Chapter 1

“Chris,” Aaron sighs, and suddenly he’s gone, rolling away from me in the darkness. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I ask.

What the hell just happened?is what I want to say, but I don’t. It’s been forever since we’ve shared a bed—between my new work schedule, his swing shift at the plant, and my sister coming to visit for two weeks with her young daughters in tow, this is the first moment we’ve had alone in God knows how long. I finally get him to myself, finally get him alone—we were kissing so hard my lips are sore, my tongue tingles with the taste of his, my body still feels the ghosts of his hands over my chest and legs and arms, not yet comprehending he’s pulled away.

Tentatively I reach over and run a finger down his arm. His muscles are tight and bunched beneath my touch. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t,” he says. The frustration in his voice echoes my own.

I don’t get it. “What do you mean? Can’t what?” I don’t know about him, but my whole body aches right now, my crotch throbs with the memory of his knee pressing sweetly against my cock. I’m hard and I’ve waited long enough for this moment, I don’t want it to slip away. “Aaron…”

He sighs, exasperated. That sound alone tells me I’m not getting any more loving tonight. Bitterly he says, “Can’t, Chris. Do I have to spell it out for you? C-A-N-apostrophe—”

“Stop it.” I pull my hand back, angry as he shrugs away. “I’m not a child. I know how to fucking spell.”

We lie there for a moment, both of us on our backs, staring into the darkness above. He’s pissed me off, but maybe there’s something I can say or do to get him back on my side of the bed.

Gently, I ask, “Why not? We’ve done it before. All of a sudden you can’t—”

“It’s not that.”

Now there’s something beneath his words, something a little more telling than just I can’t.He sounds like a teenager who’s trying to tell his mom the reason he has to wash his bed sheets is because he had a wet dream, but he doesn’t want to come out and sayit, and she isn’t picking up his hints.

“Chris,” he sighs. “I’m sorry. It’s just…it’s not that I don’t wantto, I do, but I can’t.”

I want to hold him more than ever. “Why not?”

In a tiny voice, he adds, “Please don’t make me say it out loud.”

“Say what?” I blurt.

I don’t mean to but that’s how I am, mouth moving faster than brain can think. I frown at a thin strip of light across the far wall, right above the mirror on the dresser, light from where our curtains don’t quite meet. Silently I plead with him in my mind. Just tell me, babe. Say you can’t get it up and I’ll kiss away the embarrassment and hug you tight and tell you it’s okay, because it is, even if I’ve been waiting days for this, it’s okay. I can wait longer if I have to. You’re worth it.

Aaron pushes away from the bed and I hear him stumble in the dark, cursing under his breath. I sit up though I know he can’t see me. “It’s okay, baby. Really, I understand. It’s fine—”

“It’s notfine,” Aaron cries, angry, and slams the bathroom door shut before I can say anything else.

Fuck.I throw myself back against the pillows, pissed to all hell. Here I am, tryingto be nice about it, tryingto ignore the blood surging through my body, the lust and desire and passion, and he up and leaves. Like it’s nothing. Like I’m not so goddamn hard for him I won’t be able to sleep on my stomach tonight without poking a hole through the bed. Like he’s the only one disappointed. I should use my hand and get over it already.

But I don’t. I try to forget the way he felt in my arms, the way he pressed me to the bed and sighed my name when we first came together in the dark, his sardonic eyes and that secretive smile of his—who am I kidding? I love him and I want him so badly, my body hums for him. It’s going to be a long, sleepless night.

Just when I think he isn’t going to come out of the bathroom, he’ll lock himself in there for the rest of the night because he’s too damn stubborn to talk about it, I hear the light click off and the door open. Thank you, I pray, though the mood’s shot now and my balls throb with a dull ache as if someone reached between my legs and twisted them until they turned blue.