Reincarnated Road or No Fucking Way Avenue?

When Nikki came back into the land of consciousness, she was disoriented to say the least. Her memories were hazy, her head throbbed and she had a hard time getting her eyes to focus. She opened them only to squeeze them shut at the bright lights above her and focused on trying to discern what was happening around her.

What was the last thing she remembered?

MyAnna…at her movie premier. Meeting, flirting, kissing! Kissing because Nikki had been crushed by a giant billboard. Right. That part seemed important.

Dying. Had she died? Or did she manage to survive? If so, where was Kai? Where was MyAnna? What else did she…

"You're awake," It was a sighed breath of relief that had Nikki's green eyes popping wide open with a startled jolt. Sitting beside her bed was the brunette she vaguely remembered… Bella? Dressed in the same horrifyingly ugly sweater.

That wasn't the most shocking part, no. The most shocking part was that she was in what appeared to be a hospital room. Hooked up to a machine that was monitoring her heart which was currently beating steadily despite her rising concern.

No had found her yet. MyAnna wasn't here.

"Why am I.." She stopped short, remembering how she had fainted when they told her she was Bella's twin sister. Her seventeen year old twin sister. Fainted!

Nikki groaned and squeezed her eyes shut, cursing herself internally. Not only had she fainted but she fainted with crazy people! She had seen the movie Misery when she was younger but never imagined she would actually live it!

"What? Are you okay? Do you need something?" Bella's rambling became more panicked the longer Nikki just stared at her. "Say something, Nik!"

"Did you take my kidneys?" Nikki deadpanned,

Bella's jaw dropped, "I..Wh-Kidneys?"

"Did. You. Take. My. Kidneys." Nikki demanded heatedly, eyes narrowed dangerously, "I fainted with my kidnappers! That's as bad as the blonde in the beginning of the horror movie who runs upstairs instead of running out the front door! That's as bad as when they hear a noise and go to investigate said noise. I am now the chick who gets murdered in the beginning of the movie before anyone is even aware there is a killer on the loose! And since I'm alive, I can only assume it's because you needed my organs first."

"You think we kidnapped you..?" Bella asked slowly, as if she was trying to process what Nikki said and somehow that was what she found most concerning.

Nikki looked at her incredulously, "And stole my kidneys!" She accused, throwing her hands into the air in her frustration, "What other reasons are there to kidnap people?! Stealing their organs, or selling them into sex trafficking and I am much too cute to be sold into sex trafficking!"

Bella sat there staring dumbly at her, mouth opening and closing like a fish when the door opened and in walked Bella's Mom and who Nikki assumed was her doctor.

"What's all the yelling I hear?" He was young, somewhere in his late 30s, early 40s. A head of brown hair with only a few graying pieces here and there. He was clean shaved and had a butt chin. He didn't look like someone who assisted in kidnapping women and stealing their organs but looks could definitely be deceiving. Actually if it wasn't for the butt chin he would look a lot like Derek Shepherd from Greys Anatomy. McDreamy was his nickname in the early years of Grey's - She'd call him that until she got his name.

Nikki didn't respond, instead choosing to eye the three of them warily while trying to subtly feel her stomach for any signs of stitches.

"She thinks we stole her kidneys," Bella admitted quietly, fidgeting awkwardly in her chair.

McDreamy coughed in a poor attempt to conceal his burst of laughter, before he cleared his throat, "I assure you Nikki, your kidneys are still intact and in perfect health."

She didn't take his word for it, now that her suspicions were out in the open she lifted her shirt and checked her stomach rapidly. No stitches. Huh.

"Then Why - " She cut herself off when she looked up to find both Bella and the Mom staring at her stomach in confusion, "What?" She snapped, was there something she wasn't seeing?

Startled brown and hazel eyes looked up at her simultaneously, "It's just, I could have swore you had more of a belly than you do now." The mother…she should probably ask her name at some point…tilted her head side to side. She looked a lot like a confused puppy.

"Not that you were overweight or anything," Bella hurried to assure her, stuttering as her face turned red when they all turned to look at her. "But I mean you look.. a lot more…toned?"

Nikki fought a smug smirk, she had a nice body and she was damn proud of it but now was not the time for any of that. "Anyway," She rolled her eyes when Bella's face turned an even deeper shade of red. "Why am I here?"

"I can answer that," McDreamy stepped forward with a kind smile and friendly demeanor. A clipboard tucked into his folded arms.

"Answers, Finally." Nikki huffed, "Sorry, Dr…?"'

The Mom and McDreamy shared a glance that was not at all subtle and she narrowed her eyes. When his attention returned to Nikki, he had already fixed his smile. "Dr.Michaels.." He held his hand out for her to shake.

She shook his hand and attempted to sit up straight and professionally. "Dr.Michaels then, why am I here?"

