Chapter 2

From that moment on, we exchanged numerous lengthy comments on that particular blog post of mine, largely but not solely related to “Something Like Fate.” We shared the same interest in many book genres, including tasteful erotic romance, which shocked me because of his horny nature. His kindness and warmth continued to lift my heart in a way I couldn’t explain. Despite the horny way he reviewed the books he liked, and all the gay porn he retweeted on Twitter (some of them kinky and gross), I was intrigued. I suddenly had to know more about him, a mysterious man with a strange appeal. What was really behind those two men kissing, behind that corny name of his, behind his heart-melting words? I just had to find a way without coming across as a creep. 2

The next morning, I grabbed my Got God?coffee mug and took a sip in front of my laptop, killing some time before going to church. The only window in my entire apartment unit was large enough to shed lots of sunlight, bringing life into my small personal space of artistically portraited walls and minimalistic furniture. The only downfalls of living there were the occasionally noisy neighbor who made me want to pound on the wall, and the wooden floor feeling cold in the winter that justified my serious need for slippers.

I stared at GGR’s replies to my comments from the night before, and I kept imagining ways of how to message him privately. Sure, he allowed DMs, but what exactly would I say to justify my first private message to him? I was always professional and never personal in my messages under my pen name, since it was also my real name. I had a pristine reputation to uphold, so I was careful with my words.

I decided to check his blog and noticed a new review he’d just posted, which hadn’t triggered a notification email just yet. It was for yet another kinky book, but unlike incest or piss play, it was solely about BDSM between a Dominant and a sub. The more I read his words, the more I realized how romantic he could be, which made me smile. I’d always liked the idea of being one with a man, submitting my all to him with deep trust and pure love in a way my ex-boyfriends had failed to appreciate. As much as I’d enjoyed sex with the only two guys I’d been intimate with, romance did so much more for me. Oddly enough, GGR was less horny and vulgar in his new review, and more romantic and emotional instead. He expressed how much he related to the Dom—a man described as kind and loving but firm in his dominance—for being much younger than the main character. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be interested in the physical kinks the characters got into, but the meaning behind their monogamous relationship piqued my curiosity. The Dom was as old-fashioned as I was when it came to romance, the only thing we had in common, and it was tough finding a man like that on all the dating apps where I’d wasted my time, especially someone who was emotionally available. On the other hand, the deep submission from the sub that was rewarded with the Dom’s deep love, while melting my heart, made me nervous. It had to take so much trust and the right guy to submit in such a way that the word “no” no longer existed. All it would take was a psycho to abuse the role, and I didn’t want to think about the horrifying results. But the Dom character in the current story was GGR. He said so himself. He poured more of himself into that review than he had in many of the reviews of his I’d read. Because of that, I clicked LIKE on that review, the only one I’d ever do that with.

Hence my intrigue. I had to message him and know more. Why? I didn’t know. I couldn’t explain my irrational interest in him when we were two different guys from two different backgrounds. I was not into any kinks, completely vanilla my whole life, and he was the total opposite. Then again, it wasn’t as if anyone would know we’d be friends, if we ever got that far. I’d never tell a soul about messaging someone like him, especially not to anyone in the LGBTQ-affirming church I attended every Sunday morning. They’d never accept any of it, and they’d question whether I’d been hiding things about myself to justify my association with GGR.

The more I pondered the idea of privately messaging him, the more time passed, and church would start soon. I decided to give it more thought later and changed into something decent—a nice shirt and some dressy jeans—and I still wore a face mask just to be safe.