Chapter 24 "Lonesome Tears"

Monday

"Lonesome Tears"

I open my eyes and my whole body aches. I'm on the bed in the basement. It's dark in the room, only lit by the ground level window. My shoulders are so sore I cannot use them to push myself up. My stomach is so sore, setting up requires me to roll to my side. Those fucking bitches.

I flash back to the last two days. Punishment. Suspended in bondage, and tortured by kindness. I wanted to scream, they loved every second of control. Me unable to fight.

I hear the door lock from above before her bare feet come one by one down to the concrete. My whole body hurts; I only look with my eyes. It's a moment before her figure is blurry at the edge of clear vision unlocking the torture room door.

I can still see it's the blonde wearing a pink silk bathrobe, and a lace mask. Her bare feet smack across the concrete floor. She stands a foot away from me, without any energy, I glare up to her.

Her eyes look me over, then catch mine, giving me a look of "come on, get up" without saying it.

I shoot lasers from my eyes as a response. One she picks up on, and barely acknowledges. I'm pulled up, forced to stand weakly next to her. My pride pushes me away from her, when she tries to offer me an arm. 

Another decision I immediately regret. 

I fall back to the bed clumsily. I hear her scoff, then my vision is blinded. She knots the blindfold tight, making me growl.

Before I can protest, my left arm is thrown over her shoulder, and I'm hoisted up. Being walked like a wounded soldier out of the torture room. My feet slapping the ground all the way to the wooden stairs. My body move awkward, stiff.

She lifts me upwards, and I struggle to even find a way to resist her leverage over me. A complete lack of strength in my body causes my feet to drag over each of the sixteen steps upwards. 

Ten stumbling steps over hardwood, then eight over lamanent. Another set of steps, this one soft with carpet. Another thirteen steps upwards and I'm blindly walking on plush carpet for twenty six steps. The little light bleeding through my blindfold lets me know its day, the piercing white coming from the windows we pass.

I'm walked back to tile. Expensive, heated tile. 

She turns, setting me down with a twist on a toilet.

"You have five minutes. Don't touch the blindfold...Do you need me to get your pants to?"

I don't respond, shooting her an evil look under my blindfold. My right hand waves her away with disgust, and I hear the door shut soon after.

She comes back in when I flush. I'm trying to stand blindly, when she catches me in her arms.

"No, I haven't...washed." I feel myself say stupidly.

She ignores, instead asking, "Can you lean here?" 

I nod slightly confused, as she lets go of me. I lean into the wall next to me, unable to stand on my own. The sound of the tub turning running gets my attention, and I look in its direction without asking. I hear her spark a lighter multiple times.

Soon the tub fills; I can feel the heat washing over me. Warm humid air. The sound of water filling becomes deeper and deeper, then she kills the faucet. The overhead light dims, the room darkens, with tiny dots of light. Candles, I guess.

I stand unsure, until I feel her lifting the shirt from me. I try to weakly protest, but she easily takes more from me. Then it's the sweatpants. Socks. And finally she rips my boxers from me.

I'll admit it. I'm turned on, but I cover myself. Slightly embarrassed. She stripped me, carried me, like I was nothing. 

I hear her, "The water is hot. Big step, okay?"

I try to say, "Wait" but I'm stepping up three steps, then into hot water. She steps in with me, and it's deeper than I expect. A whirlpool? A spa? 

She stands right with me, until we're both in. My semi erect cock bounces off the hot water, and I have to cover and protect him from the searing water. She slowly lowers me deeper until I'm in up to my chest. I moan out in pain and pleasure as the hot water burns. Feels like ecstasy lava, swallowing me up to my neck. 

She moves behind me, and then pulls me into her. We set together, our naked bodies intertwined. Her legs straddling mine, she pulls me back and I don't resist. Her left hand pushes my chin back until my head rests on her shoulder. 

I want to say something, and my throat begins to croak out a "why?" before she silences me.

Whispering in my ear, I hear, "No words. Okay?"

I slightly nod, not breaking our new deal.

After a couple of relaxing minutes, she begins to wash me. Starting with my back, I moan every time I feel the sponge run over me. She pulls me back into her, washing my shoulders, arms. I feel her hands run over my arms, her fingers soapy, she interlocks with mine. I feel her brush my nails, scrubbing my hands with something rough.

I feel uncomfortable leaning on her, and slowly pull away from her. Wanting to set on my own. She pulls me back into her, tightly this time. Even growling before releasing me.

She hand washes my legs, lifting them, and scrubbing every inch. She grabs and cleans my cock, like it's just another appendage. My hands try to stop her, but she moves directly, and faster than I can stop. She washes my chest, then pulls my soapy body to hers.

We set together, our bodies' one. I hear her begin to hum, as she holds me close. After a couple of peaceful minutes, she turns on the jets. I groan out blindly, she answers with a similar acknowledging moan. 

