certainly hurt each other pretty damn bad with a single action. I know; I've done it. But you've got twenty-one YEARS of structural support beneath you. The sweet girl you've known for your entire life is still in there – she can't completely change who she is – and that girl is someone who has truly loved you. Remember that."

I blinked. I'd been caught off-guard by the "stupid kids" crack, but there was such warmth in the rest of his words that I felt stronger for them. And unsure what else to say, I just replied, "I will."

"Good boy." He patted my knee one more time, and then stood up with a smile to my right.

I looked over to find that Dawn was already standing beside the couch, Deanna flanking her in a position that seemed designed more to prevent her daughter from fleeing than anything else.

Surprised, my eyes popped open and I lurched to my feet. Dawn just evaluated me coolly as I got myself under control.

But when I did, she huffed and said, "I told you not to come here."

"I had to see you."

"You look like hell."

"It's been a rough few days."

"Ahem!" Deanna cleared her throat in warning.

Dawn turned around, shot her mom a look, and rolled her eyes. Nevertheless, she seemed to get whatever message her mom had been sending. And after a deep breath, Dawn didn't seem so menacing anymore. "I've missed you," she said sincerely.

I grimaced. "Missed you too."

"Been keeping yourself busy? Screwing some hot nubile girls?"

I winced. "You know me."

She shrugged as if she didn't care. Then after looking to the side, she returned her gaze back to me and said, "This is too soon, okay? I'm working some stuff out on my own, and I'm not ready for this yet."

"Ready for what? To talk to me?"

She nodded, still avoiding my eyes. I saw moisture forming in hers. "There're some things I need to say to you, but I ... You surprised me by showing up here; I'm not prepared. I don't know when I WILL be."

"You're going to have to talk to me sooner than later. School starts on Monday."

Dawn looked at the ceiling and sighed regretfully. "Yeah. But that still gives me two more days."

I felt my chest tighten. I didn't want to deal with this for another two days. After the miserable night I'd had last night, followed by this miserable day, I couldn't imagine having to go through this twice more. And with almost anyone else, I would have put my foot down and demanded immediate resolution.

But this was Dawn. We had twenty-one years of history with each other. What was two more days? For her ... I could give her that.

"Fine," I replied wearily. "Two more days."

"Really?" Dawn asked in surprise, looking over at me.

I sighed, feeling my stomach knot even tighter. "For you, I..." My voice trailed off. And then with a helpless shrug, I just finished, "For you."

Traces of a smile tugged at the corners of Dawn's lips, but were quickly smothered. She looked thoughtful for a moment, and then stated evenly, "Tomorrow. I'll come by the house tomorrow."

My eyebrows rose. "Really?"

Now she managed to give me a faint smile. "Really-really. Tomorrow, I promise."

I frowned, thinking of all of my failed "tomorrow" promises to myself. But if there was one thing I knew about Dawn, it was that she didn't break her promises. "Okay," I replied, nodding.

Just like that, Dawn spun around. She gave her mom an arch look, and though she didn't look happy about it, Deanna stepped aside. Dawn glanced back at me one more time over her shoulder, looking heartbreakingly beautiful as she did so. But then without another word, hug, or any other gesture, she simply went up the stairs and disappeared down the hallway.

Jack came over to me and patted my shoulder. Deanna looked forlornly apologetic. But their gestures were small comfort. Feeling my shoulders sag, I closed my eyes and thought grimly about how even more miserable tonight would be.

I used my key, and the lock opened obediently. But rather than step inside, I simply let the door swing out before me.

I stood on the porch, just breathing deep breaths. The door no longer creaked; the WD-40 had done its job, and the hinges moved smoothly. The sun had set half an hour ago, and the house lights were all off. There was nothing before me but yawning darkness, and for a minute, I debated whether or not to go in.

Why should I? The place no longer felt like my home. It was just a collection of old wood and nails, hammered together back in the 20's or some other ancient time. All of the people who had truly made this house my "home" were gone. Dayna and Brandi had up and graduated. Adrienne was ... somewhere in the world right now. Kim was with her father, likely to never return. And Dawn was at her parents' house. For all I knew, she wasn't even going to move back in here when school started, perhaps rooming with Gwen and Robin instead or something.

