Date 13

I never check my social accounts actively but I saw that I got a message from Sidhart my DATE 3 and he was asking me about my whereabouts. He also texted me two-three times in the last 5 years but I replied once and twice and we were always at different places so there was no point. I told him I was in Kolkata and he told me is here as well and he asked me to text him on WhatsApp. Then we started chatting and it was fun and he asked if I could meet him. I told him maybe next week and he was like what is wrong with this week and we do many questions that it was easier to accept and go out with him the next day. Honestly, I didn't want to meet him because I don't get into any kind of relationship especially with my history and I wanted to be careful as I am in a perfect stage of my life currently where I have no one to think about and wait for someone's messages and calls which is the worst thing to do and most importantly I had emotional stability in life and I didn't v want to break it at any cost. But the is this other party that likes to go out on emotional adventures and somehow is always hopeful and that kind of always dominates the other half.

The next day I left around 6:30 wearing a nice black dress and a jacket over it and then he was sitting and as he saw me he waved with s big smile. We started off well and was it was really fun and somehow he was always excited about everything in life. I already knew from Rupal when I was initially dating him that his Dad is a business tycoon and the way Sidhart spends money is crazy and me being so mainly felt like a scratch to my OCD. I couldn't bear it when I heard about his expenses and he hired a private chef and throws a party every month spending thousands of dollars and the worst part he had no ambition as such. I knew that even if things worked out between us we will fight for life given the way he spends and I knew we were a different person in general. Then he invited me to his Christmas party already and asked me if I'd like to go to his place from here because we both were in the mood of dancing and there was no DJ in the club because it v was a Tuesday night. I said okay and I finished my drink and while on our way back I felt a little pukish and told him to pull over so that I can get down and then puked a little and asked him to drop me because I am feeling that well. He dropped me home and I knew puking was such a bummer and the next day he wishes me around 12 because it was my birthday and I asked him to let me know when he is free so that I can take him out for lunch and he is definitely let's do it sometime but tomorrow he is going to Goa for his birthday and when he comes back we can go. Then I added him on Instagram only to find out that he already has a girlfriend so basically he was not interested in dating me but simply wanted to catch up and I was such a fool to have taken this otherwise. But they were an issue that since I already got so hopeful about us that it got me thinking about how it would be to date him which kind of flickered some feelings in me and since I had no one in my life it was very easy for him to take that place. But I didn't want to live in misery and think about him when he was chilling with his girlfriend so I did what haven't done ever in my life that was to download Tinder. I have always found Tinder to be very obvious, easy, and desperate because I have always been an Old Schoolsoul and apart from that even when I have looked for people on Facebook they were necessarily not looking for date and they liked my Profile and then I met but in Tinder, the whole thing is that they want to date someone and I don't like people especially men who are specifically looking for girls and at this point where I can call myself a Hypocrite and a Judgemental freak because these is exactly what I have been doing in my school life but I didn't like the person I am dating to be like that and hence never downloaded it during my College Days but now desperate tuned called for desperate attempts and honestly I wasn't hooping anything from it and just wanted to maybe date someone very normal and hurt over Sidhart and then maybe since Christmas is coming so go on few dinner dates and then call it off in the month of January by saying I am going back to Hyderabad. And with this whole idea planned in my mind, I downloaded Tinder but something very different was waiting for me.

I added all the basic information required to create an account and only uploaded the pictures and was unsure about writing a Bio so I just wrote "Yet unsure" and start swiping. To find a nice guy in Tinder who is not desperate from the first attempt, quite good, and at the same time intellectually sane is very difficult and almost impossible. I right-swiped two of three accounts just to experiment and immediately one of them texted me back and the next one in the night and the third one week it turns out it was a fake account. The next I again swiped right for 3 accounts and out of all of them I only liked two accounts out of which one was still in college and the other was a doctor and we were vibing so good but turns out he was 10 years older which is nowhere acceptable. I tried looking for a good account and honestly wasn't expecting anything much just maybe few dates and maybe one kiss almost. I was finally kind of giving up when I came across an account which seemed familiar and not just familiar it was him Praneel Mehta the guy I first fell for and he vanished in thin air before I could make any confession. It was him and he was back, I immediately right-swiped him and couldn't contain my joy, it is not that I didn't try looking for him on Facebook or Instagram some years ago but he wasn't anywhere to be found, so I kind of have up not on him but on the fact that I might never be able to do what I have been waiting for so long. I couldn't believe in this coincidence or is it faster and is he finally the one but I quickly collected myself because I didn't want to make an assumption right away because I don't even know what he is like and what is he currently doing. I am not 13 anymore to just fall for someone I see, now it is more about what he is doing in life and how is he was a person even if it is just dating, and most importantly has he turned out to be like other guys on Tinder. I needed all these answers before thinking about him in a wishful way. Since it was already 2 in the night I wasn't expecting any text from his side and slept off almost immediately after that. The next day again there was no text and started wondering whether is he still using Tinder or already found a date. I lost all my patience and texted him a "Hi" and waited relentlessly. He was the first guy who I had to text first and that was good because he is still active and using Tinder then he didn't show any sign of desperation. He texted me the next day and I was more than happy thinking about my 13-year old self and only wishes to go back and tell her it is not over yet but I am glad that at least even if nothing works out I will at least get to do my confession and that made me feel at peace. I decided to not tell him the back story and wanted it to unfold himself and I will let him know when it is time so I acted like a complete stranger and he told me about himself. He did mention that he had lived here in the earlier years of his life but since his dad was transferred back to Gurgaon, they all went there, and now he got a Project in Kolkata so he is here for a couple of months. He is working at the election committee as an analyst and will be gone after he is fine with his project. We started talking somewhere around the mid of December and finally, after talking for a week on Tinder I have him mine by number. He was not an avid texter and it obviously took us time to know each other a little better but after a week I could see both improvement and interest more than I expected and it is when I decided to give him my number. Then he texted me on WhatsApp and it was so easy to talk to him, it felt very comfortable with every phrase he used and it's been already two weeks but not for once tried talking dirty with me. I asked him whether he is on any Social Handle and he is like he only used Snapchat apart from WhatsApp, the reason why I was never able to find him anywhere. One night we were talking about previous relationships and other stuff when he asked me if there is anything I am not comfortable with in bed and I didn't know what to answer and just said yes to his answer. He sensed that discomfort in me and immediately told me that it is fine you don't have to force yourself into talking about something you are not comfortable with and never forever yourself when you are with me. It felt so good to hear that from him and I was like I respect you saying that and then we started talking about normal stuff. He asked me if I can meet him anytime around 8 or 9 pm and I told him that getting out to meet you at this time will be a little late because I have to get back by 10:30 max and 11 if my friends are dropping me home. He told me that they are even working on Sundays and he would try to meet me really soon in the coming week. I wanted to meet him and see what he is like now and honestly, I was not so head over heels over him because though I already had that affection for him given our past experience but yet I wanted to meet him for real for I reached any conclusion. Meanwhile, there was no response from Sidhart so even I didn't care so much about it.

I wasn't in Snapchat earlier but only joined it because of Praneel so that we can exchange snaps and I will get to see him a little because he only had like 2 pictures in his Tinder profile and no Display Picture on Whatsapp. And then we started snapping almost every other day and it was really fun. Two weeks into our conversation he asked me that whether I do get into a serious relationship or casual so I told him being a wise person that I am generally not that I am not looking for anything because it is very hard to predict how things would turn out. After all, I have seen 10 years of relationships turning into dust and many flings turning into either best friends forever or love. Aaj I know is not to expect anything but at the same time, they should be trust, respect and honesty in any kind of relationship. I explained further that it is okay to be casual and not promise anything for the future because honestly, we are all at different parts of our life but at the same time don't be disloyal or cheat and always have a sense of respect for each other. And even being in a casual relationship you might like or not like that person but be honest about it so that you don't do the worst that is wasting someone's time especially at this stage where we already have so many things to take care of. He completely agreed and told me I am much wiser than my age but he also kept his point that he is sure that he is not looking for anything serious because he will be going out for his master's soon and hence he wanted to clear things out beforehand so there is no misunderstanding between us. I was like yeah even I am sure nothing is turning serious at this stage so it is good that we enjoy as long as we are in the moment. And honestly even I was not looking to marry him or something and since even I will be going out soon it wasn't an issue for me as well.

