CHAPTER 11.

In the space.

Lexie.

She had Criminal Law class first thing in the morning, she took notes like compulsive while Professor Lenoir talked and talked excitedly about her subject.

His eyes lit up every time he opened his mouth and moved his hands like a tic, he stopped, walked, stayed still, and then sat down again and repeated his compulsive tic, he really couldn't stay still, he was just like Liam.

But that was what I was most passionate about this race, it was the adrenaline rush and so many things to do, and I still didn't have Weapons and Explosives class. At the end of class, I said goodbye to Mr. Lenoir with a smile and started to leave the classroom.

I briskly walked to my next class and earned my front-row seat when I saw Sam pass by.

—Hey Sam —I ran to catch up with him but he didn't slow down.— Samuel!"

—Not Anderson now.

Anderson? Since when did he call me that? Why did he tell me that he wanted to talk if he avoided me later? He did not understand what was happening to him.

I sighed and looked for room twenty-seven.

I made out my friend's red hair and ran to hug her, having it was something new and I didn't want to screw it up.

—Disappeared, I didn't know you signed up for Calculus.

I sat next to her and rummaged for my cell phone in my bag.

—Yeah, I don't know why either.

She shrugged her shoulders.

—Where did you go yesterday?

His face lit up suddenly and a mischievous smile creased his lips.

—My boyfriend invited me to lunch.

Surprised I asked.

—You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend! —I pecked her with my elbow.

She laughed so openly like a lover that she was disgusting.

—He just doesn't want me to tell anyone —she said with her head down. Her voice sounded somewhat sad.

—How? Because? —I raise my head and look at me, his brown eyes penetrated me— of course, if you can tell.

He was silent for a while when in the end he said.

—I wish I could answer that question but I have no idea how to do it.

I saw how she shrugged on the table covering her small face, I put my hand on her back as he slowly passed her to give her some space, sobbed into her forearm, and then spoke again.

—Since I got here he has been trying to hide me, he doesn't go out with me, his friends don't even know who his girlfriend is, he always visits me in my room and doesn't want to be seen in public.

I felt a sudden hatred for Noah's boyfriend.

—Who is the idiot?

She shook her head.

—Come on Noah tell me who he is.

Bitter River.

—He usually calls me that —he sniffed as he wiped his cheeks.— His name is Josh, he's the team's Quarterback.

Process the information by remembering if you had met Josh but it was useless, if he was from the Sam team you should know him.

I rubbed her back until the teacher arrived, she was quiet for the rest of the class, I tried to cheer her up by making fun of the teacher's height and how a girl was wearing makeup so much that she looked like a clown but she didn't laugh. At the end of class, we walked together until we got to the cafeteria and order our food, she was so quiet that she looked for any excuse to cheer her up. I thought it would be a good idea to get her together with Liam and Zac.

—You can cheer her up a bit, she's not quite right —I whispered in Liam's ear and then went on to Zac's. They nodded vehemently, took the trays from her, and sat down next to her.

I took Zac's place and gobbled up my salad until I felt Logan and Adair's deep gaze at my sides, I lift my chin in Noah's direction with a confused face.

—It's not quite right —I whispered too close to his lips.

—What's wrong with her? —I stare at my lips and then put them in my eyes. I felt the little giggles of Noah who laughed slowly as Liam played with his hair and Zac blew his ear speaking them in whispers.

I shrugged in response to Logan's question, he had no right to talk about Noah and the idiot's relationship.

—Do you want me to do something?

I stood up fully.

—Would you do that?

He smirked.

—Yes of course.

I nodded seeing how Noah ate his food little by little, he looked like a girl and I could see how my friends insisted on making her smile, Adair next to me played with his mobile without realizing what was happening around him.

Then I went to my sociology class the last one to finish on a Wednesday, my favorite day of the week I don't know what I had with this day but I loved it. Tomorrow would be the end of the week since on Friday the University was suspended for the season and I could attend the party.

