Chapter 39

Beyond the bathroom door, something clatters to the tiled kitchen floor. The noise is followed by an explosion, loud in the quiet morning like a car’s backfire or a single gunshot. Now I look at my brother, and the sudden fear that leaps in my chest is mirrored in his eyes. “Where’s Dad?”

Joey stares at me a moment longer. His gaze flickers down to my raised knees, where dark hair kinks around ruddy skin, and despite my worry over our father, I know I’ll recall this moment the next time I masturbate. I’ll see that flicker and play the scene out differently—I won’t pull away, for starters, and there will be no interruption from the kitchen to kill the moment. If only I could stop the world, freeze this instant in time, replay it over and over again until it rolls out the way I want it to. Joey moves towards me, a look of compassion in his eyes as he kneels down and opens his arms to gather me to him…