Chapter 22: I'm Getting Closer To The Truth

"How'd you find me?" I ask. I was so discreet; I just have to know how they got here so fast. "I covered all of my basis, I didn't leave a trail"

"You didn't" Sam says, "but we knew where you'd be headed. Cas helped with the rest"

Dean unscrewed a bottle of scotch from the mini bar and poured himself a glass. I don't know why he's bothering with a glass at all; he's just going to finish the whole thing anyway.

"So, what? The dynamic duo are suddenly back together?"

"The family is back together" Dean corrects putting emphasis on the word "family". "And I don't blame you for leaving, but we're in and we're in deep. We're better off together"

I look at the grave faces on plastered on my big brothers. The glass of scotch sits untouched on the table as Dean takes a swig from the bottle. Sam nods in agreement and looks at me.

"What happened?" I ask

Dean and Sam exchange one of those looks. Something big went down. It turns out that I wasn't the only one who had been on an adventure these past couple of days. Sam had a visit from Lucifer. Sam is his vessel.

"And you already know that I'm Michael's" Dean says. Honestly, I didn't know that. They must have said it during one of their arguments; I've learned to tune them out mostly when they argue. I know that I should be surprised and scared, but I'm just not.

"So what does that mean?"

"I don't know" Sam says, "We're both not going to say yes."

"So no fight, no apocalypse?"

Dean finishes off his bottle. The room falls silent.

"I wish an angel wanted to use me in some epic fight. You guys always get all the action" I grin

Sam blinks incredulously and scoffs a little.

"That's it? This doesn't upset you at all?"

"What's getting upset going to do for anyone? We'll get through this all right. We always do. So are you guys going to help me out here or what?"

I stare at it for minutes, taking it in. The sun is hot but the breeze is cool and saturated with the smell of freshly cut grass. There's a car in the driveway, a white BMW minivan. It's hard to grasp that someone else lives here now. It's as though life went on here without me and erased me from existence. My mother died in the room where these people's children sleep. Her blood soaked through the carpet and stained the floor where they play.

I want so badly just to go inside. I'm not allowed. Sam tells me that we have to play it smart. I hate that I'm not old enough to do any legwork but Sam and Dean have it covered like they always do. They tell me not to visit the house while they find out what they can about my mother's death from the police, but then they give me the address, so how can I help it? As I walk up the same driveway I walked down eleven years ago with my father just hours after my mother's funeral; it's not familiar, not really, it's almost as though I've seen it before in a dream instead of real life.

I'm at the door when my phone rings. I don't want to answer it but I do.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?" Dean asks. His voice is serious but that may be because he's still in FBI mode.

"I-uh… I just went for a walk"

"Well walk back, we need to talk"

I sit down at the table while my brother's change out of their suits.

"What did you find?"

"In a minute." Sam takes the seat across from mine and clicks on the television.

"-brutal machete murder of a young couple in their suburban home, after some investigation, is what the police say a simple case of self defense. Paul Marino, a registered sex offender and his partner Cindy Green were keeping several children captive in their home at the time of the murder, all of whom are now in stable condition at a hospital."

Sam clicks if off again.

"Want to tell us what happened in Kansas?"

"What? You think that was me?" I frown

Dean stares at me and crosses his arms "Are you going to try and tell me that it wasn't you?"

I don't answer. I pick at the splinters on the wooden table.

"We limit ourselves to just killing monsters for a reason"

"They sound like monsters to me"

Dean nods "Okay fine, they were and those sons of bitches deserved to get their heads blown off, but you see the difference between killing a creature with a machete and killing a creature with a machete? Or punching some guy to death and exorcising a demon?"

"Nothing" I mutter

"More media coverage" Sam says, "more evidence-"

"So it's not worth the risk? You've both been to prison before and you're fine"

"We got lucky all of those times. We've always had an inside man"

"It's an occupational hazard, right? Plus, I'm not going to get caught."

"No, you're not" Sam says, "Because you're going to keep a low profile. We don't kill humans"

"Yeah, we do. All the time"

"We don't hunt humans" Dean corrects

"Why not? Humans are just as dangerous as anything else out there. Even worse. We can play judge and jury to creatures but not humans?"

"If you're trying to protect yourself, that's fine. But we're not murderers" Dean says firmly

"Says you."

"It's a slippery slope" Sam says, "you start that, taking into your own hands trying to decide who has the right to live and die. It doesn't end well, Evan. Stick with hunting. If you're in danger, protect yourself, but don't go looking for trouble"

"They deserved what they got, hell, the deserved worse, okay? But we're not those guys, Evan." Dean adds, his mouth plastered in a subtle frown, "You're not that guy"

I still don't understand why they're making such a big deal out of this. Evil is evil, so why discriminate? But I don't want to argue with them because I know I'm not going to win this fight. I just nod and tell them what they want to hear. If there's one thing I've learned about my brothers, it's that no matter how hard they try to deny it, they like to be lied to. Dean drops some manila folders on the table and sits in between Sam and me. They look so grim, I'm not sure why they're always so unhappy but I hope they can get back into business mode for my mom's case. Sam looks at Dean ruefully and touches the folders gingerly underneath his fingertips.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks me

Is he serious? Duh, Sam. I just nod.

