Preparation is Key

I get back to my room and throw my bag onto my chair.

I kinda just fall onto my bed, my bones and mind ache from all the stares and questions.

My body crawls with anxiety so I head to the bath like I have been every night since I got here.

I start the bath and step in after quickly undressing.

I soak in the bath water, bubbles up to my chin. As I think.

Now that I realize I haven't been experiencing. I've been thinking about Home, a place that doesn't exist in this reality.

I've spent so much time here that it could probably be years when I do make it home.

When, not if because if I say if then I know I won't make it.

I can I know I can, that's why I have to learn to experience while not forgetting about home.

How do I do that, is the question.

I finish my bath and head to my closet pulling out a robe.

The sky is nice, the early winter kind of nice.

I pull out the book I took before we left the winter town.

Marissa's notes on me, and my notes on magic circles.

I smile a bit at them, I spent so long with these books, it shows, the spines are worn and the leather is faded.

I throw them on the bed and grab the books on mana I got from the library.

I also snatch an empty journal that the school provided.

Tomorrow is the training day, where I have to use mana.

If they find out I can't use straight mana and have to channel it into a 3rd party source then I'm dead. Done for.

I have to be prepared, I sit on my bed back up against the wall so the light from outside will reach in.

How do I survive?

I open mine, Marissa, and the empty journal.

This is gonna be a long, long night.

At some point during my research, the sun goes down so I switch to my desk which has an oil lamp. I light it and notice that there's a plate of dinner on my desk.

I look around my room, I never got food? I don't remember anyone coming in either.

this should be bad, I should be freaked out. But for some reason, no shiver runs down my back.

Nothing.

I don't question it further, I got bigger things at hand so I sit at my desk and get back to work.

I don't notice how late I've been up, the chimes from the clock tower don't even register in my head.

I just keep writing.

Flip the page.

Glance at the book.

Write.

Pull out another book for a definition.

Write.

Glance at Marissa's notes.

Rinse and repeat until my hand slows. My eyes glazed over.

The clock tower makes me shoot up from my desk, 6 chimes.

FUCK! I stayed up all night! I quickly flip through my notes that have my plan written down and hurry the steps up.

I then throw on my school uniform, consisting of black leggings, a brown skirt, and a button-up black t-shirt. I don't feel like washing blood or dirt out of my uniform and seeing the stains stay there so I picked the most logical outfit.

Love dressing up, hate the aftermath.

I pick up my bag and head out of my dorm room in a hurry.

"Hey, I- Oh Celestia!"

I tumble right into Kikomi. Knocking her back a bit and giving myself a bigger headache all the same.

I rub my head a bit "I'm so sorry about that! I swear, I'm just in a bit of a rush right now."

The words spill out of my mouth, I look at her to find her face is a bit softer than the last time I saw her.

"Hey, hey it's alright, I just came to deliver you breakfast, you didn't come to dinner so I supposed that you wouldn't be at breakfast."

I glance at the tray in her hand and look back at my desk where my empty plate from dinner lay.

I look back at her.

"Did you also deliver me dinner last night?"

She nods and hands me the tray of bread, eggs, and slices of fish.

I put it on the desk and return to her at the door.

"Thank you, so much." I'm actually grateful, the last time someone was this nice to me was Marrisa and Sara. I give her a genuine smile.

She waves her hand at me.

"It's alright, seriously, I just thought that you would need the extra help because today is your on-field day, right?"

Is that what they call it? On field? Whatever.

"Uh, yeah actually, I'm pretty nervous about it." maybe she can help me, she has been here longer and is top of her class, which is higher than mine. so I guess I can tweak my plan with her input.

"Don't be, you are a part of the new class, so there only testing for your abilities with mana. Testing out basic spells is all you'll do for now. So don't even worry your strange head about it."

She smiles, but it comes across as condescending.

Not this again.

I thank her again, hurry up our small talk then wave her off as she leaves her class when the bell tower strikes 7 times.

I eat my food hurriedly and rush to my first class of the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The professor– better explained as a fucking army instructor– has us out in the training ground, in the cold!!!

"Listen up, mutants! Today we're testing your pathetic excuse for magical abilities. Each of you will step forward and demonstrate a basic spell. Failure to do so will result in punishment. Is that clear?"

The class responds in unison, "Yes, sir!"

I feel a knot of anxiety tightens in my stomach.

I quickly scribble the mana circle I wrote into my book onto my hand, a simple flame that will change in color. Okay, maybe it's a bit over the top but I have to try harder! Yesterday was a total failure in making friends but I have hope for this morning!

As the instructor calls out the first student to step forward, I try to gather my thoughts and focus. It's jade! I watch as she performs a simple spell, generating a small flame in her hand. The instructor nods approvingly and moves on to the next student.

My turn is fast approaching, and I can feel the weight of expectation bearing down on me. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. If my spell fails then I fail, and I can't fail.

The person in front of me finishes their demonstration and I make both of my palms unseeable but being careful not to smudge the small magic circle.

The instructor waves for me to start.

I raise the palm with the magic circle on it toward the sky, so he can't see the circle of course.

It's just like a normal magic circle ren, you got this!

As I stand there, feeling the weight of everyone's gaze upon me, I gather my focus and direct my energy into the magic circle etched on my palm.

To my immense relief, a small flame emerges in my hand, flickering and shifting from red to green, to blue.

The primary colors! I just now realize, I never wrote which colors to change from.

interesting.

The instructor watches closely, his expression tinged with skepticism. The room holds its breath, waiting for his judgment.

After what feels like an eternity, the instructor finally nods, grumbling a begrudging acknowledgment. "Passable," he mutters before moving on to the next student, not offering any further comment.

A rush of relief and satisfaction washes over me, realizing that I've succeeded in my demonstration.

As the rest of the class takes their turns, I gradually feel the tension dissipating.

I did it! I actually fooled them! Fuck yeah!

I see some of my classmates staring at me, I catch jades eyes and she smiles at me. Not the cunning smile I got yesterday though, a genuine one.

Thats weird.