Chapter 13 (Dr. Feelgood)

Chapter 13: Dr. Feelgood

Khai Reaver

Estimated, May 2024

About two years after outbreak

California, The Circus

Season 3

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I don't even know what she looks like, but I know she's beautiful. From the first time she kissed me, I knew I was in love. The way she touched me and the way she cared for me made me feel real.

I wanted her to have all of me, and so she did. She didn't care about my flaws; she loved me just as much as I loved her.

That's why I hadn't been going to any of the meetings and dinners; I stayed all day and night in the infirmary with Esme, and I didn't care that I was missing out.

After a while, I didn't need to be kept hospitalized, so I moved my things into her house, but nothing about us changed. She still taught me how to understand the world again and cherished me with affection.

Sometimes she said things that made me have second thoughts about being with her. She always talked about the time when she had a patient who had been bitten. She kept describing the way he changed when he was turning. I didn't let it get to my head, though. I loved her, and she loved me; that's all that mattered.

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Ethan Warren

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As I predicted, Thomas called me in to speak about Aiden. Neither of us mentioned what I overheard. I felt a bit insulted that Thomas didn't inform me even though I already knew, but he didn't know I knew. I hold so much resentment towards him now.

"I don't want to keep him locked up forever. Besides, you're all probably murderers; it's not fair to Aiden if I only punish him."

"So you want to imprison all of us?" I asked, feeling a mix of shock and disbelief. Thomas paused for a moment, considering my question, before responding.

"No, I want to be able to get past this. You're my friend, Ethan; I want to be able to have your full trust." But he didn't. I took everything this man said with a grain of salt. "I'm overreacting; I know I am, but I just want to set an example for my people. I think you can agree that we can't just go around killing people. There has to be something to justify."

"Yeah, it makes sense, but we can't just sit here and pretend like there's a law. Aiden killed someone. I've killed people too, but with the dead walking our streets, sometimes killing is all you can do. Maybe Aiden does have a reason; maybe he just feels too ashamed to tell us. I get that you're trying to start society over again, but realistically, things can never go back to the way they were. They can get better, but it can't be the same." I left the meeting without being dismissed; I didn't feel either of us had anything left to say. I should have brought up what I knew, but I just wasn't ready to yet.

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Leah Souixer

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Thomas had assigned me to keep track of weapons and rations. I worked with a few other women; one was named Rachel, another was Amanda, and the last one was Ryan. I didn't really talk to them much; they were much older than me. They talked about their husbands and children. Rachel lost her four-year-old daughter to the dead. It was clear to me that they'd never been far outside the walls. They would always ask me what it was like out there, but Rachel stayed silent, as if she had seen enough of the horrors. I could see the pain in her eyes whenever the topic came up. Every time they asked, I would answer vaguely. I would obviously express that I didn't want to talk about it, but they kept pestering me whenever they got the chance.

I requested a job change from Thomas, but he refused. He said he felt I would be most productive in the job I was assigned, but I think he just didn't really know where to put me. He wanted me to do something easy but still important because I could tell he took pity on all of us. He felt sorry that we had it so badly in this world, but honestly, I felt sorry for him. He and the people, like the two women, didn't know what it was like, and so they weren't able to learn from it. We had the most experience, yet we were the ones doing their bidding and following their rules. It should have been the other way around, but I knew Ethan would never have the balls to take this place for ourselves. He had a bad habit of letting people walk all over him, and I knew he was okay with what we had become because he was selfish as much as he tried so desperately not to be.