Chapter 16: Cry if you want

The following day, the bags were packed. In the early hours, Veretta couldn't help but go over everything once more. They may not have a chance to come back so nothing important could be forgotten. She had quickly been able to throw together all the things they would need but a sinking feeling had followed with each moment towards their departure.

Her mother's dressing table that now sat in her room, her father's old tomes and her grandmothers blanket, couldn't be brought. Every once of the cottage was a memory. The village was a tomb to her childhood now lost. So many sunny days had already disappeared under the relentless snow. She had fought so hard to protect it, but now it had to be left behind.

When she had suggested the idea to Tomas, a rush of anger at Charlotte's death had driven her forward. It was the right decision but...it felt so wrong. Veretta sat on her bed rocking back and forth slightly. She told herself over and over to move but it was as if her soul affixed to the floorboards.

A sharp rap at the door snapped her out of her reverie. She swallowed hard and rose.

"Are you ready?" Errik asked, standing on the other side of the door.

"Yes," Veretta lied.

Her receptacle was already around her shoulder but she turned back once more to the small lofty room as if something important had been forgotten. She peeled her eyes away from it with difficultly as they continued out of the small warm cottage into the relentlessly bright outside. The white was sharp and discomforting to the eyes compared to the soft darkness within. Tomas followed behind them and shut the door. He and Errik were talking but Veretta was utterly lost in thought. Could she do this? Could she really leave it all behind?

At that moment, Veretta's eyes widened. A figure appeared in front of her. She recognized at once her grandmother's warm smile. Her light green eyes never dimmed with the current of time. For every winkle, she would say was a lesson learned and her grandmother went to great pains to teach Veretta' every lesson she had learnt. Veretta felt as though her feet were encased in eyes. She could not move...

A soft hand came on Veretta's shoulder. Veretta let out an unsteady breath turning to Errik. He seemed to see the deft old woman with her tender smile as well but his eyes focused upon Veretta. He didn't say anything but held out his hand just as he had done before.

Veretta looked up at him tearfully. No words came out but she took the warm hand and they went forward leaving the tiny cottage and timeless village behind.

The journey south took them over the hills that rippled over the country of Sorren. They took their shelter in the forests through the blisteringly cold nights with only the heat of the fire. Onward bound they continued without rest. They stayed away from the cities swarming with Silthus' men and travelled on foot.

There were times, Veretta thought she might die from the freezing nights. The recurring sad look in Tomas' said the same. Yet, they both felt strangely compelled by Errik's unwavering advancement. He seemed completely undeterred by neither the cold nor the threat of discovery. At night, he would hold up his hand and the fall of snow would stop effortlessly. It was as if he could protect them from nature itself.

However, when they finally reached the borders of Sorren, everyone seemed relieved to find the snow dying off. The warmer temperature of the midlands was a stark contrast to the snow entrenched hills and valleys of Sorren. The long cold nights in the forest beside a fire were almost comforting in comparison.

They would sit around the campfire eating what foods they managed to catch themselves. Most of the merchants were trapped within the cities while Silthus' men kept marching on the main routes night and day. There was something satisfying about such a simple life. And perhaps what was most satisfying was doing it all undetected.

A routine had come of out it really without trying. Errik went hunting while Tomas lit the fires. Meanwhile Veretta would forage for any edible plants. Then they would all sit down and eat together. Tomas proved to be the most favourable cook after Errik's first and last attempt at cooking.

"This is lovely," Veretta smiled at Tomas.

He gave a nod. The change in his manner towards her was still somewhat frosty but Veretta hoped with time he would warm to her again.

"What do you think?" Tomas said turning to Errik.

"It's fine," Errik answered without looking up from his bowl.

"That's what you always say," Tomas sighed, "but you hardly eat anything,"

"I told you already," Errik replied apathetically, "I only eat what I need to."

"Can you tell him to eat more?" Tomas eyed Veretta, "if he keels over on the journey, it will all be pointless,"

"Maybe you should just worry about yourself," Errik rejoined sharply, "you looked like you were going to cry all through the northern passage,"

"I didn't!" Tomas snapped back, "...I was just tired,"

"Veretta was tired but she didn't cry," Errik smiled.

"I didn't cry!" Tomas fumed.

"Errik, can you stop teasing him?" Veretta sighed.

"Your wish is my command," Errik held up his hands with a shrug.

"You should be stricter with him, Veretta," Tomas sniffed, "you never know when he'll stab us in the back,"

"Stab you in the back? That won't happen," Errik tilted his head back with an arrogant grin, "I'm certain I would just stab you in the front if you got too annoying,"

Tomas' eyes widened and he took the bowl from Errik's hand angrily, "I guess you're not hungry,"

He pivoted swiftly and took off to the other side of the camp. Veretta turned to Errik.

