Chapter 1

“Stop the bus!” I was late, like always.

The sun beat down on me as I ran, the heat already uncomfortable at just eight o’clock in the morning. My bus, the number fifteen, kept moving down Jersey Street at a steady pace as I chased after it. I could feel my backpack bouncing behind me as I waved my arms frantically and screamed at the driver to give me a break.

Nel Patrick, the bus operator, seemed to always find it amusing to watch me run a little bit in her rearview mirrors, but she always stopped, eventually. My eyeglasses started to slide down a little since my face was sweaty, but finally, the driver pulled over on the corner of Jersey and Smith.

“Why do you always mess with me like that?” I huffed as I boarded the bus and paid the fare. The blast of cool air felt good on my overheated skin.

“Maybe if you were on time, just once, I’d cut you some slack,” Nel responded with a grin.

“I don’t really need the exercise,” I retorted as I pushed the glasses back up on my nose and adjusted the backpack. “I’m on my feet all day as it is at the bookstore.”

“So get to the bus stop on time, then.” She closed the door and continued on the route.

“Whatever,” I mumbled, and held on as the bus rattled its way down the street. I wasn’t in the greatest of moods anyway since my girlfriend, Patty, had broken up with me last night, though I had expected it.

I had a degree in Psychology and still, women were a mystery to me, even though I was one myself.

Thirty-three years old, and the longest relationship I’d ever had ended after only six months. Maybe I just needed to stop trying and stay single. Patty told me last night that I smothered her, that she needed her space.

“Carmen,” she’d said. “You want too much. I can’t breathearound you.” What was so wrong with spending alone time together, cuddling on the couch and watching a movie? Reading to each other or playing board games? I didn’t like clubs and tended to be a homebody. Patty liked the bright lights, dancing, exciting places, which was what had attracted me to her in the first place, since she was the opposite of me and seemed so full of life. But it became our downfall. I wasn’t exciting enough, but I didn’t know how to be anyone else butme.

I got off the bus in the Brookpleasant Mall parking lot. The contrast between the cool air on the bus and the hot, muggy outside was depressing. I waved goodbye to Nel and headed across the already steamy asphalt to work. Despite being an absolute hardass, I liked the driver. She always spoke her mind and I really appreciated that in a person.

At the ‘Employees Only’ entrance to the bookstore, I opened the door and walked through the inventory area to get to the lockers, waving to a few of my coworkers who were also getting ready for work. I locked up my backpack and stepped briefly into the bathroom to wash my face after removing my glasses. At least the sweat spots on my T-shirt would be covered for the most part by the vest the employees had to wear at the store.

Leaning close to the mirror over the sink, I took in my reflection. I saw a woman with dark brown skin, a face free of spots or zits, and no wrinkles—yet. Medium-length hair held back with a headband, and no makeup. A sad, resigned expression. I cleaned up my glasses and put them back on. I didn’t see anything remarkable about me, nothing that would attract a woman, anyway, or at least the kind of woman I wanted. Medium height, medium build. Nothing special. I left the bathroom and headed out of the employee back area to the store beyond.

* * * *

It was lunch time, and Cressie, one of my good friends at the bookstore, hung out with me at one of the tables in the food court. We were having egg rolls and fried rice with egg drop soup.

“Why the long face, Carmen?” she asked after taking a bite of her egg roll. Cressie was a single mom, an older woman whose only daughter was a lesbian. We’d hit it off right away when she’d started working at the bookstore last year. “Nel give you a hard time again on the bus?”

“Nel? No more than usual. Do I seem down to you?” I queried, wiping my mouth on a napkin and adjusting my glasses. I hadn’t thought it would be that obvious.