He pulled a chair up from the corner of the room and sat on it, so instead of looking up at him, she was looking down. "Well Nikki, you fainted last night. Do you remember that?"

She nodded, that hadn't been exactly what she meant but she did remember.

"And a few days before that you had a seizure," All three of them were watching her for any signs of recognition.

Nikki bit her tongue hard enough to draw blood but couldn't control the fact that her eyes widened at the information. She didn't remember having a seizure. Just how long has she been with these people? "I don't remember that," She admitted.

"What's the last thing you do remember?" Dr.Michaels asked, holding his hand up to stop whatever The Mother had been about to say.

The last thing I remember is MyAnna..

"Who is MyAnna?" The Mother asked, and Nikki's glare would have hurt if looks could kill. She forced herself to take a few very deep breaths.

"Why do you ask?" Her voice came out strained and tense.

"You -," Bella inhaled sharply when blazing green eyes were suddenly fixated on her,

"You said the last thing you remember was MyAnna," Dr.Michaels got the attention back on himself - a relieved breath leaving the stuttering brunette.

"I didn't mean to say that out loud," Nikki furrowed her brow, but her eyes were blazing once again when it was clear The Mother and The Doctor didn't know how to leave well enough alone. "She is none of any of your concern!"

"Alright, MyAnna is off limits," Dr.Michaels nodded, turning to his clipboard and taking notes. The way he said it caused Nikki's left eye to twitch. "How about we change tactics?"

Nikki nodded, unable to speak. She was sure if she opened her mouth she would only continue to snap at him. She didn't like that now they knew MyAnna's name.

"Can you tell me what year it is?"

It was such a shockingly normal question that it caused the anger in her body to disappear. Was it a trick question?

"What year do you think it is, Doctor?" Nikki wasn't stupid, there was a reason he asked. A right and wrong answer type of question. Even if she answered to the best of her ability - it was 2021 after all - it didn't feel like she'd get away with that answer.

He studied her for a moment, eyes patient and kind but scrutinizing before he seemed to make his decision, "It's 2005, but you didn't know the answer to that question, did you?" It wasn't accusing, just curious.

Nikki almost wished she had been drinking a glass of water. That answer was made for a spit take. No, she most definitely did not know that. The more time that passed, the less she was believing her own 'I was kidnapped' thoughts.

"No," Nikki whispered after a harsh swallow.

"That's okay!" The mom rushed over but stopped before sitting on the bed, her arms lowing awkwardly to her side. Another thought occurred to Nikki in that moment. If Bella was meant to be her twin, then did that make the mom…their mom.

"Yes, It is." Dr.Michaels assured, taking more notes. "Can you tell me what state we live in?"

New York. But just as before she knew the answer wasn't the one he was looking for.

"No."

"What school you go to?" I'm 26!

"No."

"What's your mother's name?"

Nikki paused for a only a second...reality was crashing down on her but again, she wasn't stupid. He didn't want her mother's name. He wanted Bella's mothers name.

"I don't know." She saw the woman flinch out of the corner of her eye, Bella grabbing her hand to settle her.

"Your sisters name?"

Nikki had to stop herself from saying Kai. While Kai had been her best friend, she was also her sister in many many ways. He wanted her to say Bella. He wanted her to admit that she was somehow the twin of this awkward brunette sitting by the side of her bed looking at her with so much hope she could feel it even if she refused to look.

"I don't know." She lied, refusing to submit to the situation. Surely there was another, more logical conclusion than the one she was starting to come to because her mind was dangerously heading down Reincarnated Road which coincidentally happened to kitty corner No Fucking Way Avenue.

"Your Father's name?"

The question almost caused her to flinch, almost. She didn't have a 'father,' she had a donor and she would die before she ever recognized him as anything more than that.

"I don't know,"

"Where does your father live?"

"If I don't know his name it's illogical to assume I know where he lives,"

"Quite right you are," Dr.Michaels chuckled, "One more question?"

She nodded, she could handle one more question.

"How old are you?" 26.

"I don't know."

He left after that, with some kind phrases and words that Nikki was sure were supposed to be comforting. The Mom looked devastated, tears slowly falling down her face while Bella just sat staring at her lap in silence. Nikki tried not to fidget but it was uncomfortable.

"Can I ask you something?" She didn't direct it to anyone in particular, even if she was hoping The Mom could get herself together enough to answer.

"Anything," The Mom assured, wiping a few of her stray tears with a tissue before tucking it into the sleeve of her jacket.

"What's your name?" Nikki saw the way her face crumbled and swallowed against the guilt she felt. It wasn't her fault she didn't know her.

"Renee," Renee's voice came out broken and it cracked, so she cleared her throat and tried again. "Renee, I'm …well, I'm your mom." Her voice cracked on the word, and Nikki fought a wince.

So this woman was supposed to be her mom, and she assumed her seventeen year old daughter couldn't remember her. Ouch, that had to sting.