My navy blue dress swayed from side to side every time I moved my hips, I was anxious about what Sam would have to say to me, I had no idea if it was a good or bad thing, I just hoped it was not horrible enough to destroy my poor heart more than it already was.

This day I had made up my eyes in a line of eyeliner and I put on my favorite lipstick, my hair fell straight to my waist, I would have to cut it soon.

I did not stop moving my foot against the ground, clicking the heel of my ankle boots while I waited for him, when he finally appeared at the exit I was surprised to notice that he was accompanied, I thought about the message, if he had really sent it or if It was an America trap, I wrinkled my nose thinking about running away like other times to escape this one, I started to move in the opposite direction when I came face to face with the look of Zac who came from his truck, laughing as always, next to him Adair shared a look with me but instantly the curve of his mouth faded to a halt.

I closed my eyes regretting that I was so weak, I made a face because of what I was willing to do and turned around, I was going to face this situation with my chin up, as my father had taught me, and face the problem.

Sam walked past me without even looking at me with America on his arm.

—Sam, can we talk? —I said taking his arm to stop him. America turned around and put on the faux past smile she's ever seen.

—Hello to you too Lexie.

Swallow hard

—Hi Sam —I greeted who had suddenly fallen silent seeing something behind my shoulder.— Sam?

—What do you want Lexie? —I speak louder than you expect.

—I thought you wanted ...

—No, you don't understand. I don't want to talk to you. —A lump formed in my throat and I lowered my head, this was really humiliating.

—What did I do, Sam? —That is so horrible that I made you seem so despicable —I took the courage to look directly at him.

He was looking at me with wide eyes.

—Lex ... —He tried to hold my hand but America's laugh pulled us out of the little bubble that we had created.

—How come you're so stupid that you haven't realized it yet? —She shook her head.

—What?

—America —Sam said warningly, confused I asked him.

—I haven't noticed?

America challenged me.

—That she has always been with me and only played with you because I asked her to. —I felt my walls collapse, I hugged myself with my arms exerting pressure.

—America stop.

She rolled her eyes.

—Am I telling lies, Sam? —I challenge him.

She glared at him expecting his response to being different, but he just shook his head.

—What is Sam talking about? —I plucked up the courage to ask that question.

America snorted.

—That day at the bonfire on the beach, who do you think she was with?

—What? She really seemed stupid in this situation.

—Do you remember Lexie —I remembered that day with the palm of my hand, I had confessed to Sam how I felt about him and we had kissed, he was with me all day until he disappeared for an hour with the excuse of making a call. Suddenly I saw it all black and in my head, all the alarms went off.

—That day you disappeared for an hour ... —I addressed him taking a step that he backed away, his face contracted and I thought I saw water in his eyes, he hugged me even tighter— Were you with her?

He did not answer.

—Were you with her ?!

America jumped, he was surprised by my change in tone but attacked again this time with all his reserves.

—Yes God, of course, I do!

Surprised, I put my lips together and backed away, I couldn't help what she was saying.

I furrowed my eyebrows.

—But Sam, I need you to explain ...

—What do you want me to explain? I already told you yes, I slept with America! —I felt a twinge in her chest and I twisted, the person in front of her didn't know her. I knew the boy who liked to play jokes and left me to bow ties in my notebooks, the one who smiled as soon as he touched the water and whose eyes lit up just looking at my motorcycle. This was not Samuel and I felt the need to get him back.

—Sam, you know what we have that ... it's real and you know it —My voice breaks.

—We had, no longer —he shook his head as he ran his hands through his hair— how can I explain that ours is yesterday's newspaper, I no longer like you, I no longer love you, do me a favor and leave us alone.

I opened my mouth to say something but closed it immediately, the words did not come out and I saw blurry, I saw his eyes begging me for something but I realized that it was not worth it to continue fighting for a love that no longer corresponded to me, America pulled him after she and I didn't take my eyes off hers until she turned around.

Logan

Noah's reddish hair flapped in the wind as he told me how he got here, on the outside she might be the shyest girl he had ever met, but after a while of walking I managed to get him to loosen his tongue and since then he hadn't. t stopped. talk. We shared the last class which was Graphic Design and since then I had been trying to make her smile as Lexie had asked me, I discovered many things about her that ended up scaring me.