He asked me out on the 1st of January as it was a holiday for him so even I had only plans for the 31st so I said yes and was kind of excited to meet him. On New year's Eve, I texted him asking whether he will be meeting me the next day and wished me and told me that there is a celebration in his company and his seniors have specifically asked him to come so he won't be able to make it tomorrow and was annoyed. This is the one I hate when people rise your hopes up and then don't show, either don't make plans in the first place or if you do then better try your best to show up even if it's for an hour but always it was too early for me to put all this in his mind otherwise I would creep him out. I wanted to ignore him for a day so that I can balance him canceling the plan but couldn't and we started texting, he told me that he is still at the function and is now kind of getting bored and asked me about my whereabouts. I told him that I went out with my family and he promised to meet me in the coming week. After 3 days of a great conversation, he didn't text me for the next two days and it was weird because we were talking almost every day and then I finally have up and texted him on the fourth day asking "Remember me?" and he replied around 2 that just got back home and work is killing him because a review is going on and he will finally v meet me after 13th. I didn't text him after that and he only texted me in between making sure everything is okay then. He asked me if I could meet him on the 15th and I said yes but that day in the morning he texted me that there might be s slight change in the plan but he might not be able to make it today as well. I was annoyed but simply replied okay then he asked me if I could meet him this coming Sunday and I asked him that whether he is sure about Sunday. He didn't reply then and texted me the next day saying his work is really very unpredictable and he is called anytime so it is very hard for him to be completely sure but he will try him best and asked for my forgiveness. Honestly, what could I do after that and went back to being normal with him and honestly there was no point because we have not even met yet so he technically doesn't have to think about me. Finally, Sunday was here and around 5 he texted me saying "Kritya let's meet today", my god it felt like an achievement and after one month of continuous texting I will finally get to see him. I wanted to see if he is exactly like how he was back then in school it has become old and boring like the rest of the guys who were his age. I was curious to find out and was relentlessly waiting for his text. Finally around 6 he was free and I asked him to meet me best this mall and I wasn't getting any cab so he had to wait for like 20 mins and he didn't fit once told me to come fast. I really admired that quality in him and then I asked him to meet me outside the mall and since he was already inside so he came outside again and waited for me. I video called Rupal meanwhile to show her how I am looking and she wished to be all the best. After that, I got out of the cab and called him and he said he is standing right outside KFC. I looked for him and there he was wearing a mask and shabby pants and a sweater. Honestly, I was disappointed when I looked at him because he was looking like a mid-aged very basic IT guy and I didn't sign up for this. I greeted him and he told me that he might have to leave a little early because he has a meeting after that but honestly, I didn't care because I didn't find him that appealing. I couldn't believe he was my first love and how badly I wanted to confess to this guy and cried for him once. We went inside the mall and walking through our way, unable to decide where we can sit so we were looking for a good place and as we were walking he was telling me about his work and how it is so hectic and I was being mean to him because I thought I am not meeting him again. Then we finally found a coffee shop which was a little empty and sat there. He asked me what I'd like to drink and I said Cappuccino and he ordered the same for himself. Then finally he took off his mask and I hope could I forget that beautiful face and every memory came back that was both haunting and luring me towards him. Then he started comfortably talking to me and the way he was communicated was so amazing, I mean his hand, his expression and his gesture made him seem like an amazing guy who made me laugh and at the same time he was so caring. Everything about him was perfect and he was very practical and open about everything and while We were in between our conversation, he received a call from someone and the person was acting all weird so he told me she is basically a senior in his office who calls him in weird times and tries to make small conversation which made me realize that he is desirable and it was important that I mark my territory. It was almost time and he had to leave so we started booking our respective cabs and went outside. But his can came first and he asked the driver to wait but since mine was 10 mins away so I was pretty sure his can driver won't wait, so I asked him to go but he wasn't going and after insisting for like two or three times he said are you sure you will be able to go and he asked me to go wait inside, but I told him it was fine but he was kept asking so I had to go inside send before that we hugged and then he left. He wouldn't have left if the cab driver didn't keep calling him and I called my sister immediately and was too excited about everything that was happening. He immediately texted me to let him know when my can is here and also when I reach home. After I reached home and while we were talking I told him today was good and he was like "Today was really good and I should have told you earlier but you looked so pretty". I was so happy to hear that from him and was relieved because I wanted to know what did he think of me. Then we texted for hours and I wanted to let him know that I would love him to kiss me so I indirectly started initiating the conversation towards us getting a little somewhere. Mostly since I last time I showed a little discomfort towards being closer than I should do this time I wanted to let him know that I am ready to open a little. Our conversations were mostly very interesting and he was impressed by my way with words. And he got the hint that yes I would like a kiss which got him so excited that he asked me the next day whether I would like to meet him but since it was already 9 and I was already someplace else I was unable to meet him. Then he told me that there is no issues and that he will try to meet me the coming Friday and asked me what I'd like to do so I told him we can go for drinks or dinner and he was okay with the plan.

