Chapter 32: Self-Interest ll

The plan had been to chat after lunch, but things didn't really work out that way. After Amber said that we had a lot to talk about, Bert excused himself, and my first thought was to gesture toward the stairs that led up to Amber's apartment. She nodded and led the way, and moments later we were in her living room with the door shut for privacy.

I glanced around the room. There was quite a bit of mail stacked up on the counter, and Amber's textbooks and papers on the dining table looked a little more disorganized than usual, but nothing had really changed since the last time I'd been here, as far as I could tell.

Turning around, I was surprised to find that Amber hadn't taken more than two steps in from the door. She just stood there, kind of staring at me oddly, with her right hand clutching the front of her shoulder strap as if she'd paused just before taking off the side bag.

After a moment, I realized that she wore the same strangely-intense expression she'd had just before launching herself at me after my break-up with DJ. And with that realization, I raised my hands defensively and said apologetically, "Um, no jumping me. I'm in a really good place with my new girlfriend and Adrienne, so you really don't have any chance of getting me to backslide into our old relationship right now."

My words seemed to break the spell, and Amber snapped out of her momentary trance. "What? No, no. I mean ... Okay I thought about it just now. I mean... (sigh) ... the way things have gone, I guess it would have been really nice to think you and me could ... But it's better that you're happy and in a good place. Less tempting. Yes, better. I can't give up now, and even though things haven't turned out the way I expected, I ... I ... I'm not making a whole lot of sense right now, am I?"

Bemused, I chuckled mirthfully and shook my head. "No, not really."

Clapping both hands onto her face, Amber rubbed her eyes and finally walked into her own living room. She removed her side bag and set it down next to the dining table stacked up with her papers. And with a sigh she turned around and gestured for me to sit down on the couch. She herself remained standing.

"I want to apologize for not visiting you in the hospital. I was there at first, that Sunday when you were admitted. But they wouldn't let anybody but your parents see you in a restricted unit and after a while, I realized I couldn't just wait around for whenever they moved you to a regular room that accepted visitors. I had to go."

I raised my eyebrows. "Go where?"

Amber took a deep breath, canted her head to the side, and replied, "Home."

I blinked in surprise as the full weight of what she'd said hit me. "You went home already? You went to see David?"

Giving me a rather sickly look, Amber grimaced and nodded. "Caught the last flight out on Sunday night. Got there really late and stayed awake all night until a semi-reasonable morning hour to show up on his front doorstep. E-Beth gave me the address to the apartment he's sharing with his older sister."

"Um, did it not go very well?" I asked with a wince of my own.

Amber sighed, turning to look away from me for a moment before coming around and flopping onto the couch by my side.

"I'm not really sure how to describe it. He didn't leap out and hug me and tell me he wanted to marry me on the spot. But neither did he slam the door in my face and tell me he never wanted to see me again."

"What DID he do?"

Amber sighed, pursed her lips, and stared at the far wall while her eyes focused back in time and back to her hometown. Almost dreamily she mumbled, "He kissed me..."

I blinked a couple of times and then arched an eyebrow. "Um, that's a good thing, isn't it?"

Amber's eyes fluttered a few times before she managed to bring her focus back to the present and on me. With another grimace, she explained, "He kinda went into shock, actually. Screamed like his brain was on fire and promptly went catatonic."

I smirked and drawled, "I understand kissing you can have that effect on people."

Amber smacked me in the chest. "I'm serious. Three years out of contact and he had no clue how to handle my return. Absolutely froze."

"But he woke up, right? I mean, you didn't fly back here and leave the poor guy in a coma back home, did you?"

"Of course not. But at the same time ... He's not ready for me yet."

"Yet?"

"There are ... complications."

"What, did he get married to someone else?"

"What? No."

"Dating somebody?"

Amber hesitated for a moment before stating slowly, "Uhh ... no..."

"You don't seem so definite on that point."

"It's complicated."

I snorted and shook my head. "It always is."

"I told you David's older sister is a lesbian, right?"

"Right."

"Her girlfriend is pregnant. He's the father."

I frowned and arched an eyebrow. "In Vitro?"

Amber shook her head. "Old-fashioned way."

My eyebrows popped. "Uh, okay. So I guess the girlfriend's not 100% lesbian. So are they in a weird three-way relationship now? He's sorta with the girlfriend, and that's why he can't be with you?"

"No, not ... well, actually, not anymore." Amber shrugged. "They kinda just broke up right before I got there. Like... minutes before I got there."

I gave her a surprised look. "You mean Destiny kept you away until the exact moment David became available again?"

Amber blinked at me rapidly before musing on that. "Huh..."

I smiled and shook my head ruefully.

Amber nodded, took a deep breath, and added, "But they're still very close, and their relationship definitely complicates things. He's very attached to them, and of course he has every intention of being his baby's father."

I blushed and reached over to pat Amber's leg. "I suppose now would be the opportune time to tell you that I'm expecting a baby boy in October. Well, I'm not carrying it, but--"

"Wait, WHAT?" Amber's head jerked back. "With who? Don't tell me Adrienne's pregnant. Sasha?"

I shook my head. "Kim. My ex-girlfriend, Kim. Do you remember her?"

Amber frowned, scanning her memory. "Uh ... Japanese girl, right? The submissive? She wanted to meet with you for coffee one day while you and I were still going out, and she asked you to resume being her 'Master'."

I nodded. "Same Kim."

"How did you... ? Well I know the HOW, but when?"

"C'mon, you're a doctor. I said she's due in October. Surely you can do the math."

Amber gave me that condescending glare again and frowned.

I held my hands up and shook my head. "Nevermind. We're getting off topic. It's complicated anyway."

"It always is," she mused with a sigh before giving me an odd look. "Seriously, how is it that everything you do keeps reminding me of David?"

I shrugged. "Not like I'm doing it intentionally."

Amber suddenly smacked me in the chest. "Ohmigawd! You're going to be a father! And you let me send you into Carter's house and nearly get your fucking head blown off? You shoulda told me!"

"Would you not have asked for my help if you'd known?"

"Yes!"

I gave her a skeptical look.

"Okay well ... maybe ... I don't know. I had no one else to turn to. But still..." Amber sighed, closing her eyes and bowing her head.

She suddenly seemed very frail, despite being a 5'10" bombshell normally looking so strong and confident. Amber's shoulders sagged, and as the first tears began leaking down her cheeks, I reached out and quickly wrapped her up in a hug.

"I'm sorry," Amber mumbled into my chest while I squeezed her tight. "I'm so sorry I put you through this. It's all my fault."

"No it's not."

"Like hell it isn't." She sniffled and sat up straight, causing me to release my grip. Wiping her cheek, she glared at me and added, "There is no way you are walking into that house unless I send you. Lynne certainly gave me a hard time about that when she found out. She was all, 'Of course he wouldn't say no to you!', and she's right. I nearly signed your death warrant. If not for what -I- did, you don't get shot. Cameron doesn't get shot. It's all MY fault."

