Chapter 11: I am disappointed.

(Leon POV)

After the talk in the park with Cry, I returned home and as soon as I entered the house, my mom was there to greet me.

“Leon, surprise!” She said as she walked towards me with open arms and embraced me.

“How’s my handsome son?” She said as she pulled away and cupped my cheeks.

“Mom, I hate it when you do that! I’m not a little boy anymore.” I said as I swat her hands away.

“I’m sorry, I just missed you. Come, I made you your favorite beef stew in the kitchen! Hurry up and eat before it gets cold.”

“I’m not in the mood, I’m just going to bed and if ever I get hungry, I’m just going to heat it up in the microwave.” I responded.

“Oh…” She said.

“Goodnight, mom!”

I walked up the stairs and entered my room. As soon as I got in, I dropped down on the bed and started thinking about my conversation with Cry. I have no idea that he went through all of that. Words cannot express how much I feel like shit. Thinking about it made me burst into tears.

There’s no way I can ever fix it with him. I am such an asshole.

I was sobbing when I heard a knock on the door.

“Go away!” I said.

“Hon, come on! Let’s talk for a while. Open the door.” Mom said.

“I said go away!” I raised my tone this time.

“Leon, I know there’s something wrong. I’m willing to listen to you, son! Let me help you go through this.” She said.

I got up and opened the door, teary eyes in front of her. She then showed me a concerned look before closing the door behind us. I returned to my bed and she sat at the edge of it.

“What’s wrong?”

“I fucked up!” I said.

“What do you mean?” She asked in a confused tone.

“Mom, I’m in love!” I said and she looked at me with wide eyes.

“What?! Honey, that’s amazing! There’s nothing to be ashamed of though, who’s the lucky girl?”

“It’s not a girl! It’s a boy! I’m in love with a boy!” I finally admitted.

Her eyes widened even more.

“A boy?”

“Yes! A boy! I’m fucking in love with a boy but I am afraid of coming out to you and my friends. I am afraid of being rejected and I am afraid of losing someone if I were to be myself. I am so afraid to the point that I bullied him and hurt him everyday. I am so ashamed right now.” I ranted.

She looked down for a while before saying something.

“I’m disappointed!” She said.

“I know you are. Every parent with a gay child would have to be, right?” I said.

“I mean, I’m disappointed that you did that to him!” She said.

It took me a moment to register what she said. I looked up at her, dumbfounded.

“What?”

“Leon, the heart wants what the heart wants! I can’t believe that you did that! That’s a stupid reason! Just because you are afraid and you’re having an identity crisis doesn’t mean that you are allowed to beat him up already. You’re right, you fucked up!” Mom said and she’s downright correct. I was feeling relieved that she can understand my situation. I am also amazed by how she does not give a damn about me being gay.

“I know I did. I just really wanted to erase my feelings for him. I am so afraid of how he’s making me feel. What is dad going to say about me?” I cried.

My mom sighed before pulling me for a hug.

“I’m sorry, son! I should have known. I am sorry that we put too much pressure on you. I’m sorry for always putting the family name before you but I promise you, I will have your back. Don’t worry, your dad doesn’t have to know. It’s just between us two.”

“Thank you!” I managed to say while sobbing.

“Just so you know, son! Being gay is a choice to show it or to hide it but is it a choice to be gay? No! Remember that!” My mom said.

“What am I going to do? How can I win him back?” I asked her.

“I am going to help you with that! Don’t worry!” Mom said.

“What if he still continues to reject and avoid me?”

“Try and try, no matter what, son! I did not raise a quitter!”