Chapter 11 "Dissolved Girl"

Thursday, obnoxiously early.

"Dissolved Girl" 

It's still dark when I'm awoken. Late, or early, whatever.

The hum is gone, but I didn't hear the door open. I dare not move, better to let them think I'm still asleep. Keep my eyes shut. 

Is this a dream?

A dragged foot on concrete a second later lets me know, it's very real. Was that staged?

They got in without sound, why accidentally make a noise now in an almost empty cell? Professional hit women don't make minor mistakes like that. That sound was staged, meant for me to give away I'm awake.

Don't move. Breathe normal. Slow. Normal.

Without opening my eyes, I feel someone hovering above me. I feel their eyes on me. Watching, wanting me to move, to wake. 

A moment later, I feel a gentle breath blowing on my neck and face. 

Breathe. Breathe normal. 

Whatever game she's playing, I have to stall. Make her work for me. 

A second later, I feel her close to me. Then something tickles my nose.

The brunette, her hair. My blind guess. 

She tries over and and over dangling her hair over my nose. It's harder for me not to smile, knowing the work she's putting in. 

I want to smile, but I focus on my breathing. Thinking only of inhale, exhale. 

A tickle.

Inhale. 

A tickle. 

Exhale.

Push out louder each time. Mimic deep sleep. Frustrate her.

The tickling stops. A moment later I hear her right in my ear, a loud whisper,

"Wake up."

Exhale.

"Wake up." She whispers again, closer.

I've got goosebumps from her voice. I have to confuse her. Slow her.

"St..stay." I whisper out loud.

Barely audible, but I know she registered. She pauses a moment, I continue deep breathing. Keeping my breathing rhythm steady.

I hear her breathing, it's soft but close. She stays silent, still close enough I feel her presence.  

"What?" She whispers.

I don't respond, continue my cadence breathing. Exhale a bit louder; make her think I'm in a deep sleep. My mouth is dry, I have to swallow hard. 

She gets so close to my neck, I feel her saliva on skin. Her mouth is close, causes ripples down my spine. 

My brain registers where she is, and I let out a slight whimper.

I hear her smile. Her wet lips giving her away. A slight giggle in my ear, she's excited by playing with me.

"Come to me." Another whisper in my ear.

Her head tilts and I feel her lips gently touch my neck. Then she's gone.

Breathe. Don't respond, just breathe.

Another couple of tense moments pass before I hear her say out loud, 

"I know you're awake."

I don't respond, just breathing the same inhales and deep exhales.

"Come play with me." She whispers evilly in my ear.

That's it, I can't fake asleep anymore. Moving away from her to my left, her teeth plunge blindly into my neck. My arms flail in the sleeping bag. She pins me down, biting me hard all over. I move trying to resist, as she searches with her teeth.

I manage to blurt out a, "What the fuck?" before she finds my sweet spot. Her body seems to know it when her teeth find it. My body convulses, and strength wains. My brain goes foggy, and I can't help but be turned on by being helpless.

I hear her coo before she's biting, pulling my face over. Her hand near my mouth. I have fingers on my tongue. I let out a moan, of fleeting resistance.

She pins my arms down, I barely acknowledge. Her mouth stays just above mine. I feel her hands all over my face, holding it up to hers. Then my hair is pulled to the side.

Moaning out loud doesn't stop her from plunging her teeth back into me. I try to move, but she uses her body to hold me, pin me into place.

I hear her moan in delight, her mouth still on my neck as I weakly protest. I try forming words, but they come out in stutters.

"St...stop. Don...don't."

She stays on top of me, biting, gnawing, sucking till my strength is completely depleted. Even after I stop moving she stays on top, pulsing with her bites, like a wild animal feasting.

I'm rolled over forcefully, and my wrists are fished from under my dead weight. Both are snapped in restraints, my head swims on the pillow.

Her knees pin me down, as I struggle to move. I feel her pry my wrist until shooting pain stops me.

"Be. Good." She sternly scolds me from above.

There is a moment where I catch my breath to let the pain subside before I try rolling her off me. The pain just intensifies as she pries harder when I refuse to listen. 

Her breathing is in my right ear. She regains control, then slams a knee into my spine. The shock freezes me, and I can't even scream out in pain accurately. The noise that comes out of me compares nothing to the internal pain coming up. It knocks the wind out of me, I croak blankly. 

