Chapter 17 "And All That Could Have Been"

Saturday, smidge later.

The sound of a cart pulling up close wakes me from my sleep, and I look around confused. The fire still alive, the door is shut and the axe is gone. My notepad is moved by the door. Then I see her. The blonde.

She looks furious as she yanks the door open, and over to me.

"Stand up!" She yells.

My note in her hand, crumpled.

"What is this!?"

I try to stand in a hurry, and she shoves me back to bed. I almost laugh, but the anger on her face freezes me.

"Explain! Explain this shit!"

She shoves me back down again, my note shoved in my face crumpled in her fist.

My heart on paper, crushed in her anger.

"You want to strike my heart, and end it with love me, or kill me! You want me to go to sleep, knowing this idiot has fallen in love with us, and doesn't want to live without us! Get up! Get up!"

"I...I can't-"

POP! 

My face stings hard from her left hand, hitting my face blindly.

"No, no get on your knees. You want this, fine!"

She pulls a pistol from her waistband, and my heart freezes in shock. I stifle a breath, realizing, this is it. 

This is it. 

We stare at each other for a moment; both our eyes begin to water. I nod, closing my eyes. 

I get out of the bed, my eyes not wanting to open, not wanting to look into hers.

"What was that?" I hear from above, her voice wavering.

"It was the truth." I say into darkness. I have to swallow to stifle tears.

"You want me to live with that, knowing that. Knowing you would, you would rather be dead, than living without us? You don't even know us!"

I breathe a moment, before finally opening my eyes, "Let me in."

It's her turn to stifle a breath, tears running down both our faces. The gun pointed at my face.

I hold my gaze into hers, holding my hands up at my sides, I push her by standing back up.  She's on the brink of shooting or breaking, and I slowly point the gun into my heart, so our view isn't obstructed.

It's then I see her face is so pretty, so stoic, even when she cries. My gesture causes more tears. I wait for the flash and the feel of my heart exploding in my chest at any moment.

 "Last words?" She angrily questions.

"Burry me some place nice, and take care of my kids. Come visit me every once in awhile...think...think of the life...we could have had."

I can't hold it in. Closing my eyes, doesn't hold back the tears. Knowing I'm going to die, right here, right now. Going to sleep thinking I was safe, waking to this.

Ask and you shall receive.

I am receiving that moment of death, that moment of regret. Not wanting it to end like this. Not now. Not right now.

"Is this...what you want?"

I don't hold back, "God, no! I want you! I want your love, your eyes, your heart! I want to be the one, one of the ones, to make you smile. Every day. I want you to grow to love me, want to be the one to make me smile. Grow old together. White picket fence and all that shit! Why am I speaking s foreign language with you? Why is this such a no?!" 

"Because, it just is." She says with broken hearted sincerity. 

I feel it. She's not lying. She can't let me live.

There it is, and we both know it in this moment. So I take my final deep breath, and accept it. The life that could have been.

"Ok then solider, you have a job to do." My eyes never breaking from hers.

There is a moment, where both our eyes run at the same moment, and I think, I can live with that being the last thing I see, so I close them. 

And wait.

In the black, I imagine this happening all so different. Waking to both of them accepting me, taking me in. The three of us embracing. I see living out here, exploring the land. Bringing my dogs back. Enjoying the-

Then my face is in pain. Crushed, my face takes punch after punch. I feel her fury and rage unleashed as she punches me until I can't stand. I hit the ground, my head bounces off something hard and she's still on top of me. 

Yelling fists into my face.

I don't even fight back; I just feel her fists hitting me. Over and over. My head bounces off the concrete. Another fist. Ground cold. Then black.