"Get in line," I replied brusquely. "Did you escalate the situation by picking a fistfight with Carter and his goons? I don't think so; that was me. If I'd just left things well enough alone and walked away when I had a chance, I wouldn't have gotten shot and maybe Carter wouldn't have had any reason to pull a gun out of his safe. If I hadn't been so stupid as to rush into a bedroom after I'd been explicitly told to go away, none of this would have happened. If you're looking for somewhere to point the blame, point it at me. Yes, you sent me into that house, but the actions that led things to shaking out the way they did were mine."

"Actions you wouldn't have taken had you not been worried about Cameron in the first place!" Amber shot back. "If I hadn't told you she was in danger. If I'd just said I hadn't heard from her and if you could maybe swing by and see how she was doing for me and if you didn't see her, then no biggie, you wouldn't have pushed the situation."

"So what, you would have lied to me? I don't think so. She WAS in danger, and there's no way you'd have held that back."

"But if I had--"

"But there wouldn't have been any reason to," I cut her off.

Amber shook her head. "It doesn't matter. Nothing you say is going to make me feel like this whole thing isn't my fault. You could have walked in there and pulled the trigger yourself to shoot Cameron and I'd still blame myself for putting you at that house in the first place."

"And you can claim all the responsibility for my actions and their consequences that you want, but I'll still blame myself for the way things turned out."

Amber glared at me, looking like she was ready to fire back with something, but after a moment she folded her arms across her chest and turned her face away.

I sighed. "We both have guilt. We both have regrets. They've been eating at us from the inside for the past five days, and the fact is: we probably can't talk each other out of feeling that way. I'm not going to convince you not to think about what you could have done differently, to not feel remorse for lost opportunities and guilt for the mistakes you made. And you're not going to convince me."

"So why are we trying?"

I shrugged. "Trying to be good friends to each other. Make the other one feel better."

"If that's the case, we suck at it. I feel guilty. You feel guilty. And I guess that's that."

"I guess so. All we can really do is recognize that we'll both carry that guilt, and try to move on with our lives. We'll never forget what happened, but at least we'll BOTH remember." I took a deep breath and reached out to rub Amber's shoulder, causing her to look back at me. "And hey, they say misery loves company. To be honest, I'm kinda glad I don't have to go through this alone."

"Me, too." Amber sighed. "I haven't had anyone to talk about this with. I mean, I still talk to E-Beth every day. But she wasn't there. She can't really understand what I went through."

"I've talked to Adrienne. At least she was there in the house with me, but while she feels her own guilt for going upstairs and letting me run down to Carter's room by myself, it's not quite the same. She feels more guilt for letting me get shot when her pointy heels might've made the difference between getting my ass kicked and doing the ass-kicking. But the deaths hanging over my head? She doesn't really feel that, at least not in the same way. And she can't really understand how much it hurts inside."

"I know."

"You're not alone. You can always talk to me. I'm afraid that this sort of thing is going to be something we share and think about for a long, long time. But at least you can share it with me.

Amber turned and hugged me. "Thank you. Thank you for making me feel less alone."

"Thank you, too."

"Still ... I am sorry," she finally said as she backed off from the hug. "I still wish I hadn't sent you in there."

"And I still wish I'd done things differently, and then Cameron ... and Elyse ... might both still be alive."

"Elyse? Elyse is dead?!? Wait, what happened? When I left she was at the hospital, but she wasn't in critical condition or anything!"

"You didn't hear?"

"Haven't heard anything. I only flew back last night and I spent all morning trying to catch up on classes and work. It's why I have to pull an all-night shift, to make up for my absence."

I sighed. "Elyse went over to Jasper's. Whole house blew up. Everybody's dead, including him."

Amber's eyebrows rose. "She killed him?"

I shrugged. "Nobody knows for sure. Personally, I'd like to believe she got her revenge rather than think it was some sort of accident."

"Wow..."

I sighed. "Either way, Elyse walked out of that hospital and made her own decisions. I can think about all the 'what ifs' of what I might have done differently so that she wouldn't have chosen a path that ended in her death, but Cameron ... that one's on me. I was in the room. I was supposed to save her. Instead I didn't do anything but watch as she put a bullet in her heart."

Amber shook her head. "Cameron took her own life. The evidence is all there. You killed Carter. You saved Cameron. But perhaps because she couldn't deal with everything that had happened, deal with the fact that SHE'D shot the man she loved as a little brother, she killed herself. Not you."

"And not YOU, either," I added. "YOU didn't decide to take away Cameron's phone and put her on lockdown. Carter did that."

"And YOU didn't pull a gun out of a safe and escalate the whole situation. Carter did that." Amber sighed and shook her head. "And you certainly had no control over whatever Elyse decided to do after she walked out of that hospital. It's not your fault."

"And it's not your fault, either."

Amber pursed her lips and looked away. I knew she heard my words, but I already knew she'd carry the guilt anyway.

Just like me.

Taking a deep breath, I rubbed her leg again and said, "In the end, though, you DID save me. By all accounts, I'd have bled to death right there on Carter's bedroom floor if not for you."

"But you wouldn't have even NEEDED saving if I hadn't put you in that spot in the first place."

"We're not getting back into that again."

"Fine, but the fact still remains that those deaths are on my conscience, both of our consciences; we've already agreed to that. Cameron ... Carter ... even Elyse. Now I don't claim to know how things would have turned out for her if you and I hadn't done what we did, but I feel at least partially responsible for her fate as well."

I nodded. "Me, too."

"It all has to mean something," Amber sighed, staring off into the distance again.

I snorted. "Does it?"

"Of course!"

"People died. Shit happened. Why does everything have to have meaning?"

"Because their deaths are going to change the way we live our lives, for better or for worse. Wouldn't you rather be able to look back on a tragedy like that and say, 'I became a better person because of it'?"

"Um, I guess."

"I'm not going to cry over Carter. The guy was messed up and I'm happy he's no longer walking the face of this planet. But Cameron was my friend. She was pretty messed up too, and I'm not going to say she was this angel who never did anything wrong. But she's gone now and she's never going to have the chance to make amends for her mistakes, and I'm going to miss her company. I want her death to mean something, even if it just means a positive change in my own life."

"You sound like you already have something in mind."

Amber gave me a pained look. "I have to go home and get my David back. Cameron dying has made everything so much more urgent and important in my mind. It's terribly cliché, but it reminds me that life is precious, that every breath I take could be my last. It's why I had to fly back home immediately. It would have KILLED me if things happened like they do in the movies, where I showed up only to find I'd arrived like thirty seconds after he proposed to someone else. I know that's crazy, of course. That sort of thing never happens in real life."

I coughed suddenly, turning and blushing. "Uh ... yeah ... of course..."

"Anyway," Amber continued. "I had to try. I've got too many regrets from this whole tragedy already to add one more about waiting too long to go home. And even though he isn't ready for me just yet, I know what I'm going to do."

"What's that?"

"Same plan I had before: Finish my academic year, but once classes are done go back home in June and do my best to win him back. Oh, I'll go back and forth every now and again to figure out the details: get an apartment, start moving some of my stuff, figure out a car. But my path is set now. No hesitation, no second-guesses. I have to get him back."

"But you can't hinge the meaning of Cameron's death on whether or not you get David back."