Her left hand fishes around my face, before pulling my chin back. Her voice hisses behind me. 

"What did I say!?

I try to respond with explicatives, but gasps come out more than words.

It's then I feel nothing on me for a whole second, before I feel her entire body weight being driven into my back by her two boney knees. 

The pain is so intense it stops me cold. I can't breathe because of the pain, because she's driven all the air out of me. I just cough and convulse under her. I literally can't do anything.

"Are we done yet?" She softly says to my ear.

I feel her hand stroking my face as I cough. In my anger, I pull away from her touch. My face buried in the pillow, my breathing is muffled by cheap cotton.

"Awww...still not broken yet?...That's okay...I have you all day...Come on."

She gets off my back, and I feel her arms pulling me up by my elbows. I still can't breathe, and she holds me upright. I finally see it's the brunette. She looks to be in all black. Details blur as she moves without any light. I've never had internal pain like this, just this dull ache, pain when I breathe, pain when I stand. 

I'm forced forward, and with the dark I'm blindly pushed out into the cold. The moon is covered by clouds, making my eyes work before I can see in this sea of black. I'm shoved forward as I trip over rocks, and weeds.

She shoves my head down, and forces me to walk with my arms high above me. I remember seeing Russian prison guards do the same. So uncomfortable just to stay in this position. Can't see where I'm being led. My equilibrium is off, making the world feel like its slowly titling.

My mouth sweats. My head aches. I want to vomit. My legs stumble in this uncomfortable walk, to which she shoves me around harder. 

I stumble and fall face first. She picks me up, I can feel her laughter. She shoves me along the darkened trail. I walk completely blind, and now becoming nauseous.

I hold it down as she walks me over rocks, and branches. I choke down saliva, forcing it down my throat takes all my concentration. She walks me around with ease, I have no leverage, and any attempts, she raises my arms to the point of pain.

Each time, I have to relent. I feel her grip tighten, then over time, release. Each time, I struggle and lose, ending up in the same position. Each time her grip, her roughness gets harder.

I'm herded along, the wind inconsistently whipping me, causing goosebumps over my exposed upper body. I'm so cold, my fight dies. I just want protection, inside something, away from the elements.

I slow, attempting to use her as a wind block. She notices, kicking me square in the ass. The surprise, embarrassment from the pain causes me to walk faster. 

Any time I try to raise my head to see, I feel her slap the back of my head. Each time, harder and harder.

I spit out, "You having fun!?"

She pulls me back, stopping me in the cold. We stand together, the wind whipping me.

"Watching you shiver, yes. Are you cold, little boy?" She mockingly asks.

I grit my teeth, not offering her any more ammo. She holds me for another moment before asking,

"Are you done? Can we go home now?"

I give her nothing, raising my head to look around. She shoves me forward when only my teeth chattering is the response she gets. We come around a row of trees, and I think I see a trail. We follow along the beaten path, until it turns to gravel with large rocks lining the edges. Trees end and we both now face a large three story mansion in the middle of the wilderness.

"Welcome to "the house". She says matter of factly, allowing me to stand.

I stand up, letting my back straighten back out, as I take it in. It's amazing. Beautiful. Her words, "the house" cues up a song in my head. "House of the Rising Sun's" guitar rift starts as I take in the house. The goosebumps are gone. I'm in awe.

In the dark wilderness, lights illuminate all over the very massive ever expanding mansion. Its base made of masonry brick, leading to wooden logs. High above the green metal roof sprinkled white with snow. Each window lit up, I lose track the number. I can't even tell which front door I'm being pushed towards. I see a massive wrap around driveway. Two large garages. Barns, horse stables in the distance. 

The walk, stamped double wide two tone concrete tiles. Circular solar lights illuminating my steps. My eyes wide, I can't stop drinking this in. I'm running a guesstimate in my head, and home alone hits millions. Let alone all the land. Architectural porn.

I hear myself say, "That's a house" loud enough to make her laugh.

It stops me; I'm being allowed to see the house. Which means they've decided. I'm not leaving here. 

I turn to her, hurt and shocked. Her face reads my mind. She blinks a recognizing acknowledgment, slowly nodding. 

I don't beg or plead; I just shake my head, looking her in the eyes. She realizes, and looks away as she turns me.

"Really?" I say defeated, still trying.