The dilemma that I always faced while going out for a date was what to wear and no matter how much ever I shop it is never enough and today I had decided on a top but needed black slim-fit jeans to pair it up with and quickly rushed to a nearby mall to buy one. Then I came and quickly got ready but he texted saying he might be a little late but since I was already ready I told him that I don't mind waiting and he picked me up in like an hour and we went to a nearby pub for dinner. I don't like him wearing a mask because he is hiding such a beautiful face and waited for him to take it off. He ordered be for himself and I ordered a mocktail them we ordered some starters and appetizers but honestly, I don't care about for at all. Thankfully there were only 5-7 people in the club and it was quiet from the chatters but the music was so loud that it was irritating me and he was like let me know if you want to go someplace else. I couldn't decide so I was like let's Chuck it otherwise we will end up wasting our time and I asked the waiter to help us with the best seat at the corner. We were a little closer than usual and after some time, he asked me if I'd like to join him in the smoking-room and I was like obviously. So we went to the room and it was quite small and we were the only one so I was feeling uncomfortable thinking what if he tries to kiss and then how would I react. We were inside the room for like 5-7 minutes and thankfully he didn't kiss me otherwise it would be too awkward. Then we came back to our respective seats and I was telling him about my work culture and he was like with an excited expression "Obviously! I mean look at you, who could possibly say no to you" and then he was like "life is so easy for you, on a smile and things fall in place" and I started laughing but obviously I couldn't debt it because my request is always granted and I am a people's person plus I have like a really sweet voice so it helps. Then it was almost time for us to leave because it was already 11 ways past my deadline, so we started booking a cab and first he will drop me at my place and then go to his so basically for him it is going to be an hour journey. Then we sat in the cab and he told me how he wished to take me back home and I was like I wished it too but it was already late and they were no other options left for me. We were chatting for some time but then I could feel the situation getting intense and he showed me his hand saying that it has become so rough because of multiple washing everyday and then I showed him mine saying the same thing and then held onto it. It was amazing and I honestly didn't want to leave his hand and then he asked me if I like holding hands and I said yes and then he is like "ahh you like all holding and cuddling" and then I asked him so you like holding hands and he is like "it is not about holding hands…" but he didn't complete his sentence and didn't ask him. Then we let go of each other's hands and sat quietly and was about to reach home but I did a terrible mistake, I have a wedding address and we were like 15 km away from my destination. He asked me to make sure because he is not dropping me just anywhere and then requested the driver to take me to that location and said he will pay extra so requested him to take us. I apologized and he was like don't worry and thankfully you realized before getting down. Then we headed for the correct locating and as I was about to reach he kissed me on my cheeks and was surprised to find out that my skin is so soft and touched my cheeks again to make sure that whatever he felt was real and he told me the same. The kiss was so beautiful that it literally made my heart flutter and I could feel that beautiful heaviness inside. Then I got in the cab, waved goodbye, and went inside my building. The next day I was going on a road trip with my parents and had to wake up really early, so we texted each other till 2 am and then I dozed off. The next morning I woke up around 5:30 and then we left for the trip. I clicked a picture and uploaded it on WhatsApp status and after two hours he replied on with a red heart. It is the first time he'd send me hearts and I felt a progression and couldn't wait to meet him next. We didn't talk much the next day because he had a lot of work and the next day he texted me around 12 pm asking me what I am up to and then within a few spans of a conversation he asked me if I could meet him today and I told yes and then he asked me where would I like to meet him and I told that since it is in between so we can't even go for lunch or dinner. I wanted to spend some quality time with him and hence I wanted him to invite me to his place so after deciding on some time he asked me if I'd like to hang out at his place and I said yes and started getting ready. I couldn't decide on what to wear so instead I'd put on ripped jeans and paired it up with a white sweater. I was getting a little late so I quickly had my lunch and went b over to his place. He shared with me his exact locations and asked me to come to the 4th floor. Honestly, I was a little scared, I mean what he tries to do something funny with me or trick, and what if he turns out to be a human trafficker or a terrorist and he is using me as a shield and is here in a mission. I asked my sister if there is any possibility of that happening and she is like the possibility is always there but that doesn't mean that the chances of high or something and she asked me to share my live location and she told me that she will keep calling me in between. I reached his room and since he heard the elevator he was already standing by the door of his room. He let me in and quickly scanned the room for any people hiding out cameras facing and then made sure he has closed the door properly. He was staying in a hotel-like flat that was provided to him by the company and had an attached bathroom, a television which he has never switched on, and two giant windows. I lay at the corner of the bed and he told me to be comfortable because I am not living anytime soon. Then we chatted for some time and then he asked me if I'd got the Thai movie like I had promised earlier. It was a beautiful movie name "True love" and I had told him earlier that I will make him watch it. But because I had no time I couldn't get it so we watched an episode "Nose Dive" from the Black Mirror series and I thanked God that we are not yet there. Then he tried putting his arms around me but I kind of ignored that act and then he asked me after 10 mins if I'd like to cuddle and watch. Obviously, I wanted to and he had his arms around me and I was resting my face on his shoulder but the laptop was kind of between us so we were cuddling on till our Waist and our Legs were far apart making a good space for the laptop. Then he started brushing his fingers through my shoulder and slowly kissed me on my cheeks. I smile while he did that and looked up right at his eyes and then he kissed me on my forehead and then we went back to watching. But the sexual tension has already been inflicted and precisely after few minutes he kissed me on my cheeks and he whispered in my ear that I am extremely soft and slowly his lips started coming closer to mine and by now I had my arms wrapped around his shoulder. Then after few seconds of playing here and there, we lost all patience and he finally kissed me. We started slow and I automatically close my eyes, it was the first time it happened naturally, and kissing him felt so right. Then we started kissing a little intense and then he finally took me properly inside his arms and we were kissing non-stop but then I could feel his hands going towards my boobs and I was like we have a lot of time and stopped him. Then we tried watching the episode but after 10 mins if intense pressure we have in and kissed again and this time we realized there is no stopping we long as I am in his bed. I asked him to keep his laptop safely because I don't want to break something and compromise on our relationship. He also opened his spectacles and played me down got over me and started kissing me and then went for my boobs and I tried resisting but he held both my arms with one hand and the other went straight to my boobs. He tried opening my sweater and after that, there was a tank top and then a bra and after v that the treasure he's been looking for and he like how many layers of clothing have you worn to protect yourself from me. Then he opened my tank top and started sucking my boobs, will still holding both my arms. It felt amazing and didn't want today to be over, then he wants to get inside my panties but I strictly told him that would be to early and we should wait before going there. He insisted two to three times but then he realized there is no chance for him to get there. After an hour we are lying down and he couldn't take his hand off me and we cuddle and talked about random stuff and I hadn't mentioned one important detail that I am a virgin and wanted him to know so I told him that there is something I want you to know and he asked and I am like "I've never had sex before" and was speechless for some time and then he asked me "How?" and I was like things never worked out and my earlier relationships were a mess I never got to that point with anyone and then I read like I know I should have told you earlier and it is okay if you are specifically looking for that and don't want to date me and he was like no I am okay to wait it is just that I need to know whether you have had sex before or not because if it is your first time then I have to be a little careful and slow. Then we kept talking about other stuff and went back to making out. He had a meeting that evening so we started getting ready and he said he will drop me home and then go v to the office and I was going by that. Then we got ready and left but the was no such affection from is a side that we should typically have after making out. We sat in the car and the one thing I really like about him is that he is a gentleman who always opens doors for me. It took us around 40 mins to reach my place and meanwhile he was telling me about dreams and aspirations and what his family is like. He still doesn't have a clue that I am from his previous school only and when he asked me about my school I told him some other school and wanted to give him a surprise when the time was right. Later that night he started texting me telling me how much he is going to miss me but yet have sweet dreams and we jumped into not exactly sexting but describing our experience and he going gaga over my skin and my ass. I asked him when can we meet next and he told me maybe the coming week because he is having some review. The next day he didn't text and even I was a little busy so I didn't reply as well and the next morning I texted him on his is doing and sounded very annoyed so I left the conversation and 5 mins after he texted back apologizing for being a little pissed off and said that he is having issues in the office and is busy and haven't slept properly the other night and to lighten his mood I sent him one hilarious meme and he told me it helped and after that, I have a really good piece of advice and he thanked me for saying I haven't got such advice in a long period and he told me that he is not saying because he has to and really means it. Then he told me he will text me back once he is all sorted back.

The next day he sent me a snap asking me to save him from work and I snapped back saying I wish. Then he told me that it has been really difficult for him to concentrate on work given the episode that happened last time so he wants to meet me as soon as he can and get it out of his head. Honestly even I was going through the same exact situation and most of the time to horny thinking about would be like to actually have sex with him but I know that is a faraway dream because it is not that easy. After 10 days were finally meeting and I couldn't contain my joy. He asked me what I wanted to do so I asked him to suggest and he told me that they are only one thing going in my mind right now so it is better if you suggest something. Then finally since we had the whole day I planned to first come to his place and from there we will go out to have dinner. The plan sounded pretty good and I couldn't wait to see him and honestly the last 10 days were the most difficult for both of us. Then the next day as I was getting ready he texted me saying that he has a little cold and though he doesn't suspect anything of that sort he just wanted to tell me to know in case I didn't want to come. I told him that at this point I don't care and I am coming and anyways I was pretty sure it is nothing and then he told me to come fast because he can't wait to kiss me again. I quickly freshened up and applied a little makeup and put on track pants pairing it with a black jacket and left for his place. All this time my mom knew that I was meeting Praneel but she didn't know that I was meeting him in his hotel room.

