Chapter 53

“What the dickens is that?” she said.

“Men who are, shall we say, underdeveloped use these things to make themselves look bigger. I use it to make myself look normal.”

While her eyes darted from ‘The Bulge’ to the remaining bulges in my Speedos, I wrapped a towel around my waist. I could almost see the wheels grinding in her brain, and she said, “Oh…. Oh, my goodness…. You really mean to say that you’re not all there.”

“Yes, Ma’am—not quite all there. I don’t think Anthony is old enough to understand why one small part of his Uncle David is missing.”

“What won’t they think of next? This is like falsies for girls, isn’t it?” she said, picking up ‘The Bulge’ and inspecting it.

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“I used to think wearing falsies was funny, but this…. This isn’t funny at all, is it?”

“No, Ma’am.”

She grabbed my hand, patted it, and said, “I’m so sorry. Does anyone else know about this?”