Chapter 98

“I know. And I didn’t mean it that way.” Truthfully, I sort of had.

“I’m sorry I went without you.” He brushed my hand and walked by again, back toward the kitchen.

“No, that was silly.”

“It’s that lonely thing for me. Still. I had her there. I had her attention—finally—and yet it wasn’t enough. I can play to the press, because I’m good at pretending. I go into character and recite this dialogue I come up with in my head with no problem as ‘public Mathias Webber, swimmer and future gay icon.’” He showed another half smile. “It’s all an act I’ve perfected, and it helps me make acquaintances, hook up, and join clubs, but eventually I run out of script, and then it falls apart.” He looked right at me for what he said next. “Part of me thinks love is an act too—a big show—like a ton of Christmas gifts, clothes, a car, a bouquet of balloons, or, like, paying a huge amount of money for a last-minute flight to Spain, or Russia, or upstate New York from Arizona.”