Chapter 1

1

Every day I misplace a small of myself, and for the life of me, I cannot think of where I’ve left it. It bothers me, confuses and frustrates me, for quite a while afterwards, but then my mind is distracted by other things. Such as the man on the other side of the living room. I can see clearly he is dusting, moving things to one side with one hand while the other hand goes to work with a scrap of cloth. But who is he? What is he doing in my home? Or is this my home? Some of the objects look vaguely familiar, though a number of them are strange to me. And there are one or two items that I simply would never have bought. But I don’t want to ask questions. I don’t want to sound stupid.

I stare out of the window. It’s a cool autumn day. I know because the back yard is skirted by a small wood. What foliage remains is a sea of reds, oranges, and golds. Some of the branches are all but bare, contributing great holes in the autumnal palette. There is a chill in the air by the window, though elsewhere in the room it is comfortably warm. Outside it looks cold. The summer light has turned dull and the skies are more grey than blue.

“Would you like a cup of coffee?” asks the man.

He is handsome, though the years have stolen some of his charms. His blue eyes dazzle from beneath brows that are grey and peppered with darker hairs. There is something familiar about them, or perhaps it is simply that I find them attractive and pleasant to look at.

I realise how alone I have been feeling and his voice, deep and warm, is friendly, comforting. I force my lips into a smile and I can feel the smile reach my eyes. I realise I am grateful for the interaction.

“Yes, please,” I reply. “Yes, please.”

The man’s smile widens and he gives a slight, almost imperceptible, nod before he leaves the room.

I watch him disappear and rack my brain trying to think of who he is. It is obvious I know him since complete strangers don’t make cups of coffee for people they don’t know. Like some of the furniture, he seems familiar. I feel he somehow belongs in this environment. I try harder to remember, and when I can’t, I feel my eyes well with tears. I look down and notice my hands are balling and unballing, showing my utter frustration. And it’s not as if I can ask him. That would be rude. Very rude. I simplyhave toremember before he gets back.

I return my attention to the outside world. It seems an eternity since I was of it. It looks so inviting. I watch two birds chase each other through the branches of a tree. For a moment, they disappear then reappear further down along the row of trees in a game that reminds me of my childhood. I remember it vividly. I remember faces and names, mostly.

So why can’t I remember what I had for dinner last night? Or even what I had for breakfast today, for that matter?

It is a terrifying thing to feel like a stranger in your own body.

The birds reappear and fly right past the window. They are not much more than a blur but I find myself smiling. I wait for them to return, to continue their game for my entertainment, but they don’t. I wonder if they are playing just out of sight. I get up from my comfortable armchair and walk towards the door. I pass through it and into a short corridor. There are doors leading off the hallway, though I cannot remember what is on the other side of them. I open one. A bathroom. And another. A laundry. On the other side of the washing machine there is another door, one with a large panel of glass that will take me into the great outdoors. The fresh air. The place that isn’t my armchair.

I go to take a step, though something prevents me from moving forward. A hand grips my arm.

“And where do you think you’re going?” asks the man with the blue eyes.

His tone is friendly and there is a slight smile playing upon his lips. I don’t feel threatened, although I am a little confused. I point towards the door. Isn’t it obvious? I want to go outside. I want to find…

What do I want to find? There was something out there I wanted to see. I scratch my head and try to look back over my shoulder. Perhaps if I can catch a glimpse of whatever it is, I can explain to this…person what it is I want to do.