Lisa

I met a love-turned-lover. You know the feeling. The urgency to impress. The joy that comes with a new person. It came with Lisa. I attracted her with my undying charm. She couldn't resist it. In the romance world, she was entirely green.

Across her table sat a young lad with a deep sense of fashion. His chest was out there for the 'universe', a bullet pendant hanging in between the built cavity. The room was fairly lit and his ease told her he was all alone. Waiting for no one. He noticed her glances. He knew she was weak. Only for him. He made his move to play with her fears. What a man.

"What does it feel to be loved by me? " her ego asked me

My monologue was epic. It's always been epic. I generate nonsense. I live dumbness and so the reply I had in mind ...

" A burden, I hate it".

But whatever I replied. I wonder why my mouth wasn't coherent with my mind

"I feel privileged. You are a gem. Not everyone gets that".

I did what every man does to protect the lady but you term it harshly, 'lie'. She was a pain at the same time she was a joy. If you come to notice one joy clears all the pain. The scam of love.

Qara seemed different in many ways compared to Lisa. She was my soulmate or so I thought for three or four years and whatever she was I didn't want that. I needed a new book. "Dear Qara..." This would be whatever I'd write first. Men are trash, right? I am one.

On this brown desk, I played my whole love life. With all the dumb decisions I loved. With a tinge of regret, only for her, Qara. Lisa was innocent clingy and dependent. She wanted constant assurances, and a lot of my time. What about the boys? The boys need time too. We fought over anything and everything. I had to explain how she wronged me to her. She broke down. That was sad. But whatever her reaction was that was not the point. I was pushing my agenda.

"You shouldn't have called " I muttered

" Why shouldn't I have called? You were having a good time and I spoiled it? Huh?" She yelled

" You shouldn't have called" I muttered again

That was my way of taking control. I just repeated the same statement so that I say nothing I would regret. She was once my joy. Why would I do this to her? Why would I break up with her? It's both our fault we were falling out. The honeymoon face came to an end and everything had gone haywire. I lived the lie that I was in love yet I wasn't anymore. Maybe we both did and all we feared was what would happen if we broke up. How would I wake up tomorrow knowing you are with someone new? At the moment I cared less all I wanted was for her to yell then I mutter the bombshell.

" I'm done with this "

She was coughing out her grievances when I said this. A pin dropped. I heard it. The clock hands on my wristwatch. Screaming.

"What do you mean done Jay? After all we've been through?"

" Blame it on me. But I'm tired of this " I spoke for the first time in half an hour.

What was "All we've been through she was referring to? ". The constant fights? Some seconds of laughter. When she mentioned all we've been through as part of a reason to keep up with the drama I knew she wasn't for me. I needed better. Someone whose all we've been through would be about the investments we have made. Something visible not mental. It hurt to see her cry. But the attachment wept off my soul as well.