Reluctant hearts and minds

"I am sorry" he voiced out with close eyes. Our foreheads on each other as he bow down.

The sincerity of his whisper in my ear is unmistakable but I refused to acknowledge it.

"Are you a high?!" I irritatedly spat at him. I swear I've never shouted that loud my whole life. I lifted my chin to stare into his eyes but I couldn't see any evidence that he is.

His eyes are just staring considerately at me and it doesn't help that I am this pushed to him. He'd tightened his arms around my waist, clashing me on his body better. He'd huskily breathe on my ear and I really felt furious of how my body react because of a certain sensation I definitely have an idea what is.

"Yes." he breathed on my ear more with his voice hoarse and deep. I caught how his eyes traveled on my plunging neckline and the breasts that is squeezed on him. His hand moved down to a near part of my butt, teasing me a bit.

His lips protruded at the move.

"I must be high to be this interested and hungry for you. I am sorry,"

No. I refused to accept all the overwhelming feelings that is suddenly thumping me. I displayed a blank expression as I look at him, who is still in wonder absorbing all of me. Seemingly weak and lost.

"You want my body." I bravely declared on him even though my knees are kinda shaking with the idea.

"Do you want it so bad? Is that all?"

He didn't answer me but I caught how his eyes lust when I pushed myself more on him. If this is all he wants, will I give it?

"I am sorr-"

I stopped his words when my hand flew to his bulge.

I almost shake when I confirmed a length.

His eyes turned darker at my move. He was about to remove my hold on it but I am determined for something. The moment he is about to remove my hand, I removed it away myself to pull his head down and dominate his very willing lips.

Heat spread on my head as my lips touch his so I had to grab on his hair to disguise my trembling hands. His lips are firmly closed and unresponsive as I strike a lot of tries.

He tasted his lips when I freed it. "No."

Frustrated by all the rejections, I jumped and crossed my legs on his waist. He clench his jaw as he softly push my shoulders a distance from his chest. I am stubborn so I leaned more.

'This is what he wanted. This is what he wants.

Those lines made me firm to continue what I'm doing, even when I am opposing it big time.

His palms immediately found my butt for support. He started walking while I clung my arms on his neck to suck on his tender lips, once again. He is still determined to not kiss back though. He would swing his head on sides to dismiss my kisses.

"I didn't kidnap you for the-"

Which made me see an opportunity on his neck.

I then tried to erotically rolled my tongue on his neck for long minutes, marveling more at his hard adams apple.

He was firm to not respond even with his noticeable heavy breathing.

But when I lightly bit it a bit, that's where he lost it.

He bowed and cupped my face and his lips found my lips. I kissed again to which he then responded back passionately and aggressively that I cannot properly breathe.

My eyes are opened all the while not until he pushed a button I do not know where, and the front door immediately opened. His long legs are fastly walking and I closed my eyes at the situation I am getting into.

Out of my will, a tear escaped from my eyes and I believe it is something I've long wanted to shed since the day I realized I am also interested and attracted to him.

On how he started it all wrong.

And how I wanted to end it the wrong way too.

He laid me on a huge white bed in front of what I think is his terrace, which is very open but dim at the same time because the only light that is opened is the one on a near post.

We didn't even reach his room.

His hands marveled at my neck, my jaw, my ears, and I stopped breathing when he touched between my cleavage. His right arm groped my neck irresistibly at first and it hurted me but I kept quiet.

He is claiming more of my mouth when his hand on my neck harbored it gently, now like a feather careful of a breakage. I don't want to overthink so I busied myself.

We are both aggressive with our kisses, and our clashing lips is all that's heard in the house. Tongue touching the insides.

I noticed how he skillfully removed the tie of my top and I closed my eyes when his warm hand slide on my left nude boob. I heard him inhale hardly before he played and molded it the way he wanted.

I did everything to refrain myself from moaning because I know that this play is not what I deserve. Because no matter how denial I am. No matter how I am hopeless about everything, I was and still am hopeful to experience one thing— a romantic and soothing love.

And how I won't get it because he is just obviously driven by his lust all this time.

This fool heart of mine chose the wrong man.

It seems that his patience with our play ran out when he suddenly removed his hand and lips on me to remove all of his clothes. I licked my lips at the recent kisses while waiting for him to remove all of his clothes. I am aware that my left breast is already out of my dress and he is lured staring at it.

The next thing I know he only has his boxers on.

Even in the dark, my eyes marveled at his thing down there, huge and very erect already.

He held my eyes for a while, memorizing my face intently. But when it reached my body, I know what I saw.

Lust.

I refrained myself from backing out, especially when he moved to attack me again, on top of me. I can feel it even with my dress on and I know he knows how that made me skeptical so he diverted my attention when he forcefully ripped the top of my dress. My eyes dilated a bit of it but it soon closed again when his warm and wet mouth claimed my right breast.

I have no idea that this would feel this...degrading. Having a man, devouring and worshipping me just because of my body.

He played, sucked, and molded my breast like a hungry animal on its prey. I do not know anymore what I am stopping myself to get into anymore especially when he moved his hand on me, down there. Massaging me on the top of my dress. I clenched my jaw. Consistently stopping myself to react the way I don't want to.

He continued teasing my folds until I heard him groan.

I closed my eyes firmly when he stopped doing it.

The pain pounding in my chest worsened.

I made sure I glued my legs together when he left it. I covered my chest with my arms first before I opened my eyes, and all that was left for me to see is his naked back heaving up and down. Ears red.

He has stormed out of the area.

I heard something big and glassy break in his kitchen and that is when it all sinks in on my head.

He doesn't want me enough. I am not his woman. He do not want me...

I shakingly but fastly picked up my ripped top to cover it on my now touched body. Without a second thought of who I might encounter, I walk out of his terrace with my eyes watering and my chest clenching.

I guess this hate and attraction relationship has come to its conclusion.

I think this is the end of all that is messing up our minds. May he stop from all of it. He had what he wanted.

The gate automatically opened when I reached it and I undoubtedly removed myself fast from it. I was welcomed by an empty road, with no vehicles seen. I left my gun and purse with my phone inside but I had no intention to enter back again.

No way.

My emotions are enough to keep me safe on the way anyway. I will be willing to place my frustrations on anyone who would dare to interfere me tonight.

I swallowed all the lump in my throat and forced myself to stay...fine, as I continue to walk alone in an unfamiliar deserted place.

I did a side turn to enter into a dark forest after minutes of walking barefoot on the cemented floor because I felt like the center cannot accommodate me and my feelings right now. And I do not really know how long will the cemented floor end.

The way is dark and eery but I am more afraid of what my heart and mind is screaming at me now.

I bit my lower lip hard till I can taste blood on it, wanting to rouse myself up from this despairing case that is questioning my self-worth.

I can't get fucking emotional just because of some good-for-nothing man! Just look how he left me after he used me!

After a while of walking, I unexpectedly reach a therapeutic extended riverside. And the moon seemed to enhance more of its beauty together with the dark night, and my sick little heart.

I immediately threw myself and kneeled on the grass, in front of the glistening water because I can't help it anymore.

I added more water to it as I silently cry my heart out. I crumpled the ripped top I use to cover my chest and bowed down when I felt all the heaviness, suddenly spreading on my heaving shoulders. I silently and unendingly cried because of him.

Also... because of my faulty decisions once again.

I built my walls high so how am I in this situation where everything seemed to break on me?

To pierce me, unshielded.

If actions really reflects interest then...

Come on, am I really... that unwanted?

I closed my eyes tight, not wanting to pretend to myself, the moon and the calm water in front of me anymore.