We both lean back, letting the water swallow more of us. Enjoying the silence and the jets until I blindly allow my arms to float in the water. I let my pain ravaged body float, our bodies stewing in foam and bubbles.

Eventually the jets click off, I guess by timer as her arms are still wrapped around mine, I make a silent frowny face, knowing fun time is over. 

She sighs, then I feel her get up behind me. Water drips on my shoulders; I feel her sloshing the water with her movement. I hear the drain pulled, the water drains around me. 

I slowly stand up without an order. I feel her eyes on me, as I blindly reach out. I'm sure she's holding out when my hand bumps into a towel. Drying myself in the draining tub, I feel her hand on my shoulder. She helps me out of the tub, even taking the towel and wiping my back for me. 

I feel something heavy on my shoulders, I reluctantly accept. She takes my arm, fishing the bathrobe on me. My legs feel a breeze, chuckling to myself; I feel no material around my legs.

I'm wearing a female's bathrobe.

Her giggle makes me smile; I tongue a tooth to protect from blushing. My legs start cramping, ruining the moment. I reach out, finding the cabinet next to me. Leaning doesn't take away the pain, and she's there the second my face shows pain.

"Come on." I hear her say gently in my ear.

My left arm is over her shoulder again, and she leads me back through the house. Back down the carpeted stairs, across the hardwood. I hear the basement door open, and we descend together. 

Each step is slow, with the cramps running throughout both legs. I hear myself laugh, surprised by the increasing pain. Our steps come faster; she rushes me across the concrete. 

I know where we're headed, and my frustrated breaths aren't ignored.

"Stop pouting, we can't spend all day taking bubble baths."              

We take a couple more steps in unison before she lowers me to the bed. My head lands on the pillow, her weight giving away she sets next to me. I hear her filling a glass, then offering it to my lips. Holding myself up, I savagely drain the glass of water. Not allowing her to take it from me.

"Gez."

I turn my head in her direction, without offering any rebuttal. There's a second before she asks almost laughing.

"Are you going to speak?"

"You said no words." I respond with an error of coyness.

There's a pause, I feel her smile.

"That I did."

Her hand strokes my hair; I hear the glass set on the headboard above me.

"What would have happened if I hit upload?"

"I know you wouldn't so-"

"What if I did?" I cut her off, "Would it have changed anything?"

She doesn't respond. 

"I didn't think so." I say with a hint of anger.

She still doesn't respond, setting right next to me.

I'm still bitter at being manipulated by her. 

"Typical." I shoot, shaking my head.

I feel her change. Sense her anger. Hear her snort.

"What do you seriously think is going to happen?" She cuts. "That we can magically ride off into the sunset together? Jesus, think with your brain, not your dick!"

She gets up, and I blindly reach out. Snatching her at the wrist.

"Why can't-"

Her hand stops me in mid thought, pinning me to the bed by my neck. My hands instinctively want to stop her, but I will them to my sides. I can't stop the clenched fists.

"Why can't you just accept, we, don't want you!?"

"Tell...a lie...enough."

Her grip tightens, and I hear her laugh out of frustration.

"I will make you hate me, if it's the last thing I do!" She venomously spits at me. 

Her face is right in mine; I feel saliva shot onto my face. She's lording over, I feel her weight pressing down on my throat.

"Resort to your...programming...solider girl?" I spit through grit teeth. "Surprised you didn't respond...with your fists this time!...Oh-wait."

I hear her growl out of frustration.

"Go ahead...prove me right...I'm not the liar."

She roughly spins me over, grabbing my left arm and pinning it behind me with all her weight. She stretches me, and it takes everything not to scream out.

"She only hits me, cause she loves me!" I say in a mocking tone, "Argghh!"

"You just have to keep pushing-"

"Its...fucking...obvious." 

"...and pushing me!   

She lifts me up, pulling my twisted arm with enough force; I'm pulled along wherever she leads.

"You're mad at yourself...for having feelings...no matter what you do to distance yourself! You feel-"

"You, haven't even begun to feel what I can do!"

She marches me across the room, and I see the light of the torture room bleed through my blindfold. I stop suddenly. She jerks up hard on my arm. I turn to my left to counter her leverage.

I spin free, but she shoots in, taking my legs from me. We tumble to the ground, and I feel her arms flailing, trying to get control over mine. She grabs a wrist, I take one of hers. 

Were crawling over concrete. I'm on my back, trying to get distance, but she stays right on me. We wrestle on the ground. I hear her frustrated grunts, as I wrestle blind. 

She gets control, then I roll and take it from her. Her grip on my wrist is gone, and instantly I feel a shot to my gut. It pushes the air from me, and I lose control.

