Chapter 1

Wade was so smooth, his admiring little brother called him Suede. Of course, Wade was twenty-four and Shane, A.K.A little bro, was only twenty. But, oh, did Shane admire the way the ladies fell for Wade, left, right, and straight off the back end of their horses. On purpose, Shane knew, because he was invisible to women, and they talked about how sexy Wade was right in front of him.

What irritated the shit out of Shane was the fact that he was so much better looking. Wade had brown goofy, spiky hair and deep brown eyes and a bit of a lisp. He, Shane, was blond, his hair curled nicely, and his eyes were deep ocean blue. It wasn’t fair, and he hated it.

Shane had been studying his brother since he first caught up to him, sort of, as a freshman in high school. Wade was a senior then. As far as he could tell, Wade had the top seat on the pedestal; the gold in the triumvirate of the Olympics of high school idols. And yet, Wade never got anyone pregnant, at least, none had ever come crying to his parents. Wade went to parties and dances, but never got home after curfew. Sure, Shane found condoms in his older brother’s drawer, but he never found panties or rings from some girl. Shane never had lipstick on his collar.

Man, if some gorgeous girl let him date or kiss her, Shane would never wash his shirt collars again. He’d have lipstick stains all over his face, shirt and pants, if… well, a boy can dream, he thought. Unfortunately, he also remembered the one girlfriend he did have, Molly B. Her name was Lillian Brown, but she went by Molly not because she did drugs, but because she was built like the locally infamous Molly B., a cow that got loose downtown years ago when they were in grade school. Still, she went to the prom with him and let him feel her up later. He might have even made it to third base, but he came in his pants.

So anyhow; there was big brother Wade, riding his horse Rusty. And here came little brother Shane, riding his mare, which he had named after his girlfriend, who had long since gone off to college and was working on a degree in avionics, whatever that was. Molly was a good, tranquil, cow of a horse, just right for him. Wade knew that but hated the fact.

Shane should have gone to college but was too stubborn. Although, he thought, if Dad made him do this guest ranch experience guide thing, he was going to start community college and study nursing after the end of this summer. He’d have to; he was always hurting himself. And then, see, girls—nurses—women who were nurses—would take care of him. He had it all planned out. But first, he had this summer to get through, and he was going to spend the whole thing copying his successful, handsome, older brother. He would learn Wade’s secrets, or die trying.

The truth is Wade had only one secret, but everything else was based on that secret, and that made for a big ton of fiction. Lies, all lies. His whole life since he was fourteen years old was a lie. He had known he was different when he was ten, but not until he turned fourteen did he know in what way he was different. It happened one day in gym class, when the boy next to him dropped the soap in the shower. The only thing that happened was that Wade turned around abruptly, and wrapped his towel around him before he even turned off the water. It was what happened to him on the inside that made all the difference.

That external sort of thing happened all the time at the pool in the summer; Wade knew that, because he was on both the diving team and the swim team, but he had never explained to anyone why he dropped both sports and took up track instead.

But that was ten years ago, all in the misty, hazy, horrible teenage past. You couldn’t pay him to ever, ever, do it over. Right now, he was riding Rusty, leading a small group on a trail ride. He was in the front, and his brother Shane was at the tail end. He knew Shane hated the job, but there were a few high points. For Shane, it was riding behind a girl, whether she was good on a horse or not; he always said she had a good seat. Shane was always super sweet to the girls, but they still all fawned on Wade, instead. It wasn’t fair. Why should he have to spend his whole summer feeling bad because of his brother? It wasn’t his fault.