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We started with watching the Thai movie that I promised I will show him the last time and he said that he wouldn't be able to keep up as he is hardly into watching Love stories. I took that as a challenge and made him watch but then we both knew what was going in our head and though we were cuddling and watching the movie yet we wanted something else. He started touching my ass and then slowly kissing me on my cheeks and obviously, I had no patience any which ways do I couldn't resist him and we started kissing after watching the movie for 15 mins and he was about to open my jacket as I told him that we should wait for some time as we have the whole day in our hand. Then we went back into watching the movie and I must say he managed to watch for 1 hour but then he couldn't resist and kissed me even I didn't want to wait anymore and surrendered. It felt so good because he was both wild and gentle and no we didn't have sex because I wasn't ready yet but whatever we did was amazing. He had an amazing body and I loved kissing him and we used to tease each other while we were into the moment and everything about it was perfect. This time I experienced a change in his attitude towards me and I knew he have not yet realized it but he started looking at me more than Casually. He smiled at every little foolish act of dreams I did and I could see that warmness in his eyes. He hugged me more and took care of me making sure that he wasn't being too reckless with me. We were together for 8 long hours and it felt like minutes. I had to leave and he begged me to do a night stay but since my mom already knew that I am with him so even if I tell know that I will be pulling off a night stay at Rupal's place she will get to know and I couldn't risk my upcoming freedom. Finally, he allowed me to leave with an unhappy face and told me that he will try to take a leave tomorrow so asked me to come to visit him. While I was dressing myself up looking at the mirror, he hugged me from behind holding me by my waist, and started kissing me at the corner of my forehead while we were looking at the mirror. That moment I felt a spark that I have never felt with anyone in my life and if you ask me to describe it out would be a vibration of love, warmth, comfort, and respect together. Then as I wore my hoodie and put the cap over my head looking like a hideous monkey he started launching at me and I laughed back. My cab was almost here and left my facemask at his room so I went back for it and he thought I came back and looked so happy but then I told him I came back for my man and he was like okay take it and then I said bye and left. He asked me to text him back when I reach home and as I was about to reach he asked me whether I have reached or not to which he told me I will be there in 5 minutes. Later that night he texted me again and told me to come over tomorrow so that he can kiss me again. I told him that I don't mind but I might have some work in between so I will carry my laptop with me and he was like he might have one or two meetings in between so that works. Then we went back to sexting and he wanted to spend more time with me and wanted me to stay over summer night or maybe go with him on a trip out something. Even I wanted to do that so I can know him more and he will start opening a little. And whenever we used to get to feel into our conversation I started thinking about the 16-year-old me and how she would have never imagined this would happen one day. I felt so grateful and didn't care about so the heartbreak I had previously because now it doesn't matter and I was very positive that it will work this time because though I have been to do many dates before but I was never this positive in my entire life and now all I want is the date to help me end up with him. He is exactly the kind of guy I wanted to date and I am so happy to have him now and couldn't wait for things to get real. The next day I was trying to finish my office work so that I can quickly go to his place and he texted me around 12 asking me when I will come so I told him I will be coming down around 2. After an hour he texted me is it okay if I come around 5 because he had got some important work which he will have to finish. I told him that is okay but won't be able to come after that because then it would be too late I asked him to inform me as soon as could. He texted me around 4:30 that he is not yet sure about the plan and asked me to give him some time because he might have to go to the office. Honestly, I was really annoyed because I hate when he cancels, and since I had already made up my mind and thinking all day about it so I wanted to see him real bad. But he didn't text me till 7 and then around 8:30 he texted me apologizing because there was a major fuck up at the office and he finally had to go. I told him it is fine but honestly, I was a little annoyed and didn't text him after that. The next day he texted me again asking if I am still pissed off and I told him that I know I can't stay mad at him for a very long period of time. He said I am so relieved and told me that was a major issue and they needed him there. The next day he was going to his sister's wedding for 5 days and he was really happy and told me how excited he is to finally take few days off from work. Honestly even I was really happy for him as he was really working hard and I told him to cherish those few days and he told me that once I come back I will cherish you. By now I wanted him to cherish me every day and everyday that we don't meet seems like a waste and started wondering as to what is happening with me and what about all that discs I wanted and the fact that talking every day was not my thing. Before him, I used to hate the idea of settling down and wanted to be a free soul for as long as I could but now I wanted to be with him and started visualizing us in a way I never did with anyone in a long period of time. He kept in touch even when he went to the wedding and told me that he can't get over thinking about us and the next day he sent me a picture of him telling me the way I make him horny is unreal and he is even dreaming about me waking up all horny. I was not sure anymore if we were in a casual relationship but it didn't seem casual at all and I am completely positive now that we are more than that. The next day was valentine's day and earlier I was happy that he wouldn't be here and things won't be cheesy between us but now I wanted him to buy me flowers and take me out on a romantic date but he is miles apart. I decided to not wish him and see if he had the courtesy to do that and it was already 10 pm and there was no text from him. Valentine's day has always been the worst for me as I manage to never have a date during that period and I end up babysitting my cousin's whereas my parents and my aunt and aunt go out for dinner dates. This year the same thing happened and I didn't have to babysit then because they were all grown up and we were all chilling together. Finally around 11 I have up and texted him asking what's happening and he replied around 12 saying that he is at the Cocktail party and in some time he will go back to his home and then he was like "Happy belated Valentine's Day" and I replied saying "Lol, same to you" but I didn't want him to just wish me. Instead wanted him to buy me flowers and when he comes back he should take me out for a fancy dinner. Finally, a week was over and he was coming back today and he texted me in the morning saying I am coming back and he was excited and asked me whether I missed him or not. I told him you have no idea and asked him what about him to which he replied more than I expected. This is the first time he told me directly that he missed me because all the time he used to be like he either missed kissing me or cuddling me or hugging me but he never directly told me that he missed me and I could feel a progression. I requested God to not giving me any more adventures and let my life be voting with him. I asked me to close my chapter altogether and make things happen with him but she had different plans after all and it is my life we are talking about which is directly twisted by the hand of almighty so out on your seat belts as it is going to be all bumpy and sad from here.

