Ram

A/N: Didn't expect that huh? Merry christmas I guess lol. This chapter is similar to the one with Koneko. Thing always need a tiping point. And contrary to Rem, Ram is an S difficulty catch in normal circumstances. Of course, I tipped the thing in Julian's favor with Roswaal. But I think it makes sense. From the show, or whatever I have seen and heard of it. Roswaal does have feelings for Ram. But they are faint, burried under his pragmatic mind and his sheer dedication to bringing back his teacher by whatever means neccessary.

Anyway, if you feel that something is wrong with how I depict Ram personality or how I had the scene play out say it in the comments. Like really, it just make me improve and make a better quality fanfic.

Oh and yeah, Julian being proactive. Why? Guess.

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Self-loathing is a hideous thing, something Julian is well accustomed to.

It eat you from the inside, kept you from achieving your full potential and from looking forward. Keeping your sight locked on the past.

The worse is that even if you are aware of it — that you knew you shouldn't feel it. Self-loathing was not something that simply vanish one day from another.

After all, when you make a mistake or a morally ambiguous decision. Who has it hardest to forgive you? Most of the time, it's not other people, or even those directly concerned.

No. It's yourself.

For him, it was because he caused the death of countless innocent people.

Because what had been his source of determination all along — his parents — began to fear what he was. Maybe in the end they realised the implication of what he had done, maybe they feared his power, maybe even they felt guilty of supporting their son on his ideal that brought countless death? Who know?

It was too late now.

And then, a new life was offered to him after his suicide. Of course, he was in a dark place at that time. He made wishes that brought suffering to a specific kind of people.

To who? His new life parents. He made his dad infertile indirectly. And then, decided to have his biological mother dies in his gestation and have his surrogate mother carry him for hundreds of years.

Why?

Why did he do that?

Oh, he knew. It was nothing concrete for his confused past self. But he knew the vague intent behind it.

Revenge. Some kind of petty vendetta against parental figures.

It disgusted him.

He found himself disgusting.

That's why Rem and Ram situation bothered him. Their story were not the same, their was worse.

Because Rem, contrary to him. Felt disgust toward herself wrongly, for the mere reason that she became, for the briefest moment, glad that her genius sister was finally brought to her level upon saving her amidst their burning village.

By all means, this was wrong. Heinous to the highest point even.

But then, wasn't all intrusive thought were? Wishing for the death of someone of someone wasn't a crime.

As such, was Rem's single stray thought — her once in a lifetime feeling, the single second she fell to envy — worthy enough a crime to keep herself from ever reaching happiness, from ever daring to look forward to tomorow?

No. Not even if it was repeated a million times.

Julian found it ironic, and maddening.

Because Rem, despite deserving to live in a paradise, built and locked herself in her own personal hell on earth instead.

Ironic, because of the reversal of what should have been.

And maddening. Because he understood perfectly that people were sometime the harshest on themselve. And because he knew that knowing fact changed nothing to the state of thing.

It was also maddening because it was very likely that Rem, with her current mindset, would never leave her self-made prison of guilt if she was left to herself.

Subaru was no longer here for that, so he'll have to pick up the slack himself.

—————

*Knock Knock*

Opening his eyes from his meditating position, Julian dispersed his magical left arm that he had just been in the process of refining.

"Enter."

It was Ram who did, closing the door behind her immediatly after.

After staying silent for some time, just looking at him. She spoke up. "I'm really sorry for my outburst earlier. I was... perturbed by your words."

"..."

"In truth, I didn't want to understand them. To acknowledge them."

"..."

"Now, I realize that."

"I always thought that wherever Rem was, was where home was."

"But-"

She seemed to struggle to say her next part, as she lowered her head, making her pink hair cover her eyes. Her shoulders began to shake slightly.

"But Rem is not in a good place right now, and only now I realize that maybe-"

Her shoulders shook harder.

"Maybe she never was."

Julian's heart throbbed as he followed the drop of slowly sliding down her chin fall to the ground.

"I'm the only one Rem have. Her only family left. She is the same to me..."

"And yet, I failed her."

...