Why should I bother going in? There was nothing inside for me. If I went in there, I would just be all alone in a big empty house. I'd been alone in there for four nights already; I didn't want to do it again. Wouldn't it be better for me to get back in the car and drive to Stanford? Maybe Amber would take me back. Maybe I could convince her that I could make her just as happy as David. There were no guarantees that David would even take her back. I was a sure deal!

Or maybe I should go back to Lynne. She'd comforted me in the aftermath of a breakup before. She was a dear friend, and she would always care about me. I needed that nurturing type right now. So what if she was now dating my best friend? What did Bert have on me anyway? Surely she would pick me over him, wouldn't she?

Or maybe I should go hang out with Bert. His parents wouldn't mind if I crashed for a night or two until school started. We'd stay up past midnight, drinking Mountain Dew and pulverizing digital monsters on the TV. I felt like I hadn't just hung out with a guy for more than an hour since my sophomore year of High School.

Or maybe I should start over again with Kim. I knew she was still in love with me. Why couldn't I just build my life with her? She would be an ideal girlfriend: attentive, sexy, and wholly subservient. Who wouldn't want a girlfriend who would obey every single command you ever gave her for the rest of your lives? I'd turned her down out of consideration for Amber. But now with Amber out of the picture, I was free to take her back. Right?

But that would be selfish of me. In every case, such a course would be selfish – not even "self-centered", but totally and completely selfish. Amber belonged with her David; it wouldn't be right for me to try and keep her away from him. Bert and Lynne were a budding young couple in love; I couldn't interfere. And Kim deserved better than a selfish, morose master who would just use and abuse her.

So closing my eyes, I walked inside.

Really, I had nowhere else to go.

Tomorrow, I reminded myself. Dawn promised she would come here tomorrow.

It was nearly 9pm when I heard a key jiggle in the front door. I frowned and sat up on the couch, aware that the television was on but not even remotely aware of what channel I'd been "watching". Really, primetime television on Friday nights isn't the best, especially in late August.

It was a wonder I'd even heard the door. I'd been spacing out again, thinking and thinking and overthinking the situation I was in. But I suppose the male hunter instinct was still alive, aware that someone was unexpectedly gaining access to my supposedly protected lair. Who would be opening the door at this time? Everyone who was supposed to have a key was long gone.

Could someone have made a copy and been squatting in this place for the two months I'd been gone? That didn't make any sense. I'd certainly vacuumed up enough dust to believe the house had remained completely empty for all that time. But nevertheless, I couldn't be too careful. And I quickly searched the room looking for anything I could use as a weapon.

But then girlish voices echoed down the hall. Someone muttered, "Fucking traffic. We were supposed to be here hours ago."

My ears cocked at the familiar voice. No way. They weren't due until tomorrow afternoon.

But sure enough, Brooke showed up at the archway between the living room and hallway, sighing in disappointment as she saw me. "Man, we were supposed to be here before you got home. I had this great surprised all worked out."

DJ appeared right behind her, giving me a crooked grin. "And you would have LOVED the surprise."

I just blinked, still stunned that the girls were here.

Brooke immediately came up to me, going up on her tip-toes to wrap her arms around my shoulders and give me a warm hug. "I'm sorry about Amber," she said soothingly.

I arched an eyebrow at my little sister. "How the hell did you-"

"You told Dayna," DJ cut me off, patting my back as Brooke released me. And then the young blonde wrapped me up in a hug as well. Brooke just rolled her eyes like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

I sighed and shrugged as DJ backed away. It figured that the entirety of both my family and the Evanses would be kept in the loop with each other. "Speaking of family communications, I'm guessing you know about Eden and Emma?"

DJ nodded. "They told us as soon as they got back from camp. Feels weird not to be the baby of the family anymore."

"Welcome to MY world," Brooke cracked. "But seriously, this doesn't change anything. If you ask the twins themselves, Dad is still their dad. Just ... they now have an extra one, too."

I nodded my agreement.

"Now, back to the reason why we're here," Brooke stated. She put both hands to my chest and started propelling me back toward the couch. I felt my calves hit the front edge, and my ass awkwardly dropped down onto a cushion. Immediately, DJ was behind the couch, her hands massaging my shoulders.

"Why ARE you here?" I asked. "Mom told me you guys weren't coming up until tomorrow."