We walk together towards the house. I'm deflated, somehow feeling betrayed without even getting a confirmation. I'm stopped by her squeezing my elbow with a hand. I look back to her as she covers my head with a cloth bag. She tightens it with draw string around my neck.

"Okay?" I ask, confused.

"Think you can keep your mouth shut about that, Mr. Leaks?"

I wait a moment, "Yeah."

She shoves me forward, "Good."

"What's that all about?" I ask, still walking forward.

"Want to see if you can keep a secret."

I scoff, laughing, "I still have some you don't know."

She doesn't respond and we keep walking in silence. Her words running on a loop in my head. "Want to see if you can keep a secret." Why? Or more importantly, who I'm keeping the secret from. 

The blonde.

Again, why? 

She doesn't offer me anything more, and if she knows me like she claims, she knows my brain is running on hyper drive. Asking this question over and over. If she knows me, she'll give me something else to spin my wheels on.

"Steps". She flatly states, as we reach what I guess is the front steps. 

She stops me at the front door; I feel something tighten around my neck, then the familiar chain metal. A leash. 

"Left foot." She states.

I hesitantly lift my left foot, and she rips the dirty thermal sock from it. I lift my right foot without command and she repeats. I'm barefoot, feeling even more naked and helpless by my evil captors. 

She pulls, and I'm led further inside. It's so warm, so nice to get out of the wind. My body shivers, and without words she leads me across hardwood floors. Lights in the windows slightly illuminate my surroundings through the fabric. I see fancy furniture. Expensive. Each room we walk thru, furniture that costs more than everything I own.

I'm walking on heated tile, in a darkened room. I hear a door latch open, and I'm led towards total black.

"Steps." She repeats, without anything more.

"How many?" I ask, pausing.

Her only response is to pull me towards the black abyss. I can't resist. I'm walking down wooden steps, into a hollow darkened basement. 

We reach the bottom without mistake, now I walk across cold concrete. We walk twenty feet, past two doors being closed behind me. I'm blind, but feel a presence behind me now.

The blonde.

I'm led into another room, it's quiet, warm. I hear, "Stop" then the door closes behind me. I hear two sets of steps moving around me. Then lights come on from all over the room. What looks like Christmas lights, strung around the rooms ceiling. Blue and green little lights dots give away pieces of the room.

I think I see bondage structures. A giant X standing like a billboard. I see something hanging from the ceiling. My head is jerked away from trying to take in my surroundings.

I'm pulled to the center of the room before two sets of hands stop me. One set of hands holds onto my neck, and my lower back. One of them speaks, "Make me use this, please." 

The crackle of the stun gun lights even under the mask. I see a flash of blue, and just nod, acknowledging.

My wrists are released, and I feel the stun gun pressed into my neck. I don't dare move. 

Each hand is strapped to something above my head; all I can do is sigh out of frustration. Both my captors pay no mind, and soon I'm strapped to something hard behind me. 

I blindly get accustomed to my bondage. I'm so limited, that only my hearing is left. They walk around me, I hear one of them giggle after a whispered conversation. My head slowly looks around, my eyes squinting trying to make out shapes. I see a bed close. A tripod. Some kind of dentist torture chair. 

The leash is undone, and the hood is removed slowly. My eyes open and have to squint from the entire room lit with a neon hue. I blink away tears and try to adjust, then I see both of them.

Both donning tight black leather. Pointy heels. Black gloves. Faces covered by black studded plastic. I think I see super heroine masks. 

They look me over; they're helpless piece of meat. The blonde stares a hole into me, what looks like a whip in her hand. The brunette circles me, every once in a while jabbing me with the prongs.

The blonde faces me with an air of authority, "Welcome to "the House" as your government unofficially calls it. You want the truth, there's a good chance your tax dollars helped pay for it."

The brunette still circling me, eyeing me with each pass. On the second pass, she stops at my left arm, looking at my armpit with curiosity. My own self harm from years before. She sees it.

Twenty one little happy faces burnt into my flesh. The most sensitive flesh on our shell. Each one burnt so deep, they never went away. Twenty one times I got a lighter red hot, and jabbed it under my left arm. Twenty one times I dabbled in self misery.

Her eyes widen, and her face studies them. I see her realizing something new about me. Something we share. Her eyes looking to mine, I refuse looking back.

The blonde continues unaware, "Not one man that has visited our fine house has gone home, yet. Do you honestly think you'll be the first?"

