Chapter 4: How will they react to it?

(Leon POV)

OH JESUS!! DID DANA JUST OUT ME?

WHY?? SHIT!! Why do I have to have feelings for him? Fucked-up heart, I guess!!

It all started during freshmen year. It was Math class and my eyes roamed around the classroom if there are any interesting girls that I would like to get it on with. I mean, it's freshmen year in high school. I want to try something new. No one really stood out until my eyes reached the very back of the classroom and rested on this mysterious boy.

We both made eye contact with each other and suddenly, I felt sparks and my heart started beating faster. God, he is so fucking beautiful!! He was wearing an all-black outfit. His skin is pale but it complements his facial features perfectly well. His face is so symmetrical and perfect. His arched eyebrows, icy blue eyes, colorful hair, perfect nose and pinkish lips are so captivating. I have never seen such perfection in my life. I thought to myself “Is it possible to have someone as attractive as him?” Well, as Al Pacino said in "The Scent of A woman", God must have been a fucking genius to create a beautiful creature like this.

He is so handsome but pretty at the same time if you know what I mean. He is the most beautiful person I have ever encountered. His face is downright stunning, exquisite, ravishing, fascinating and if there is a better word than perfect, I would definitely use it to describe him. I don’t just like him, I want him.

BUT....

He is a guy. He is a boy, a man, a male, a dude, he has a dick!! Being known as the faggot in high school is definitely not in my checklist so yeah, cross him out, Leon.

"It's okay buddy, you can move on!!" I told myself, and that is probably the biggest lie of my life because I haven't moved on from him yet. His beauty just captivates me, he is getting more attractive every day to me and it's killing me that I cannot do anything about it!! Every single time I hook up with a girl, I just imagine that it's him. His face is in my mind all the time and him smiling me at me sometimes is not helping at all. God, I am so frustrated, what am I going to do? He tried talking to me once, and I almost died. Deep inside, I know I want to talk to him. I want to get to know him and just admire his beautiful face but instead, I cowered away from my own feelings.

"Stay away from me, freak!”

My heart ached as I said those words, and I pushed him out of my way. Why? Why are you so fixated on your reputation? Why don't you just follow your heart? Why are you letting society get the better of you? Isn't this what you want? To love someone? This is the first step. There's always going to be an obstacle for it.

However, I will not get bullied, I will not be hated, and I will not be insulted. I just want to be loved, respected and be popular which were all accomplished, but I am not really sure about the love part. I mean, I am one of the top students in my class and the football team captain, but I never felt loved for who I am. I want to feel loved and my heart wants Cry to be the one to do that.

Why does life have to be this complicated? I just want to love a girl, get married and have kids, but I think that plan is kind of ruined because it's not a girl that I want to be with. It's a boy and his name is Crayon Svenson. Should I just stop these tactics and just confess to him?

FUCK IT!! Who am I kidding? I've done so much pain to him that he probably is going to reject me if I confess to him so I guess we're just going to have to go back to normal and continue this.

I have to forget him or else I am going to be roasted alive by the students here if they find out I am gay. The captain of the football team and the all-time ladies' man is gay!! How will they react to it?

Speaking of them reacting to it, some might be doubting my sexual orientation already due to Dana exposing me earlier. Though, some did not believe her and did not bother asking me if it is true, I can tell some are having doubts and I can't have that. God! Please, make these feelings go away. My parents might kick me out, my friends might be disgusted and resent me for it. I can't have that!!

I am sorry Cry but it's time to end these feelings.