—Adair is so cute, what if? —She commented smiling like a girl.

—He already asked you out, right? —It was a no-brainer from my friend.

—At least four times since I met him —she laughed, covering his mouth.

—All a wet pantie —I joked, but received no response. Noah, she had stood still in place looking at something behind my shoulder, I followed her gaze and immediately made out Lexie's hair and her fabulous legs.

—Were you with her? —She screamed.

—Yes God, of course, I do! —She screamed a man's voice, I knew immediately who she was.

She said something that she can't hear.

—What do you want me to explain? I already told you yes, I slept with America! —Samuel screamed making her jump, I clenched her fists at her sides, I was not going to allow them to yell at him like that, much less at him, she was going to go and take the shit out of him, break his mouth if necessary. so that she wouldn't talk to him like that again, but Noah took me by the arm preventing me. I looked at her confused.

—Leave her, this is her war.

—I will not let him humiliate her like that —I sentenced.

—Take it easy, he needs it to keep going —I calm down.

I watched as Lexie hugged her small body and as she squirmed, the words they were saying hurt her and I could feel it, in how she stepped back and she advanced. Her fucking heart was being broken in my face and she couldn't do anything to stop it, she knew exactly what the feeling of a broken heart was like and I didn't want her to go through it.

I was going to smash that idiot's face.

The couple continued on their way and Lexie just stayed there, until she looked in all directions and stopped when she found Zac, who was with Adair watching the scene like us. They both nodded as if they could communicate, he threw her the keys, received them in the air with agility and she did not hesitate to run towards a truck.

She can't take it anymore.

I ran to stop her, I wanted to wrap her in my arms and hold back her tears until she had nothing left, I left Noah behind.

She was about to walk past Zac when he put his hand on my chest.

—Let go of me —I demanded. Lexie had already backed off.

—Listen to me.

I struggled, but her hold didn't let me.

—What the hell do you want?

—Give her space, but don't leave her alone. —With that, she released me and smiled.— The cliff near slope zero, you will find it there.

I sighed in relief.

—Thanks, friend.

I looked for her location on her mobile and went for her.

Lexie

The long walk up the cliff was the worst, I had put on the radio and Christina Perri's song A Thousand Years did not hesitate to play, I sang it at the top of my lungs while she let my tears escape.

I've died every day waiting for you

My eyes kept fogging up as she sang. That a while ago I had broken my heart

Baby Do not be afraid

I have loved you for a thousand years

By the time I got to that part of the song I screamed with all my might, luckily there were no people on the road, the speed at which I was going was not safe and I could capsize at any moment. I went through the curve that led to the zero slopes and slowed down, the place where my accident was, as much as I wanted to remember I could not do it, I could not see myself lying on the side of the road alone and dead. in the cold.

I stared at how he left my life and went to his, looking at his clasped hands and I felt another pang, my body buckled as I kept looking at his hands.

They were a couple and I couldn't do anything to stop it, he had decided. And I was not his decision

I dropped my bag that fell next to my feet, let the burning tears fall down my cheeks and let them run their way, they reached my chin and I wiped them with the back of my hand, my legs reacted and looked for Zac, I walked towards him while giving him a nod that I interpreted correctly and he threw the keys at me, I grabbed them in the air and ran to his truck leaving my bag and I reversed, I would go to the only place where you can talk but nobody can hear you, now She needed to be alone and let go of what she couldn't in public. I would go to space, where everything is silent.

I shook my head and turned up the music to silence all my thoughts. By the time I parked, I ran out to the edge of the cliff and screamed over and over and over again.

I did sleep with America! the words reverberated in my head.

I hugged myself trying to suppress the pain that ran through my body, my bones ached and my legs felt like jelly. Up there the silence was incomparable, the icy wind and the sound of the waves managed to reassure me but not this time, this time it was different.

I don't like you anymore, I don't love you anymore.