"Of course not. The two of them don't have anything to do with each other. But I can still say that losing her is motivation for me to do everything else I do in my life from here on out, for a little while at least. I've decided what I want, and I'm not going to be hamstrung by indecision or worries about what might NOT work out. I'm going to live my life to the fullest. I'm going to make each moment count. 'Today is where my book begins, the rest is still unwritten', right?"

I smirked. Her words were a little cloyingly sentimental, but in the moment they sounded pretty inspiring, and I began to muse on my own situation and the challenges I would be facing very soon.

"It's the same with Elyse," Amber added. "I can't claim to have known her well, and unfortunately what happened to her doesn't really hit me as hard as Cameron's suicide. But from what you said about taking Jasper with her, it seems like her death has already had significant meaning."

"I guess." I shrugged, not looking convinced.

"C'mon. Few people who knew her would say Elyse was a 'good person'. But in the end, she redeemed herself, didn't she? She defended Cameron. She defended you. And she nearly got herself killed for it. That's selfless, isn't it? And what happened with Jasper was the ultimate sacrifice. We'll never know exactly what happened, but we can believe she gave up her own life to make sure he could never hurt anybody ever again."

I blinked a few times and bowed my head. The same thought had run through my head over and over and over again ever since Lexi first told me. I'd never know for sure, but I did want to believe.

"Do you know what they're doing with Elyse's body?" Amber asked quietly.

I looked up at her and felt moisture on my cheek, belatedly realizing I was crying again. I'd been doing a lot of that lately. Taking a deep breath, I sighed and shook my head. "No. Sasha and Adrienne put in a request to take care of it. If her stepmother doesn't claim the body within like 48 hours or something, she's all theirs. What about Cameron?"

"I put in the request Sunday. While Carter's body was claimed by his father, he declined to take Cameron, too. The authorities tried to track down some distant cousin or something, but yesterday they let me claim her. I've had her moved to a private mortuary already."

"Ah."

"We could bury them together," Amber said quietly. "Given the way things ended, it might only be fitting."

I shook my head. "Sasha said that Elyse told her she was terrified of being nailed into a coffin. It's kind of a moot point, actually, since the morgue said her body was pretty messed up in the explosion. Sasha wants her cremated and to spread her ashes at sea, and Adrienne agreed, presuming they get the right to do so."

"That sounds nice, too." Amber was crying as well, and then she was tucked underneath my arm with her head on my shoulder. "I could go with that."

The tears started to flow a little more, and instead of fighting them, I simply let them go. I wasn't a religious person, but I closed my eyes, bowed my head, and asked both girls for forgiveness.

Amber and I cried in silence for a while, but eventually she picked her head up and wiped her face with both hands. Taking a deep breath, she looked over at me and sighed. "Maybe Saturday, huh? Put them both to rest, and let us all move on with our lives.

I nodded. "If we can."

With a weary groan, I slumped into the passenger seat of the Mustang, closed my eyes, and let my head loll backwards. The door was still open and my right leg was still on the pavement, and I had no intention of moving either of them for a little while.

Thankfully, Adrienne was patient. She got in on the driver's side, closed her door, and glanced over at me. "Tired?"

I lifted one sleepy eyelid and gave her a baleful glare. "You think?"

After our talk about guilt and cremations, Amber and I had returned to Lynne's apartment to get some food and socialize. With their immediate fawning over Adrienne out of the way, the girls took the time to express their well-wishes for me to get better and their thanks that I hadn't been hurt TOO badly. My hair had started to grow back into a very fine layer of fuzz by now, and everyone wanted to rub my head. And of course they all had a ton of questions.

Paige was also there, having made prior arrangements to come study with Bert without knowing that I was coming over. Lynne in particular was in a somber mood, since Adrienne had told her about Elyse, but she had to leave for class without really getting a chance to talk to me about it. Other girls came and went as well, and I found myself needing to repeat a lot of what I'd already explained when Saffron, Ivonne, and Marcy arrived.

Thankfully, while they asked a lot of questions nobody pressed me for anything really heavy, and socializing with the girls really helped take my mind off things. But I was still low on energy and after a while, it had been clear that I was wearing down and Adrienne had announced that we should get going.

"Maybe we should go home," she suggested, now that we were in the car. "Get you in bed, and I mean 'bed' as in sleeping. You've needed a nap every day so far, and it's getting late in the afternoon now."

Blinking both eyes open, I took a deep breath and I shook my head. "Can't. You know I can't."

"Sure you can. You've put her off this long already. One more day isn't gonna make a huge difference. If she's under house-arrest you know she'll still be there whenever you arrive. You've just been through an emotional wringer talking to Amber about everything. You need a break."

"I always need a break. Always something else comes up. Every time I've worked up the gumption to go see her, something else got in the way. Maybe it's Destiny. Maybe I wasn't meant to talk to her yet. Maybe there's some greater plan. Or maybe some higher being just really likes jerking me around."

"Jerking you around or not, that higher being has to like you a little bit. You can't say you've lived a bad life, and more to the point, you ARE still alive despite everything that's happened."

"Right, right." I took a deep breath. "Of course, maybe there's no higher being. Maybe it's just coincidence. I'm not going to claim I know which is right, or if there even IS a right. What I do know is that I can't sit on my ass and wait for Destiny to come to me. I had a dream about how my life might have gone for the next four months, and it was great. It wasn't perfect, maybe, but it was still a little too good to be true."

"Well, except for me being gone all the time."

"Yes, that part definitely sucked." I sighed. "Other than that, though, we both know I would have liked it if my life had really turned out that way, or at least in some way similar. But it isn't happening that way. People have died. Relationships haven't magically mended themselves. Happily Ever After isn't going to come to me on its own. I have to step up and MAKE things happen for myself."

"Like going to her now instead of putting her off another day."

I nodded. "Amber was right. It's a total cliché, but life is precious. Every breath I take could be my last. So I'm not waiting any longer. I'm not going to let myself be stopped by indecision or worries about 'What if'. So I'm deciding what I want, and what I want is to be with her, and to be with my son. Not because I'm 'supposed to', but because I want to."

Adrienne nodded and gave me a smile.

"So no more waiting," I stated firmly. "No more putting things off another day. Sure, she won't give birth for another few months. Sure, she's perfectly healthy and protected and fine. But I think it's long past time that I stopped allowing myself to get sidetracked. So what if things come up? So what if other problems arise? She deserves to be a priority, and I've neglected her for way too long as it is."

"You're still going to go through with your plan?"

I nodded. "Damn straight."

"You're sure this is what you want to do?"

I blinked a few times, smiled over at Adrienne, and asked, "Have you ever regretted it yourself?"

Giving me a wan smile back, Adrienne shook her head and replied, "Not even for a second."

"Then let's roll."

A stray beam of sunlight woke me, and for a second I panicked that in direct contrast to my wishes, Adrienne had brought me home to Berkeley and put me to bed. But as I jerked upright and twisted my head left and right to scan my surroundings, I realized that I was still in the Mustang and that Adrienne had parked the car beneath a shady tree in a familiar suburban housing area.

