Chapter 6: Gorilla grip and No tits
In the Early Afternoon Wade can be seen sprawled out on his bed enjoying serenity as he tosses to the side of his bed with a blissful look on his face.
*THUD*
Wade rolls off the bed as he crashes on the floor his eyes shooting open as makes contact with it. "Mommy?" Wade says still in a dazed state, as his mind gets clearly he recalls what he just said as he looks to the couch were Zoro is.
*Zzzzzz*
Zoro snores as a little drool drops out of his mouth a little trickle of saliva escaping his mouth on to the floor making a little puddle. Wade lets out a sigh feeling grateful for Zoro being a heavy sleeper as he gets up and goes to get ready.
10 minutes later
Wade walks back in seeing Zoro on the couch passed out. 'I'll let his training go for today since he went into the dungeon.' Wade nods to himself as he walks out to start his own training summoning Might Guy's Workout Guide Vol 1 from his inventory reading it as he walks upstairs.
Chapter 2 of Might Guy's Workout Guide Vol 1
Your gift of perseverance blows me away to the fact that you made it to the next step but enough praising. Step 2 push past your set limits, YES you heard me right go past your previously recorded goal and set a new one! Setting goals is not enough though as you also need to recognized your stronger because all efforts are pointless if you don't believe in your self!
Wade reading this pumps a fist into the air. "YOUTH!".
1 hour of intense working out later
Wade can be seen doing hand stand push-ups in his workout attire as his body is drenched in sweat as his arms start to violently shake.
"66"
"...67"
".....68 CMON!" Wade says pushing his arms as they shake looking as if he's going to collapse at any moment.
"69!" Wade says as he collapses on the ground setting a new record for each of the exercises might guy recommended. "Nice" Wade says to himself as he lays sprawled on the ground smiling at his accomplishment and the number of his accomplishment.
He stands up washing himself with a bucket of water and a towel. 'I need to buy a proper fucking house bathing like this blows.' he grimaced a little of the fact there living in a abandon church. 'Don't get my wrong I like having a roof over my head I just want one with running water like the one you have.' he says to the readers and winks as you now realize that he was talking to you as you start to questioning life itself.
Wade heads downstairs to a still sleeping Zoro as he approach's him. "Hey Zoro I'm going to exchange the crystals you got from the dungeon want to come with?" Wade said standing in front of the face down Zoro. Zoro waves his hand signaling no and he nods as he heads out of the house heading to the guild while opening his inventory.
[Inventory]
Items:
Valis: 256,000
Description: Currency in Orario
Pillow Case:
Containing:
-Small Level 1 crystals: 45x
-Medium Sized Level 1 crystals: 25
-Large Sized Level 1 crystals: 2
Support Bag:(Its that fat ass bag Lili carries in the anime.)
Containing:
-1 map of Upper Floors 1-12
-1 map of the Middle Floor 13-17
-3 days worth of dried rations
-Orc hide
-4 pounces
-Containing: 124,000 valis
-Small Bag:
-Containing:
-Small Level 1 crystals: 23x
-Medium Sized Level 1 crystals: 12x
- 1 Large Sized Level 2 crystal
Common: 1 Wooden spoon
Description: Can give someone a good spanking if ya know what I mean ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)
Common: 1 pair of toenail clippers
Description: Got to keep those bad boys in check and these do the job
Uncommon: Rinky dink iron sword
Description: Really good for cutting butter
Uncommon: Basic Katanas x2
Description: Basic Katanas you would see on canon fodder
SSR: Dual Desert Eagles
Description: Ordinary Desert eagles however they have unlimited bullets
Legendary: Might Guy's Workout Guide Vol 1-5
"Damn I'm even more rich!" Wade said jumping in air as he gardened some strange looks Wade sees this all the unwelcomed stares. "What are you looking at huh haven't you ever seen someone enjoying their wealth." He said like a crazed man looking around him making as much eye contact with as much people as possible.
