summoned by goblins?

heathen fredricks wakes up in a magic circle that looks like it was drawn in crayon looks like some sort of cave system nearby a bunch of frail looking tiny green midgets in weird cloaks surrounded the "magic circle" unable to understand their language I'm extremely confused and still tied up .

a white haired girl who looks a bit healthier walks up to him and waves her wand and a transparent bubble appears around them suddenly he can understand her words she says it's a spell called bubble of cross communication anyway what's the deal we weren't expecting a human the ancestors champion summoning ritual never said anything about humans we thought it would be a goblin hero.

your asking me? responds heathen

how am I supposed to know ?

and goblins? I dunno yall just look like green midgets to me.

if could you untie me that would be great

anyway yall kinda saved my life so I'll help if I can.

the white haired girl stares at him blankly saying you would help goblins? a human? looking around at some of the frail goblins he can tell there scared of him.

even the white haired girl looks fearful he smiles at them dont worry I wouldn't even think of hurting you but uh would u please untie me already I think a got a leg cramp coming on ow ow ow ow heathen squirms around in pain and the goblins laugh at him but a couple finally help him get the bungee cords off seven of them he asks for a satchel to put them in cause hey never know when you could use them .

so....uh what made u wanna summon a hero? heathen asks...wait do i need to give u names maybe that will make you stronger?

...

the white hair girl tilts her head at me confused no I have a name thank u very much its durriana but I go by iana we all have names why wouldn't we have names? our full names are one word but we go by the second syllable prefix like this (durr-iana) .

oh sorry in my world theres a show where named monsters are stronger I thought it might be a thing here. anyway is there a bathroom?

iana responds we have a dedicated room for excrement she has one of the sickly goblins lead him there.

hes quiet so I ask for his name he says its duhl-ulag but doesn't say anything else the whole way . I finally get to the d.e.r dedicated excrement room and it smells horrible before even opening the door turns out no plumbing theirs a bucket and a great big pile of shit.

well this can't be good for your health no wonder your so sickly ulag stares at me blankly and finally heathen realizes that he can't understand him cause they left the bubble

the only reason he gave his name is cause their word for name is nahm which is similar.

heathen tears off a peice of his shirt to cover his mouth with and one to wipe with then has ulag turn around cause he doesn't wanna close the door and be trapped with the smell.

definitely have to do something about this hmm wonder if goblin dung is good fertilizer? he mumbles to himself. finishing up he pulls up his pants then reaches into his pocket for his wallet squeezing the little bottle of hand sanitizer attached to the keychain.

ulag motions for him to follow leading him back to the summoning room.

seeing him return iana recasts the bubble of communication iana has a proud look on her face she says what did you think of our d.e.r ?

we are the only goblin tribe that uses one most tribes just poop wherever they want she says her ample chest puffed up with pride. heathen thinks to himself is that really something to be proud of?

okay anyway do you have a room we can chill and talk in ? I'm tired of standing up .

iana says um we dont have any cold rooms but my burrow is the most lavish and comfortable I have poofy bedding made from bear and wolf fur she says proudly .

heathen is thinking this "lady" is sus she was proud of the shit chamber too I better keep my expectations low he puts on his best fake ass smile and says sure lead the way.

the goblin girl blushes and stutters yyyou wanna ggo to my bburrow .

heathen says out loud wow what're you blushing for I said I just wanna talk are all goblins this horny?

suddenly its deathly quiet and all the other goblins are slowly backing away the bubble of communication gets dispelled and she floats up into the air rocks and pebbles swirling around flying at heathen like something out of pokay mon all he can do is hold his arms up protecting his head when from behind the wall cracks and crumbles apart a huge chunk floating up and hitting the back if his head and everything goes dark.

heathen wakes unsure where he is then he sees the cave lichen glowing In patches on the ceiling and remembers where hes at.

hes lying on some kinda bedding like a cross between a lumpy bean bag chair and a smelly hairball.

theres a shelf nearby with various skulls and bone fragments decor probably? .

heathen hears a snorting sound like something a wild boar would make and realizes the bedding beside him is moving when a little green head pops up iana stares at him blankly still half asleep after a minute she yawns and starts talking before realizing she hasn't cast the bubble of communication yet after casting she says I only wanted to scare you for embarrassing me in front of my men but I lost control of the magic I'm really sorry.

heathen sits up and immediately breaks out a huge bag of weed and starts rolling a blunt but realizes he doesn't have a lighter he asks if she can make fire completely disregarding her apology she stares at him blankly before starting to sing apparantly some kinda summoning magic cause some pyroflies blink into existence (like fireflies but actually made of fire) one lands on the blunt lighting it for him

he takes a deep pull.

