8

Kendall's POV

"I think you should go in hun." Miss Grey interrupted my train of thoughts. I smiled at her, took my bag, then I remembered someone, or rather something, the therapy sessions.

I had gone to our college therapist once, and it was Miss Mabel. Although I just sat there for the whole hour while she just asked questions I didn't answer, it was a comfortable silence. She wasn't pushy, nor demanding. It's like she understood that these things take time.

You don't just invade someone's space and expect them to be happy about it. But now that she was leaving to god knows where, they were replacing her. But with who?

"Miss Grey, who is going to be our new therapist then?" I stopped, then turned to her.

"Oh, it's that Lewiston teacher lovie." She smiled with her signature dimpled smile. I smiled back, but I knew it was nothing but a cover-up. I was annoyed, yet again. The one time I wanna try opening up again, life just throws a curveball at me.

Great, just great.

I turned and I continued walking for a second or two when Miss Grey stopped me.

"You should come over some time hun. We miss you, Mr. Snuggles too." I stopped short. Mr. Snuggles was her Latino cat. I don't know how she knew he was Latino, but all I knew was that Mr. Snuggles was the next great thing closest to human.

He was grey and chubby and he was always sleeping, never uttering a complaint. I could just sit with him after eating my blueberry muffins, petting him, and he could just purr, having the time of his life.

When I thought of this, a tear that wasn't invited suddenly rolled down my face. I quickly wiped it away and I projected a smile. I missed the outside world. All that I used to do, and the people I used to hang out with. Hack, I miss the person that I was before.

Before all of this happened. When I didn't think of myself as a broken person who couldn't stand humans anymore. I quickly closed my eyes, looked up, and took deep breathes. I just wanna be normal, even for one day, is that too much to ask?

I took more deep breathes in and I tried to talk, but suddenly tears were choking me and I knew, if I uttered a word, tears would invade my space. And it was too early in the morning for a pool of tears. So just looked at her and I hoped she understood.

"It's okay darling." She smiled, "It's okay."

As she said this, unwilling, tears started falling down my cheeks, and I quickly buried my face into the palm of my hands, and I knelt and I broke down. Miss Grey quickly came to my aid, hugging me with her warmest hug, caressing me, telling me that I was gonna be ok. And I don't know why, but when someone comforts me, I always just break down some more.

Whatever I was holding back, just came crashing down on me, and it was like my chest was so tight and I had to cry it off, whatever it was that I had held on to. And for me it was pain.

Pure out hidden pain I had long buried in the deeper parts I'd tried to hide, even from myself. I was this girl I was now, but what about her? The her I used was to be? The her that was happy with mid-Saturday walks on the beach, the her that loved sunbathing on Sundays afternoons, the her that enjoyed all family outings, no matter how boring it was, the her that loved friends sleepovers, makeovers, cookoffs, and a million things she used to do.

What about that her? I knew I could never get back? Because no matter what, I knew, my life now was so different than what it was. The life that I thought was rosy was a lie. Life was a lie...

People tell their children about cinderella stories and the prince charming nonsense that was just make-believe. It's all a lie. Life wasn't all that. It was dark, and sad, and it drained the life out of you, sucking you dry until there is nothing left. And if you were lucky enough, you get sucked dry while drowning in riches and fame.

And the part I was in currently was just sad, floating in death sad. The I've tried to live but life just handed me it's very best dish of hate sad. And somehow no matter what, it would always just get worse. I've tried and tried, but I just can't. I have given up trying.

I really have. Whatever I want back can never be, but all I could do is memorize her. The her I used to be, and hope I've once lived my best life. With my mom, my two dads, and Eta. So when I knelt in that office and cried, it was for all the things I never said, all the pain I'd hidden for myself to stop the hurting, and it's for those anxiety attacks, the panic attacks, the constant fears, the low self-esteem, hitting rock bottom, suicide, it's everything wrapped up in what I tried to be.

And I tried. For my mom, my now dad, Eta and Ed. And it's not enough. The me I am now is not enough. What I see now is just an empty shell. Getting good grades to forget, and eating so mom doesn't have to worry. I now am living so to do everyone a favor expect herself and me now was tired.

So so tired.

"See him, Maya. We may not know him, but if he's from the Hamptons, then he is good." She whispered after my long saga of whaling. She was still kneeling with me, her arms wrapped around my petite delicate body that had scares for decades.

She was talking about Lewiston and I just couldn't bring myself to nod my head. My cries had now become these tiny sobs that sounded like hiccups and the principal dared not leave his office.

Seeing Lewiston was the last thing I had in mind. But seeing that I was at the last straw of whatever life I thought I had, seeing him wouldn't be the worst that could happen to me, right?

*********************************************************