The people seeing this averted there gaze not wanting to mess with a crazed man who was holding no valis what so ever and wearing weird black and red tights. "Mommy whos that?" a little kid said pointing at the weirdly dressed man with a innocent expression.
"Don't stare sweetie that man has mental problems lets just mind our own business." the lady says in a reassuring tone as if it was a matter a fact. Wade feeling like he was just judged look's in that direction and he see's a lady and a child. The child still had his finger pointing at the man but immediate puts it down as he notices the man looking at him. Wade seeing this walks over to the kid.
The lady see's this and pulls her child closer and the child gets a little scared at the man walking over to them. "He's just a curious child please don't hurt him." she says holding her child closer.
"Give me everything you got." Wade said in a commanding tone as the lady nods her head wanting to avoid trouble.
"Yes I'll give you everything but I only have a little val-" but before she could finish Wade stops her.
"Not you the kid." Wade says looking at the kid as the kid flinches a little. The mother looks at this man bewildered at his statement of wanting to rob a child and then looks down at her kid.
The child starts tearing up a bit as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a butter scotch candy as his hand trembles a little. Wade looks at this candy and nods snatches, unwraps it, lifts up his mask, and tosses it into his mouth. The kid watching his candy eaten by a stranger starts to cry,
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" the kid cries out.
"HAHAHAHAHAH!" Wade lets out pointing at the kid clutching his stomach. The child's mother looks at this crazed man that just robbed his kid as she just stood still and watched it. Wade laughed for a little bit longer and wiped the imaginary tear from his eye and left the mother speechless and the kid crying.
*Ding*
[Hidden mission completed 'Rob A Innocent Child']
Description: No kid not even a innocent one is gonna stop you from getting that paper!
Reward: 1 gacha ticket
"Nice hey Mio how many gacha tokens do I have?" Wade inquired as he remembers getting a lot recently.
'3 normal gacha tickets and 1 rare gacha ticket!' Mio said cheerfully to her host.
"What does a rare gacha do?" Wade asked another question.
'Well host it guarantees nothing below a rare item!' she happily answered.
"Use them all." Wade says as he nods hoping his luck is good.
Received:
Common Item: Rusty Shank
Common item: Used paper towel
Rare Skill: Cleaning Saliva
SSR Skill: Blood Control
Wade looked at the gacha and was stunned as he stopped walking halting all movements. "Holy shit STATUS!" he yelled out in excitement because this skill sounds badass.
[Wade Wilson]
Race: God
Strength: C+
Speed: C-
Vitality: SSS
Endurance: SSS
Stamina: A
Intelligence: D-
Divinity: F (Sealed)
[Skills]
Healing Factor [SSS]
Description: Your healing factor is the same as Deadpool as your body will regenerate even from a single cell
Pain Resistance [C+]
Description: I mean things still hurt its just not that much as it would normally
Marksmanship [A+]
Description: You can shoot the nuts off a squirrel from a hundred miles away
Swordsmanship: [C]
Description: Deadpool really relied on his healing factor when fighting so without it your a little above average when it comes to fighting with swords
Hand-To-Hand Combat [A]
Description: You could steal a kids lunch money and when he goes to tell his dad you can steal his too.
[Abilities]
Divinity Chaos [F] (Sealed)
Proficiency: F
Description: As a minor god just born you do not posses any experience with chaos and cannot use it sense this world seals it however if mastered can be a force to be wrecking with.
Thermal Hand [F]
Proficiency: F
Description: Allows you to keep something at its current temperature but you can't use it on anything larger than a basketball. It does not make you immune to the temperature of a object so you still experience the dangers of something too hot or too cold.
Blood Control [S]
Proficiency: F
Description: Ability to manipulate your blood in various ways such as shaping and solidifying it to form constructs. This ability is limited by your body's natural blood volume. Your blood also has corrosive properties when injected into or sprayed against an opponent.
Cleaning Saliva [F]
Proficiency: F
Description: You are able to use her saliva as a cleaning fluid.