He came back overburdened with work and sleep-deprived and yet texted me the next day and he was like "How are you my pretty girl?" and when I saw the message I couldn't contain my joy because he called me his. The one thing I was sure about now is that Praneel was not the kind of guy who would take things and there was no point in taking because he was already getting what he wanted and he didn't have to act in any certain way and he's not desperate like many men out there at the same time very blunt about his feelings, so hearing all that from him made me believe that he is startled to like me more that he knows. I replied to his message with a love face emoji and texted him saying just took a shower and came out. After that, he told me that he will take try to get out of the office early and pick me up for dinner. It got me really happy and I wanted to see him so bad. Then he told me to keep the weekends free so that we can spend more time together. The one dear I was leaving with currently was that his time is ticking and what if he has to go just before things started taking a serious turn between us and I know it would really be difficult for him to keep a long-distance relationship with anyone so I wanted more time with him. Also, I have made up my mind that the next time I go to his place I will tell him everything about middle school and how I had a crush on him but couldn't confess. Around 6 in the evening he told me that it seems like he won't be able to leave before 10 so asked me to keep the weekends free. I was okay and not annoyed this time because I knew he was dying to meet me as well. He also told me that how much he wants to see me and hold me and then that let us onto some sex chat but it was disrupted by a work call. I was eagerly waiting for Sunday and asked him whether Sunday is on or not to which he told me to give him some time. Sunday was already here and he hasn't told me anything yet and I was dying out of waiting. I have to wait for anything or anyone and that is the one thing I fear the most in any relationship because that literally takes every piece away from me and I feel very disturbed unable to concentrate on anything but it wasn't him but the work so tried to collect myself with that excuse. The next day he finally texted me saying that he was stuck in the office all night and apologized for not being able to convey and promised me he will make it up to me. Later in the evening, he texted me saying he is not able to cope up with the job and he might quit. I asked him what exactly happened and he told me that he is having a terrible head and body ache but yet he is not able to rest. Later that night he had a meeting around 3 am in morning and he lost all his senses. The next day I texted him asking how he is to which he told me he is not feeling well and took a day off. I didn't want to disturb him so I asked him to test instead and texted the next day asking if he is feeling any better. He told me that he is feeling worse and apologized that he is not able to meet me. I told him don't worry about that and he always used to tell me that doesn't give up on me so today I told him don't worry I won't give up on you and he was like "please don't because I have no one here apart from you" and told me how is the closest to me at this point and told me to have a little patience with him. He told me that he wanted to call me but he is scared of what if he might get COVID so he is getting tested the next day and in case the results are negative he told me to come to visit him. I assured him to not worry as I am pretty sure the results will be negative but I started worrying because he is all alone here and who is going to take care of him and if he is quarantine in that small room of is then how will keep himself sane for the next 15-20 days. I was really getting worried and it got so stressful that I couldn't control my tears. I cried for like the hours already and then finally without realizing slept off. The next day I called him in the morning to check on him but he didn't pick up so I dropped a text asking whether he is okay or not and when is he getting tested. He replied to me later that evening saying he is got his test results just now and is it positive. I didn't know what to say so I almost called him immediately and asked him how is he going to manage and told him that I don't mind sending food every day but he was like don't worry about that because one of his mom's relatives is staying here so they will take care of the food and the rest other he had already ordered online and told me not to worry. That night we got in a video call and he told me that now we have to manage like this for the next 15 days and I was like how will I stay without meeting you and he told me to think about me that I have stayed in this room for the next 15 days which made him really sad. I know it sucks and at one point it starts getting depressing so I decided to keep texting and calling him and not leave him alone. The next day I called him but he didn't pick up and then I texted him and he replied after 3-4 hours saying he is sleeping. With every passing day, he started acting weird and I knew something is wrong. Then after a week, he told me that COVID got him and he was feeling very depressed and apologized for being aloof. I told him that if you choose yourself like this then it will disturb you more so keeping talking to people around you and tell them what you are going through but I am pretty he chucked it. I didn't know what to do so I made a beautiful bouquet for him and got it delivered to his doorstep and I had given careful instruction to the delivery agent to leave and knock on his door twice and go. I haven't written my name on the bouquet and after 10 minutes of the flowers being delivered to him, he texted me asking whether I have sent them. I was like yes and he started thanking me and told me how it actually made him feel better and asked me if he could get on a video call with me. I told him that he can call me after midnight but he didn't and the next day he vanished again. This is how we spent most of his COVID and finally, he was about to get tested again and already told me that if he is testing negative I should come and visit him. But sadly he was positive again and had to wait for 3 more days and he c was so pissed off that he wasn't even talking to me so even I got annoyed at this point and stopped texting him altogether. The day before he was finally getting tested again he asked me if I could meet him if he was negative and I told him definitely. And finally, the next day it was negative and I took a peaceful breath but he told me that he won't be able to meet me today as he is going to a doctor as he got some chest congestion and should get tested. The next day I asked him what is the matter and he told me that he got his reports and will call me tonight. I was literally panicking because he was scaring the fuck out of me and I started imaging all sorts of things. I lived in dear for almost the entire day and then texted him saying when will he call to which he said he will call me around 8 after he is done with his office work. I was waiting for his phone but he didn't call and couldn't bear with the uncertainty and called him but he didn't pick up. Then I texted him again but there were no answers. I called him after an hour but again no answer. I knew that something is wrong and I couldn't stop myself from thinking that it is over. I perfectly assumed that his reports are not good and hence his parents are calling him back so might be gone and that was impossible to live with. I cried almost the entire night and it hurt so much. How can it hurt so much after all I have only I have been knowing him only for like two months but I wanted to be with him for as long as I could. And now this is how we will be apart. I was always afraid that the shadow of failures of my part relationship doesn't befall on this present one and prayed for it to not have the same pattern and he is it all happening to him and me. My mom knew what was wrong and she tried consoling me honestly at the moment there was no point because I wanted to know what exactly is going on and off he is really going back or not. The pain of uncertainty is the worst because you don't know whether to move on or hold on. But thankfully finally after intense sl crying I slept off and the night was over. The next day I texted him asking what is the scene knowing that he still be telling me that he is going away. I waited for c like an hour and then he texted me c saying that he is sorry for c not responding earlier because his mom gave him s surprise and the reports told him that the is slight congestion in his chest and he has to take medicines and exercise. So I immediately asked him if he is going back or not and he was like no way will I go back. I was so annoyed because I overhyped the situations and noise I feel like an idiot by assuming the wrist and sure I was relieved but I knew I couldn't be like that so scared senior my relationship with him. It is not healthy for me to be like this anymore and I know this is high time that I have to change and become a little practical and accepting of whatever comes my way. My mom was equally mass at me because I made a scene out of nothing but honestly, I did that because I was scared given all my past experience and before it really didn't matter that much but this time I really didn't want to lose on someone like him. After his mom came he got super busy and told me that he can only meet me next week and he didn't want to make any quick plans but wanted me to himself for some good time. I wanted the same so we waited for v next week but he couldn't manage to make out a single day for me. We had many arguments and he promised to be more responsive but it's been already a month now and we haven't met even for an hour. At one point I started feeling that there is no point in being hospital about it because no matter how many times we planned to meet but it never happened and honestly even started giving up. He always made sure that we are still together and they tried to work out on a plan but then we always had to call it off because his seniors have him one work or another. I don't know about him but I really started feeling can about myself and decided to finally let him go and stopped texting him completely. It was the most difficult thing for me to do but I had no other option because every time he said he will meet I used to get all hopeful but then he was unable to make it will shatter me and I used to feel the worst. At that time I was working for the competition and gave up halfway because of my emotional state. I felt the lowest and realized there is no point in being with him because he doesn't understand my plight. And I don't know if he was trying his best of Just pretending to after finally 2 months I have up and completely stopped replying to his messages. He apologized saying that he is really very sorry and doesn't want to end things with me and wanted to meet me but I didn't reply. I was so frustrated that I couldn't do it anymore and though I wanted to text him back so and meet him but resisted the temptation with every self-control that I had. After that, he also completely stopped texting me and honestly, I started to feel a little better and though I miss him and wanted to see him and kiss him the heartbreak and uncertainty were unbearable and he made it even worse by being the least responsive as a person. It has been more than a month now and we haven't even had any conversation and finally, I was sure things have been over between us but honestly, I couldn't believe it because I always had this intuition that we were meant to be and how can that be so wrong. Though I wasn't going for him to come back the same time expecting things to fall out like this seemed unreal because it wasn't supposed to turn out this way.

I started watching few Korean series and the fact I like about Korean series is that it raises your expectation to a standard that you deserve. I deserved more attention and bring treated the way Lee Su-ho is treating Lim Joo-Kyung in True Beauty and if not exactly then at least maybe 50% or 20% and we shouldn't settle for less. If we start compromising at the beginning of a relationship then what will happen to us afterward. It is very important to not lose yourself in any relationship and at the end of the day, it is important that you have the ability to make yourself happy. You can't always rely on people and expect them to make you happy. You are the only person who will stay with you forever because everyone else be it your parents, siblings, husband, or children will not always be with you. I know this but then training myself to abide by these rules was a different task altogether.