I'm rolled back to the ground, I feel pinned next to the wall. She uses a knee to my chest, as her hands grab at me. My wrist flops around, desperately avoiding her grip. 

Elbow pushes my face into the wall. I taste shredded gums. Bloody, sticky saliva. Her boney elbow pushes into my mouth. 

My face jerks free, we struggle to get each other's wrists. I feel her frustration mounting, as she intensifies her fight. Her grunts turn to growls. She slams my right hand into the wall.

Her hair is in my mouth, using her head to push my face. I taste chemicals on my dry tongue. Both her hands shoot to my left. One holds my wrist to the wall, the other struggles for something. My right hand can't get in to stop her, as I feel my left being pushed.

I hear the familiar snap of handcuffs, and my left is locked to something. Her weight shifts on me, and her hands find my right wrist. I struggle with everything, but she overpowers me, yanking my wrist up. Before I can protest, her hands hold and secure me.

"No!" I gasp out.

I'm setting, stuck to the wall.

We both pant after the workout. Still setting on me, she's slow to get up. 

"This, this is for, for your own good..." She tries convincing us both, "...I'm going to make...make you forget. It's the only way."

She gets up, leaving me.

"No!" I call out, hearing her in the other room.

She comes stomping back to me. And I'm nervous. My ears strain to hear what's she's doing next to me. Then she's right in front of me, I feel her pinch my arm.

I scream, "Don't, don't, don't fucking do this! Don't take this from me! Please!"

I struggle in her grasp, struggle to not stay still for her, spitting anything I can. Not wanting to be stuck with whatever drugs they have.

"You mean everything, everything to me!"

I feel the needle at my skin, and I'm blubbering, scared.

"Don't, don't, don't, if I, if I, I have to, to remember you, so I don't, don't make any more videos...you can't...can't make me forget...I have to remember this...to keep you safe...even...even if it's...not with me."

She says nothing, as the sharp needle tip is removed. Her touch is gone.

"I have to remember you...for the rest of my shity life; I have to remember you two."

I hear her angry breaths. She waits a moment before getting up; I can feel her eyes staring heat vision beams at me. 

My heart feels like it's been run through the grinder. Such a tornado of destruction. A roller coaster with free falls. I thought yesterday was the bottom, but now, now I realize my true punishment, is that I can't forget them ever. What I've seen, been through. I can't be in their lives. I can't be their love. Now, I realize my punishment. My true punishment. I have to hold onto them without getting anything for all of this.

"Mission accomplished...You got what they wanted. My silence."

Just not the way they planned. 

My head drops, as I'm left broken all over again. Twice in two days by the same girl. Funny how love can do that.

She stays a couple of minutes, as I set wallowing in silent self pity. 

"Why are you still here!?" I finally snap at her, "Go celebrate your hard fought victory! Another man broken!"

She doesn't respond verbally, but I hear her feet slowly walk away. I feel the room empty and hollow again. In front of me, the door closes softly. It latches slowly, then all is silent.

I sat for a moment before my rage builds, thinking how easy it was to wear me down. Using sex and taboo to control me. I scream out, pulling and jerking my body away from the wall. Like a caged beast, I cry out a guttural roar as I pull and jerk my wrists. I stand, and pull at the wall, using a foot to push. Then both feet with all my weight behind it.

Fail. Nothing but pain, and sweaty struggling.

I lean in, and pull the blindfold from my face as I continue my rage. Jerking, and ripping the handcuffs at the wall anchor holding me. Nothing works, and I scream out as loud and as long as my spent lungs will allow.

It's not as fierce, or long as I want. It never is, when I get to that point.

I slink back to ground exhausted and defeated. My arms, shoulders stretched and burning from yanking against metal. Again, not the smartest guy in the room.

At least I can see, my stupid brain gleefully reminds me in my sad state. I'm facing the door. I notice it has a peep hole for the first time looking in my direction. The bed, the soft, cozy, amazing bed is to my left. The same one I stupidly talked myself out of relaxing in for the rest of the day.

Instead, I had to push and pry. End up on my ass, literally.

I think of her, the blonde. I see her smile in my mind. How can this girl have such a control over my heart? Over my own mind? I've given up; allowed them to beat me, break me. Stop me.

Yet here I am, glutton of stupidity, thinking of "what's best". I don't want to say goodbye to them, to this, but at some point, we all wake up. Dreams are nice for some. I guess mine, are just impossible.

I sat for awhile, thoughts rambling over the previous two days on a loop. Memories spin faster and faster, and they blend into one long day. One long horrible day that bleeds into my visions. My thoughts run on repeat. Always of her. 

Her smile. Her angry eyes. Her touch, gentle, then hard. Her hair, its dried gel feel. Those two diamonds, sparkling within a muted laugh. 

"I'm not sorry." I hear her whisper before I fall into the numbed nothing.