Wade looked at his status and raised a eyebrow now that there is a section called abilities. "Mio what are abilities?"
'They are skills that even if they have a set grade they are given there own proficiency grade meaning that even though you could have a C skill you can master it to reach its full potential!' Mio answered in her same enthusiastic tone.
"Huh okay." Wade nods as he summons a katana and slashes his arm and blood starts spraying out of his forearm as he tries to control it.
Wade looks at his blood and still feels a connection with however the pain of slashing his arm suddenly is making it hard for him to focus however the pain starts to dull as the wound starts to slowly close.
Wade still trying to pay attention to the blood as he starts to try to will it into a sword. The blood starts to gather mid-air as it starts to takes a shape. Wade tries to focus more on shaping it into a sword but it feels as if he cant as he just gives up as he grabs oddly shaped blood sword and looks at his first use of his new ability.
"It kinda has the shape of the sword however the blade is jagged, the blade is really dull, and just overall it looks like something you would get at a toy store." Wade let out a sigh as he looks at his first creation as he stops trying to control its shape as the blood falls to the ground splashing on the ground.
"Damn I'm actually gonna have to practice this fucking ability." Wade lets out a little frustration but then all of a sudden realizes something as he looks around himself and see's a lot of people staring at him. "Oh shit" Wade says to himself as he looks at the crowd gathering to watch him and does the only reasonable thing to do in this moment of time and books it.
15 minutes of running later.
Wade can be seen standing in front of the guild hall looking around to see if people looking at him weirdly at him however he let out a sigh when people were just looking at him normally like he was crazy. Wade proceeds to walk into the guild and looks for Rose. They both make eye contact and Wade walks over to her.
"What's cooking good looking." Wade says with a smile.
"Good afternoon Wade how may I help you today?" Rose said in a monotone voice looking at this constant migraine in front of her.
"Well I'm just here to exchange some crystals for some money." Wade says as he pulls out all the crystals from his inventory. Rose see's this and is stunned for a second that a level 1 managed to get all of this on his first dungeon run however she regains her composure however Wade saw this and chimes in. "I guess I have the first qualification to be a sugar daddy." Wade says smiling towards Rose.
"Very well Wade put the crystals in the exchange box and we'll begin." Rose says ignoring Wades last statement completely. He nods and starts to put the crystals in and after about 4 times of filling the exchange box he finishes and Rose begins counting the crystals.
5 minutes of calculating later
"Wade your total number of valis is 300,000 if you are unable to carry it all the guild can provide a bag for transport of course at a price though." Rose says giving Wade his Valis. Wade immediately puts the valis into his inventory because he will not be scammed by this cunning women.
"I do have a question though do you know were Blue Pharmacy is?" Wade asks trying to change the subject. Rose looks at him for a second but never the less responds.
"Yes if you go past the (Imagination) then take a left at (Imagination) and finally it should be across the street at (IMAGINATION)." Rose says giving accurate directions. Wade hears this and waves goodbye as he has some business to do.
30 minutes of walking to these very descriptive directions later.
"So this is the famous blue pharmacy that literally gave out these free potions." Wade says looking at the sign that reads blue pharmacy as he walks into he store.
*Ring*
The doorbell rings as it signals a new customer as a dog eared women comes out to greet the new customer. "Hello customer how may I help you today?" She bows as she looks at the strangely dressed man but does not show any emotion on her face because she is a professional.
"I'm here to buy some potions beautiful." Wade says looking at this beauty however he knows that his attempts might not work as he knows that this chick is bad shit crazy over Miach.
"Very well we have a wide range of potions to look over is there anything your looking for particularly?" she once again asks before starting her scheme.
"No not really do you recommend anything?" Wade asks totally oblivious to her true nature.
"Of course customer check these two potions out." she says while pulling out two viles full of blue liquid. "You cant find anything better than this and much cheaper as its only going for 20,000 valis each." She says like a standard door to door salesman. Wade looks at the dog eared girl and contemplates.