It was two months already and I was not completely able to get over him but had my sanity back so I decided to make a Tinder account again and see if I can find someone like him or maybe better than him. Then I did ask the process and started drinking swiping but I was specifically looking for accounts that could give me that same vibe. It was 2 am already and I was still swiping and I came across his account and was stuck but obviously couldn't believe that he has already started dating so I right-swiped him to let him know that even I am back on Tinder. Half an hour later I received a long text in WhatsApp from him and he explained to me the entire situation that he got Corona again and was hospitalized then had to go back to his hometown and how he likes me a lot and would love to see me sometime if that is possible. I was overwhelmed because I want to expect any response at all but now he is not just sorry but would like to pick up from where we left off. I wanted the same because there were so many things I wanted to tell him and do with him but it was all buried inside and this time even if things don't work out I at least wanted to see him again before we are done for good. I read his messages but didn't reply because I honestly didn't know how to respond back and this task needed the head of at least two more people that is my sister and my mom who were all sleeping. I slept peacefully and the next day I told my mom and sister everything. My sister didn't like the idea and she always took him as a bad guy and didn't want me to get back to him but on the other hand, my mom has seen me and how badly I wanted to meet him even it is for once and she was like if you want you can get back to him but this time make sure things are different. This time he should be the one putting in all efforts and you on the other shouldn't be waiting for him and she strictly wanted me not to throw in dramas like I did the last time and specifically not to cry. I told her this time I am a stringer because I have already lost him once and I already know how it feels and after that, I was able to even able to collect myself so this time even if things won't work out I won't be so scared and sad. Praneel wanted to meet me today but I was going for my COVID vaccination so I told him and also that I am not sure if I will be able to meet you tomorrow because I might have a fever. The next I had a fever and the c next day he had an office so finally we decided to do a night stay coming Saturday and I told my mom I will be going to his place because I wanted to spend some good time with him and sorry everything out. This time things we a little different not that I have lost interest in him but that I was unsure how things would turn out this time and prayed for that even if things don't work out it is okay but at least let me see him so that I can let everything is buried deep inside out and even I had so many questions on why did he do whatever he did. The next he was supposed to pick me up and I was unsure given our past experiences but finally, he asked me to check my bag and that he will pick me up by 7 o'clock. I was really happy but then around 7 he was not getting any cabs which scared me a little and he finally got one cab and told me he will be here in my place like in 20 mins. Finally, I was completely sure that I will get to see him and arranged my bag quickly and then he texted me basically doing a countdown first he was like 10 mins then 7 mins and then 3 mind and then he finally texted '"I am here" which made me so happy and then I got down and took a moment to realize that it really is happening and that if he came back it is definitely not casual anymore. I saw him from behind and then he opened the door for me like always and I got inside looked at him and we smiled. He had gained a little weight which made his physique even more appealing and I couldn't believe that will be touching that beautiful body some time. He told me that he is glad to see me and I told him that I am still annoyed but then I asked him what really went wrong and then he started telling me about his work and the intended pressure he was out into and his he became COVID positive the second time and had to be hospitalized and then he really wasn't in a situation to text or call anyone and he gave up on everything went because home and worked on recovering. And when he realized that he should text me, it was already too late and he little scrapped thinking I might not reply, and then finally he got the charge to text me again. He told me how extremely sorry he is this time but honestly he was not completely responsible because he was felt literally he was trapped in odd scenarios and situations. Honestly even I wanted to let go of the past and start a new beginning thinking so that we can make things right but is it truly possible to completely erase those memories and look at things from a new perspective. Then we reached his new place and it was already somewhere around 9. I got a call from one of my Office Colleagues and was asking me about my College and then I explained to him and then told him I will call later on. We went to his place and he introduced me to his flatmates. He was living in a Duplex and had his own room and they had a private terrace and an amazing dining hall. Honestly, I loved his place and started thinking of all the corners where we can start making out. But no I shouldn't be thinking about all that now and instead first clear things out with him and see if we are actually on the same page this time. Also, I wanted to tell him about us and about the first confession but not today. He told me that he will take a quick shower and asked me if I' 'd like to change. I told him I will just wash my face and hands otherwise I am good to go. He halfway unbuttoned himself and I could see his vest and yet he looked so hot. At that time I was lying on his bed talking to my friend and he came kissed me on my cheeks and told me I looked really pretty and I just smiled and he went to the washroom. The kiss was exactly like the first kiss we had and my heart started fluttering again wanting for more. How do I resist his charm and how do I forget him. I am in love with him and I can't deny and he had to be one of the perfect ones. He was approximately inside the washroom for 20-25 mins and in that time I called Rupal back because she was calling me earlier and explained to her whatever happened and she didn't seem too pleased with whatever was happening and asked me why did I go to his place directly and that too for a night stay. Honestly, I don't have any answers to that and wanted to tell her that let me fail again if I have to buy before that I wanted to kiss him maybe one more time but that it would be too chest given she is furious right now.

I told her that I will call you back and then started thinking about what would be like tonight. Then he came back and called one of the grocery stores to deliver some snacks, I told him that is not required and they said they can't deliver so I was like Chuck it. Then place ordered dinner a little early and it was pizza his favorite but I am more of a burger person. I told him that I am still advised at him and he was like why and I am like are you really asking me why and how could you. And I explained to him the importance of being responsive and how he gives me unnecessary stress and he seemed to understand and empathize but at the same time, I really cannot guarantee the longevity of it. Then he tried putting his arms around me and I kind of pushed him away and he was smiling because he knew it wouldn't be so easy this time and he explained to me how things are also not going so good at home and he had so many things on his plate and has to take out time to even study so that he can apply for GRE and start filling out the application form for colleges abroad and how he wants to go back to Europe and settle there. So I was a little disheartened because given the situation we won't definitely be able to keep one he is gone because I wanted to stay back in India and work on my, still in progress, brand and he on the other hand wanted to go out and settle so there is a clash and I'm pretty sure no one would give up on their care choices.

He went to her the Pizza and meanwhile my office colleague was calling me earlier and I hadn't picked up so I called him to ask him the reason and I was lying down with my phone resting on my face and talking to him while Praneel entered took the phone and checked who is calling them kept it back in the same position and I had no idea why he did that but that was weird. Then Pizza was here and he asked me if it is okay for us to eat on the same plate because otherwise then he would have to wash it and I was like okay, technically we should be eating from one plate so that is not even an issue. Then we went to the terrace and we were looking at the sky and I have him a little finder about my past especially about the events in Hyderabad and he was surprised but not that much and then he told me how is already looking it in Kolkata and would things to stay like this at least for some time.