Brooke hopped into my lap with a knee to either side of my hips. Holding my shoulders as DJ slid her hands up the back of my neck, my little sister grinned and answered, "Our internship finished at noon. We had to stick around for an exit interview, but other than that, we were done. DJ and I figured we could hit the road a little early and create this little welcome surprise in your bedroom before you got home. But then we got stuck in the East LA Interchange and then AGAIN on the 580."

"Just '580', there's no 'the'," DJ corrected.

"Whatever." Brooke's grin then turned evil. "The point is: You're coming off a breakup and could use some cheering up. Plus, DJ and I have gone without cock for three months now, and we're just dying inside."

DJ suddenly twisted my head in her hands, sealing her lips over mine in a fierce supervolcanic kiss. And then Brooke grabbed my head away from her best friend, shoving her tongue down my throat while humping her crotch against my belly.

But seconds later, Brooke pulled away and made a face. "Eww, stinky. You smell like sweat and stale cheese puffs."

I pointed to the big Costco-sized tub of cheddar goodness sitting on the coffee table. It seemed like a good "depression snack".

"Three-person shower?" DJ suggested.

Brooke put on a look of mock surprise. "It's like you can read my mind!"

"Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck," DJ chanted happily while I held her hip in my left hand, my thick dick stretching and then re-stretching the blonde 19-year-old's tight snatch. As always, her tight vaginal walls seemed to be pulsing against me with a steady [bum-BUMP] [bum-BUMP], matching her heartbeat.

My right hand was busy in my little sister's crotch, fingerbanging her while she held my cheeks in her hands and played tonsil-hockey with my tongue. Brooke damn near bit me when she came, her whole body shuddering and wobbling on weak knees before she tore her mouth away from my face and bent over, dropping a hand onto the mattress to keep herself from collapsing. And I continued ramming two fingers up her snatch while she moaned and vibrated in orgasmic ecstasy.

It was only the beginning of some very much needed sexual release. The younger girls had gone without feeling anything inside their pussies apart from tongues, fingers, and strap-ons for a full three months. Not that there's anything wrong with those three things, but sometimes a girl just wants to feel a throbbing, hot-blooded dick, or so I'm told. The girls had played around with some of Brooke's old High School friends, but out of loyalty to their boyfriends, they'd abstained from having any male lovers over the summer break.

I had gone without pussy for far less of a time period, having nutted into Amber less than a week ago while she screamed her ex-boyfriend's name. But those five days still felt like an eternity to me, and I'd built up quite a bit of sexual tension that needed to be worked off.

Ironically, tonight the three of us finally accomplished what the girls had first asked for upon their arrival at college a full year ago. Last August, the very night DJ and Brooke moved into the Berkeley house, the girls dragged me into DJ's new bedroom and demanded that I give them each two loads, with DJ going first and Brooke getting the fifth ejaculation if we could make it that far. In all our sexual encounters over the previous year, the three of us never quite pulled that off. But tonight, we did.

After some fun groping and fondling in the shower, which included Brooke taking a taste test to ensure that my dick had been fully cleansed, we dried off and tumbled into the Master bedroom. A three-way makeout session with all of our tongues in the middle gave way to just Brooke and me frenching. And while we siblings were distracted, DJ parked herself on all fours and then insisted that she couldn't wait any longer to feel my cock filling her up.

So I pounded the gorgeous blonde from behind, feeling that tantalizing [bum-BUMP] [bum-BUMP] of her heartbeat through her pussy walls while she chanted "Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck-fuck]. I fingerbanged my little sister to orgasm. And when DJ's entire body clamped up in her own climax, her spasming pussy sucked in my first load of the evening.

Predictably, Brooke dove between her best friend's thighs to slurp out the creampie. DJ motioned for me to kneel beside her head so that she could prop herself up on one elbow and blow me hard again. When I was sufficiently rigid, the girls rolled me onto my back so that Brooke could climb aboard. And after few minutes of fondling my little sister's perky tits while she eagerly humped up and down my upright shaft, DJ squatted over my face, leaning forward to wetly kiss my sister while I jabbed my tongue into her recently-fucked cunt.

Both girls came to squealing orgasms before I squirted a load of incestuous brother-cum into Brooke's box. Then it was DJ's turn to hoover out my load, pulling my sister atop her in a sixty-nine so they could mutually please each other.

