James Rockton is ready to die. In fact, he plans on it. Having lost his life partner to AIDS, he books the South Pacific cruise Richard didn't live to share. James will spread Richard's ashes at sea, and then slip overboard to join him forever. He’s too old and too heartbroken to continue on alone.<br><br>But James doesn’t count on meeting a young man whose parents constantly put him down. Then there’s the obviously gay young art dealer who ogles a crazy young photographer traveling with an older gay man about James’s own age.<br><br>James and Herb begin spending time together, trying not to laugh too hard or get too involved with these young men, who circle each other in rapidly shrinking orbits. After all, James and Herb are old, with gray hair and less stamina. With time, talk, and martinis, will love manage to find them, too?

Fade to Gray

Anyway, my possible-friend’s name is Loren. Remember we knew a guy named Loren or Lauren back in college? He was a wild one, wasn’t he? Rode the mechanical bull at that cowboy convention and hit on a couple of the rodeo guys. It was one of them who killed him, wasn’t it? What a waste, so much of that going on back then. It was stupid of him, though, but no more stupid than you and me.


I’m thinking of when we found out we had AIDS, or as it’s known now, that we were both HIV positive. We never wanted to know who first or how or when. I was always afraid it was me and was so surprised when you finally told me you had been so sure it was you. It doesn’t matter now, does it? Just so rotten that it would carry you off and leave me still doing fine on whatever protocol my doctor currently has me on. I wonder if my remaining relatives will ever find out? They don’t like me anyhow, so why should I care if they do?


Chapter 3