After that, we came back and we were sitting a little closer to each other and I was telling him about my work when he suddenly kissed me. And he had already mentioned earlier that whenever I am around it is very difficult for him to stay sane and he wants to get rid of the sexual tension by kissing me. So we were kissing and things were progressing between us and he is like "Let's have sex today" and I am like obviously no I am not ready and he is like "I know, just trying to pull your leg". He told me that whatever we do only make things difficult for him afterward because he obviously wanted to have sex but since we do in between it keeps going in his head and then basically he helps himself. I felt a little bad because he is like 28 and definitely not signed up to wait but then he has to and honestly that was the best thing about him, he is always so patient and helps me in every stage so that when I am finally ready then I don't have to go through so much of pain. He also told me that if I think that I don't want to do it with him then I don't have to force myself but at the same time he was like whenever he is with me he gets too horny and unable to stop himself and it is like that otherwise if he is not then it only means that there is no spark between us. We were making out then eating pizza and then making it again and going to the terrace and then I told him we have to click pictures because I always forget so I opened my Snapchat and we started clicking pictures when one of my friends texted me and surprisingly he has something to say so there were like 7 texts from his side and Praneel handed over the phone to me and asked me if that is a group and I told him that's a friend and he looked a little annoyed but we started kissing again. Finally, when it was 3 and he was already very sleepy we decided to call it a day ,and then as we're laying down facing each other covered in the range blanket we started kissing and couldn't stop we did it for like 20 mins and then slowly stopped and slept off hugging each other. He slept in like 10 mins and started snoring but I didn't sleep yet and was a little uncomfortable because we were really close so I shifted a little and he turned around and then I helped him but covering him with a blanket took half and then slept in the opposite direction. We have a problem as a couple, he had to sleep on the right side of the bed and have to sleep facing the right side so I never cuddle him sleeping because then I will have to put my right leg and hand on him so we slept like a boring couple. The next morning I woke up and suddenly remembered that I forgot to take my contact lens off and quickly went to the washroom took it out and it kind of woke him up and he asked me what is the matter then put on his eye mask and went back to sleep. I came back to my position and this time he cuddled me and I slept happily. After half an hour something woke him up and he change his direction and then I turned around facing him and slept. It was an unconditional position but the things my skin has a very nice for in the morning and I wanted him to see that so I turned around and tried sleeping. Then after sometime, he turned around and kissed me on my checks but I pretended to be sleeping and then he kissed me on my forehead and slept again. My sister started calling me around 9 in the morning and I texted asking not to call me and then around 10, Praneel asked me what is the time so u told him it is 10 already and then he didn't want to get up but I had to leave by 12 because I had somewhere else to go and insisted that I chuck that plan but I couldn't. Then we had the leftover pizza as breakfast and we had a small morning makeout session. After that, I started looking for cabs and he told me to visit him the day after tomorrow because he will be going out for his vaccination and would be on a leave. Also surprisingly I was getting a lot of calls from almost all of my close friends, brother, and my own sister. Anwesha was also calling me and it was all a coincidence when finally he was like you get too many calls and I was like it is a Sunday so maybe they are all free. In general, also I get a lot of calls so it wasn't that surprising but yea that day I received more than usual, I do. Then he dropped me off in my cab and I went home. Technically I told him that I was going out with my friends and he was insisting that I cancel that plan so that I can stay back but I was going to my cousin's place instead and texted him around 4 to check in him and the first thing he asked me was whether I went to meet my friends or not and I was like I didn't feel like going so I started back and he was like they could have stayed here only. We weren't talking so much on the phone like we used to and I could feel that gap and earlier I used to share everything with him and ask him to select my pictures of my outfit for any random event and he use to do it with all his heart but this time even I was not doing it from my side. He used to call me baby last but we didn't give each other any special name. So there was an emotional setback maybe or he was just being careful to not raise my expectations. He got vaccinated the day after tomorrow and asked me when can I meet him and since he asked me this around 1 pm so I told him I have some office work and maybe we can do it the next day if you don't have a fever. The next day in the morning he told me that I can come over but around 12 he was feeling feverish so we didn't plan anything. The next day he texted me again in the morning if I could come to his place and in the next three hours I was sitting next to him and in 10 more mins, we started kissing. It was also raining so we went to the terrace and allowing the splatter to touch us. It felt so good and since no one was at home we were being all romantic making out at different corners of his house. The terrace had a small room and we chilling there for some time and he started smoking and asked to share it with me but he never gives me more than two-three puffs which is not fair because he is smoking like 3-4 every day and earlier it would to exceed 8 and he just recovered from COVID which is so scary and I felt like telling his mom but then again that would mean the end of our relationship but I don't know how he managed to keep his lips so pink. Then he had a meeting around 7 which will go on till 9 so I should leave before that. We were simply cuddling and then was a difference in his behaviour when I was with him, he used to look at me a lot so much so that I had to break eye contact because it used to get awkward, and used to play with my face. Earlier his compliments for me were hot, pretty, cut but now he used to call me beautiful and kept looking at my face and playing with my cheeks and hands. He diligently dropped me every time I went to his place and he respected me a lot but times he was like "even I will become a virgin because of you" and told me that "I should cry so at least then I will get sympathy sex from you" and when I used to be like okay let's do it and then used to tell a little guilty and be like no you won't be doing it under pressure.

During this time I got to know a lot about it not because he told me but because I could see and feel it. To begin with, her is not at all happy inside and I don't know what exactly is bothering him but there is something wrong but then I couldn't exactly what is it because it is his career, family or a long lost love I had no idea. Also, he is very closed as a person and doesn't like sharing anything about him that is a little perKritya ,and never likes to talk about anything that is bothering him. He is really tall, hot and smart and any guy in India like him would be at least a little egoistic, self-obsessed and proud about himself given the assets he has given the fact that he is obviously above average in terms of everything. He never liked buying any fancy it unnecessary stuff for himself, stocked up only essentials, used a very old phone and kept repairing it, never liked being clicked, and most importantly never kept his pictures anywhere. He smiled very rarely but thankfully this time he smiled more often comparatively but I really wanted to help him and decided to plan something and slowly I would pull him out of his shell in a way that he will also not realize and yet feel lighter about everything in life. We planned to go out for dinner the next time and I wanted to treat him since he always paid for food so I had told him beforehand. Coming Friday I went to his office and waited near his office for him to come out and then he came out with one of his Colleagues and he introduced me to her and I got a little jealous but then I had no reason to be and we went to a nearby restaurant. I clicked few pictures with him so that I don't forget it later on and I ordered Ramen and he ordered Sushi. Thankfully even his favorite cuisine is Asian so we at least shared a common interest somewhere. I prefer Mojito and he ordered a Beer and took a sip from his beer and then I felt like kissing him. I didn't like the idea of him seating on the opposite side and not next to me, it should be completely illegal for couples to not sit next to each other because then how would we hold hands between every meal and maybe secretly kiss each other. Then after we had dinner he asked me whether he should drop me or not and I didn't want to tire him and since it was only 9 we took separate cabs because we lived in opposite directions but the only issue was that if we are not taking the same cab then how would he kiss me today but then it is okay we can wait for the weekend to come. No matter however the situation is going I get mood swings in between and that is when I get unsure about everything in time especially about things that matters the most at that current moment and so I started questioning my relationship with him and thinking about whatever happened in the past and wether being back with him is the right thing to do so I had a plan to check on him whether he is still on Tinder or not and made a fake account and started looking for his profile. After swiping left for one whole day I came across his profile and felt shattered but it is crucial to be sure whether he is actively using it or not and swiped right. There wasn't a match for the next few days and that made me so happy and relieved and when he called me to his place over the weekends I happily went to his and this time I wanted to make the first move and kissed him almost immediately which made him happy. Then we were all kissing and cuddling and he asked me when do you think we have sex and I was like let's try it now and he asked me if I am perfectly sure whether I wanted to have sex with him or not. Then I said that I have to definitely do it with someone someday and if I am doing it anyway so I would want to have it with you right now. It made him really happy and he got his condom and we started and it is not like that we haven't practiced before with his fingers and I would love to mention that he was perfectly delicate and patient. He started out with one then two fingers and then increasing the time and speed slowly and everything I felt a little pain he carefully took it and he used to joke about this is the slowest I have to be ever in life and how he is as a teacher and always asked me to do my homework and gave tips, tricks, and advice. So he put on his condom and tried but for sure it wasn't easy. Then we tried in a different position and it was hurting but it was not even inside and then finally he fired very hard and I started bleeding. My hymen broke but we didn't have sex. He asked me to wash and he had blood on his bedsheet and then I came back again and we still tried but I was still bleeding so his condom got all soaked in blood. And finally, we have upon the idea of having sex, and though my hymen broke it bleeding so much that I was still a virgin. Then we watched a movie and kissed and it felt funny because this time even I tried but it didn't happen. Finally, it was time for me to leave and he dropped me off, and before that he hugged me really tightly and didn't want to let me go. Then I took the cab and after 10 he sent me a picture of sanitizer that I have left behind and he was like "You love leaving something behind" because every time I go there is something I forget he keeps it safe to give me the next time only to have something again for the next. It was a holiday the coming week so I went to his place again and it made me happy and I told him that I am glad you are being a nice person this time and he was like "I was always a nice person but it was the job" and we laughed about it and his friends invited us to his place for a game and sadly there was no making out or sex this time but spending time and getting to know his flatmate was also fun and we tried pulling Praneel's leg but he is fine with everything and laughed about us with too. And his friends were like how did he manage to find someone pretty like me which made me so happy but I am sure he was simply just trying to flatter me. Then since it was almost 8 and his place is a little shady so I left early and also he had an important meeting the next morning plus things were not going so good at his office so he wanted to make sure that there is no mistake from his side. I left my earphones at his place and wanted to get it back because it was pretty expensive so I asked him to keep it a little safer.