Having now fucked both young women and cum inside each of their pussies, I just lay back across my bed with a satisfied smile. This seemingly interminable Friday still had not yet ended, and I was barely functioning after less than 2 hours of sleep, not to mention the various stresses of my final internship presentations and my nerve-wracking visit to Dawn. Post-ejaculate, my body was in a state of complete and total relaxation. And I actually fell asleep for a minute or two.

But the girls weren't done with me yet. They'd gone without cock for far too long, and they weren't giving up on mine until it proved it would no longer rise. I awoke to find my new erection nudging into the back of Brooke's throat, and saw the smile of her mouth carry up into her eyes when she realized I was awake once again. Popping off, she handed my prick over to DJ, who similarly deep-throated me. And then the girls moved apart, licking up opposite sides of my erectile tower before meeting at my crown and swapping spit around my mushroom head with aurally-enticing moans.

DJ wanted me to fuck her breasts just then, stating, "It's the one thing that no dildo or strap-on can ever replace. There just something primal about feeling the heat of a man's dick between my titties, watching the head coming at my face and occasionally dipping inside my mouth."

Well, with a statement like that, I couldn't possibly refuse her. DJ flopped onto her back and held up the sides of her breasts with her own hands, creating an inviting valley of boobage. I straddled her chest and lay my re-energized prick between her mounds. And as she compressed those spectacular 34DD's around my shaft, I moaned and began short-thrusting.

Meanwhile, Brooke retrieved a strap-on and showed one of the actions it could replace. Kneeling behind me, my little sister spread her best friend's knees to the sides and then pressed her hips forward, pushing the rubbery dildo into the blonde's vaginal canal and then pumping away.

"Ohhh..." DJ moaned, feeling the fake cock filling her cunt while I continued to fuck her tits. When she opened her mouth, I took the opportunity to push a little further forward, pressing my big mushroom head between her lips. The gorgeous blonde eagerly clamped her mouth down around the glans, sucking happily. And together, brother and sister stimulated her to orgasm.

Brooke and DJ stimulated ME to orgasm, too. I was lost to the heavenly sensations of DJ's tits, as she used her hands to manipulate her own breast flesh around my pistoning cock like a second pussy. As I felt myself approaching ejaculation, I gradually sped up my thrusting. But a few seconds before I actually thought I'd get there, I suddenly stiffened as I felt my little sister's finger worm its way up my ass and begin massaging my prostate.

"Ungh-GAH!" I suddenly jerked, spraying a ribbon of cum that painted DJ's face from forehead to chin. Brooke kept wriggling the finger in my colon, causing me to buck and fire again and again. Spurt after spurt exploded across DJ's cheeks before she managed to use her own tits to re-direct my cock and send two jets right into her gaping mouth. And then picking her head up off the pillow behind her, the cum-covered blonde sucked my cockhead into her mouth to swallow down the rest of my spending.

Brooke giggled behind me and pulled her finger out of my ass. I flopped onto my back, and as Brooke got off the bed to clean up, I lay on my side and chuckled at the Jackson Pollock painting I'd left on DJ's face. DJ herself just grinned at me and waited.

Sure enough, Brooke quickly clambered right back atop her best friend. The curvy brunette paused to nuzzle her face between DJ's lush breasts, possibly licking up the few drops of spunk I'd left there first. But then she quickly moved up to the blonde's face, extending her tongue out to scoop off strings of jism before pushing them into DJ's mouth so that the girls could share.

But still the girls weren't done. Once DJ's face had been cleaned off, they took one look at my exhausted shell of a body and shrugged. DJ went over and retrieved the strap-on, buckling it on and sticking the smaller dildo inside herself while leaving the bigger weapon thrusting forward. Brooke rolled onto her back and spread her legs to the sides, allowing her best friend to climb on top and thrust into her. Giggling, Brooke reached up to palm DJ's big tits and locked her elbows straight, pushing the blonde upward and causing DJ to drive her dick at a deeper angle.

The room was filled with the sounds of their ecstatic moans. I let my eyelids drop, just wanting to rest my eyes for a minute. I thought for a second that I might fall asleep, but I didn't. Instead, as my body relaxed, I felt the blood flow dropping out of my head and sinking down the rest of my body. And as happened quite frequently when I was falling asleep, I felt myself getting another hard-on as my brain blood decided to fill up my dick.