"You okay?" she asked from the driver's side, her eyebrows raised in concern. Adrienne's seatbelt was unbuckled and she held her Blackberry in hand.

I blinked a few times to clear the cobwebs and sagged against the backrest. When I did so, I found that the sinking sun was reflected off the side-view mirror right into my face, which was what had woken me. Sitting up straighter so that the blinding reflection hit lower on my body, I sighed and muttered, "What time is it?"

"About 5," Adrienne replied, pulling out a Ziploc baggie with prescription bottles inside. "Speaking of which, you're due for your next round of meds."

I groaned and took the bag. "You let me sleep almost two hours?"

"You needed it, especially after the day you've already had so far."

I sighed and busied myself with opening the prescription bottles and retrieving my water bottle as well. We'd left Lynne's apartment after 3pm, which was later than I'd originally anticipated, but I still figured I would have plenty of time to talk to Kim before her dad came home.

But maybe not anymore. On the one hand, it really shouldn't matter; the decision I'd come to would have to get run by Mr. Fukuzaki anyways. On the other hand, it sure would be easier for me to say what I had to say WITHOUT the intimidating older man staring me down.

After downing my pills, I gasped and let the back of my skull plop against the headrest. Taking deep breaths, I gathered strength and told my body to fully wake up. And turning to Adrienne, I nodded and said, "Let's go."

Pursing her lips, Adrienne looked like she wanted to say something. But instead she merely fastened her seatbelt, turned the ignition, and pulled us out away from the curb.

Within minutes we made a right turn into the driveway of a very familiar house. After turning off the ignition, Adrienne glanced over at me and asked, "Do you want me to stay in the car?"

I shook my head. "No, there's no reason to hide anything that'll be said."

"But this is between you and Kim."

"She'll still speak freely in front of you, as will I. It's fine." I popped open the passenger door and stood up gingerly, my limbs feeling a little weak at first from not being moved for a while.

There was no immediate response when I rang the doorbell. Adrienne and I waited in silence until it became awkward, and I pushed the doorbell again. When another thirty seconds or so passed, Adrienne looked over at me and suggested, "Maybe she's not home?" But just then, we heard the click of a lock being turned and she added, " ... or maybe she is."

I smiled and looked forward. Moments later, Kim opened the door wearing an apron and a blue bandanna holding her hair back. Her bare right hand covered her mouth as it gaped wide open, but even the gape of her mouth paled in comparison to how big her eyes were as she gawked at us.

"Hi, Kim," I greeted with as strong a smile as I could manage.

Perhaps I should have braced myself, having all the foresight of the way she'd reacted the first time I'd dropped by her house unannounced, not to mention the way she'd done the same in my own coma dream. Just like then, Kim rushed forward and kissed me HARD.

Though weak, my legs only buckled beneath me for a moment before I stood up straight and kept myself upright as Kim wrapped her arms around my neck and sealed her lips over mine. I went ahead and let myself flow back into that kiss, feeding off her passionate energy and using it to fuel my confidence that this would be only the first kiss of many, many more to come.

In the end, we both left each other breathless. We separated far enough to look into each other's eyes, a hopeful smile on Kim's face as she gazed up at me. I stared right back at her, a little twinkle in my eye. She recognized it, her expression changed to one of curiosity, and I think for the first time in a long time she wasn't quite sure what I'd do next.

"Before we sit down and talk about this, you are going to explain something to me," I began, my command tone brooking no argument. "Tell me about your mother's pregnancy when she carried you, and about how she died."

Kim visibly blanched, and she swallowed hard. But as she released her grip on my arms, I held her tight, stared her in the eyes, and gave her a look that demanded answers NOW.

Sighing, Kim glanced at Adrienne for just a moment before returning her gaze to me as she explained, "I was my mother's fourth pregnancy, and at first everything was normal. There had been no complications in carrying or delivering my three older brothers, and my family lived a very active life. My mother continued working. They went on family vacations. My brothers were very involved in sports. One day, my mother took John to his soccer game; my father stayed home with Mike and Nick. A stray ball hit my mother. Nothing serious; she wasn't even knocked down. But that night she complained of stomach pains, pains which stayed with her through the rest of her pregnancy. Her doctors couldn't make sense of them. The pains were inconsistent, and every check told my parents that both mother and child were perfectly healthy."

Kim's voice trailed off, and the light in her eyes had faded while she stared at the middle of my chest. I tightened my grip on her, surrounding her with strength and warmth, and she turned her cheek into my embrace.

"The doctors never gave my father a certain cause of death," Kim continued in a quiet voice. "All I know is that only moments after I was born, my mother's heart stopped. They tried to do everything they could to revive her, but she was gone."

Adrienne had sat down on the armrest of the nearest couch, one hand covering her mouth and the other wrapped around her stomach.

"My father had no answers, no reasons. He blamed the soccer ball and wanted to sue the boy who had kicked it. He pulled John from his soccer team and pushed Mike and Nick into basketball instead. He didn't let ME play any organized sports ... ever, really. I only played at home with my brothers. He has always been very protective of me, and paranoid that any harm should ever come to me. It has always been this way."

I nodded my understanding, reached down to cup Kim's cheeks in both of my hands, and tilted her face up to look into mine. With the final part of the puzzle in my head now in place, I didn't speak. Instead, I willed with my eyes for Kim to understand that I'd finally figured out what she needed me to be for her:

NOT her Master. At least, not in the conventional sense.

Oh, I'd realized soon after waking up for real that my coma dream fantasy of Kim turning out to NOT be a submissive at all was really nothing more than wishful thinking. That sort of outcome would have been so much easier for me to deal with. If the stereotypically reserved, subservient Japanese geisha was nothing more than a façade – if she was really a fully-capable young woman just manipulating me into assuming a role for her when she could realistically take care of herself – then I would be completely off the hook. In my coma dream, all I had to be was 'me', without really changing anything about the way I lived my life or taking any steps toward improvement.

In my dream, I didn't have to do a damn thing. Kim had done all the work of convincing her father to let her back into my life, and the whole solution had dropped into my lap along with a neat and tidy bow. She'd stay at home until the baby was born. I got to play harem stud with DJ, Adrienne, Sasha, Andie, Brooke, and even Dawn. And in the end Kim would arrive with a beautiful bundle of joy all baked and delivered without me having to lift a finger.

Nice.

But I knew that reality wouldn't quite be so easy, starting with Kim.

I'd come to several realizations that Cinco de Mayo night in Peyton's bedroom: That Kim was a smart girl. That she knew I wasn't the "Master"-type. That she loved me for "me", in addition to believing in the man I could become. And ultimately, I'd realized exactly WHY Kim had let me walk blind into her father's house to announce her pregnancy:

Because she expected me to fail.

When I stopped to think about it, Kim was probably the smartest person I knew – always observing, always thinking, always calculating. Kim knew her father. Kim also knew me. She knew how he'd react to the news of her pregnancy: with paranoia. She knew he wouldn't let her leave the house without protection, let alone stay at a school fifty miles from home where he couldn't keep an eye on her. She knew he wouldn't let her go within a hundred yards of a soccer ball or any other flying objects that might hit her and cause stomach pains in the middle of the night. And she certainly knew he wouldn't entrust her safety to a guy that didn't even love her back.

