And then he’d used it to hurt people, deliberately or not. Didn’t matter, in the end.
And after that he’d played halfhearted local fairs and small-scale shows while pretending not to care,and had hidden in his penthouse and stopped writing and believed he’d kept those shining streams bricked over, when they’d dwindled to nothing anyway.
He’d have to practice. And that hurt, but it hurt like the stretch of a long-unused muscle: relearning old shields and active awareness. It hurt like a thawing-out, and icicles melting. Like a cracking of the core where he’d buried the person who’d once written his heart into anthems for fans.
If Justin wanted him or didn’t want him, if Justin only ever wanted to be held and lean on a friend, that would still be true. Kris knew it would be. He’d woken back up and remembered how to hurt for someone, and even if it did hurt he welcomed the wound.