"I failed her..." Ram let out a long, low cry of sadness that progressively warped into a scream of utter rage.

"I AM THE ONLY ONE SHE CAN CONFESS TO! THE ONLY ONE SHE CAN TALK TO HEART TO HEART! SHE COULD HAVE DIED THAT DAY! AND I WOULD HAVE NEVER KNOWN IN HOW MUCH MISERY SHE WAS IN!"

"AND AS IF IT WASN'T ENOUGH, I NEEDED SOMEONE ELSE SHOVING IT ALL IN MY FACE TO MAKE ME REALIZE THIS! I- I-"

"ARRGH!" Pushing a cry of frustration and anger, she turned around and punched the door with all of her force. Splinters went flying as she made a hole through it.

*Huff Huff* Retrieving her hand, revealing it to be perfectly fine. Her breath came out rough and short, as if she was exhausted.

Slowly, her lost looking eyes still glinting with tears, she slided down the frame of the door.

Julian said nothing, opting for her to calm down further or say something herself. As such, a few minutes crawled past in silence.

"I hope Rem didn't hear me." After some time, Ram spoke up idly.

"She didn't, I put a soundprouf barrier around the room the moment you entered."

"..."

Seeing as she didn't appear to want to say anything else. Julian flickered and reappeared sitting besides her, on the floor. To which Ram only sent a questioning glance to.

"Feeling better after punching through my door?"

"A bit. To be fair."

"Good. Since I doubt such intense physical exertion is very healthy with all the heavy baggages you are carrying. Cares to share a bit of your burden with me, pretty missus?" Julian smiled innocently as Ram turned to him with unimpressed eyes.

"Are you trying to flirt with me?"

"Depend, it may just be a warm up. After all, don't have the habit of flirting with already taken girls. You know, Roswaal is my master. And last thing I heard, this manor have 7 people living in it." Julian shrugged.

A flash of anger and betrayal passed over her face before it was replaced by indiferrence. "So you know."

"Of course I do, I can't see mana inside of people. But I can feel it. For you, your mana during the day and is resplenished in the morning. Pretty easy to guess what happens" Julian answered simply.

Ram stayed silent.

"It's because of me, isn't it?" He added after a bit.

"Since the day Roswaal-Sama took you as an apprentice. Everything changed. I always knew what kind of man he was, yet. I knew of his goal, of his secret. I didn't care."

"Now that his goal is all but assured, he-" She swallowed.

"Threw me away. I'm not the one he loves, I'll never be. I was just a conveniance to fill the void until he got her back from the dead."

...

"I'm sorry." Julian whispered after a while.

Ram tilted her head at him. "Why would you be? Weren't you trying to flirt with me a second ago?" Her voice was full of derision.

"I was trying to have you opens up. It worked, see? And besides, I may not know how much about love. But I know pain intimately. Don't need to be a genius or a saint to guess how much getting dump hurt."

At his words, Ram deadpanned. "I hates you."

"I saved your sister."

"You got me dumped."

"I saved your sister." Julian repeated like a broken record with a cheeky grins.

"You cruelly popped the comfortable bubble my life was until now."

"I saved her, for FREE."

Ram finally couldn't resist the tentation and cracked a little smile at his reply.

Crossing her hands over her kees, she sighed. "Fine, I can't win against someone so shameless."

"What do I win for my hardfought victory?"

"Not being ratted out to Emilia-Sama for manipulating me."

"What? When did I ever do that?"

"You are consciously trying to me and my sister's defense for some of your nefarious and probably degenerate scheme."

Suddenly having a flash back to when he first met the twin, Julian spluttered and coughed.

"If this isn't an admission of guilt, I don't know what is." Ram said, a smug expression on her face.

"Even if it was true, why would you be happy about it?" Julian, knowing that there was little options to come back. Squinted and asked.

"Because it meant I was right, and I'm always right."

"But you said the same thing about Subaru." Julian said before he could realize he had been checkmated for the first time, in like. Ever. And he had talken with Sona, so that said something.

"I say that to everyone. After all no one can resist mine and my sister's beauty."

Trying to think about a comeback, Julian shook his head. He would let have her this one.