"We talked to the police officers who were assigned the case and looked into what they found at the crime scene"

"And?"

"And we didn't find anything that would suggest that your mother was attacked by anything supernatural. None of it adds up, Evan."

"So you know what happened that night?" I lean forward in anticipation.

Sam and Dean look at each other again and then back at me.

"What do you remember?" Dean asks me

"I told you already. I was hiding in the closet and I saw a guy come at her. I remember there was screaming and a lot of blood. She said the name 'Reggie'. That's all I remember. Why?"

"Nothing. That's basically everything that happened" Sam says

They're lying to me. I can't believe that they're trying to snow doze me like one of the other idiots they talk to on cases.

"Let me see the folder"

"There's nothing in here that we didn't already tell you except some possible suspects-"

"If there's nothing in it then why won't you hand it over?"

"It's not important"

"Give it!" I shout and reach for it. Sam puts a strong hand down on them.

"It's not a door you want to open!" Dean yells and I pause.

"Evan, please, you're my brother and I love you. We're going to help you but just… please, okay? Don't open up that door. There's a reason why you don't remember what happened that night." He's begging me now. His eyes are tearing up and everything. I sit back in my seat but my eyes don't break away from Dean's and he stands. He's back at the minibar. Sam is the first to speak again.

"They had a few suspects but the evidence at the scene was contaminated."

"Was one of them Reggie?"

"They questioned someone called Reggie Larson, but he wasn't considered a person of interest. He had a solid alibi corroborated by several others."

"It was him." I growl

"I believe you" Sam says

"So, let's go find him!"

"We will" Dean says

"Yeah. But it's been eleven years. We don't even know if he goes by that name anymore so we're going to have to do some digging"

"So all that stuff you guys just told me about not killing people, that doesn't apply to this situation, right?"

"Not this time" Dean says

"I think we're all in agreement on that one" Sam says

I look down at the folders under Sam's palm.

"You can't shelter me forever, you know. I'm going to find out what happened. One day I'll remember everything."

Dean pours himself another glass of liquor from the minibar and takes a big gulp while Sam slumps back in his seat. Neither of them says a word. Sam joins Dean for a drink. They pour me a drink too and we clink our glasses together before downing them. This is how it should be, all of us against the world; finally they're beginning to see it my way.

I can't sleep because I keep thinking of my mother's case. Dean gets off of the couch and pours himself something from the minibar. I join him and he pours some for me too.

"Can't sleep?"

I shake my head no. "I can't believe that after all these years, I'm going to finally get to the bottom of this. I just want to get my hands on that guy. I'll rip his eyeballs out with my fingers. Drown him in his own blood."

Dean swishes the liquid in his glass and takes a sip. I reach over to the bottle and refill my glass.

"No, you know what I'm gonna do?" I smile, "I'm going to slit open his stomach and use his intestines as a-"

"Whoa, okay. I get the picture" Dean raises a hand at me. He looks annoyed but he looks like that most of the time anyway so I don't let it kill my buzz.

"Too graphic?"

"Yeah. A little… Actually, Sam and I have been talking-"

"It really is the apocalypse." I laugh.

"And…" He sighs heavily

"What? Spit it out, Dean"

"And I was thinking that maybe you can take a backseat on this for a while until we figure it out."

"No way. Why?"

"It's just… this is real, real personal. I don't want that getting in the way of the case"

"You mean like the thing that killed your mom was personal? I don't remember you taking a backseat on yellow eyes"

"And you see how that turned out. I don't have to remind you how Dad died…"

"Yeah. Because he was hunting a demon, Dean, we're just after a man. The only thing he's going to do in retaliation is scream a lot." I feel the booze warming me from the inside out "scream and… beg… and suffer"

Dean takes out his gun and places it on the table. "One shot, Evan. That's all you need"

"Not good enough"

"It's plenty. One shot. After we find out the details. Okay?"

I'm getting sleepy now. My lids are heavy but I finish my drink. I feel numb.

"Do you think Dad would be proud of us if he saw us now?" I murmur

Dean huffs as he moves on to the booze in his flask, "honestly? I doubt it."

"Yeah. You're right… What about you, Dean? Are-are you p-proud of me?"

I close my eyes and I feel his hand run over my hair.

"Of course I am little guy. You scare the crap out of me some times, but…"

I don't hear the rest before I pass out.