Quiet and imaginative, Derek O'Reilly spends a lot of time watching a movie in his head. His fiancé Nathan wonders why Derek hasn't taken any interest in their wedding planning, and Aunt Fran -- his spiritual guru -- would like to know when her guilt-tripping nephew became a kept boy. When she drops Derek's childhood journal on his lap, he's forced to remember the name he's been trying to forget since he was twelve years old. Nicolai Lund. Nick was Derek's neighbor ... and first love. Weeks before Derek's engagement party, a chance meeting with Nick catapults Derek into the past. But Nick isn't that seventeen-year-old rebel anymore. He's a man hardened by invisible scars. A man struggling with grief. As Derek reads through his childhood diary, he realizes what Nick was to him, still is today, and yet might be ... NOTE: This edition has been expanded and substantially edited.

Split

Nick’s fingers moved inside my hair, but his touch was different.


I opened my eyes to look up at him. His eyes were fastened to the winter sky.


I was pulled away from his body and lifted into a chair, then rolled down a brightly lit hall.


The doctor asked Aunt Frannie to leave.


She hesitated by the door and then slowly turned around and left me sitting in the office, on the doctor’s paper covered table. “I’ll be right outside the door, hon.” Her voice was like a bell in a hurricane.


The doctor shut the door. His colorless eyes looked like dried chickpeas crushed under Coke bottles. “Remove your gown please.”


I could hardly lift my arms, but I obeyed. I slipped the gown down my shoulders, and then pull it gently off. I wondered if my underwear was clean.


The paper sheet rustled under my back. It was cold, too.


Chapter 40