Chapter 3

I huff. That isn’t exactly true. There are somethings I can do, even from a distance.

I take a deep breath and hold it in my lungs until they start to burn. Then I exhale, making sure to expel every last molecule of air, imagining breathing out my frustration. After repeating it a couple more times, I shake out my hands, trying to get rid of the tension in them caused by balling them into fists for too long. I stretch my neck, roll my shoulders, then I take off the hoodie and pull on a soft warm sweater instead. The one I know Julian loves.

There’s one thing I cando: smile and talk to him over Skype as he falls asleep. Make him feel like he’s not alone. And goddammit, that’s what I’m going to do, even if it kills me.