Four five-star Yelp reviews do you little good when you’re nailed inside a giant barrel of whiskey, which is where our intrepid private detective Barry finds himself while on the case to help his campy drag friends, all of whom have numerous secrets to hide. <br><br>If he can decide between the man he once loved and the bartender he’s falling for, successfully stay undercover as his alter-ego, Mary, Queen of Scotch, and keep one step ahead of the bad guys, plus a raucously funny meddling mom, he just might live to see that much-desired fifth review.

Mary, Queen of Scotch

It was then that I noticed the line, down and off to my right, men waving bills my way. AT ME! And so, I vogued my way right, hands and feet as in sync as my lips and the music. I smiled down at the men, who, in turn, smiled up at me—dare I say, adoringly. I wondered, if I felt this way, tingling all over, what Madonna felt like singing this live. I took the bills, my hand over theirs, a brief meeting of flesh upon flesh, which was both erotic and exhilarating. Madonna had a barricade, guards. This had to be better. Fuck the billions of dollars. Fuck being best friends with Sandra Bernhard.


The song continued. I continued. The line continued. Money was being tossed at the stage. Five minutes felt like a heavenly eternity. The song ended. I bowed. Or tried to. I think I made it three inches. I turned my face in profile as I lipped the last, “Vogue, vogue, vogue.” The crowd erupted. I departed, however reluctantly.


Chapter 13