When heaviness and emptiness became one

Moving on, I did my best to carry the blonde away from all of them again. On the top of the dress I removed from my body, I carefully placed her on the marbled floor of her room. I traced the gauze she had and the cuts she gained on her body.

The barbie was rugged but still... an eyeful.

Beautiful.

Moving to the far corner of the room, I sat, restless. I closed my eyes tight and bit my lower lips hard that I taste it bleed when I pulled out the shuriken that is planted deep on the back of my hand. I shakingly placed it on the floor together with the blood that is drenched in it. But I couldn't allow any tears to flow out even with the heaviness I am dwelling at this moment.

My outburst…made me numb.

With all the heartful questions that I've thrown him, none was even answered.

None was said to make me understand as I struggle to want to understand.

I overplayed my part. And that probably is the reason why I felt so drained and empty inside that I just want to let silence descend me to sleep.

I know I should be dwelling on the fisherman and his child's appearance tonight. But I...really just need a break.

I wanted a break.

I curled on the floor and allowed myself to feel the coldness of it. To determine whether it is colder than my core.

The bargains I longed to speak, came out, leaving a hollow hole in my heart. And I guess I had no choice but to carry this worn-out heart, all my life.

Unfilled. Empty. Beatless.

Despite that, why...

Why is it too heavy to carry this time?