"I'm Nikki.." Nikki began only to pause and scrunch her nose when she saw the way the woman wilted. Like a fucking depressed flower. "I guess you already know that," She chuckled uncomfortably. Everything about this situation was nearly unbearable.

Thankfully at that moment, Dr.Michaels decided to walk back into the room and Nikki could have kissed him she was so relieved. He smiled tightly at the uneasy tension in the room, "Mrs.Dwyer, how about we talk outside for a moment?"

Mrs.Dwyer? Renee Dwyer? Why did that sound familiar?

Renee nodded and both of them headed out into what Nikki assumed was the hallway. Leaving her alone with the other half of the awkward tension.

The silence was nearly confining, but there was nothing Nikki really felt like she wanted to say. A weight sat on her chest. If she followed that Road…Reincarnated Road, it meant she got a second chance, so why didn't it feel worth it? Why did she have to lose the people she loved?

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"Everything happens for a reason, älskling." MyAnna would whisper, fingers intertwining with Nikki's. [darling in swedish]

"How can I believe that - " Nikki's free hand would have reached up to cup MyAnna's cheek, fingers gently tracing her skin. " - When we lost before we had a chance to begin."

*****************************************

"Nikki?" Bella questioned with a concerned glance,

Nikki wiped the tear she hadn't felt fall and looked up at her. Green met Brown. "Hmm?"

"Are you.." Bella pursed her lips, her leg bouncing as she tapped her fingers. "Are you alright?"

It looked like she realized how dumb the question had been, clearly Nikki was far from okay - but maybe she had just needed to hear it aloud.

"No. I'm not."

**************************************************

Retrograde Amnesia caused by the seizure. Was her diagnosis. She hadn't argued with it. She didn't have the energy to tell them that all of this was wrong. That she didn't want to go home with these strangers. Sleep in a bed she didn't recognize. Live a life that wasn't hers.

Renee hadn't really stopped crying, her tears came more sporadically, but they were ever present. She had called Charlie who apparently was Nikki's father now and told him the news. He was devastated, they only saw him during the summers as it was and now he was nothing more than a stranger to her. They all were.

The ride home was uncomfortable. It seemed like both Bella and Renee wanted to say something, maybe anything but just didn't know how or what. Nikki hoped they kept quiet. She didn't know how to do this.

****************************************

"Give it time," MyAnna would have whispered, leaning into her side in the backseat, tracing patterns on the back of her palm.

"Could be worse." Kai would have nodded in support of MyAnna's words, eyes firmly on the scenery passing by in the window but her hand firmly on Nikki's thigh just to remind herself that she was there.

"How could it be worse?" Nikki would have asked incredulously,

"You could be dead," Kai would have quipped and tried to pass the comment with a nonchalant shrug.

But no one would have managed to laugh.

***********************************************************

Phil was apparently her step father's name. He greeted them carefully at the door, as if they were all a bomb waiting to explode and maybe that was more accurate than any of them wanted to admit. He had picked up pizza. Vegetarian and Meat Lovers with a few different types of Soda.

Nikki ignored the eyes on her as she grabbed her slices. It was like meeting a friends family for the first time, except that friend was someone you had only just met too. No one knew how to behave or what to say. Monosyllables exchanged as if any more would disrupt the quiet.

Nikki didn't know if that was for the best or for the worse. Was it making it better that everyone refused to talk or was it just adding to the tense environment?

When she finally glanced up, ready to excuse herself, she was confused by the looks she was receiving. "What?" She sighed tiredly, it lacked the heat she had meant to add but she was emotionally drained.

Phil and Renee averted their eyes as if her question had been more of an accusation. She turned to Bella who was eyeing her with tears in her eyes. It shocked Nikki, she had been more stoic about it all until that point.

"We always split the vegetarian," Bella whispered, but that whisper felt like it had been screamed in the silence.

"I'm not a vegetarian," Was Nikki's only response.

********************************************************

"She lost her twin," MyAnna would have attempted to explain, eating the pepperoni off Nikki's pizza while Nikki watched her with a goofy smile.

"Technically her twin is sitting right here," Kai would have countered, waving her half eaten slice in Nikki's direction. A drop of sauce landing on the clean bed sheets. Nikki's left eye would have twitched and Kai would have smiled innocently.

"But you aren't her twin, are you, älskling?" MyAnna - the advocate. "You're Nikki Hart. My beautiful author," Nikki wouldn't have been unable to hide her wide grin and Kai would have fake gagged. "Not, Nikki Swan."

"Swan?" Nikki would have slowly lost her grin, eyebrows furrowing. "I never asked their last name. Dr.Michaels said it was Dwyer."

"But she's married, so Dwyer would be Phil's last name." Kai would have corrected, "Swan, her maiden name."

"But how do you both know that?"

"Oh, min kärlek," MyAnna would have cooed fondly, "You're missing what's right in front of you." [My love in swedish]