"Why do you guys keep arguing?" she asked, "is the food really so bad?"

"No," Errik replied.

"Then would it be so hard to say you enjoy it?" Veretta gestured, "you know how much effort he puts into it,"

"Do they give out awards just for effort these days?" Errik shrugged. "In my time, it was the result which deserved praised,"

"I just want us all to get along," Veretta sighed, "you guys have been at each other's throats the whole trip. Tomas is just... scared and doesn't know how to react to you,"

"He doesn't seem scared to me," Errik dismissed.

"Because he's putting on a brave front but the truth is," Veretta inhaled deeply, "we're not seasoned warriors. It is as you said, the mage's college focuses mainly on academics. He needs a bit of time to adjust,"

"But you seem adjusted enough," Errik's cunning eyes laid into her once more.

It was as if he was testing her somehow but Veretta couldn't figure out how. She couldn't tell him about the nightmares that kept her awake every night or the flashbacks of blood-covered snow and Charlotte's lifeless body in her arms. Instead, she answered:

"Somewhat..." Veretta said reticently.

"You seem to care about him a lot," Errik interrupted with a taciturn smile.

"He and Charlotte were my first friends in the college," Veretta said slowly. "Now Charlotte is gone, we have to look out for each other,"

"You should look after yourself as well," Errik replied flatly

Veretta thought she detected something like sympathy in his expression. However, he quickly turned his face back to the fire.

When the others were asleep that night, Veretta felt more restless than ever. Her dreams that night were particularly vicious. It was as if she she could feel the flames of the forest once more and her lungs were slowly being clogged with black smoke. There was chaos and blood all around the snow blanketed forest. In the midst of it all, she saw a figure covered in black. It looked as if it was Errik but the closer she got she realised...the figure covered in blood and darkness...it was herself.

Veretta woke with a start. Her eyes widened under the black sky. The moon had a particular eerily glow. The stars were all gone but the little camp seemed to be covered in light. Veretta got the skin-crawling sensation that she was being watched. She sat up slowly.

To her horror, a hundred or more dark eyes were staring back at her. A legion of soldiers surrounded them all. Only they weren't ordinary men. They were torn apart, impaled with shards of ice sticking out from their limbs. Fresh blood was dripping from their wound unveiling guts and bone beneath the tangled skin. A scream died on Veretta's lips as she stared out into the crowd and a horrible realisation dawned. All the men were those that were killed in the forest.

Then with a cannibalistic draw Veretta found herself unable to look away as a figure with blood at the corner of their white lips lurched forward. They heaved with every step as they got closer and closer. Veretta was frozen with fright. She begged her body to wake but it would not. The stench of death and relentless clarity made her doubt it was a dream at all.

Soon the dead body was an inch from her face. The sagging flesh reached out to her and Veretta could not move. Her breath unhinged as it drew towards her.

Suddenly, Veretta felt a strong tug. She fell back onto her bedding. Errik was leaning over her staring down.

"Veretta," he breathed, "Stop it now!"

Veretta shook her head but the words didn't come out. Errik took her face in his hands forcing her to meet his gaze.

"Take a breath," he said resolutely, "Calm yourself,"

Veretta inhaled deeply and released a shaky breath.

"Okay," Errik said, "In a moment you're going to close your eyes and when you open them, they will all be gone. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Veretta answered her voice barely a whisper.

"Okay, close your eyes," Errik instructed.

Veretta shut her eyes tightly.

"Now open them," Errik said quietly.

Veretta did and she looked around the camp, it was once more just the three of them. Tomas was sleeping soundingly not far from them. Veretta's eyes came back to Errik as he helped her back up.

"What was that?" Veretta held back a sob.

"You must be careful," Errik inhaled, "your dark magic was drawing them here,"

"Then they were real?" Veretta's eyes widened, "but I wasn't...I didn't use any magic,"

"Dark magic has a will of its own," Errik said gravely, "it feeds on your fear and pain,"

"I..." Veretta stared down quietly unable to finish her sentence.

She felt certain Errik must think poorly of her now. Not only could she not control the magic binding him, but she couldn't even control her own magic now. At the very least, she wouldn't cry in front of him again. Veretta's fist clenched as she tried to compose herself.

However, to her surprise, Errik suddenly pulled her in gently.

"You can cry if you want," he said quietly, "Cry your eyes out if it helps, then when there are no more tears left, tomorrow will be come,"

Veretta knew she ought to pull away. She ought to establish the line between them but instead, she clung to him tightly. And he returned her embrace. His arms felt more comforting than she expected. And so Veretta cried into his chest. All the while, Errik sat patiently without saying a word.