Her smile moves my gaze from the blonde to the brunette, who still eyes me with intrigue. 

"I think I got better odds."

She shyly smiles, then continues circling.

The blonde almost laughs, continuing, "Well, that may be true. You've got better odds of getting two lesbians to fall in love with you first though."

The brunette comes around, jabbing me again. Passing in front, she touches somewhere in my armpit. 

My eyes follow her, then back to the blonde. She strolls up to me, beginning to snap the whip in her hands. She pauses, wanting me to speak, but I know the game. I stay silent.

She realizes and smiles, continuing, "No smart words? Tell me, what scares you more?"

Snap! Cracking the whip.

Crack! Snapping the stun gun.

They come closer; their eyes jet out in my vision. They're both right in my personal bubble.

"Oh, he's too smart for us now. Maybe we should just hurt him!" 

The brunette jabs me with the stun gun, her eyes mad. The blonde's eyeing me with sparkling diamonds behind the mask. 

"Tell me, how are you going to get out of this?"

"I'm going to get two beautiful women to fall in love with me." 

They both look at each other, then burst out laughing in my face. 

I wait for them to quiet before I fight back, "I make both of you smile, I push you. Mentally. Both of you, love coming to me. Torture, or intrigue, you both enjoy your time with me. I'm not the enemy you've been programmed to hate. You're seeing that now. Tell me, when's the last captive that got this much attention?" 

I don't wait for an answer continuing, "Have I once begged for my life? I've taken whatever you've thrown at me without complaint. You've drugged me, tortured me, beat me. I'm not scared, of you, of dying, of being forgotten. You hold no power over me."

They look at each other; I can feel the smiles under the masks.

"Get free if we hold no power over you." The brunette coos.

"You're just two scared little girls."

"Scared of what!?" The blonde snaps with confidence.

"Scared you don't know what you want. Scared that you're wrong."

One of them scoffs a laugh. I'm not deterred.

"Scared your movement is just another glass ceiling. Scared you're being programmed all over again. Scared you might have found your match. Everything you stand for, and have done, is the complete opposite to what I stand for. And you're scared, that I'm on the right, regardless of how this ends. And that...that makes you-"

ZAP!

The brunette catches me off guard with the stun gun. The jolt of pain courses throughout my body, stopping my tirade dead. Electricity in my bones. The pain is sudden, and causes my body to ache all over. Everything stiff.

"Sorry, sounded like begging to me." The brunette mockingly points out. 

"What do you think; do you think that we're attracted to you? What self respecting couple would stoop themselves to having a man come into the picture, and screw everything up?!" The blonde holds my face up to hers.

I want to respond, but my teeth clenched from pain, it takes everything not to groan out in pain.

"He's got a magical dick that us little girls need to be filled with!" The brunette jabs.

I look to her, hurt by her action of inflicting so much pain, so quickly. To boil me down, to just a simple "thing". 

"You're...still the same...you're...no better...than the men you'll replace."

The blonde's fire in her eyes dies in that moment. She sees the truth in my words. And finally, finally I break through to her. I see her whole energy change. She holds my face up differently. Softer. Her eyes are seeing something not in front of her.

The brunette is still energized, not realizing what just happened. The blonde looks into my eyes, I'm not afraid of holding her gaze. Expecting more pain, but in this moment, our energy are one.

She blinks away those thoughts blinding her, letting go of my face. My head drops, and I have to look up to watch what unfolds.

"He's yours for the night." The blonde states, I see her heels walking out of sight.

"Wait, what? We have plans." The brunette protests.

The two walk out of hearing distance. I hear parts of a heated exchange between the two before the brunette returns.

My face is snapped up to hers, I'm inches from her. Her face is determined, angry.

"We had plans for tonight, and someone's stupid mouth had to ruin them!"

She lets go, and my head drops again. 

ZAP!

Another wave of electric pain shoots throughout my body. My head jerks upwards, in a flash I see her smiling like a demon. My body slumps, but pain ripples down my arms and legs. I piss a little. It takes all my concentration to keep from letting it all go.

"Let's see how much pain you can take, lighter boy!"

ZAP!

Pain, all over. I shake from it.

ZAP!

I beg stop, pleas in my mind. Nothing more than groans and moans are verbally shit out of my mouth.

ZAP!

