12. No

"No."

Alex had expected everything, from being laughed at to Ed even slapping him for saying something like that but a simple, unemotional no was definitely not what he thought he would hear.

He just blankly starring up at the big guy for a few moments before he was finally able to weakly ask, "What do you mean 'no' ?"

Ed shrugged and looked away, not wanting to give in to Alex puppy eyes.

"Just no." He replied in the same cold, monotone voice as before.

"But... why?" Alex stummelte and wrapped his arms around is stomach, hoping that he wouldn't have to puke again from this stress that was slowly building up.

It wouldn't have been that bad for him if Ed had just give him a proper answer or at least something that would explain why the big guy now seemingly didn't have any emotion towards his confession. Before Alex had hoped that the big guy had at least some sort of feelings towards him but with how indifferent he seemed it made Alex believe that Ed didn't even gave a single fuck about his feelings.

While Alex was distracted by his tumultuous thoughts Ed quickly used the chance to glance at him. But when he saw tears running down his checks Ed almost emidietley regretted having done so. He hadn't meant to make the boy cry but specially after tonight it was all to clear to him that they just would never work out. It didn't matter how much he liked the kid because at the end of the day Alex was just that.

A kid. 

That needed to make his mistakes and to enjoy his youth and not be tied down to some old guy how couldn't even deal with his own problems, let alone somebody else's.

He desperately wished he could be that stong pillar of strength that Alex seemingly thought he was but he knew better.

And because of those reasons he had to stay strong and not give into the screaming voice in his head that was telling him to pull Alex into tight hug and to tell him that he loved him too.

Ed quickly looked away again, feeling to overwhelmed by his emotions. He sighed and then offered Alex to just go home and to forget all of this. But to his dismay hoped Alex shook his head vehemently, shattering Ed's hope of getting easily out of this uncomfortable situation.

"No I want... I need an answer!" The boy pleaded with Ed and whipped a tear from his cheek.

But even after hearing his desperate plead Ed still refused to look at him and instead just fumbled with his keychain. After a moment Ed mumbled, "I already gave you one." under his breath, infuriating Alex even more.

"That's not....I just want a god damn explanation! And for fucks sake would you please at least look at me?!" Alex screamed. He just had enough at that point and didn't care if he was being rude towards someone older then him.

"Why can't you just except my answer?!" Ed yelled back, making Alex slightly flinch.

But he refused to back down so instead he yelled in return even louder, "I just want to know why you don't fucking love me!"

Ed tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat and continued to nervously fumble with his keys. "That's not..." he grumbled while trying his best not to fold under the pressure.

It had been easy enough to just say no but now that Alex was pressuring him so much for an explanation he had not the slightest idea how he could get his head out of the sling.

Alex on the other hand got more and more frustrated with the older man with every passing minute. All he wanted was a clear answer that would give him at least some sort of closure and help him accept Ed's answer but with how cowardly the big guy was behaving it just made him angry.

"THEN TELL ME WHAT IT IS!" He once again demanded.

"I DON'T..." He screamed but then stopped himself and quickly thought about what argument would be able to finally end this painful conversation but also not upset Alex to much.

I don't want you to resent me later?

I don't think I'm good enough for you?

I don't want you to waist your youth?

I don't want to get dumped in a few months when you finally figure out that I'm nothing more then a boring old guy with nothing to give?

No!

Ed shock his head, those arguments were maybe all true but saying them out loud would only prolong it instead of ending it. Suddenly he remembered what the drunk kid at the party had said and even though it made him internally cringed he also had to admit that this would probably the easiest way out.

"I don't want to be a replacement for your father!"

It took Alex a minute to comprehend what Ed just had said but then his jaw dropped.

How did Ed even get that idea from? He and dad have nothing in common what so ever! Alex thought and shook his head in disbelieve.

After another minute he was finally able to say something. "What kind of bullshit is that? Do you seriously think that?" He asked, his voice slightly higher then usually.

Ed shrugged and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

"Yes I think because of your issues with your father you see a replacement for him in me." He stated, trying to sound as convincing as he could but Alex just tilted his head and skeptically questioned, "Do you really think that's what's going on?"

Ed once again felt cornered by the boys behavior so instead of giving anymore room to doubt him, he instead just grumbled, "Yes. Now get in the fucking car or do you want to walk home?!"

------

The drive back home wasn't much better either.

At first Alex had tried to argue even more but after he had been told by Ed not to distract him while driving he quieted down and an uncomfortable silence spread between them.

Not being able to stand this any longer Ed finally decided to turn on the radio. He had hoped some noice would at least somewhat distract him from his thoughts but after having listened to the fifth melancholy break up song in a row he angrily turned it off again.

Alex who had felt just as annoyed by the music grumbled, "Thanks." and then continued to glare at the necklace with the dogtags that was hanging on the rearview mirror.

It took them another twenty minutes in painful silence before they finally reached there destination.

When Ed parked the car and was about to get out when Alex suddenly grabbed his shirt and pulled him towards him. Before Ed even had the chance to understand what was happening Alex already had pressed his lips against Ed's. It was only a short moment before Alex removed his lips again but to Ed it felt like an eternity of pure bliss had just past.

"You are a terrible liar." The boy stated grumpily before getting out of the car and rushing towards the 14 floors high concrete slap building.