The True Fear

After heading to dinner to eat with everyone I decide to myself to try the ritual of becoming an Animagus again. After all, it makes sense that my results were from a freak accident and not what was supposed to happen. At worst nothing will happen and I will be left no worse off than I was before.

Once we finish lunch we head back to the room and Hermione heads off to study while we play some board games. At around eleven we decide to go to bed since we are all pretty tired from dueling class earlier today.

Laying in bed silently in the darkness of night I begin to think to myself. I can't even remember the face of my father in my last life, I don't even feel fear when I think of him, just hate. The question I pose to myself is this: Will the boggart show me him?

Letting my curiosity get the best of me I make the executive decision to sneak out. Covering myself in my shroud I walk through the halls making my way to the Defense Against The Dark Arts classroom.

As I enter through the wooden doors I am greeted by the same barren classroom as earlier today, only a single wardrobe resting in the center of the room. Letting down my shroud the boggart immediately begins to rattle around the wardrobe making a loud thudding sound.

Pulling out my wand I flick it towards the wardrobe ready to face the visage of my father once again. The unlatched door creaks open and the thudding stops. An eerie silence reigns in the room as I patiently wait with my wand ready to cast.

I jump with a start seeing a hand grab the door from the inside but my eyes narrow at it, it's a woman's hand, and it's covered in blood. My eyes widen and my blood runs cold as the bloody hand slides down the door and the disheveled figure of Auntie clambers out the wardrobe.

Her arms are covered in blood, there is a long gash on her belly that is bleeding profusely, her hair is nested, and her eyes are bloodshot. She looks up at me as she falls to her knees as blood splatters on the floor from her fall. I stand stunned as I stare blankly ahead, unable to move.

"Why? Why did you lie to me? Why couldn't you just tell me the truth? This… this is your fault."

I shiver as her words bring me back to reality, rage fills me as I nearly drop my wand. Raising my other hand my shroud rises from the darkness around the boggart choking it, bringing it into the air. The THING taking Aunties form gags with wide eyes as it looks down at me.

With a wave of my wand the boggart is transformed into a human sized rat. The rat begins to squeak in desperation as I tighten the grip on the rat slowly. My shroud moves to cover its mouth to quiet its squealing. Tightening my grip, even more blood begins to drip from the shroud covering the ground.

The once thick, fat rat is now not even half its original size. Closing my eyes I look at its soul which is also clambering to try and get out of my grasp rather unsuccessfully. The soul is shaped like an oblong disk with a dark amber color to it.

I grunt as I see a soul rushing towards us at a fast pace. With reluctance I shove the boggart back inside the wardrobe and wave my wand again. The incredibly blood stained floor is cleaned in an instant.

Turning around I see a disheveled Lupin burst through the doors, "Hello, Moony," I say with a small smile.

The out of breath Lupin sighs as he bends over trying to catch a breath, "I should have known it was you."

I shrug at his words, "I don't know if I should be offended or not."

Standing back up he sighs again, "So, was it what you thought?"

My expression sours at his question, "No, it was not. But now that I'm thinking of it, the more obvious it becomes, I was too blinded by my thoughts."

Lupin's eyes narrow at me, "You are only thirteen right? What could possibly make your life so complex?"

"More than you will hopefully ever know… So, how did you know I was here?"

He gestures at the magic circle below the wardrobe, "I charmed it just in case the boggart ever escaped."

I nod at his words, "That makes sense."

"If you don't mind me asking, what came out of the wardrobe?"

"My Aunt Dromeda."

Lupin laughs a bit, giving me an odd look, "What? What do you mean?"

"She was dying… covered in blood from head to toe with a large gash on her stomach… She said it was my fault, for not telling her the truth."

Sympathy covers Lupin's face as he stiffens, "I-I see, I'm so sorry, that's horrible. You haven't told her about the Order? About the dark lord."

I shake my head as I cross my arms putting my wand away, "No, and if all goes according to my plans she will never know."

Lupin's eyes narrow, "Why?"

"Because I don't want her to stress about it, about another war. When I think of home I think of a carefree Auntie, a stress free Uncle, and a always busy sister…"

"Soren, they have to find out sometime, it's not like you can take care of everything yourself." I smile seeing the concern on Lupin's face.

"Why can't I?" Lupin seems shocked at my words as I walk past him.

"Sorry for waking you up," before he turns around I cover myself in my shroud and continue back to the dorms.

Once I'm back in the dorms I head back to bed and spend the rest of the night awake thinking about everything. I don't know what I am supposed to do but I feel like I need to do something. I am like a nuclear weapon with no direction and no path.

I want to make a better world, I know that… but how? I have a war in front of me but I am still in school playing hall surrogate mentor to my friends. I don't want to rush this life but it feels like fate is forcing me to move faster.

I need to make sure my friends are safe, that is a top priority, and the best way is to pull their parents to my side. But that means they will all find out my secret and to be honest that scared me just as much.

Before long I can see the sun peering into the windows of the dorms and some others waking up. I grunt as I sit up in my bed and look at the clock, 6:05.

Turning off my alarm clock I stand up and get dressed before heading to breakfast. As I make my way down stairs I see Hermione and Katie sitting in the common room drinking tea.

Pushing down all my depressing emotions I put on a smile, "Good morning."