Chapter 1

Colton had only been asleep a couple hours before Ben’s alarm woke him. Normally the alarm pissed him off, but today he roused, rolled over, tossed an arm over his half-asleep boyfriend. Ben slept in boxers only and Colton ran a hand down his chest, slipped fingertips under the band of Ben’s pants. He kissed the back of Ben’s shoulder, sleepy still but turned on by their closeness. There’d be enough time for something quick—they’d done it before.

But Ben elbowed him away and turned off the alarm.

“Go back to sleep,” he said. He didn’t sound pissed, but he didn’t sound gentle either.

Colton rolled over, disappointed, and fell back asleep. When he woke again, he couldn’t remember if Ben had come back in to kiss him before he left for work, like he used to. Not knowing gnawed at him until he dragged himself out of bed and set on distracting himself from it.

It was already nearly noon and despite the sleep Colton yawned as he drew the curtains, revealing the parking lot and other apartment building across from where he stood. The tenant opposite had a little dog that sat on the back of the couch in the window, attentive to the world passing by. A couple of people smoked, leaned up against their cars, one of them gesticulating sharply

He probably shouldn’t check the news today. He recognized the gesturing person as someone who got heated whenever more shit happened. And right now, Colton didn’t want to deal with any more shit. Bad enough it was a Midwest December with temperatures in the 50s and 60s; he’d already gotten used to people complaining about not having snow for Christmas this year and would rather hear about that than an outbreak of something deadly or another restrictive law signed in. He couldn’t wait for 2077 to be over, though 2078 didn’t promise much better.

He returned the dishes Ben had cleaned to the cupboard and checked his bank account, displeased with how little he’d managed to set aside since the last time he’d had to raid his savings for an emergency. It wasn’t like he and Ben ever did anything this time of year, as neither of them really felt like celebrating a holiday they didn’t believe in and wasn’t tied to positive memories, and yet every year Colton played a little game with himself. What he’d get Ben and why, when and how he’d give it, fantasizing about Ben’s reaction. Over the years his plans had gotten bigger and more extravagant, until now they were an unfathomable dream.

He wanted to take Ben to the moon. He knew Ben had always wanted to go.

He also knew, looking at the numbers, thinking about his job, that he’d never manage it. He closed the account window and checked the news anyway.

* * * *

It was unusual their days off overlapped, but when one of them didn’t have to go in to work, they could at least snag a few hours together. Colton hadn’t known Ben had Friday off, pleased when he woke and found him reading a library book near the window.

“Hey,” he said, joining Ben on the couch and leaning in.

Ben accepted a quick kiss but didn’t close the book.

“Let me guess. You’re horny again.”

“Can you blame me?” Colton asked, pleased when he saw Ben smile. Maybe this time he’d get somewhere. With the long hours they both worked, being too tired for sex wasn’t exactly uncommon.

Ben leaned up and kissed him.

“Yes,” he said, mischief in his eyes.

Colton was more relieved to see the playful reciprocation of his desires in Ben’s expression than he expected. He’d felt this creeping dread recently, something wrong between them he couldn’t really figure out. He wasn’t going to think about it. He took the book from Ben, closed it, let it fall to the floor. Leaned in for another kiss.

Ben leaned back as he accepted kiss after kiss, shifted so Colton could straddle him. With the curtains open, they were being bold; it wasn’t illegal for a couple of men to make out, but what few laws there were had been eroded so much that someone could report them for indecency or exposure simply for seeing them. Sometimes Colton grew nervous thinking about it, but sometimes it thrilled him. Today it was exciting. Not so for Ben, who pulled back after they’d both gotten so hard neither of them could ignore it any longer.

“Bedroom,” he said, pushing Colton away and rolling off the couch.

Colton wasn’t going to let him get away so easily. He grabbed Ben, pawed him, and kissed at his jaw all the way to bed, yanked up his shirt the moment they crossed the threshold. They stumbled to bed, shedding clothes, and fell into the unmade blankets Colton had just left ten minutes ago.