Chapter 10 (How Are You Going to Keep Us Alive?)

Chapter 10: How Are You Going to Keep Us Alive?

Ethan Warren

September 8th, 2022

111 days after outbreak

The Apartment, Minnesota

Season 1

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"Happy birthday, dear Dallen, happy birthday to you," we sang as Dallen smiled. It seemed like birthdays were something that happened every other day, and every time the celebration got more disappointing. We had a home now; we had food and safety. We had only what we needed.

Time seemed to go by more quickly now that we had a home. Leah and Khai fixed up the generators in the basement; it apparently took hours, but I didn't even realize. We had power now; it was one of our greatest accomplishments. They were going to figure out a way to get us running water soon, and I was the most excited for that. And soon they'd renovate the bottom floor so there were no walls, except the ones for the bathroom, obviously. Our idea was that we'd create a simple living room where we could store whatever we needed and just live our lives. We had already started gathering furniture and decorations to make the living room cozy and inviting. It was going to be a space where we could relax and forget about the chaos outside. As we planned, I couldn't help but imagine the joy of sitting on a comfortable couch, surrounded by loved ones, and enjoying the simple pleasures of life amidst the challenges we faced.

They always looked to me for answers. Khai made sure I was okay with any modifications made to the house; Rudi and Aiden always checked with me before going on runs for supplies; and Edin and Dallen told me what people were looking for future-wise and what Edin needed to tend to our occasional cuts and scrapes. Their trust in me and reliance on my judgment made me feel a deep sense of responsibility and purpose. I didn't know why they did this. Why am I the leader in their eyes? Khai was capable, so was Aiden; why me? I will never understand what they saw in me.

"Ethan," Rudi said from behind me, grabbing my attention.

"Yeah?"

"Our knives are blunt, and there's been more and more of the dead nearby recently."

This was a difficult situation. Without weapons, we'd be trapped here when a herd came by. It wasn't a matter of "if", it was certain to happen eventually. I knew that our survival depended on being prepared for any situation. It was clear that we needed to find a solution to our weapon problem before it was too late.

"You and Aiden didn't find anything while scavenging yesterday?" I asked, unsure of how to necessarily go about this.

"Actually, yes, there's a hunting store a few miles east. It looks like whoever last went there barely scraped the top of what's inside before the dead came. The only problem is that the place is filled with those things," Rudi informed before Edin joined the conversation.

"Dallen's still not ready for travel. If you're going out, Rudi, do you mind picking up some pain medication? He would appreciate it," Edin asked.

"Of course," he smiled as she left.

"You, Aiden, Khai, and I will head over there tomorrow. Are the knives still sturdy enough to at least get us inside?"

"Yeah, Amy's sharpening them now. She and Leah want to talk to you, by the way. They're up on the roof," Rudi said before leaving. I didn't want to talk to Leah; she hated me, and I couldn't figure out why. She was tough as nails, and her sister was the exact opposite. She rarely talked; Amy loved to talk. The thing was, Leah's cold eyes did all the talking for her. I had always felt a sense of unease whenever Leah was around. Her piercing gaze seemed to see right through me, and it made me uncomfortable. I couldn't help but wonder what I had done to earn her disdain. Despite my reservations, I knew that if Amy and Leah wanted to talk, it was probably important.

I made my way up to the roof slowly. Each step on that ladder felt like torture. I could have just never gone up there. Maybe things would be different. But something inside me compelled me to face whatever awaited me on the roof. As I reached the top, my heart raced with anticipation and anxiety. The cool breeze brushed against my face, offering a momentary respite from the weight of uncertainty.

"Ethan!" Amy smiled, setting down one of the knives. Leah didn't look at me; she just stared off to the side. Amy hugged me as she pulled my hand to sit with her on one of the vents.

"Rudi said you wanted to talk to me," I said, occasionally glancing at Leah, making sure she kept the knives on the concrete. Leah's silence only added to the tension in the air, making me wonder what was going through her mind. As I sat down with Amy on the vent, I couldn't help but feel a mix of curiosity and apprehension.

"Yeah, about that," Amy said, avoiding eye contact. "Leah more or less wanted to do the talking." We both looked at Leah with anticipation. Until she finally spoke for what felt like the first time. I'll always remember the words that came from her mouth. Like nails on a chalkboard. It was painful, but I knew where she was coming from.

"Where's Calvin?" I didn't know what to say; I didn't want to seem like a murderer, but after all, that's exactly what I was. I know I should just own up to what I've done, but for some reason I just couldn't.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, knowing exactly what she meant. My heart raced as I tried to come up with a convincing response. The weight of guilt and fear pressed down on me, making it difficult to think clearly. But deep down, I knew that the truth had to come out sooner or later.

"How the hell do you expect any of us to trust you, Ethan? You killed a man, and we're supposed to turn our backs? How are you going to keep us alive when everyone else knows? They'll leave. They should have left a long time ago. You're not fit to lead. We're all better off on our own." And with that, Leah went down the ladder and off the roof. I sat there in shock, and Amy didn't say anything either. I felt terrible. Leah's words struck me like a punch to the gut, leaving me speechless and overwhelmed with guilt. It was clear that my actions had shattered the trust of those I cared about most, and I couldn't help but question if I truly deserved to lead them through this turmoil.

"Leah won't tell anyone unless you really do something to piss her off," she reassured me. I was grateful for that, though I still knew that it was wrong of me to want to keep this secret.