A Very Merry Christmas

I try to tune my father out to the best of my abilities as I stir the stuffing by hand. He’s been on the phone with some colleague for about two hours now, and I’ve just been in the kitchen trying to not eavesdrop on him. But it’s challenging work when he is talking so loudly.

“No Jeff, I can’t. I told you it’s impossible. Really. I Know…”

I sigh and move the turkey pan onto the island, getting ready to stuff it. The oven is already preheated, the pie is done, and the cranberries are cooling. Not much left other than the turkey itself. And maybe some sort of salad.

I try to put all of my focus into stuffing the turkey, but I can't help but wonder if I’m going to end up alone for Christmas dinner after all. It really sounds as if someone is trying to get my dad to come into work. I’m just surprised he didn’t jump at the chance after yesterday’s awkwardness following the argument.

We haven’t spoken more than a few sentences to each other since last night. There were no presents to open, I didn’t buy any for anyone and it seems like my father had the same idea as me. And now here we are, basically ignoring each other.

I finish stuffing the turkey and then I put butter on it and fresh herbs then cover it and put it in the oven. Now I just have to wait for about five hours and then it will be done.

I look at the clock on the wall and see that it says that it’s almost one in the afternoon. I think about how much schoolwork I don’t have to do and then I sigh. Before I get a clever idea.

I hop up the stairs and head straight into my closet and find my camera, pulling it out of my keepsake box, and checking how much battery it has. With a near-full battery, I smile and put a new card in before going back down the stairs and throwing on my boots and coat. I am quiet as I pull open the door and then close it on my father’s loud conversation.

I start walking down the street, camera in hand, looking for things to take photos of.

I haven’t done this in a while, just walked and took photos. It’s been a very long time since I’ve done anything relating to photography. Not since I pulled together a portfolio for my applications to the photography programs at different colleges a while back. And that wasn’t really taking photos, but finding the right portfolio-worthy photos from the ones I already had.

I take a few pictures of ice-covered trees and snow-filled evergreens, a squirrel here, and kids playing on a mountain of snow there. I feel my face pulling into a smile as I continue to walk and take photos.

While I’m out here, myself and my camera, I can forget everything else, at least for a little while.

Only about an hour passes before I go back into the house.

The first thing I do upon my return is taking a look at the turkey and baste it quickly. Then I make myself some hot chocolate and then head to the sofa to snuggle in and surf my phone.

I try to ignore the feeling that I’m missing something and then it hits me. The house is awfully quiet. I left my father earlier arguing in this very room with one of his colleagues. So why is it so quiet now? And where did my father disappear to?

I take a sip of my hot chocolate and then put it onto the coffee table, before getting up and wandering the first floor. Of course, the open concept lets me be sure that he isn’t down here, very quickly. I probably would have noticed him when I got home anyway so it was kind of pointless to look down here.

Then I head up the stairs, popping my head into the guest room to see my father with tools in his hand, trying to fix the smashed wardrobe.

“Oh.” I gasp a little before walking into the room. “I don’t know if it’s salvageable,” I comment, and my father just turns his head and rolls his eyes at me.

“It’s fine, I’ll get it back into working order soon enough, and then you’ll see.” He screws in another screw, trying to reattach one of the doors that somehow my mother managed to rip off. I wasn’t going to question it too hard; desperation makes some people able to do things you’d never be able to imagine them doing. At least that’s what I’ve heard.

“Do you, um… want a hot chocolate or something?” I ask him, knowing that I won’t be very helpful with the handyman part of this job, so maybe I could do something else.

“Sure, I wouldn’t mind one. Thank you.”

“Sure, be back in a minute.” I turn quickly and leave the room, heading back to the kitchen, grabbing a mug and making a hot chocolate quickly, before taking it back upstairs. “So, if you need me, I’ll be downstairs.” I start then back out.

“Hey, Elle, come here for a minute.” He calls me and I sigh wondering what it is that he could want to talk about now.

I walk over and grab the door from him, holding it in place while he screws the hinges back in place.

“Thanks.” He doesn’t even look at me as he awkwardly scratches his head, and then continues to do what he was before I started to help him.

“You wanted to talk to me,” I finally prod after a few moments of silence from him wondering what could be so important for him to call me out and then just not talk about.

“Yeah,” He sits back and puts the tools in his hand down before taking a look at the now reattached door. “There,” he grunts as he stands up, “I can’t help but think about what we were talking about yesterday.”

I hold back a sigh as I stare at him. He really can’t be wanting to bring it up now. But I guess if he is leaving soon then he must want to talk about it before he does go back to work.

“I want you to understand that I’m not trying to crush your dreams, I’m just being realistic.” He looks at me for a moment, his expression earnest. “I want both you and your brother to be self-sufficient, and able to take care of yourselves without worry. That’s why I’m trying to get you to go into something practical, not because I don’t think you can’t do something with photography.”

I take a moment and think about his words. I don’t want to admit it, but he has a point, but also, I know what I want and that’s not this. The workaholic life like him, the desk jobs and paperwork that he seems to be pushing me so hard towards. I really want to do something that allows me my freedom.

“But this is what I want dad,” I tell him and he sighs deeply.

“We have time to discuss it, but I really do think that you should do something that is more practical. You could go into something like computer engineering like your brother if you really don’t want to go to university. But something that I know you’ll be able to live from.” He says and I frown, but before I can argue my point, I feel his hand patting me on the shoulder.

“Just focus on school for now, and getting through exams, which are coming up soon no?”

“Yeah, soon,” I mutter, realising that he won’t listen to me if I bring it up anymore.

“You’ll do fine, you’re smarter than I was at your age.” He continues to pat my shoulder awkwardly for a few moments before turning around and grabbing the other door. I sigh and step forwards, I might as well finish helping him with the wardrobe.

“Are you sure that you have to go?” I ask my father as he pulls his suitcase down the stairs. I was glad enough that he stayed for dinner with me at least, but there was still a mountain of leftovers that I would need to container and put in the fridge.

“I’m sorry Elle, I meant to stay for a couple more days, but there’s a surgery that needs to happen sooner than anticipated.” He smiles at me, and I frown, but my hopes aren’t as dashed as I thought they would be. I guess I had very little hope, to begin with for this trip, I’m just lucky I even got a day with him. Not that we spent a lot of it together or anything.

“Be good, and good luck with your exams. I’ll come home soon.” He pats my shoulder a few times awkwardly, but I can see that he’s already not even looking at me but thinking about what needs to be done at work.

“Alright dad, drive safe,” I tell him before walking him out the door, he gets in his car and waves at me through the window before he pulls out and drives away.

I watch his car until it reaches the corner and turns so that I can no longer see it, and then I turn around and head back into the house.

It’s always surprising how big the house feels after someone else was here with me for a little while. Now that I’m alone the silence is almost eerie instead of calming.

I make sure that the door is locked before I move further into the house and grab a blanket to wrap around myself. I find my phone and open it, hoping that there will be a message or something for me. But it’s unsurprisingly empty.

What else did I expect, it’s Christmas, everyone else is busy.

I send a round of merry Christmas texts to Rowan, Xander, Caleb, and Dana, before throwing my phone onto the couch and leaving it there. They’ll more than likely send a merry Christmas back at some point, but that will be the extent of the conversation. Especially with triplets, as their parents will be leaving on their trip soon. They’ll probably want to spend as much time as possible with them before they leave.

I head for the kitchen, deciding that it is probably best if I get the leftovers prepped and ready to go into the fridge before I do anything else. At least that will keep me busy for a while.