Uncle Vernon

I rubbed my chin, scratched the back of my neck, then scrubbed my face before Leigh began snickering at me.

"You're thinking about it," he said with a sly grin. Cheeky little brat.

"Well. Yeah. But. I'm not ready for…a relationship of that nature. If I'm being honest. I've never…I mean, I've barely kissed a guy. I wouldn't know even where to start…" I sighed heavily and crossed my arms, setting my jaw in thought as Vernon chuckled.

"Calm down. No need to over-think it. It's the most natural thing a male and female can do. We've been doing it for…ever, I suppose." I smirked, wondering just how on-point he was. For as long as there have been animals, there has been sexual intercourse.

My biggest concern was, of course, the whole…pregnancy thing. That was absolutely terrifying to me. But then again, it was common for females to push out almost 400 babies in their lifetime – don't do the math, it's fuckin' scary – so what was I complaining about? And my own mother had my sister when she was 16, with our dad.

You know what? Maybe it was finally time to throw away that V-card. And if I only ever had to do it once with him to name him as mine, according to the books, anyway, then I could live with that.

Though…if I'm being honest and absolutely shallow and horrible, the only reason I haven't just bashed his face in with the nearest heavy object for putting his hands on me was because…I kinda liked it. REALLY liked it. The attention someone like me (strictly an Earth average) was getting from someone like him (breaking Earth scale) was part of what drove it. Every girl's deepest, darkest fantasy happens with their favorite actor or character, right? This was like…if it ACTUALLY happened.

If Orlando Bloom, dressed as Legolas, stepped out of that tv screen and came up to me, professing his love and undying devotion to me, I think I might have died right then and there.

So…yeah…it's like that.

"I suppose you're right, Uncle Vernon," I relented off-handedly. Having a Chieftan in my pocket…er…pants…would be helpful, wouldn't it?

"Of course I am, I- heeyy…" It took him a moment to catch on to the American-style honorific I'd granted him, but he grinned. "I'm honored you think of me that way. Thank you."

I shrugged and waved it off in a blasé manner, but a smile on my face and pink-tinted cheeks gave it away.

"Aside from Caroline, you've been one of the more helpful elders. And calling you 'Grandfather' didn't seem accurate, given your appearance and, well…how different you are from the others." He grinned in response and I tilted my head, crossing my arms in thought. "How ARE you still so youthful at this age, anyway?"

He waved me off in return, chuckling.

"Another story for another time, young Princess. For now, I need to whip these young bucks into shape. If you need any more advice, you know who to call." He jerked a thumb at the bucks who had assembled at the fence and were actively listening to our conversation. Once they were put on the spotlight, however, they all whipped around and began pretending not to hear, though a couple locked horns on accident and began struggling to disentangle themselves.

I laughed at the sight and nodded at him, bidding him a farewell.

Leigh took that opportunity to loop his arm through mine again and as I looked down at him (keep in mind, there's only about a 3-4 inch difference in our heights), he was beaming from ears to tail and creating a slight breeze with it.

"I'm glad you get along so well with Uncle Vernon. Besides Mom, he's my favorite of the elders." I chuckled a little in response as we turned around and began walking slowly back toward the Community Center to make Gharret's trip a little shorter.

"Despite his age, his openness to fresh perspectives is probably what kept him so youthful…and how he takes charge in taking care of the unmated males of the village definitely puts him in good standing with a good portion of the population. Politically, it makes sense to have him on our side…but honestly? He's really hard NOT to like."

Leigh laughed at that and bobbed his head, though didn't have much of a response. I glanced down at him and noticed a touch of stress on his features.

"You didn't understand half of that, did you…?" He glanced back up at me with a big, bright smile…

"NOPE!"

The sound my palm made slapping against my forehead was quite loud.