'I mean its for Zoro but on the other hand it cost money and well.....money.' Wade contemplates in front of the the dangling potions in front of him.
"Enough Naaza" a voice can be heard behind the shop as a blue haired man walks out. Naaza hearing her god interrupt her scam looks at him as her ears droop down like a sad puppy.
"B-b-b-but Miach." She says like a child getting her toy taken away as she steps aside.
"I said enough I will be handing this customer now." Miach said in a gentle tone as he moves in front of Wade behind the counter.
"I'm sorry about her she tends to do this when I'm not around I am Miach God of medicine and I run this shop with my familia who you already met." He smiles warmly at Wade with a truly genuine smile like Hestia while holding out his hand however it makes Wade uncomfortable.
'Why do I want to punch his face all of a sudden, his smile is genuine, and yet I really want to sock him right in the face.' Wade reaches out to meet Miach hand because he doesn't feel any hostility from Miach. "Names Wade God of chaos nice to meet ya." Wade says grabbing Miach's hand.
Naaza hearing this flinches a little about almost scamming a god however Miach smiles grows a bit brighter. "Are you the new god that descended a couple days ago its a pleasure to meet you if you need any advice or help you can come to me as I hope we can build a great friendship in the future." Miach says gripping Wade's hand tighter and as his smile grow brighter and brighter.
'What kind of gorilla grip does this man have for the love of me LET GO.' Wade thinks still calmly looking at Miach. "Sure we can be friends." Wade lets out a little awkwardly as he tries to pry his hand away from Miach.
"Really?" Miach says gripping Wades hand tighter looking at him anxiously for conformation.
"YES FUCKING HELL LET ME GO YOUR GONNA CRUSH MY HAND." Wade finally yells out not being able to stand this mans grip.
*Cough*
"Yes sorry about that lets get back to business as the potions are 10,000 valis each not 20,000." Miach says coughing a little awkwardly as he feels a little embarrassed. Wade is caressing his hand blowing on it a little as he looks at his hand and then back at Miach glaring a little at him.
"Here just take it." Wade says pulling out 10,000 valis from his inventory and giving it to Miach. Miach accepts the money and hands him two vials of liquid and Wade looks a little confused at receiving two and Miach chirps in.
"Its for the trouble we caused you I hope you come back again." Miach says smiling at Wade.
"Yea whatever." Wade says putting the viles into his inventory and leaves. After a while Naaza finally breaks the silence
"Miach why did you stop me from scamming him." Naaza whines a little to her god and Miach turns to her and smiles.
"You know, he has already descended a little over 4 days ago and he's already making waves." Miach says gently to his only familia member.
"What do your mean?" Naaza's ears perk up at this.
"Well evidently his only member took out a level 2 silverback all by himself." Miach drops a bomb on Naaza.
"WHAT THERES NO WAY!" Naaza screams out looking at Miach for confirmation of this unbelievable feet.
Some of you might think that this is nothing too special for Zoro but for the people of Orario it is. To defeat a boss tier monster all by yourself is a incredible feet but what makes this even crazier is that Wade only descended 4 days ago and that means at max Zoro should have joined his familia 4 days ago which makes the situation even crazier for gods. Most talented adventurers are recruited at a very young age like Aiz who has been with Loki sense she was a child so it quite a shock to most people who hear this so understand Naaza's reaction.
"That's only the beginning evidently when his member was really hurt someone told the Soma familia on the day they distribute the wine that a man was carrying a silverback crystal and a lot of people went to go take it from themselves." Miach said as to lecturing Naaza building up to something.
"So did his familia member take them out that's pretty impressive if he was in a really injured state." Naaza said nodding her head.
"No it was Wade the god of chaos he told them to back away or die and the ones who tested him died of a mysterious weapon that can take away your life in seconds." Miach said dropping another bomb as he looked at the stupefied Naaza.
"But that means he used his divinty tha-" But before she could say anything more she was interrupted.
