It’s about time writer Jonah Icicle takes Sandy Keye’s hand in marriage ... on Christmas Day! The Icicle family is upside down again and who better to rescue them? Jonah, of course. As a blizzard builds outside, his fiancé Sandy becomes concerned the storm might threaten their wedding day. No fear, though -- Jonah gears up and plows forward, ready to face the snow and the Icicles. A new addition to the family surprises him -- Magnum McKee, a snow buddy who happens to be his brother-in-law Bobo’s sexual therapy partner. Magnum causes a rift between Jonah’s two younger siblings, Jake and Willa. The brother and sister are in a face-off concerning Magnum’s position in Willa’s “threesome” marriage. Can Jonah smooth out their sibling rivalry before his happy day? His mohter Pam is hiding a secret. Where is she running off to again? Something is going on and Jonah must get to the bottom of it. And his father Bill hangs out in the neighbor’s basement. Jonah has to help put a stop to his straying before he ends up in the next town over. Throw a blizzard into the mix, Jonah’s bottom catching on fire, matching Christmas-themed briefs between Magnum and Bobo, a human snowman, and a wedding coordinator on cocaine. Despite all this, will Jonah have the perfect wedding on Christmas Day? Will he have the chance to marry the man he loves or not?

The Icicles: A Christmas Wedding

“Bro, Merry Christmas,” Jake says. The joint bounces between his teeth. He hugs Jonah with open arms, pats his back. Loose. Quick. The hug ends and he pulls away. Prodigal wears sunglasses, probably hiding his bloodshot eyes. “How’s homo-life treating you, queer? Apparently good since you’re marrying Sandy’s dick, riding that thing day in and day out. Now you get to ride that all you want. Good for you.” Snickers. Inhales. Exhales. Grins.


“It’s a little more involved than that.”


Jake inhales his joint again and blows a marijuana-tainted cloud in the kitchen, fills the area like San Francisco Bay. Does whatever the fuck he wants. Carefree by nature. Doesn’t give a shit about those around him. More of a hippy than anything. He attempts to pass the stick to his brother. “Want a hit?” Snickers again. Grins. “Like old times. Two bros getting high together. I miss those days growing up.”


Jonah puts up a palm. “I’m good. Thanks. Maybe later.”


Chapter 4