Chapter 17

“It has nothing to do with you. I’m fucked up.”

Wasn’t everyone? He didn’t trust himself to have even a sip of beer, he reacted very badly to anyone under the influence, and he hated his mother.

“I would’ve let them destroy the panels and kill us,” said Jude.

This was not news to Cal. He wasn’t sure Jude, left to his own devices, would’ve come out of his stupor in time to save the solar panels. In fact, he suspected the opposite.

Jude’s self-recrimination continued. “Bad enough to put my own life at risk, but yours? That’s unconscionable.”

The statement was heartening. “You say that like you care.”

“Never said I didn’t,” replied Jude, which was undoubtedly the least romantic confession of feelings Cal had ever heard.

He didn’t worry about it, partly because he had no need for mushy sentiment, and partly because Jude started shaking. Instead, he stood up and brought the man a glass of water.

Between tentative sips, Jude said, “I’m sorry.”