Whether I'd marry her or not was irrelevant. If I HAD been her fiancé, he might have surrendered control to his daughter's husband-to-be, but even that I figured would be a longshot. I'd learned something from talking to my own dad a few days ago: Mr. Fukuzaki was her father, the only one she had. And no matter what other loved ones she had in her life – me included – the job of taking care of her ultimately fell on him.

Taking Kim by the hand, I released our hug and led her into the living room. Adrienne remained perched on her armrest while Kim and I sat down on the other couch, our knees angled toward each other while I held her hands in mine. And after taking a deep breath, I began by stating, "I wouldn't have left you, you know, that night that we told your family you were pregnant. I wouldn't have left you, if not for one thing."

There was a tear in Kim's eyes as she muttered, "I told you to go."

I nodded slowly. "I've been beating myself up for the last few months about not being stronger in the moment, about pleading for you to come with me and asking instead of commanding. You father certainly was commanding, ordering you to obey. For a long time, I thought about my failings as a 'Master' in not matching his tone or volume. I wondered if I ever could bring myself to be like that, to yell at you the way he did. Bert and Viktoriya kept telling me to man up, to be more forceful, to take the dominant personality I showed in the bedroom and have it carry through into my daily life. I didn't think I could do it. I STILL don't think I can do it. But now I realize that I don't have to, because even though I was confused and thought I should be like that, I realize now that I don't. Because YOU don't want me to be like that, do you?"

Blinking tears away, Kim gave me a little smile and shook her head.

"Viktoriya once told me that my empathy was not a weakness. Rather, it was the key to being YOUR Master. Of course, she also encouraged me to become more Dominant, so it's not like she had the whole thing figured out. The point is: I let my head get clouded up with the whole Alpha Male Dominant thing instead of recognizing what you really needed from me. And despite all your insistence on wanting me to be your 'Master', it's my empathy you really fell in love with."

Kim's smile broadened a little.

"I wouldn't have left you that night. If you had chosen to stay by my side, I would have fought through hell to keep you with me and damn your father's wishes. But you let go of my hand. You said 'just go' ... twice. And even when I fought back against Mike tugging me away, you held your hand palm out to me and told me to 'stop'. So you know what I did?"

Kim smiled. "You stopped."

"I did. Because whatever else was going on, that's what you wanted me to do. Maybe a true 'Master' would have challenged your father and defended his possession of you no matter what, but you always knew that wouldn't be me. You've said to me before that you know what you know, and you know what you don't know. And you know what you want, and you know what you don't want. And -I-, Master or not, will always respect that." I took a deep breath, raised my fingers to Kim's cheek, and stroked it softly while saying, "As much as it killed me, I left you with your father because that's what YOU wanted."

Kim smiled and nodded.

"Wait-wait-wait-wait," Adrienne said out the blue, raising one hand like she was in a classroom and rubbing her forehead with the other. "Does this mean that Kim isn't a submissive? Does it mean she doesn't want you as her Master? Because I'm sorry, but it sounds like you're trying to retroactively excuse abandoning her four months ago as 'only doing what she wanted me to do', like she was a normal, non-submissive person."

I chuckled and shook my head while dropping my hands into my lap and turning back to look at Adrienne. "No, she's still a submissive, at least in certain ways."

"'In certain ways'?" Adrienne asked skeptically.

I turned back to Kim and smiled. "In the bedroom, for sure. You can't fake the way you love me taking control of your body and doing whatever I want to it."

Kim blushed but flashed me a naughty grin.

"And in a lot of aspects of life, she's much more comfortable being a follower instead of taking the lead." I turned back to Adrienne. "Think of any time when you didn't really care one way or another what we had for dinner. Maybe you'd have some microscopic preference between a steakhouse and sushi, but ultimately you were content to go along with whatever I wanted to eat because you knew that would make me happier."

"Sure."

"Now magnify that by like a bazillion, into a wide spectrum of decisions to be made across any given day, and you have what it's like being Kim. She wants to look good, but she wants to look good for me, so she lets me pick out her outfit and decide on her hairstyle and makeup. Knowing that I'm not really big on giving her commands and making all those little decisions Every. Single. Day, she learned to self-actualize enough to pick out her own clothing and style her own hair and all that. But that's in the service of lessening my burden and ultimately pleasing me, and even then she makes those decisions based on what she thinks I'll like."

"Because she loves you."

I smiled and looked back at Kim. "Because she loves me. I may still doubt that I deserve her, but she still loves me."

"You deserve me," Kim spoke up.

"Even though he's really not the Alpha Male Master type," Adrienne commented.

I nodded. "She doesn't WANT an Alpha Male Master type. She already has one, actually: her father."

Adrienne furrowed her eyebrows. "And didn't she want you to replace him? Because he's her father and can't take care of her forever and can't give her children and a family?"

I shook my head. "Yes and no. Yes, she realizes he can't take care of her forever. But no, she doesn't want a clone of her dad. If anything, she wants to be FREE of her dad."

Adrienne blinked. "I'm not following."

"Kim's personality makes her take comfort and solace in the protection her father gives her. His unconditional love and utter devotion to looking out for her makes her feel safe. Every minute of her life from birth until now she's felt that security. My dad told me about letting me crawl all over geodomes as a kid and how I'd never look down; never realize that he was there to catch me when I fell. Well Kim here always looked down, and always saw her Dad right beneath her. That part she loves. THAT'S why she's so attracted to me and my White Knight personality."

"Because she knows that if you commit to protecting her, you'll do absolutely everything you can to do so," Adrienne finished for me, miming the upper-right side of her head.

Now, Kim reached up and ran her fingers over my wound, although gently enough to not cause me any pain. "I am sorry I could not visit you in the hospital. My father would not allow it."

"It's me who should be apologizing, for almost leaving our son without a father," I stated somberly.

Kim closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and bowed her head for a moment.

"Besides, Bert told me this afternoon that you called him to check up on me. I know you would have come if you could." Taking a deep breath, I turned back to Adrienne. "But back on topic, while having her father ready to catch her was a good thing, having her father always hovering OVER her wasn't so nice. Kim was never allowed to join team sports. She was never allowed to go anywhere without the supervision of her older brothers. And I'm guessing your dad never even let you go on playdates with your friends."

Kim blushed and shook her head 'no'.

"Being trapped by her father's overprotectiveness was NOT something she wanted to replicate. Kim knows what she wants, and her father's worries were obstacles to those desires as much as anything. I am a perfect example. She wants me, and she wants to be with me, but she knows her father is never going to let her move out of this house while she's still pregnant, and maybe not even after that."

"So what are you going to do about it?" Adrienne asked. "Finally challenge his authority over her? Command her to come with you and dare him to stop you both?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm going to let her stay here until the baby is born."

Adrienne blinked. "You're going to what?"

I nodded. "This pregnancy is the height of her father's paranoia. It's like attacking a castle at its strongest point. That's plain stupid."

"But if you know Kim wants to be with you..."