DJ fucked my little sister to a squealing orgasm before pulling out and tossing the strap-on aside. And then she quickly slid down Brooke's body to re-enter her friend with three fingers and a tongue on her clit. And when the cute brunette stiffened up abruptly, I assumed that the blonde had added a finger up Brooke's ass as well.

After Brooke came, the girls switched places. When I looked over at them, I saw that DJ was lying on her back, both arms over her face as she whimpered and concentrated on the sensations my little sister was producing in her. Brooke herself was kneeling atop the mattress, wriggling her face in her best friend's crotch. But I took note of her ass thrust up into the air, and as if my body were moving zombie-like of its own accord, I found myself getting up and knee-walking over behind her.

Brooke moaned in pleasant surprise when she felt my new erection pushing into her. I held my little sister's hips and began a slow pumping that gradually sped up in both pace and force. DJ took her arms away from her face to look over at us, grinning at me when she realized that I was awake and still functioning. Indeed, despite my extreme exhaustion, I felt an almost inhuman energy coursing through my veins as I continued to fuck my sister running off nothing but adrenaline and lust.

Already three ejaculations down, I wasn't worried about losing control anytime soon. I started hammering Brooke harder and harder, my tiredness dulling my nerves and reducing the sensations that I felt, so that I needed more and more stimulation to continue getting the pleasant friction of fucking. I felt no pain as my pelvis slammed against Brooke's world-class ass, but she certainly felt each impact as I pounded her over and over again.

At some point, Brooke picked her head up out of DJ's crotch and howled in orgasm. I was so far gone that I hadn't even noticed she was getting close. My sister's knees went weak and after her climax passed, she crawled to the side and collapsed forward, falling flat on her belly with her right arm hanging off the edge of the bed.

The movement also dropped her off my prick. No matter. DJ was still lying supine before me with her legs spread wide and her pink pussy on full display. With a grin, I simply waddled forward and stuck myself inside her. And DJ groaned as my thick prod resumed its hammering, only in a different snatch.

The body and sexual position were different, but the result was basically the same. DJ lay beneath me, her body absorbing the pounding I was giving her while she gasped and moaned. I could barely feel my arms, and couldn't feel my legs at all. But I knew they were functioning as they continued to assist my unrelenting thrusts into DJ's tight cunt. After a while, DJ stiffened up and came once more, her inner muscles spasming and clenching erratically. Only then did I start to feel additional sensation against my prick, and I groaned as I realized that I was about to cum as well.

But I didn't spurt inside her. Thinking back, DJ got my first and third ejaculations. Brooke was already one short on her friend, and I figured that I had to be fair and balanced. Yanking myself out of the blonde teenager at the last moment, I grabbed DJ's left leg and rolled her onto her side out of my way. I quickly grabbed Brooke and flipped her onto her back. And reaching down to raise my little sister's head up, I used my thumb to open her mouth and stuck myself inside just before shooting off.

Brooke jerked when I began filling her mouth with cum. But she quickly got into it, sealing her lips tightly around my shaft and swallowing rapidly while her eyes fluttered. I shot glob after glob of spunk down into my little sister's gullet until I started firing blanks. And weary beyond belief, I then flopped flat onto my back and closed my eyes.

If I hadn't fallen asleep before, I was sure I fell asleep then. My eyes opened back up, but as I took in my surroundings, I started to think that I was still unconscious and dreaming. For one thing, my brain was spinning and I was having a hard time keeping track of passing time. For another, I looked down my body to find that my dick was hard again, surely an impossibility after my fourth ejaculation of the night. Briefly, I wondered if I hadn't actually fallen asleep alone on the couch with the droning TV and bucket of cheese puffs, the long Friday's toll and lack of night's sleep finally doing me in.

I blinked and found that I was now sandwiched between Brooke and DJ in the middle of the bed. I lay mostly on my left side, my legs scissored together with my little sister's as we slowly fucked and cuddled. Her left leg was hooked over my hip, spreading herself just enough for about four or five inches of my prick to push inside her. My eyes were heavy, and Brooke giggled in front of me before tilting her face to kiss my eyelids before dropping down to seal her lips over mine. And meanwhile, I felt DJ spooned up behind me, crushing her bare tits against my back while reaching an arm around to fondle both Brooke and me.