Her words replayed in my head. What made Sam change his mind? Why precisely her? Why did she say something to me that day at the stake that she did not feel? She had no answers no matter how much she asked, she had no answers.

—Why am I not getting answers ?! —I yelled into the void— Why are you doing this to me ?!

I screamed until my throat replied and made me cough.

—You said you loved me —I muttered to myself the words I wanted Sam to hear.

I screamed even though the scream did not come out, the fatigue made me stagger backward, I was going to fall I would and nobody would notice.

Until some hands took me by the arms before falling and covering me, I hit my back with his hard chest, I immediately felt the smell of a cigarette and him, it had to be him.

—Please do not jump. —I heard him hold his breath and my body didn't stop shaking as I rested my head on his shoulder. He didn't say anything, he just kept silent as he traced circles in my arms.

His hands burned and heated my whole body, I was overwhelmed by the way my body reacted to that touch, he hugged me from behind and I couldn't help but remember other hands, other hands that did the same thing, that burned me so hard that I was suffocating but I loved the way they did it so much.

We stayed like that until I couldn't take it anymore and he abruptly separated me without looking at him, he took steps back as if my mere distance hurt him. He walked back to his Audi next to Zac's truck, and pulled out a vest that he draped around my shoulders, and walked away from him, she must have noticed how cold he was.

He cleared his throat.

—Are you OK?

—How do you think I am, Logan? —I huffed impatiently.

—Do you want to talk about it ...? —I felt him get closer but not close enough to get to me" with me?

I denied it, the wind grew stronger causing the silent tears that fell to go with it.

We were alone on that steep cliff talking to each other in whispers until he couldn't take it anymore and yelled so loud that I was startled by his tone.

—Keeping things is not good for you! —scream.

—You think I don't know !? My throat complained.

—Why don't you do it then ?! —He stood next to me looking out to sea. The sound of the waves, along with the wind and our voices was the only thing that could be heard.

—I don't want anyone to hear me. —I lowered my head and focused my attention on the tips of my shoes.

—This is like space —I raised my head to look at it, it was just what I thought of this place— no one will be able to hear you, not even me.

I stared at his lips that he repressed playing with that piercing that was so sexy.

Take a breath and shout what was stored inside.

—I want to know the truth! —Wait— How come things between us changed so much ?!

My body shook, crumbling again. Logan just waits, like I'm not there.

—Why did I have to drive at night ?! Why don't I just stay home ?! This is my fault, I destroyed us both. Where's my Sam ?! I yelled the latter out with all my might, scooping everything out and I was relieved to be able to say it out loud.

—You're not to blame for anything Lex —I reproach myself.

I turned to him and he did the same.

—You said you wouldn't listen to me.

—I'm sorry, I couldn't help it.

He reached into his left pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He popped one into his mouth and lit it with the lighter.

—That'll end up killing you —I pointed with my chin.

He shrugged. We were silent until he broke with the million-dollar question.

—How did you come to fall in love with him? —I hope— no, how did you fall in love with an idiot like that?

I laughed bitterly.

—He wasn't an idiot before.

He blew his smoke in my face, that thing smelled like shit.

—May I ask what it was like before?

I shrugged my shoulders. What difference does it make?

—I used to be my best friend, the one who was always around, the one who woke you up at five in the morning to go to the beach, the one who liked to go to parties but he never drank, the one who helped his friends. It was him, who I liked.

—Well, it's like you're talking to me about someone else.

I grimaced, in part he was right, there was nothing left of the Sam he was before.

I remembered how he had gone with America, how he loved her. I turned to the cliff and took a breath, I had not stopped crying in all this time and I think I got to the point of dehydration. I remembered their clasped hands, the kiss they had given each other at the bar.

—You know? —He threw away the cigarette and focused on me, I remembered his clasped hands, I couldn't get it out of my head.— I want that too ... I want to walk holding the hand of a boy —I sighed— that they give me flowers and that they invite me to date, to kiss me at the door of my house ... I want ... —I was having a hard time speaking— I want someone to fall madly in love with me.