"She will be, in time. But bottom line: she knows she SHOULD be here, because she still loves her father very much and knows how important her safety is to him. That's important to HER. Even above being with me. Even above graduating in another week and a half. That's why she told me to go away that first night. Even though it killed her to do it."

"Yeah, that part I don't get. You said she was hunched over and defeated and crying and all that. Not exactly the body language of someone totally kosher with a situation playing out just like she expected."

"Because even if her father and I were reacting the way she expected us to, that didn't mean she LIKED it. In an ideal world, her father wouldn't flip out over this pregnancy, and he'd have let her stay on campus, stay with me, and finish her degree. She didn't WANT to leave me, even though she knew it had to happen."

Adrienne frowned. "Okay fine, I think I get all that. But one thing I still don't get: Why didn't she just TELL you all this before you walked into a fucking trap?"

I sighed, rolled my eyes, and shook my head. "Because having her GIVE me the explanation would defeat the purpose. Certain lessons can be learned through instruction. Other lessons have to be learned through experience. If Kim had told me the moment she found out that she was pregnant that she knew she'd have to drop out of school and stay at home until the baby was born, I wouldn't have understood. I didn't have a handle on this whole Master-submissive thing back then, hadn't come to the realizations I've made now. Plus, in a way I think she really did want to test me."

"So it WAS a test?"

"Two parts, I think," I said, turning to Kim and scrutinizing her face. I wanted to see if her reactions would confirm what I was thinking. "First, Kim wanted to test my dedication. Getting her pregnant in the first place was a bit of an emotional knee-jerk reaction; I think we all know that. That's not to say that she didn't want the baby. She's already on record as stating that she wants to be a mother more than anything else, and having a baby together with me would only cement our bond in the long run. Still, she wanted to see how I'd react. Really, my life would be so much easier if I didn't need to take care of her. She set me up for the easy way out: let her father take care of her. Sure, I could commit to being a part of my son's life, but if I walked away, if I left the burden of responsibility on her dad, then I'd prove that I wasn't the man she needed me to be. It would mean that she really belonged with her father, at least until her real Mr. Right came along."

"But isn't that what you're doing now? Letting her dad keep her here?"

I shook my head. "In function yes, but I'm going to take charge of her now, even though she'll remain here. That's different from just going on with my life and not assuming responsibility for her."

"Well, NOW you are. But for months and months you certainly weren't assuming responsibility."

"And for that, I'm sorry, Kim," I said, turning and holding her hands once again. "I'm sorry I've let you go alone for this long through your pregnancy. You deserved better, deserved to have me drive you to your OB appointments and get you pillows for your back and hold your hair while you puked in the toilet ... all the little things."

"It's okay," she replied. "I actually didn't have any morning sickness, so you wouldn't have needed to hold my hair. As for the rest, I wouldn't have let you anyway. You had to finish your final year of school, and I care about you enough to have wanted you to focus on that. Even if you had come to me earlier and tried to 'assume responsibility' as you put it, I would have talked you into staying at school and trusting that I am in good care. Really, nothing would have changed. You still would have been up in Berkeley, and I would have stayed here."

I frowned. "Um, I might've insisted on taking at least a little better care of you."

Kim gave me that Mona Lisa smile. "You would have insisted on remaining by my side to take care of me, which would have ultimately meant moving into the house here and commuting to school. I wouldn't have wanted you to do that, and I would have talked you into staying in Berkeley." She sounded quite sure of herself.

I grinned, looked at Adrienne, and gestured back toward Kim. "See what I mean? She knows what she wants. And even if I was the 'Master', she knows she would have gotten her way."

Adrienne smirked and shook her head. "So you said there were two parts to the test. The first was testing your dedication and seeing if you quit. What was the second test?"

I shrugged. "Whether I'd 'fight for her' or not. An Alpha Male would have, but we talked about that. Hell, an Alpha Female, like Viktoriya, would have. That was why Viktoriya kept telling me to go fight for her; it's what she would have done, and one reason why Kim didn't want Viktoriya to be her 'Master' long term. But me listening to her tell me to 'just go' was the right answer. I did what KIM wanted – even though I didn't realize it at the time – instead of locking horns with her dad and getting into a shouting match. Now I think she wouldn't have minded if I was less of a pussy about it – like she wouldn't have minded if I'd figured all of this out a little sooner – but in the end I would have had to let her remain with her father that night instead of going off on an ego-trip and insisting I keep her just for the sake of winning. Like I said, Kim doesn't want another domineering Master, and we'd never have had the stereotypical Dom/sub relationship you might read about. She wants someone who will protect her but ALSO understand her. Again, my empathy is actually the key to being HER Master."

"I need you," Kim said sincerely, looking into my eyes.

I smiled and nodded, replying, "And when I stop and think about it, I need YOU."

Kim beamed at me.

Adrienne frowned, looking back and forth between us. "Wait, what?"

I smiled but stood up, stretching my arms as I began, "I'll explain in a minute, but first, I really need to pee."

When I returned to the living room, I found that Kim had poured three tea cups and that she and Adrienne were chatting amiably. Adrienne was also rubbing Kim's belly, an almost dreamy look on her face, and for a moment I wondered what life might be like if Adrienne were ever carrying my baby.

It was a nice thought to have.

But I stirred myself from my reverie and re-joined the ladies, asking, "So did Kim already explain to you why I need her as much as she needs me?"

Adrienne shook her head. "No. We tabled the Ben/Kim weirdly-compatible Master/sub discussion for a bit and talked about other, lighter topics."

"You can go right on ahead," I said while leaning forward and picking up the third teacup.

"No, no. I want to hear this explanation," Adrienne said.

I shrugged. "It's pretty simple, really: she and I are a lot alike."

Adrienne frowned. "Alike? You're gonna have to spell that one out for me, because I don't see a whole lot of submissive in you."

"Well I'm certainly not Dominant, but we're not getting into that right now. The POINT is that I need somebody to look out for me as much as Kim needs someone to look out for her. We're alike in the sense that we both prioritize the needs of those we care about above ourselves. For me, that means risking my neck in rather obvious ways..." I slowly traced the bullet scar on my left cheek for Adrienne to see, and she blushed in embarrassment. " ... and that sometimes means I'm going to do stuff that isn't necessarily in MY best interests. That's where Kim comes in. I need someone who WILL look out for my best interests despite myself. Someone who will tell me I'm being an idiot and that I'm making the wrong decision. Someone with an unbiased opinion who can give me advice that I may not see for myself."

Adrienne frowned. "You always come to ME for advice. Or Brooke, or Brandi, or anyone else in the family, really."

I sighed. "I know you mean well, but sometimes your advice is meant to make me happy, because like it or not you are coming from a place of guilt – guilt that you've become my 'sister' and not the girlfriend or wife that I might've wanted you to be. I'm not saying your heart's not in the right place, but let's face it: some of your advice this year hasn't turned out all that well for me."

Adrienne frowned. "So what, you're going to stop listening to me?"

"Of course not. I'm just saying that you're biased."

"And your submissive is less biased?"

