Leave

"Are you ready to do this? I know what's your opinion about being just a part of the mafia, moreover being their reaper is something that exceeds your judgment." German questioned while I was preparing all the stuff the dog needs while living with him.

They will be safer together. And I need to make sure they will remain safe by doing 'it'.

I didn't answer him immediately.

Do I really have to do it?

Am I ready?

"Yes," I said truthfully as I closed the zipper of the bag.

Of all the time I've spent at the gym, I realized if I had to pester that man down, I should familiarize how it works. And involving myself with it is an advantage for me. I forced myself to see the bright side of this situation because I have no other choice.

"I can ask Mr. Luther to-"

"You should distance yourself from him." I cut him off immediately which made him suspect my reason more.

Now, he is back to closely reading me as if he is near to prove what's the reason behind it. I avoided his eyes and casually opened the cabinet to get the money I needed to place in the bed.

He suddenly stood up when I was about to put it inside the other bag.

"I have money." He said and closed the zipper himself before I can even put one.

"I will share for his needs." I protested.

That dog is also my dog.

"That money is surely not just for sharing for his needs. That could already accommodate a living." His eyes scanned the scattered money on the bed. "You should just keep it to yourself and your future."

My forehead creased understanding what he just said. The word me and future don't seem to suit each other.

"Do you think I should care about the future? My future?? With all of these?" my voice was laced with bitterness now. Opening his eyes on what my life looked like now.

Do I look like I am planning my future? I am still living in the past, with no plan to visualize what my future would be. I am not even wanting my present so why would he think I would have my own future someday? That I need to save money for my possible future someday, when all that's on my mind is to avenge for the past.

He let a few minutes of silence before he threw me a statement that made me curious... too.

"Everybody deserves a bright future, even someone who thinks she don't." He said it like he wants to plant it on my mind. That I have a place in the future. That I, too, deserve it.

Then I got to remember how I never truly cared about what my future would be like. My experiences have stopped me from hoping for a better future. I've become hopeless. I became dreamless. Hoping for a better future is dreadful.

Should I believe him?

"Perhaps a darker future someday," I answered back, scraping all the wonderful ideas that's suddenly flowing on my mind.

Perhaps worse.

He didn't argue back but I know he doesn't approve of my answer.

We went downstairs. I carried the dog while he carried the bags out. We walked until his car and I placed the dog comfortably in the passenger's seat but I didn't close it still. My hand flew to his back.

He will probably miss me.

I sensed German walking near me as soon as he placed the things behind his car.

"Then we shall go, "he said, glancing at my hand in the dog's back.

"Yeah," I softly said, looking at the dog before I removed my hand off him and step a few steps back to allow a significant distance between us.

"You're really up to do it?" he asked me one last time, figuring my expression.

I moved my eyes to the opened gate because I find danger of him knowing my reason behind my sudden approval of being the mafia's reaper.

"I will be okay there," I assured him, but it seems it is an assurance for me too.

"You have to go," I added. I looked back at him to urge him to go now.

He gave my back a tap before he walked to go to the driver's seat. It felt like a feather touched me with the way his hand patted on my back lightly, despite the obvious weight of his hand.

I pushed all the unnecessary feelings building up as I watch the car move away. I had to prepare my things and myself up. I turned my back and walked back home because I should move to go now too.