Chapter 9

Nothing was more troubling and testing than being ignored by my partner. I hated who we had become in the confusion of our relationship. We’d pass each other in the hall or kitchen during our morning exchanges, our greetings were sparse and awkward and out of character. Sometimes there was no eye contact. I’d watch Dave pack his lunch (usually leftovers from dinner) and he’d wave or nod before leaving the house, as if we were meeting for the first time, two lost ships at sea.

Our physical love life consisted of periodical hugs and kisses, nothing lasting more than a few brief seconds, unfulfilling. In the last two months of our relationship, sex was replaced with self-stimulation. I’d hear Dave late at night watching porn all alone in the den, the radio tuned to hard rock, the music drowning out both his guttural moans and the sounds of choreographed groans and grunts coming from the TV.