Quiet and imaginative, Derek O'Reilly spends a lot of time watching a movie in his head. His fiancé Nathan wonders why Derek hasn't taken any interest in their wedding planning, and Aunt Fran -- his spiritual guru -- would like to know when her guilt-tripping nephew became a kept boy. When she drops Derek's childhood journal on his lap, he's forced to remember the name he's been trying to forget since he was twelve years old. Nicolai Lund. Nick was Derek's neighbor ... and first love. Weeks before Derek's engagement party, a chance meeting with Nick catapults Derek into the past. But Nick isn't that seventeen-year-old rebel anymore. He's a man hardened by invisible scars. A man struggling with grief. As Derek reads through his childhood diary, he realizes what Nick was to him, still is today, and yet might be ... NOTE: This edition has been expanded and substantially edited.

Split

Nick was a control freak, I’d gathered that much. Everything had to be perfect. Better than the rest. He hungered for excellence.


But it was getting late and he was obviously exhausted. He’d be at work tomorrow, bright and early, while I’d probably sleep in. Then I thought of Aunt Fran, and the dire situation flooded through my mind and heart in a flash of pain. The escape from reality was over.


Nick must have seen the change in my expression because he frowned and put his hand over mine. Our first touch. “I wanted to visit her,” he said, staring down at our hands. “I feel like a total shit for not going.”


“You could still go. Sometimes she’s awake.” I remembered how Aunt Fran had flirted with Nick, all those years ago. “She always thought you were so beautiful and intriguing.”


Nick looked up. “Yeah? Huh.” Then that shadow moved across his eyes again. “I can’t do it. I’m sorry.” He briefly shut his eyes. “I’ll fall apart. Can’t be around…death or illness for a while.”


Chapter 68