Ivan Tykovsky is a security guard at Hinkleman’s Department store and has come to despise the shopping element of Christmas. The holiday season means his workload of apprehending shoplifters and breaking up fights over merchandise increases.<br><br>When the Santa the store has booked shows up drunk, the six foot six, 240 pound, red-bearded Jewish giant is forced to stand in. Ivan isn’t happy about the idea, but there’s one compensation -- the diminutive Skip Mueller, an out-of-work actor who’s been hired as one of Santa’s elves. Skip comes to Ivan’s rescue, coaching the big man through his dealings with the children.<br><br>Ivan becomes an instant celebrity, and when a permanent replacement Santa is found, the store’s customers demand Ivan’s return. Will there be a special Christmas gift this year for a certain Jewish Santa and his special elf?

Santa? Seriously?

Skip tried again to walk away to open the gate. Ivan held him fast. “Ivan, I won’t leave you. I’m just going to let the kids in. Let go of me!”


Ivan released his death grip on the elf’s arm.


Skip went to the velvet rope gate and opened it. “Hello,” he said in a loud cheerful voice. “Santa is just about ready to talk with you and find out what you want for Christmas.”


“You’re sure that’s Santa?” a voice called out.


“Why, of course,” Skip said jovially. “You see, Santa’s doctor has put him on a high protein diet and exercise program. And as you can see, it’s working.”


Ivan rolled his eyes as the crowd laughed even louder.


Skip took the first child by the hand and led him to Santa. The boy was quite tall and heavy set. “Tell Santa your name and what you want for Christmas.” Skip picked the boy up with difficulty and placed him on Ivan’s knee.


Skip hopped up beside Ivan and gave him a nudge.


Chapter 5