Chapter 97

Myles was stroking my hair. “Let it go, Nick…Just let it all go.”

I was gripping Derek so hard, I knew he’d have marks on his skin tomorrow. “My son doesn’t wanna see me and it’s my fucking fault. It’s all—”

“No, Nick, it’s not—”

“Derek, you don’t know,” I said against his stomach, the booze making me weak and stupid, “you didn’t see his eyes. Isaw his eyes. I saw what was inside his eyes. He was looking at me like-like-like I used to look at my mother back when I was a teenager and—”

“You’re wrong,” Derek insisted, trying to raise my head. “Look at me, you’re wrong.”

“Would you just shut up and fucking listen to me!” Something vicious came over me and I brusquely pulled away, glaring up at Derek. “In your fucking dream world maybe, I’m a good dad. I can’t do no wrong in your eyes, but it’s bullshit, O’Reilly! Fucking bullshitand you know it and Spence knows it, and—” I pointed at Myles “—and you know it. Especially you. You fucking know.”