"That's the thing that has some people on edge is that he didn't use his divinity or else he would have been banished by Ouranos." Miach finally said as Naaza could only look at Miach and then realize her mistake.
"Then I..." Naaza said looking a little spooked at what she almost did.
"Yeah but its fine Naaza but in the future tread carefully as he is not one to be messed with, we don't even know his background, nor do we know what pantheon he comes from, so for now its best to tread carefully, and be on good terms with him." Miach says as he pats Naaza on the head as she looks down sadly however her tail starts to wag.
Meanwhile with Wade
Wade can be seen still rubbing his hand even though the pain is gone. "What a freak who knew someone so nice could have such a fierce grip man he spends too much time by himself." Wade says "Next time I go I'm taking Zoro." Wade says nodding to himself as Zoro will need to feel this pain as well as its only fair right Wade thought as a evil smirk became plastered on his face. Zoro who was sleeping at the time shivered.
"What was that about?" Zoro opened one eye as he looked around for a second however closed it continuing his sleep to recover his energy.
25 minutes of walking later
Wade can be seen walking into the church. "Yo Zoro." Wade says as he walks down the stairs. However Zoro was still asleep and to his surprise it wasn't Zoro who responded.
"Um Wade I think he's still sleeping." Hestia says with a whisper as she puts a finger of her mouth gesturing him to be quiet however its Wade.
"I know but he's been sleeping forever and I bought a potion from Miach to help him and he needs to be awake to drink it." Wade says finally meeting Hestia down the stairs as he realizes Hestia is here. "Don't you have to work today?"
"No today I only worked a half day." she said shaking her head totally forgetting that she wanted to be quiet a second ago.
"Oh ok." Wade nods as he walks pas Hestia. "Zoro if you don't wake up I'm getting the chair." Wade says as Zoro's eye shoot open and he starts to glare at Wade however he's met with a smile as Wade summons the vile.
"Here drink this it should help your pain a little." Wade gesturing the vile in front of him. Zoro raises a eyebrow but takes the vile and drinks it. A cold feeling washes through his entire body as the pain starts to dull little by little. "So how is it did I get scammed or what?" Wade says looking at Zoro who was just sitting there not even blinking.
"No I think its working the pain is manageable and it feels like I'll recover faster with this." Zoro says checking himself as he soothes Wade doubts.
"Great we should celebrate our new found wealth with food and drinks at the hostess of fertility!" Wade says enthusiastic. Zoro is kind of reluctant because he wants to sleep some more. "There will be booze." Wade says and Zoro sits up hitting the nail in the coffin.
"Ok I'm in." Zoro nods as he looks at Wade.
"Can I come too?" Hestia says from behind them twirling her pigtails in a shy manner.
"Of course!" Wade says holding out his arms.
"YAY!" Hestia says hugging Wade as she has only eaten potatoes the last month.
"Well lets go." Wade says pumping his fist in the air as Hestia and Zoro follows him.
15 minute of walking later
Wade, Zoro, and Hestia can be seen walking into the tavern as there greeted by Mia. "HAHA welcome back are you here to spend more of your money?" Mia says with a toothy grin.
"Yea can I get a beer with todays special." Wade says as he looks at the other two.
"I'll have what Wade's having." Zoro nods.
"Me too but no alcohol for me just some juice." Hestia says with a smile as she is happy she doesn't haft to eat potatoes today.
"Ok just choose a spot and we'll get you your order." Mia smiles as she gets starts on their drinks. The group finds a table and sits down as a waitress gives them their drinks and she has brown eyes and medium length brown hair.
"Hello my name is Lunoire and I will be your waitress this evening if you have any request just ask and we will accommodate you to the best of our ability." She says while placing the drinks in front of the three.
"Just keep the beers coming for me and Zoro over here and refill Hestia's juice when its empty." Wade says gesturing to the two and Lunoire bows and goes to get their order.
