Chapter 1

1

Madoc Griffiths turned over on the bed and reached for the warmth that had been there mere seconds ago. When his hand slid over the cold sheet, he sighed.

He’d done it again.

An ache spread in his chest and a lump formed in his throat. He didn’t want to open his eyes, didn’t want to see the empty side of the bed, the bare white walls, or the sad clothes hooks where only his clothes hung.

If he concentrated, he could remember the dream, remember the smooth skin under his palm as he ran his hand up Levi’s arm, remember his scent. He could see the tousled dark hair as he turned over to look at Madoc, see the heat in his hazel eyes.

With a shuddering breath, he threw off the cover and sat on the bedside. When would this stop? Fifteen months. It had been fifteen months since he shredded his every hope of happiness. The lump in this throat grew bigger, his eyes burned, and despite telling himself he’d done the right thing, the only possible thing, the longing wouldn’t go away.

It had been the right thing to do.

Reaching for his phone, he checked the time. Five minutes until the alarm would go off. At least he’d slept through the night.

His joints cracked as he stood, and he stretched to get the kinks out of his neck. The house was silent. Empty. Everything was silent and empty since Levi had left—since he’d made Levi leave.

He walked into the kitchen and switched on the coffee maker before heading to the bathroom for a quick shower. He hadn’t more than wrapped a towel around his hips after getting out when the doorbell rang. For a second, his heart sped up, but soon his brain caught up with him and reminded him Levi wasn’t in the country anymore and hadn’t been in the country for close to six months now.

With a sigh, he went to the hallway.

“Happy birthday!” Lisa pushed him out of the way so she could get in. The familiar scent of her perfume tickled his nose as she squeezed herself past him. There were a bunch of yellow roses and two purple balloons on a string in her hand.

“Lis, what are you doing here?” Madoc glanced at the clock. He didn’t have time for this

“I only wanted to wish you a happy birthday. Go put something on. I have bagels in my bag so we can grab a quick breakfast before work.” She walked into the kitchen without giving him a second glance, put the roses on the counter, and reached for cups and plates in the cupboard.

Madoc sighed and went into the bedroom to get dressed.

“Have you heard from him?” Lisa appeared in the doorway right as he did the last button on his shirt. Reaching for a tie, he shook his head.

“No. We said no contact.” We. He’dmade Levi promise he wouldn’t contact him.

“But it’s your birthday.”

Madoc shook his head, not trusting his voice to remain steady if he spoke.

“Doc…” Ever since he was a kid, Lisa had called him Doc, and now almost everyone did. She walked into the room and waved away his hands so she could tie the tie. He wanted to snarl, wanted to ask her to leave, tell her he was perfectly capable of tying his own ties, but he forced his lips to stay shut.

“I worry about you, you know. I miss you.” She looked up at him, her green eyes, the same shade as his, were filled with concern. “You’re not the same man anymore. When was the last time you smiled?”

“I smile.”

“Yeah?” She flattened her hands on his chest. “I haven’t heard you laugh in ages.”

Madoc didn’t reply. He couldn’t remember when he’d laughed last.

“You should call him or…” She frowned. “Is there a way to get in touch with him? There has to be, right?”

Shaking his head, he walked out of the bedroom. On the kitchen counter he found two plates with one smoked salmon bagel on each. The sight made him stop. He hadn’t had a proper breakfast in weeks. “It looks delicious.”

Lisa raised an eyebrow, just like he often did, just like their mother used to do. “You’re not taking care of yourself. I don’t care what you think you did or didn’t do for him, but either you get him back or you snap out of this.” She pushed a plate at him. “Eat, drink, laugh, cry if you must, but for fuck’s sake, snap out of it.”

“I thought you came to wish me a happy birthday.” He took a bite of the bagel so he wouldn’t have to talk.