I came back had gone to sleep happily but then there was I woke up with a lot of discomforts. I had a very bad dream and was happy that it was just a dream because I dreamt about him texting Hi! to that fake account I created and then we broke up but then I had flashed of another dream where his mom and sister was talking to me and it was sometimes related to our marriage which was weird. But I didn't want the dream to come true in any way and quickly installed Tinder to check if the dream is true or I am just overhyping the situation again. I signed in because obviously, I had to uninstall it before going to his place so quickly entered an OTP because I used my sister's number and then checked for message and it was his text saying "Hey! there" how could it be possible that he has texted her and checked the timings and it was yesterday before we meet. I didn't know why he did that and was shocked and heartbroken. I couldn't control my tears and started thinking about what should I do now and should I tell him that it was me and you are busted or should I pretend that it never happened and forgive him. But how can I pretend to be unaware as it will create friction in my heart every second so I decided to cut all tired with him without him informing him what went wrong? But when I started thinking more about it the more I started giving myself a reason to why consider not breaking up because he is not even active in Social Media and it is okay for people to text and glory with someone casually and even I do that with my friends but since he hardly had so many people in his life so maybe he thought that it is okay for him to talk to her. I was not talking to him properly and then I decided to see how does he want to take this conversation agreed with her so I texted him a "Hi" with the game account and waited for him to text back and at the same time I decided to talk to him about what does he think about our relationship and does he want to take it forward and wether has he ever visualized me with him in his future or is he just still thinking about taking it casually and dumping me as soon as he leaves the city. I have planned to also Congress my love for him because it is very important for us to be in the same page about this otherwise I will end up hurting myself, even more, this time. Also, I have made up my mind to tell him that I had a crush on him even in school and honestly it didn't feel like big of a deal now. He didn't reply to her and the more days passed the more I was happy about him but replying to her but at the same time we had very few conversations and I asked him if he is okay and he was like things are very professional and he is being fucked-up at work for no good reason. Honestly, I used to stress more about his work than mine, my work was pretty chill and I didn't have to work so much and since I was working from home it was relatively easy for me to focus on different activities as well. I was impatiently waiting to let everyone out and exactly know what was going inside his mind, I couldn't live with the suspense and finally, it was time for me to let it out. He wasn't very communicative this entire week and I asked him when do I have you all to myself and he replied saying "Sunday, Sunday, Sunday" and I wanted to pull off a night stay with him and asked him what about Saturday night and he agreed. The next day was Friday and I wanted to make sure that its plan was still in so I sent him a hot picture of me wrapped in a towel and he is like "Fuck you are so hot, I wish you were here" and I was like tomorrow I will be and he asked me if my parents are okay and have I informed them. I told him that definitely isn't the issue and I can come to your place. There was a shift in his behavior because exactly last week this time he was acting all desperate asking me to come over but I couldn't and this week he is showing almost no interest which me even more skeptical about everything and did he get something else and what if he is not interested anymore in dating me but can change so much almost in 5 days and get someone new. It is not possible but then a great of a woman is fickle and assuming the worst of possibilities. It was Saturday and I asked him what is the scene and should I come to your office or you will pick me up. After an hour he sent me a screenshot of a conversation with his colleague where she is tested positive and dive she came in contact with him so he will have to quarantine himself until and unless her second test comes. Then he told me that he is even feeling a little unwell so we should call it off today. I was unsure whether this is actually the truth or is he just playing with me but again' who will go to such lengths to cancel a plan so instead I asked him to take care of himself and for sure he is not getting it the third time. He was like "same game again" and I didn't know how to respond to him because even I was feeling bad for him and the second time has already taken a toll on him so what will happen to him if he gets it the third time especially in his case with a history of Bronchitis.

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I decided to not disturb him like the last time and didn't text him today and the next day I texted him around midnight asking if he is doing okay but that was no reply, he did came online but no response. Then the next day I texted him again but he didn't reply so I called but he didn't pick up as well. I had no idea what do about it and was going in a panic mode when he finally texted saying he is okay and his colleague's second report came negative and asked him why didn't I tell him earlier. I couldn't take it honestly the way he was behaving and again being the same old him. I mean everyone had problem but doesn't entitle him to play with other people's feeling and not take how others are affected by his action into consideration. After two days when they was absolutely no reply from his side, I asked him "If there is something I should be worried about" and there was no response so at this point even there wouldn't be any work from my side. After a week he texted me apologizing for being aloof and told me that he had to go back to Chandigarh because he had some family issue and is really sorry for everything and he wanted to meet me again and told me how he definitely didn't want to end things with me and if I am okay then he would like to meet me again. I told him it works for me and we can plan something for the coming Saturday. I know it's been enough throwing away the least amount of respect that I am left with but I couldn't help it and wanted to confess everything to him and get it out and I don't even have any worries as it doesn't matter if he started out leaves me. I have been through the worst when he was not there and it is okay if I have to go through it again, I will survive. I directly texted him on Saturday if the plan is on and he was like yes let's meet but still confirm you by 2 if they are any chance. By 4 he was like he is not sure because they are having a review and he can only let me know by 6. I was obviously waiting for his text and in dilemma, whether I should pay by stuff out not and finally around 7 he told me that he won't be able to make it today and apologized. But I wanted more so the next day I asked to meet before he goes on his official trip and he was obviously and asked me what am I doing today. I asked him exactly at what time precisely and after that, he didn't reply not even the next day. This is when I realized that it is time to finally give and I blocked him from everywhere and deleted his number so that there is no easy I can contact him. This is the end of my story with him, I had no interest in getting to his side of the story as I have waited for enough trying to understand him in every way possible but I was only wasting my time, and honestly, it is the most important time of my life because I can make my career from here and everything will be decided based on what I will do from here. It sure wasn't easy and took a lot of time for me to actually start functioning properly and not be hopeful about us having a moment of weakness I to wanted unblock him on Snapchat and sent him a text asking how is he but no this time it isn't happening and I am not losing any of my self-respect. I wanted to be with him but you really can't force someone and once you start giving in more effort than you should then you should start thinking about whether this week actually works out not. I started focusing on my career and worked hard on building my portfolio. Thankfully one good thing happened that my sister got into a Ph.D. program in the USA and not just that but she was getting sponsorship as well as salary so it was very exciting news for us as a family. She had to leave Kolkata in like 2 months and have to do so many things together and we did movie nights somudro every alternate day. I think doing that helped me a lot because my attention was diverted but at times I did feel a little lonely and missed the essence of his presence but quickly I collected myself back and I have already told all my friends to not even say one good word about him and they were a pro at it bashing him whenever they could. My sister is complete Anti-Praneel from the first time he ditched me and she already realized that it is not really possible for guys like him to change but on the other hand, I am more of a hopeful person thinking that life can change anyone but most importantly it was always one-sided maybe he might like me a little more than he expected somewhere in between but he was quick to get rid of such emotions. There are few very important things I realized that I definitely don't want in the guy I am dating and these would be that he should not be emotionally unavailable, confused about his feelings, confined and unaffected by things. He should be excited about like like I am, passionate enough to grab the opportunity, and ready to share with me all his joy and sorrow. It would be unwise to tell me that I wasted my time on Praneel surely there was no end result but at the same time, I evolved as a person. I understood the importance of relationship and how important is it for you to be in a stable relationship with someone who is not toxic for you, also note dating is meaningless for me, and from the next time if I am involved with anyone I will make sure to clarify my expectation and in case he is not okay with it then I will nicely let him go and not yet jump into it just because he is hot. Now I don't want to increase my list of Dates and rather put an end to it promising myself to date carefully next time and before that knowing him properly and definitely not kissing him in the first or second week but before that creating a bond and attachment and if he is okay to wait then it is perfect for me otherwise he allowed to walk away. This time I knew that I am serious and once I have decided something then I start sticking to it without any dilemma.