1 hour of drinking and eating later
Wade, Zoro, and Hestia can be seen enjoying themselves as Wade and Zoro chugged a lot of beer while Hestia just tried her best to eat as much as possible. All of the sudden the tavern doors fly open as eight people walk in drawing everyone's attention.
"Hey Mia give us a feast were gonna celebrate before my familia goes on there expedition!" a girl with light red hair and red eyes with tomboyish male attire can be seen talking. Hestia seeing this instantly frowns at the sight in front of her as a vein starts to protrude from her forehead.
"Loki" She says in a menacing tone as if looking at the devil himself however Loki has not noticed her and she sits down with her familia. Wade already knowing who this and their relationship asks anyways.
"Who?" Wade says also getting Zoro attention as he finishes his sip of beer and looks at Hestia.
"A big jerk and a meanie." Hestia pouts a little and Wade tilts his head. "She acts like she's better than everyone and thinks she can say or do whatever she wants." Hestia says crossing her arms.
"Hestia?" but before Hestia could continue the person in question finally saw her. "Well well look who we have here so Hestia what have your been up to?" Loki says as she walks closer and closer to their booth leaving her familia behind as she walks up Hestia with a condescending smile on her face.
"Back off buddy she's with me go hit on someone else." Wade says interjecting between the two. Hestia blushes while a vein appears on Loki's forehead.
"I'm a girl." Loki says as she starts to grit her teeth looking at this guy wearing black and red tights.
"Really?" Wade says looking at her flat chest then back at Loki then back at her tits then back at her face and just keeps repeating the motion.
"YOU!" Loki says as her anger boils to the breaking point. "WHO ARE YOU TO MAKE FUN OF ME YOUR JUST SOME RANDOM GUY IN TIGHTS!" Loki says not being able to contain her anger anymore.
"ATLEAST YOU CAN TELL IM A GUY!" Wade fires back hitting Loki in her soft spot and as Hestia hears this cannot contain her laughter anymore and start to let out.
"OH YEA!" Loki says she starts to fume in anger.
"YEA!" Wade says not backing down from the confrontation.
"HAHAHHAHAHA!" Hestia laughs out clutching her stomach as tears threaten to fall from her eyes Zoro however is still quietly drinking his beer watching the show.
The Loki familia just shake their heads at this because this always happens with Hestia however someone stands up to go to Loki's side. As Loki and Wade begin to fire insults back and forth at each other a man with wolf ears comes to join the fray walking towards Zoro.
"So who are you supposed to be." the wolf eared man man says arrogantly to Zoro trying to get a rise out of him but is meet with Zoro just ignoring him while drinking his beer while he looks at Wade and Loki.
"Hey I'm talking to you!" the wolf eared man says to Zoro hitting the table however his presence is ignored by everyone their as his begin eyebrows twitch. "Do you know who your ignoring I'm Bete Loga a level 5 adventurer of the Loki's familia!" Bete says as his arrogance is shown through his words.
"And I don't care." Zoro says calmly still not looking at Bete as he continues drinking.
"You!" Bete angerly says.
"Oh so you want to fight huh?" Bete says looking at Zoro bearing his fangs. Zoro doesn't reply and just drinks his beer but Bete doesn't let up and looks at his swords. "So your a swordsman huh but why are you carrying three swords are they your backups." Bete says trying to get a rise out of Zoro however he's still calm and collected. "You wouldn't mind if I looked at one of them do you?" he says grinning menacingly as he reaches for the white looking sword. Zoro realizes this and grab's Bete's arm.
"Listen mut just because your owner lets you off the leash every now and again doesn't mean you can go around touching things that aren't yours." Zoro still says calmly grasping his hand tighter as he stands up meeting Bete's eyes as he stairs at him.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY!" Bete says growling angerly about to pounce on Zoro.
"I guess everyone in the Loki familia is as short tempered as their goddess." Zoro says smirking a little.
"YOU!" Bete says furiously as his anger reaches the breaking point much like his goddesses as he winds up a punch however someone stops him.
"That's enough Bete."