When I blinked again, DJ was now spooned away from me. I slowly pumped her from behind and slightly further down the bed, my left hand palming a big tit and my lips nuzzling the back of her neck. Brooke was cuddled up behind me now, scraping her hard nipples against my back and similarly kissing my neck. And the three of us writhed sedately on the bed, all of us having gotten enough pleasure to be satisfied but not quitting until we really had to.

When I blinked once more, I found that I was atop my sister in a missionary position, her legs wrapped around my waist as I slow-dicked her. With wide eyes, she stared at me and smiled. She ran her fingers down my cheek before palming it, and with an airy lightness in her voice, she said, "I'm here now, big brother. I've lived my life; you've lived yours. But right now, at a time when you needed me the most, you had to know that I would be here for you."

All I could do was nod, clenching my teeth as I felt the fifth and final ejaculation welling up inside me.

Brooke read the tension on my face and grinned. "Cum in me, big brother. Fill me with your hot brother-spunk."

So I did.

-- SATURDAY, AUGUST 27, 2005 --

I felt something tickle my leg; and with a start, I jerked awake.

"Nngh..." a girl moaned, off to my right.

I turned my head and immediately winced. A stray beam of sunlight was peering through a crack in the drapes, and I'd inadvertently just stuck my face into it. Blinking as I pulled my head out of the way, I slowly regained focus and realized that Brooke was asleep and facing away from me, half-hanging off the edge of the bed while her body was positioned at an angle so that our feet were slightly tangled. It must have been her toes tickling my leg that woke me up.

I groaned and reached a hand up to my forehead, rubbing it tenderly. My skull felt like it had shrunk a half-inch in diameter, compressing my brain uncomfortably. And even though I had not drunk a drop of alcohol last night, my mouth felt full of cotton. I was still pretty tired, but since the sun seemed fairly bright outside the window, I figured I'd at least gotten a full night's sleep.

Little packets of energy surged down my nerves as my body came alive. Tingling sensations filled my limbs before dissipating as I stretched. But the tingling in my left arm didn't go away, and I realized that I was unable to move that arm at all. Grimacing, I turned in that direction and found that DJ was using my left bicep as a pillow as she cuddled up against my side. And despite my efforts to wake up, the weight of her head was keeping my entire left arm asleep.

As I awoke, I realized that I was still naked beneath the bedcovers. Glancing around, I found that both Brooke and DJ were naked as well, and I felt a familiar dampness in my crotch that assured me I'd gotten laid before falling asleep last night. So I hadn't fallen asleep on the couch with the tub of cheese puffs, and last night's sexual activities had not been a dream.

Well, some of last night's activities had not been a dream. I wasn't entirely sure where the dream/reality divide was. Perhaps I'd only fallen asleep after cumming in Brooke's mouth, with the almost ethereal lovemaking afterward mere fantasy and everything before having actually happened. Perhaps I'd stayed asleep after those first two ejaculations and dreamt up the rest. Or perhaps it had ALL been real. I didn't know, and as I thought about it, I didn't really care.

It wasn't important. The only thing of relevance would be whether Brooke had actually said her words of being here for me when I needed her the most, or whether that was just in my head. Even that didn't really matter. Spoken in reality or not, I knew the sentiment was true. Brooke was family. Blood-related or not, DJ was family too. Family stuck together, and I knew that in my moment of greatest need, these two would have my back (or my front, depending on the mood).

Comforted by these thoughts, I smiled and decided to ignore the tingling coming from my left arm. It was but small discomfort in exchange for DJ's welcome presence against my side. Reaching out with my right arm, I snaked my hand around Brooke's neck and got a grip on her body, unintentionally palming her right breast. In any case, I drew her toward me, and she snorted as she woke up for a brief second. But once against my right side, she merely gave me a sleepy smile and dropped her head back down, snuggling backward into my embrace.

Thus, with a beautiful, naked young woman on either side of me, I smiled and closed my eyes for another hour or so of blissful sleep.

"So she said she's coming by the house today?" Brooke asked over breakfast (brunch?) as we sat at the dining table.

I nodded with a mouth full of french toast, sighing rapturously at the taste of home cooking. I really was just a helpless male on my own without anyone to cook for me.