I looked at Logan who was looking at me with pity on his face. I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat.

—I wish I was someone's girlfriend. Logan.

He made a face as if those words hurt, but he didn't say anything, he just looked me straight in the eye, in a silent battle we had, gray against gray, and I won.

He looked away to the sea for a second and then he turned his attention to the tip of his shoes.

—Lex, relationships don't always end well, with the happy ending you hope for.

I shook my head.

—What are you going to know?

Right his lips in a line.

—Precisely because I know, I say so.

That brought out a smile that looked more like a grimace.

—It's pathetic, but I want it.

He nodded, giving in to contradict me.

Logan

She was standing there, holding herself as if living depended on that, I was present when her walls fell completely, I was there being me, she may not even notice it but she was talking to me, maybe it was just because of the moment but god! how grateful I was to be there at the exact moment she needed me.

Her body shook as silently cried and I saw myself reflected in her, I could feel her pain because I had lived it too, she was reeling back and forth, she was collapsing. The feeling of not being enough for someone hurts more, it makes you doubt yourself and little by little you fall into misery.

But she leaned on my shoulder shared her pain with me, that she trusted me, precisely in me, it was as if in some way or another she was holding out her hand and I would gladly take it so as not to let go plus. She was surrounded by people who loved her, but at the same time she was so lonely, and she didn't have to be blind to realize it, she had it engraved on her forehead with huge letters.

We just stared at the sea there was no need to speak, and I was giving it space as Zac had told me.

Her wind whipped her hair spreading it over her face, she looked so pretty that day, with her blue dress and her smooth dress in a way that she had not seen before.

Was getting dark.

—I think I'd better take you home.

She closed her eyes and grimaced.

—Please don't take me home.

I nodded.

—Let's go.

She followed me to my car and I turned on the heat so she would be warmer. She buckled up and pressed her cheek to the window with her arms crossed.

I pointed to Zac's truck.

—I'll come back later and drop her off at Zac's house, do you know the address?

I look for her cell phone in the pocket of her dress and my cell phone vibrates.

348 Grayson Street.

I looked at her but she was still in the same position. I put it in reverse and hit the road.

—You should call Liam and tell him to be late.

She typed something back on the cell phone and turned to turn on the radio. The Neighborhood's Sweater Weather was playing when she turned the volume all the way up.

Ok, understood, it was not the best time to speak. At some point, she relaxed her muscles and stopped being so tense, I was telling her about Noah, and that had made her laugh, but she was asleep all this time, and for that reason, she did not receive any response.

Parkin in my usual place. I shook Lexie to wake up, her eyes were swollen when she opened them and I could see her lick her lips, she must be dehydrated. We went up in uncomfortable silence, she was not able to take her eyes from his shoes and I did not insist.

I opened the door to my apartment and walked in after her. Scott was moving his tail until he surrounded Lex and rubbed down her legs, she bent down to caress him and he threw himself to the ground to caress him more.

I laughed, he had even won over my dog.

—You can rest in my bed if you're still sleepy.

She did not hesitate and she stood with Scott in her arms to my room, while followed her I had to step back so that the door did not hit my nose.

I dropped my shoulders, maybe she wanted to be even more alone, but God I was dying to enter there and hug her. I put my ear to the door and listened as she spoke affectionately to my dog.

I went to the kitchen and was stirring glasses. I lay down on the couch and scoured the TV for something to watch, but nothing was distracting me from Lex being in my bed.

That idiot sure deserves a good one for making her cry like that, until I remembered the first day of college and the clash in the cafeteria yesterday.

I sear my cell phone and call Adair.

—What's up uncle? —She answered cheerfully from the other side.

—Hey, where are you?

—Is he some kind of control? —She was joking.

On the other side, I heard female laughter.

—I'm with my women's harem —she walked away from the noise— did you find Lexie?"

Bingo!

—That's why I'm calling you. Do you still have access to the Uni files?

—Yes.

—I need you to find me an address.

—See you in twenty at the Artemis bar —he said and cut the call.