Quiet and imaginative, Derek O'Reilly spends a lot of time watching a movie in his head. His fiancé Nathan wonders why Derek hasn't taken any interest in their wedding planning, and Aunt Fran -- his spiritual guru -- would like to know when her guilt-tripping nephew became a kept boy. When she drops Derek's childhood journal on his lap, he's forced to remember the name he's been trying to forget since he was twelve years old. Nicolai Lund. Nick was Derek's neighbor ... and first love. Weeks before Derek's engagement party, a chance meeting with Nick catapults Derek into the past. But Nick isn't that seventeen-year-old rebel anymore. He's a man hardened by invisible scars. A man struggling with grief. As Derek reads through his childhood diary, he realizes what Nick was to him, still is today, and yet might be ... NOTE: This edition has been expanded and substantially edited.

Split

Nathan took a shy step towards me. “Derek, hey—”


He shrunk back, retreating to the corner of the lobby, and I watched him hesitate by the door, as though he may actually listen to me for once, but no, he sat in one of the lobby chairs instead.


“Red, man.” Boone reached out for me. “I’m sorry. So sorry.”


“Why—why are you—ou here, huh? Huh?” My voice cracked. “Why are—are any of you here?”


“Oh, Derek,” Lene cried. “We all loved her, too.”


“Yeah?” I mocked, feeling the rage course through me so fiery and dangerous. “Where the fuck were you all these years, huh? Huh, Lene? You and your per—perfect fa—family. You and—and your—”


“Derek, calm down, son.” Johan touched my shoulder. “Let’s get you home.”


“Home? Home?” I grabbed my head, sobbing. “Don’t you get it! She was my home! She was the—the on—only one who ever cared about me!”


“Derek! Enough!” Mom had grabbed my arm and was trying to wrap her arms around me.


Chapter 74