DJ set down the skillet of bacon and sausage on a bamboo trivet to keep it from burning the table, then sat down in her own seat. "Did she say what time? 'Today' could mean ten minutes from now, or 11:59pm."

"Don't remind me," I sighed with my mouth full before swallowing. "I really have no idea. But I'm not leaving the house until she arrives."

"Makes sense. I wouldn't go anywhere if I were waiting around for ... say ... Kenta to come talk to me."

I raised my eyebrows at the name she'd picked. "Kenta? Not Joel?" I asked, referring to Brooke's current boyfriend.

"Or Andrew?" DJ put in.

Brooke sighed and looked away, blushing in embarrassment.

I immediately apologized, saying, "Sorry, I don't mean to tease you."

"No, no." Brooke waved me off. "It's a valid question. I don't know why his name just popped into my head. I guess deep down, I still regret the way things ended between us. And I guess a part of me still hopes that things will work out in the end someday. He was my first real love."

"Your first?" I pouted playfully.

Brooke smacked my arm and gave me her patented evil grin. "Yes, even counting you, you big dork."

I shrugged and rubbed my arm where she'd hit me.

Brooke sighed. "Who knows? Maybe Kenta's my soulmate."

DJ shot her friend a look, risking a glance at me before muttering, "Maybe 'soulmates' isn't the best topic for right now."

Brooke blushed again, looking abashed.

I couldn't help but sigh in mixed frustration and annoyance. But I shook my head, saying, "It's alright. You guys don't need to tip-toe around me. I just have to admit that I'm not a big advocate of the whole soulmate thing at the moment."

"Fair enough."

Brooke reached over and covered my hand with her own. "You never know. Things could still work out alright."

I shook my head. "At this point, I'm not even remotely expecting miracles. Dawn's done a very good job of avoiding me for the past three months, and I just saw her last night. Nothing I've seen tells me that she's anywhere near asking to reconcile, and even if she did, I don't think I would agree. Right now, all I want is a little closure."

Neither Brooke nor DJ knew how to respond to that. So in the end, Brooke just patted my hand while DJ reached out and touched my opposite arm. They gave me looks of concerned support, and I tried to give them a reassuring smile. But my heart wasn't really in it, anxiety over this long-awaited meeting with Dawn practically suffocating me by now.

Thankfully, I didn't need to suffer very long. Brooke and DJ were still giving me their encouraging looks when the doorbell rang. And all three of us whipped our heads around to look.

Brooke returned her gaze to me first. She gave me a look that clearly asked, 'Aren't you going to get that?'

But instead of responding, I just winced and tightened up inside.

"I got it," DJ volunteered, pushing her chair back and then standing up. I gave her a smile and sighed in relief as she left. And then Brooke was rubbing my hand once again.

"DJ, hey! You guys made it up early."

My heart dropped into my stomach as I heard Dawn's voice. But just as soon as it did, I let out a sigh of relief. No matter what else happened today, no matter what Dawn told me, at least the waiting was over. I no longer had to lie awake in bed, wondering when this day would come. I no longer had to fidget, wondering what time today she would come. She was here, and for all I knew, I would have NEW worries to keep me up at night. But at least the current anxiety was over.

It took me a few seconds to steady my nerves and slow down my heart rate. Brooke continued rubbing my hand until Dawn appeared at the living room archway. And when she pulled her hand back, I turned to look at the young woman I had called my soulmate nearly since the time I'd been able to speak.

She looked back at me, looking as calm and collected as she'd ever been in her life. Her hair was perfect, her face was clear. She wore a casual smile that covered up any anxiety she might be feeling inside, and for a moment, I could believe that nothing bad had ever happened between us.

We broke eye contact as Brooke approached her and offered a welcoming hug. My ears felt plugged, as their voices were only muffled, incomprehensible sounds. Every sense in my body was keenly attuned to the look of her: the beauty of her face, the curves of her body, and the comfortable confidence of her posture. She looked like the exact opposite of me: haggard, slouched, and crushed beneath the weight of all my neuroses. But when she came to me and enveloped me in a warm hug that was everything last night's meeting should have been but was not, I couldn't help but feel reassured. I don't even remember standing, but I was, and all of a sudden I could hear clearly, feel clearly, and even smell clearly her sweet fragrance.

Everything was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

Everything was going to be okay.

I hoped.