"Ram, if you could make a wish. What would it be?" Julian asked, seemingly idly. But in reality, just now, he had received a sort of shock. One that made his eyes flash briefly gray and told him that now was the time to strike.

"Don't try to change the subject."

"Fine, you win. Answer my question now."

"There's no need to be angry you know. I'll answer your weird question."

The aura of smugness around Ram slowly dissipated as she began to think, her face becoming somber as well as darker as she tried to pry into her deepest desire and why she had them.

"Just yesterday, I would have wished to have the witch's cult destroyed forever. But right now, I would wish for me and my sister to be happy, truly happy, in an healthy way, whatever this entail for each of us, and for as long as we wanted." Ram answered softly.

Julian closed his eyes. That should have been one of his wish. Power could potentially help you achieve happiness. But why wish for the mean when you could get the end for as long as you wanted?

Opening his eyes, he gazed at Ram and smiled gently. "What if I could grant your wish one day? Would you accept?"

Ram opened her mouth, ready to dismiss him. Before she remembered that he had brought back her sister from the dead. Something the greatest mage alive was unable to do. She then noticed that she truly knew next to nothing really of the boy in front of her. And just after that, she blushed lightly realizing the possible implication behind his declaration.

Taking a shuddering breath, a bit of apprehension in her voice, she asked. "Who are you? Really."

He smiled. "Glad that you asked. I'm nobody important yet. But I have the potent blood of angels and devils inside me, to simplify. They are both a magical a race of creation, one of light and one of darkness. They are two people made anathema to each other by their creator. My father is perhaps the most powerful of his race to have ever existed. And my Mother was one of the few Ultimate specimen of her own. A Seraph."

"I've never heard of angels and devils." Ram muttered.

"I comes from beyond the waterfall. They're not from... This land."

"Oh." Ram nodded, as if everything made sense now.

"So your blood, it makes you powerful. Powerful enough to give you so much confidence?" She rose an eyebrow in challenge.

"It's not just the gift granted by my parents. As I said earlier, their races are anathema. It's extremelly difficult to get a pregancy from this kind of relationship, and impossible for the mother to bring the child to term. Because the child take hundreds of years of gestation, not because my kin don't live that long mind you. But because the baby suck the mother dry of vitality extremelly fast, even for immortal like being."

"..."

Answering the unasked question he shrugged, the movement coming more awkward and heavy than he would have liked. "I'm not an exception, my biological mother died bearing me. Despite knowing the danger of doing just that."

"I'm only alive today because a Goddess of Fertility and Family saved me and carried me herself to term."

"A goddess?" Ram asked curiously.

"Yeah, gods where I comes from are extremelly powerful immortal beings. They hold divinity over certain domains, granting them powers capable of overwriting reality. Like a mix between an Authority and Magic." Julian explained before continuing.

"Overall, I'm not a simple hybrid. But a perfect hybrid between two Anathema, granting me unlimited potential and other goodies like an extremelly handsome face and otherworldy magic."

"Unlimited potential? What does that mean, exactly?" Ignoring the comment about his face, Ram frowned, having some difficulty assimilating all the new informations he was giving her.

Julian grinned. "One day, if I survive. I could crush Roswaal and all the tricks he could possibly pull with nothing but a finger."

Ram scoffed. "And how strong are you currently?"

"Hard to say, If I go all out from the beggining and use a one time attack. I could kill pretty much anyone who can't regenerate or come back from the dead. People with an authority, however, are another to matter."

"Who's to say you aren't bragging to impress me?" Ram said with a smirk.

"If you don't believe me, I could show you." Julian squinted.

"There's no need for that. I'll take your words for it. But there's still the question of..." Suddenly looking unsure, she hesitated before shaking her head.

"If I was to accept your help. What would be the price?"

"How about allowing me to pursue you and your sister. After all, no one can resist your charm. You said it not me, and if I heard that well. You said that wherever Rem was was wherever home was. So I would need her by my side if you were to ever feel at home with me." Julian rubbed his chin and said seriously, his blue-red eyes locked into the pink of the maid. Daring to refute him.

That or beat him up, but good luck with that one.