"Kim thinks more rationally than you or me. She's less emotional in her decision-making. That doesn't mean she's always right, but I still think my life will be much better off with her acting as my common sense a little bit, figuring out what's best for me in spite of myself."

Adrienne snorted at that.

"Kim needs someone to take care of – and sure, she'll have our son to take care of – but she'll also take care of me. Ultimately, it's not that she needs a 'Master' so much as that looking out for me gives her a sense of purpose and direction while also giving her a protector. I'll look out for her, she looks out for me, and we both come out better for it."

Adrienne threw her hands up. "So that's it then? You've come back to take responsibility for her, and she accepts that she'll go with you in the end. But of course, there's still one pretty major complication remaining."

Kim and I looked at each other, took a deep breath, and we both nodded.

"Her dad."

"Absolutely not. My daughter and my grandson will stay here." Mr. Fukuzaki folded his arms across his chest and stared impassively at a spot over my right shoulder, not even looking me in the eye. His tone was one that brooked no dissent. "I will allow you to visit. I will allow you to be a part of your son's life. But you will abide by my restrictions or I will take legal action to enforce them."

"Your threats of legal action are toothless," I shot back, unable to maintain such an unemotionally impassive stare. I knew I didn't have the older man's control, but I didn't much care at this point. We'd been arguing for ten minutes straight since he'd arrived home to find me, Kim, and Adrienne in a united front telling him that Kim and his grandson would be moving out to live with me once the baby was born. "Kim is no little girl. She's a 21-year-old adult with every legal right to do as she pleases. And I'm the father of her baby; I've more legal right to your grandson than you."

"The courts will rule in favor of the mother. Kim will decide to remain here."

"She's already decided to come with me."

"Then she will change her mind. Kimiko stays." His gaze locked onto her face. "You WILL obey!"

I felt her waver by my side, but I squeezed her hand and held on tight, summoning up all my strength. The last time we had this conversation, she caved and told me to go. But this time, even if she caved, I knew that she really wanted to come with me, and unlike before I was now ready to go toe-to-toe with her father to keep her.

"No, she won't," I stated slowly, grinding the words out through my teeth as I narrowed my eyes and practically forced Mr. Fukuzaki to meet my gaze. "You don't see her bowing her head and acknowledging your command right now, do you, sir?"

Mr. Fukuzaki's eyes narrowed as well, and he repeated in a gruffer voice. "Kimiko! You. Will. Obey!"

Kim held onto my hand, kept her eyes down, and shook her head in the negative.

"OBEY!"

She shook her head again.

"OBEY!"

Still she shook her head.

Mr. Fukuzaki looked like he was about to lose his mind. I could practically see the steam shooting out from his ears. And looking to deflect his anger before he actually lost it, I took a step forward and put myself between him and her.

"I've already told you she will remain in this house and under your authority until she gives birth," I stated firmly, my eyebrows raised as I searched his face to make sure I had his attention. "We both understand that losing your wife was very difficult, and we understand how important it is to you that you keep your only daughter safe. If there are any significant health concerns with Kim or the baby, I will allow you to keep her and your grandson here until such time as their conditions are stabilized. But once both Kim and my son are safe, I WILL be bringing them to live with me."

"They. Stay. Here," he growled quietly, almost a whisper.

"I'm sorry. But it's not going to turn out that way."

Mr. Fukuzaki took a deep breath and shook his head. "I will compromise. I will allow you to visit without restrictions. I will not ask you for financial support. Kimiko has told me you had plans to earn your MBA degree. You can do so, and I will take care of my daughter and your son. It would be an ideal situation for you."

It was also a trap. I shook my head immediately and replied, "I won't be one of those guys who lets someone ELSE raise his child. I'm getting a job and I'll financially support my family. I fully intend to be a parent, and that means living with my son."

"You have no idea what it means to be a parent. You are not ready for such a responsibility."

"No new parent is ever ready, but they learn. I'll learn. I'm taking responsibility for my son, and I'm going to do my best. YOU can visit. I'd welcome support from grandparents – gifts for junior and all that. But the job of being a DAD falls on ME. I want to be my son's father. Surely you can understand how important that really is."

"-I- have always understood the importance of being a father. Do not think to lecture me. How long have YOU understood it?"

I deflated a little and gave him an honest look. "It took me a little while to understand, I'll admit. I'm 22, and I honestly didn't expect to be a dad so soon. I've been dealing with my final semester of college, and I let myself get distracted by a host of other problems."

"You nearly got yourself killed, from what I understand." Mr. Fukuzaki's eyes went straight to the bandage over the side of my head. "Your actions do not inspire my confidence in your ability to protect my family."

"This injury is an example of my dedication to protecting my family. This one came from trying to rescue someone who mattered to me. I've got two more bullet scars from protecting my baby sister and that young lady over there." I pointed straight at Adrienne, who blushed and stared at her feet for a second. "I've already walked into hell and put my life on the line for people I care about, and you can bet I'd as much and more for Kim."

"You'd get yourself killed, and who will be left to take care of my daughter and grandson?"

I sighed and nodded my understanding. "I've made my mistakes and I'm learning from my experiences. Now perhaps you were a much more reliable and dependable young man at my age, but I'm working on it. No matter what, though, Kim is carrying MY son, and I'm GOING to take care of him. I don't want to let someone else wake up in the middle of the night to calm my kid. I want my son to bond with ME and for me to bond with him. I want to know what that feels like and when he's a teenager, I'm going to give him hell for how miserable he made me when he was a baby. Kim and my son WILL live with me. And I'm here to TELL you that's going to happen, not ASK for your permission."

"Asking or not, you do not HAVE my permission. Adult or not, she is my daughter, and she WILL obey. YOU are the one who claims my daughter is a submissive, and that she needs a Master. Well if that is the case, then -I- will be that Master, not you."

I took a deep breath, glanced back at Kim, and said, "Fine then. How about this? We let Kim decide for herself. Let HER tell you what she wants."

Kim's eyes popped open WIDE, and she gawked at me like she really, REALLY didn't want to say a word to her father. That was why she had me, right? I had come here to take responsibility for her, which meant that I would fight this battle with her father so SHE wouldn't have to get into a confrontation with him. As much as she wanted to be with me, TELLING her father what to do was a completely foreign concept.

Mr. Fukuzaki recognized the look and smiled smugly.

Turning to face Kim, I took her cheeks in both hands and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. She stared nervously into my eyes the whole way, and I gave her a reassuring smile. Then, I looked over at Adrienne, who had been watching the exchange wide-eyed and nervous, most especially because she knew Mr. Fukuzaki knew about our sex tape. Her presence and my apparent lack of moral character had made up the bulk of the first ten minutes of arguing before we even got down to the "Where Kim and baby will live" part of the conversation.

"Adrienne, let me have it now."

Her eyes popped wide open. "You want it NOW?"

I gave her a reassuring smile and extended a hand.

"Uh, not in ... private?" Adrienne stammered, still hesitating, her eyes flicking over to Mr. Fukuzaki and back.

"Now is good," I replied with a shrug, still holding open my hand.