Pain, burning feeling. I let go and piss down my leg. Almost crying from the agony of this unrelenting hatred.

ZAP!

I arch back, seeing her again for a second.

She grabs my jaw, holding my face up to hers.

"You want the truth!? This! This is the truth! You want to love her!? You want to love the monster too!? You think we want you? Like we need you!"

Her words and saliva spit in my face. Hurt worse than the stun gun.

"Like we need a grown ass man baby in our life! Look, you fucking pissed yourself! You think a man who pisses himself turns us on!? You think we need to clean up after you like a fucking dog!?"

I'm nothing right now. Hurt by her words to the point of shutting the world out to numbness. I try to close my eyes, but she cracks the stun gun in my face. 

"Face the fucking truth coward! You can't always run off into your mind when reality hits you in the face!"

I have nothing to fight her with. No will or reason to trust my own thoughts.

"See this little gem?" She asks holding a vial of clear fluid. "All it takes is just the teeniest, tiniest drop, and you'll just forget just about anything. We're going to erase this. You won't remember us, or your trip out west. Your vacation was full of video games, house chores, quality time with the kids."

I see her filling a needle with some clear fluid. 

Her smile is staged. I have to act now.

She's turns, coming to me with the needle.

"I may not...remember you...but you'll never forget me."

Her face changes. Confidence escaping her.

"Who wins?" I say with fleeting hope.

Immediately she's struck, I feel it in her touch. Her hold on my chin isn't rough. 

Her gaze drifts; I see her contemplating more pain, more torture. She wants more. My words have her mind dialing; I see her thinking out her next steps. I have to cut ahead.

"I would..give up...my life...to be in yours."

She stops, mind reeling. The needle moves away.

"I...would...save you, again...without a second thought."

Her eyes lock into mine for a moment, before they stare past me. She's not in character anymore. I broke through. I feel victorious mentally while being completely ragged physically. My mouth sticky, I smell my own urine. Somehow, I feel like I'm not the exposed one.

After a moment I hear her softly say, "You're no fun."

She lets go of my face, and I strain to watch her walk out of the room. 

"Don't let me go." I say out loud, unsure if she hears.

The lights stay on, but the door closed behind her. I'm alone again. My mind begins to take in the pain I just endured, the emotional roller coaster I'm on. We're all on. I have moments, thinking of them, thinking of what they're experiencing. What my words may be doing behind the scenes. If they'll do anything.

Have I changed my course? My destination or my destiny?

Could I win their love? Could I be on their level? Could I keep the secret? Try to live a "normal" life?

My mind rattles off these questions, and the more I think, the more I think I'm stupid. To think I could be loved by not one, but two women, who do I think I am?

Then a muffled conversation stops all thought.

I hear through the floor boards, "Why-why-why can't I do this?! What is wrong with me!?"

I scream out, "Because you care about me!"

I can't stop the tears from running down my face, finally knowing, finally hearing my voice has connected with a real human again. I feel alive again. For the first time in forever, I feel the urge to touch. To desire another. To interact, to learn their ways. To break their bad habits. To be someone's rock, even if it is two. I want the challenge, the push, the rush. 

I want them. Both of them.

I selfishly want to the be the man to change them. To share my world with them, to make our own world. Away from it all, and the ones who try to control and manipulate. We could be our own happy family, without labels, without judgment. 

Just the truth.

Most real life couples drift away and divorce when they discover who the other has become under their watch. Why not just jump past the crazy down the line, and get that over in the beginning. 

I'm sure we won't be explaining how we came to be at any fancy black tie events or family get togethers.

It's quiet all around me. I hear nothing from upstairs. I'm sure my words hit her. They moved so I couldn't hear any more. Their professional facade is cracking. Part of me wants to smile, knowing a man started those cracks. But I have nothing to smile about. The uprising is still happening. The two still have all the power. And I'm still hung up.

After a couple of minutes I hear the furnace kick on. I finally feel actual heat hit my body. My whole body shivers, enjoying, reveling in man's greatest achievement. Heated air.

My body exhausted, my mind is drained from thinking, and I know the crash is coming. So I accept it, and try to get as comfortable as I can, strung up. My body starts to go numb, and my head bobs before I know I close my eyes. 

A peaceful black accepts me, and I'm whooshed away from "the House", I temporarily forget my hell awaiting me when I wake. My only escape is to a world that's not even real.