the pyroflies flying around her allow him to see her better than the the low light of the cave lichen about 4ft3 and wearing a fur skirt and something like a poncho shes actually kinda cute he passes her the blunt after showing her how to hit it.

she asks him what it is and he tells her its magic herb called maryjane that has duel uses in recreation and medicine.

he dosen't waste any time saying he might be able to grow it using their excrement as fertilizer.she asks how they'll grow it without sunlight?

he responds with a smile saying its actually better to grow it underground as long as we have enough light and water.

which isn't a problem between the cave lichen and pyroflies we have plenty of light .

.....

6 days days later

heathen looked at how much his makeshift farm had grown and was baffled by it the plants had grown three time as big as anything he grew back on earth and apparently it raises your manna limit every time you smoke it so now iana and her shaman narran-talg were teaching heathen various magic .

thanks to his magic herbs the whole tribe could use magic now and could better protect themselves.

even though he was kinda disappointed he couldn't see his stats or lvl up he figured having an army of magic goblins might be better he even taught them some judo he learned when he was a kid.

iana insists on me sleeping in her borrow so I had one of the craftier gobs weave us some blankets out of hemp fibers.

holy shit he woke up in the middle of the night to iana touching herself she really is a horny goblin blushing heavily heathen pretended to be asleep.

the next morning heathen was dead tired the little minx had kept him up half the night

he decided to take a shower to wake up using the waterfall spell.

after nice long shower he felt better so he decided to check on the plants the magic in th he air here had them growing faster than my little goblin gardeners could harvest them.

it was kinda funny seeing them scurry about

if only it grew like this back on earth he would have been rich.

he goes to find the shaman talg didn't wanna be late for his spellcraft lessons.

shit he was late anyway talg was meditating already meaning he didn't want to be interrupted must have lost track of time he wishes those damn cops hadn't taken his phone then at least hed know what time it was not to mention the offline games and choose your own adventure novels he had downloaded on his phone.

oh daily does he lament the absence of his beautiful phone so much so named her galaxxa and built a shrine to her(weirdly though some of the goblins have started praying to her guess they think shes his godess or something?

anyway it's hilarious so he didn't bother to correct them.

since talg was meditating (basically his version of the silent treatment) heathen decided to venture further into the caves out of the tribes territory as he had taken to doing whenever he was "late" so far he had only run into one other type of monster called a short tusk phrabbit something like a twisted cross between a carnivorous boar a porcupine and a rabbit that travel in small packs of three to four, their quills double as protective armour

one spots him and jumps into the air shooting quills the size of vampire stakes at our errant would be spellcaster.

heathen easily deflected the brutal spikes with the windshere wave spell a retaliates with the frostshatter spell freezing the creatures quills and shattering them in one move leaving them shaking naked on the cave floor .

heathen walks over to them quickly dispatching them with his spear "gwenny" whilst their still under the chill status effect. heathen signals the porter goblins to carry the meat back to their territory.

(since heathen doesn't lvl up or increase his stats instead imma list his spell repitore and equipment instead)

spells

windshere wave

waterfall

frostshatter

pryoflie manipulate

powerwash

enhance growth

manastack

keen vision

mind break

enchant object

....

equipment

reinforced police riot gear uncommon

enchanted goblin hero bone spear rare(goblins craft weapons out of fallen warriors bone out of respect the more powerful the warrior the more valuable it is)

enchanted champion blue and white tie dye flip flops(enchanted them himself what he was wearing when he got here

three manna storage ring epic (stores manna for emergencies)

...

and that's it for now will specify various enchantments in next chapter.

...

heathen knocks on the door to ianas borrow

she says enter and he walks in looking around you can see his influence everywhere blankets and pillows and rugs even a lamp he had made using luminous cave lichen it was like an entirely different place

iana was sitting in her chair smoking out of a wooden bong with various anime characters carved onto it (heathen had told them stories about them like he knew them personally lol)

they especially liked anything I told them about goblin heroes and almost pissed themselves when I told them about a certain armored goblin slaying hero but since they often fight with other tribes were not as put off by it as I thought apparently goblins have no problem attacking each other.

I got some meat for the tribe cause I missed my lessons again heathen said

sitting down across from her as he reached for the bong before taking a deep pull of some the best weed in existence he leaned back and became one with his chair utterly content.

iana just grunts at him not really caring about anything right now.