With an eye roll and a sigh that clearly said she thought I was crazy, Adrienne reached into her purse and withdrew the object we'd picked up before driving over to Stanford. It was a leather collar, complete with D-ring and leash, very much like Adrienne's Tiger's Pet collar except that this one had been dyed hot pink. She put it into my hands, and I turned back to Kim.

With wide eyes Kim looked over at her father, who was frowning but curious at the same time. Adrienne and I had picked up the collar with the express purpose of giving it to Kim today, but doing so in front of her father hadn't been part of the original plan, and both Kim and Adrienne looked quite nervous as to how he'd react.

But I kept going. Turning the band, I presented the collar to Kim so she could read the stitching on it. Kim's eyes managed to get even wider as she gawked at it and looked up at me. "'Self-Interest'? Really?"

I chuckled and shrugged. "I appreciated the irony. Because that's ultimately the point. This collar doesn't represent Power, or Control. It's about Trust: trust in me, trust that I'll take care of you, trust that I'll have your best interests at heart. And that's ultimately what a decision like this means: your self-interest."

Kim glanced at the collar, and then she glanced over at Adrienne.

I looked over as well, and I smiled. Adrienne had fished her own Tiger's Pet collar out of her purse and put it on. She beamed at both of us and reached out to take my hand. Interlacing our fingers, I gave it a squeeze.

"Okay, this is FUCKED up."

All of us turned around to find that Mike Fukuzaki, the youngest of Kim's elder brothers, had come home. His eyes were WIDE, and his jaw was on the floor as he gawked at Adrienne, specifically.

I chose to ignore him. This wasn't about him; it was about me and Kim and her father. Squeezing Adrienne's hand again, I held up Kim's hot pink collar and explained, "Adrienne got the collar for herself before she left Berkeley, but the commitment we made to each other was back in high school. It was recognizing the meaning behind her collar that inspired me to realize what you really needed from me. The collar is symbolic, not functional. We both know I'm not the 'Master' type. It's not about commands, first position, or anything else like that. -I- don't put this on you. YOU put it on yourself."

I extended the collar forward, and on instinct Kim reached up to take it. She didn't put it on, but rather held it up in front of her face and scrutinized the stitching with intense focus.

"It's always been about what YOU want. You want me to be your, quote, 'Master'? Fine. Submit to me. I'll take care of you. I'll take care of our baby. But if you'd rather be with your father, then that's your choice. And don't pretend like you're not capable of making that choice. The Master doesn't need the sub. The sub NEEDS the Master, and the sub chooses to be with the Master. That's what it MEANS to submit. It's you saying, 'I GIVE myself to you.' You don't want me? I'll accept that. But I don't really think that's the case."

After a moment's pause, Kim unbuckled the collar and raised it to her neck. Only then did her father take a step forward and gasp in disbelief, "Kimiko!"

She paused, though she still held the pink leather to her neck. Turning to face her father, she gave him an imploring look.

"I command you not to do this!" he stated brusquely.

Her eyes darted back to me, and I could tell there was a plea in her gaze. She wanted ME to command her to do it.

"I can't do that," I told her. "Some commands I can give, but not this one. You have to choose this for yourself. That's the whole point of the collar. Putting it on will be YOUR decision, not mine."

"Kimiko!" her father barked. "You will NOT put that on!"

Taking two steps forward, I interposed myself between Kim and her father once again. Gathering all my courage, I turned to face him with all the force of determination in my eyes that I could muster. And I said simply, "The only way you're going to keep her here is if you give her that command every day for the rest of her life. You said that you weren't comfortable with the idea of her being a submissive. You said that wasn't the life you wanted for your daughter. I'm warning you now that if you keep her here, you'll be giving her exactly that."

Mr. Fukuzaki's teeth started grinding.

"THIS choice is yours," I told him. "You can order her to stay here, and keep her as a submissive for the rest of her life. Or you can let her go, let her continue to mature, and let her find her independence with me. She's already made so much progress in the last couple of years she's spent with me, hasn't she? Tell me you haven't noticed. I know you want what's best for her. But please ask yourself, is treating her like a child and telling her what to do forever what you really, really want?"

"I do NOT treat her like a child."

"You're giving her commands, but I'm giving her a choice. No pressure, just options. She won't survive out in the real world completely on her own, not yet. She values safety and security and someone who will love and care about her. You are both her past and her present. You are her father. She will ALWAYS love you, no matter where she is. But you cannot be her future, and I think you know that. I understand her, and I care about her, and yes, I love her as the mother of my unborn child. I love that she's the smartest person I've ever known, and I would be blessed to have her by my side and help me raise our son for the rest of our lives."

"But why will you not marry her?" Mr. Fukuzaki's face softened, and I could see the pain in his eyes. His eyes tracked to Adrienne and back to me, a disappointed look on his face. He really wanted nothing but the best for Kim, and he simply couldn't fathom her living a life with anything short of a husband who would protect her.

"I'm sorry, that part I can't help," I replied. "We don't have that kind of relationship, and I can't honestly say we ever will. But Kim knows that, and she wants to be with me anyway. All I can promise right now is that I WILL take care of her for as long as she needs me. If, in time, she finds someone else SHE would choose to marry, I will accept that. But until that day, I promise YOU, sir, that I will do everything I can to keep her safe."

Mr. Fukuzaki was breathing hard, and his lips were pursing and unpursing almost as if he were chewing on his own tongue. With his nostrils flaring, he looked at me, he looked at Kim, and he even looked at Mike, who merely gawked back at him. He blinked a few times, looked back at Kim, and for a moment appeared ready to start crying.

"Let HER choose," I said softly. "Isn't that what you always wanted for her anyway? Your daughter has grown up. She's about to become a mother in her own right. I won't ever try to keep her or your grandson away from you. But this is something you should let HER decide for herself."

Still breathing hard, Mr. Fukuzaki closed his eyes and grimaced, like his brain hurt. I knew the feeling. But after taking a deep breath, he walked forward, walked around me, and stood directly in front of Kim. Reaching his hands up, he closed his hand around one end of the collar and pulled it away.

Kim let him take it from her.

Adrienne inhaled sharply and covered her face with one hand. I swallowed thickly, worried that despite my best attempt at reasoning with him, Mr. Fukuzaki STILL wouldn't let her go.

But after a few seconds of staring at the collar, and specifically staring at the word 'Self-Interest', he sighed and handed the collar back to Kim. And then he bent forward, briefly held her cheeks, and kissed her on the crown of her head.

"You decide for yourself, my daughter," he said quietly. "You decide what is in your best self-interest." And then he turned and walked back to where he'd been standing before.

Kim was in shock. For a long time, she simply gawked at her father dumbly, eyes wide and mouth hanging open. But after a few more seconds, she looked at me, gave me a HUGE smile, and she put the collar on.

Only then did I exhale, releasing a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. Adrienne too sighed and let her shoulders sag from the huge amount of tension she'd been carrying. And she quickly walked over to me and wrapped an arm around my waist.

Smiling, I walked us both forward until we were right in front of Kim. She guided the end of the collar through the final loop and tightened it against her neck. And still wearing that big grin, Kim threw her arms around my neck and said, "I choose you."

And then she kissed me.