Chapter 55

“Would you relax?” Jackson whispered.

“Do I have a booger hanging from my nose?”

“No!”

“Well, I don’t want rescue workers to be looking at my dead body if I’ve got a booger hanging from my nose or something.”

“Oh, honestly!”

“If I’m going to die, then I want to look nice. If Ann Coulter can pull it off every single day, so can I.”

“What is it with Ann Coulter?” Jackson asked. “She’s not dead.”

“The last time that woman had a pulse, Jimmy Carter was the president and Jerry Falwell was launching the moral majority. Jimmy Swaggert, of course, was having sex with a prostitute at a motel in Louisiana.”

“And what were you doing?”

“If you believe my granddaddy, I was sitting on a fence post and masturbating. But he tends to exaggerate.”42: Hello, T-O-N-Y